Husband too soft with GCs

I assume you have tried to discuss this quietly with your husband when the children are not present and got no where.

If so, either you try again and tell him that you will not put up with children that age behaving badly in public, nor will you put up with him being nasty to you for checking a child in public.

At home, I would suggest that the wild games are allowed for a specified lenght of time, but not all the time.

What do the boys' parents think about this?

I would have been most annoyed with my father if he had encouraged this kind of behaviour all the time when he had his grandchildren with him.

You might get somewhere if your stepdaughter and her husband agree with you, rather than with your husband.

BlueBelle

This 6 year old sounds totally out of control on a lot of levels Hitting, punching, stomping on peoples feet and standing on his chair in a restaurant What do his parents think of his behaviour have you ever discussed your concerns with them I think they really need to know what’s going on
Needs a family pow wow I think

Welp. I'm going to stop looking at this thread now.

My husband is clearly a paedophile, my boisterous grandson a sadist in the making, the little boy is a total delinquent for standing up in his chair and I am destroying their future by never ever telling them off.

(Thank you for those who have given wise counsel rather than pouring scorn and judgement on my head. You know who you are :-).

And through this the main lesson I have learned is to never ever throw myself to the sharks on here again. The feeding frenzy is off the scale.

Blue Belle that wasn't aimed specifically at you, I posted in the wrong place.

Welp. I'm going to stop looking at this thread now.

My husband is clearly a paedophile, my boisterous grandson a sadist in the making, the little boy is a total delinquent for standing up in his chair and I am destroying their future by never ever telling them off.

(Thank you for those who have given wise counsel rather than pouring scorn and judgement on my head. You know who you are :-).

And through this the main lesson I have learned is to never ever throw myself to the sharks on here again. The feeding frenzy is off the scale.

And through this the main lesson I have learned is to never ever throw myself to the sharks on here again. The feeding frenzy is off the scale.

This thread is following a depressingly famililar path.

The next time hewants to take them to a restaurant, make it clear you will not be going if they are allowed to behave as they like. He can deal with them on his own.

KatyaStrings

Caleo

KatyaStrings

M0nica

Was he as tolerant and accepting of ill discipline with his own children when they were young?

If he was, he is past prayng for

If he wasn't ask him nicely to justify his different standard.

The 'grabbing goolies' game has to stop now. I would put the frighteners on him, point out the connection with sexual abuse, point out the problems this 'game' could cause his grandchildren when they start school, how rigid and inflexible the rules are. Does he want his grandchildren excluded from school, social services and the police investigating their home and parents and him

He was softer than me when our kids were young. But we co-parented very well. There were 5 of them so we never had time to 'dote' on them or give them hours of individual attention.

It's a very different dynamic with the grandchildren. I think he is trying to be 'superGrandad' and do everything in his power to keep them happy. I will talk to him about how we used to successfully parent together, and how we can bring that into our grandparenting. He himself has said he doesn't enjoy having the kids so much now as it clearly stresses me out, so I think he will be ready for a serious conversation about it.

It's not grabbing goolies. The child does it in quite a sly way - a quick punch or elbow that looks like an accident. Once or twice it has landed on target and hurt him badly and the child has seemed quite smug. It's not exactly a rough-and-tumble thing but the boy tends to run at men and clamber on them, and the goolie punch is part of that. I've seen him do it to his dad and
too. You are right, it's a behaviour that needs to stop and I am putting the family on high alert about it.

He has taught an impressionable child a hateful behaviour. As MOnica said " Put the frighteners on him " .

No, he hasn't taught the child this behaviour! My husband sees the 'accidents' as simply that. Because husband is busy being clambered on, he can't see the deliberate attempts on his gonads like I can from across the room. Whereas I can see a pattern in the child's behaviour - I saw him do it to other men in the family before he did it to his grandfather. It probably stems from the child doing it once and getting an extreme pain response from a grown man, which he found interesting. The same child also has a habit of slyly stepping on peoples toes. I always wear strong shoes when he's around!

"Has taught" does not in his case deliberate teaching. "Has taught" means inadvertently teaching.

I wish that I had spelled this out, but I would have thought it unnecessary to point out that your husband's motives were innocent.

Despite that your husband's motive was innocent his behaviour with the little boy sends him the wrong message.

Your husband cannot understand how this grandparently rough and tumble is not good training for his small grandson. Therefore it would be good for the little boy if you could persuade your husband to behave more politely.

I hope you don't take offence at my phraseology and I have much the same opinion of child rearing as the rest of the Grans

I am sure the grandfather here has done nothing intentionally and he is just responding to what the child does, but sometimes we have to think beyond the innocent situation in the home and see it from a hard outside impersonal vieww.

Whatever the reason, if at school or in the play ground or with friends this child is regularly using actions that inadvertently or not, target the genital area, then, since this is not the way most children play, it is going to attract attention, and concerns will arise.

Schools have a high responsibility of protection for all children and if one child is seen acting inappropriately, then the school must act to protect other children.

Personally, if any child or grandchild of mine was regularly hitting the genital area when playing I would say to them the first time that they must be careful not to hit or kick that area of anyone's body when playing, second time, I would admonish them and remind them.

Third time I would stop the rough and tumble and end the play. If the adult just walks away and refuses to respond to pleas or tantrums, the message will get through. After the adult playing stops the play the moment the child hits the genital area every time it happens, however 'inadvertent', the child will, eventually, get the message.

M0nica

I am sure the grandfather here has done nothing intentionally and he is just responding to what the child does, but sometimes we have to think beyond the innocent situation in the home and see it from a hard outside impersonal vieww.

Whatever the reason, if at school or in the play ground or with friends this child is regularly using actions that inadvertently or not, target the genital area, then, since this is not the way most children play, it is going to attract attention, and concerns will arise.

Schools have a high responsibility of protection for all children and if one child is seen acting inappropriately, then the school must act to protect other children.

Personally, if any child or grandchild of mine was regularly hitting the genital area when playing I would say to them the first time that they must be careful not to hit or kick that area of anyone's body when playing, second time, I would admonish them and remind them.

Third time I would stop the rough and tumble and end the play. If the adult just walks away and refuses to respond to pleas or tantrums, the message will get through. After the adult playing stops the play the moment the child hits the genital area every time it happens, however 'inadvertent', the child will, eventually, get the message.