Nannying grandson infant full time, nanny cam, boundaries and advice

Unbelievable. First task is to put a blanket over that beep camera!
Do you live near? Is it possible to take baby to your own house?

This is truly shocking.
I wouldn’t put up with it and resign.

You know they are taking the pee.

It’s a horrible situation for you, but you must take control.

Let them hire a nanny or whatever.
Feign illness as the reason or whatever.
You will be properly ill if you don’t stop it now.

You are doing far too much and they are.taking advantage of you.

Don't know what your financial situation is If you depend on the money. None of my business

But l would maybe do the cleaning but not look after to the baby.

How many hours cleaning do you do?

Add it up and find out out what the commercial hourly rate would be.
Say it came to £20 and hour for 10 hours. Total £200.

Tell you daughter you want paying the commercial rate if you clean for. her.

Both she and her husband have been mean to you and l m sorry you are so upset.

Let them go into the real world and pay market rates for help

Best Wishes
X

Many posts on Gransnet have made me spit out my tea, but this one tops them all, I’m afraid you are going to have to put on your big girls pants and speak to them both calmly and succinctly, this cannot continue you need to be able to be a Grandma not a lowly paid skivvy. Tell them they need to turn off the cam and get a proper nanny at least three days a week, you risk a big fall out but more than that your health both mental and physical cannot go on like this. Best of luck, please let us know what you do.

Oh dear you sound so overwhelmed, rather than enjoying your grandchild. My daughter in law wanted me to look after the 1st grandchild in their house, I did for a short while, said I’ve nothing to do when the child sleeps, my cheeky son left a list for me. The next day I took the child to my house, and told them to pick him up from me, and in future I will look after him at my house. Now all my grandchildren enjoy my house for sitting and staying over. Good luck to you.

Tell them that you are happy to “help out” but full time childcare is not possible . Your health is suffering. Do they care? You are entitled to your own life, whether that is going out and about or simply chilling and doing nothing. I guess they won’t be happy, but you’re not happy either so fix it.

The younger generation can be so selfish and self obsessed. They are treating you like a poorly paid servant. Tell them straight that you’re done and watch them self destruct in front of your eyes.

I can’t see anywhere where you say what age you are but I’m guessing over 60yrs? That being the case circa 12 hour days for a full working week is absolutely ridiculous for them to expect you to cover, we just don’t have the stamina to do it at this age. I look after two of my grandchildren twice a week which is ideal for me, the other three days are split, one day they go to nursery, one day to the other granny and one day mum doesn’t work. You must tell your daughter and son in law that you can’t go on working at this level and that they need to arrange alternative cover for some of the days and employ a cleaner. They probably won’t like it but you have to look after yourself
With regards to the surveillance I get that they are first time parents and are finding their feet but it’s unacceptable to be constantly monitoring you, I’d be inclined to either turn it off or put a cover over the cameras, my son initially kept checking in by text as to how my granddaughter was getting on, so I’d send them pictures of her with a blackboard stating the date and time on it labelled ‘Proof of life’ written, they settled down on the checking after a few times receiving pictures like that
Work out what level of care you are able to offer and give them a deadline for which they will need to have alternative arrangements by

Clown comment

After many years my son and daughter in law became pregnant with our first grandson. We were absolutely thrilled and were going to rush in and offer at least half a week child care. I told a very dear friend what we planned to do and she immediately warned against it explaining how very draining childcare is at our age (70's). If it wasn't for this pearl of wisdom we could have found ourselves in a similiar situation. In the end we offered one day per week which was very gratefully received. We now have two grandsons and were able to offer our daughter one day per week too. I now pass these pearls of wisdom on to new grandparents when childcare is being discussed!! Whether they take any notice is up to them. I cannot begin to comprehend how on earth you are coping. I sincerely hope you can come to some arrangements (quickly) that suit everyone involved and doesn't result in any estrangement. Sending positive vibes.

Did you really sign up to be an unpaid 24/7 on call nanny? Of course you didn't, you need a sit down meeting with the parents and just lay on the table exactly how much work you are doing. Maybe suggest you do p/t and a nanny does the rest of of the hours, this is not sustainable

Really !!!
This desperate lady is asking for advice and you feel the need to criticise the way she has written her post.

