Nannying grandson infant full time, nanny cam, boundaries and advice

Starfire57 - you get it. I could have written your response. It was actually my mother-in-law that was the shouter! Oh she treated my husband like dirt under her shoes. Taught him to never take the blame for anything, both her and my husband have ADHD, I am asked 50 questions the first five minutes I'm awake in the morning, if...I