So, your daughter has shot herself in the foot so to speak, by telling you how much money you save them…So just sit down and list all the the things your not happy about…starting with the camera, the list of chores, working at weekends, and tell her if the baby is asleep you will not be waking him up…and tell them you need weekends to relax…btw you say your daughter works at home at weekends but still cant be asked to look after her own baby..and point out that if they paid someone to do all the extras that you do including overtime it would cost them even more..Remember at the end of the day they need you, and they need someone who they can trust... And this was exactly why my daughter asked me to do the same thing when each of her sons was born.. but whenever either her or her husband was home I had the day off..her my SIL works for a news programme so often he did shifts and when he did, again I got the day off..she would say oh R’s home tomorrow you've got the day off..my daughter paid me twice that and that was 20 odd years ago..

I read this and honestly thought half way through it was a wind up how any one let alone family take advantage of you this way I understand you love your gc but this is obviously taking a toll on your health so if you want to be there in the future for them you need to take a step back and prioritise your yourself

They are appreciative, pay my monthly health insurance at $250 a month

I would say that's at least the going rate per day for what you are doing.

Omg this is absolutely ridiculous. I cannot believe what I was reading. Your daughter and SIL are abusing you both financially and emotionally and casting in you - what the hell. $250 for your medical care - big bloody deal

I’m really sorry you have been put in this position, but you will definitely have to do something about it.

I'm afraid you'll have to tell them you're ill, and have to leave. And LEAVE. This is not at all good for your health. The son-in-law is lazy. THIS is not OK! They wanted me to go to their church with them, he comes from a (for show) religious family, and is all into proper formality, so I did once, they said I could go again but they would have to ask permission from the pastor (?). So, I just feel so awkward and less-than. I've been sitting overnight when he travels, works late, etc. Sitting for Christmas parties, after work business dinners, and now was asked at 9pm last night if I could sit again today, on weekend, so he could go watch football with his buddies, and my daughter could work.' NO, GO HOME. You're ill..

I’d just say that you’re too tired to do everything that they want you to. They’re paying you buttons when the childcare they’ expect would probably cost 10 times that.
I would say that you could do one day a week and the odd extra but that it as it’s making you ill!

I totally agree with BlueBelle. Totally unacceptable. She should hire a nanny! Ilook after my wee grandaughter 2/3 days a week in my home! Paternal grandparents do same we alternate Tuesday's. You need to have a discussion with them....and your husbabd needs to support you in this.

I can hardly believe this! You are being treated like a 'skivvy' for what???$250 p/m. Just say you cannot do this as you are exhausted. I cannit believe the way uou are been treated. What are the rest of the family saying about this? They need told in no uncertain terms. Please enlist the support of your othet family. I am just appalled that they find this ok!.. and sad for you. Do you really need them to pay your health insurance .You did not say your age...but you are doing a 10 hr day! They need sorted out..extremely selfish and uncaring..to their son and you. Enlist support and get them told..Sending you hugs from Scotland.

You are stressed its not Wendy …Its Celia Johnson..lol..

He watched football. No way. He needs to be involved in parenting. He has to learn to do both, perhaps. Or change his buddy group for those with children, who have working wives to see how it should be done. What I am seeing is that she is trying to do it all, while he carries on as before, and you ae bearing the brunt so he does not have to.

Weekends are yours, and yes, they can drop him off one or 2 days, so that grandpa can share the load too.
The nanny cam is because she is feeling separation anxiety and guilt as much as not trusting you. If she calls when he is sleeping tell her so.
As to such a long day, they need to organise their work to shorten that. My DIL worked from 9, so my start was 8:30, and son came home at 4:30 because he started a 7:00. Many couples who pay for child care do this.

Wow...this is a truly awful way to be treated.
Resign

I just came across your post and was so sorry to read your experience. I do hope you have been able to resolve the situation and continue to enjoy your grandson and other family.

It’s time these new parents started putting their child’s needs first and they should put in their effort to learn how to be good parents. If you work full time then your child needs you for all the time left over, so no gym or football. Life has changed and you are now a mum and dad.
Read up on attachment theory as it might give you some insight into your own experiences as a child and why you are caught up in your daughters parenting life.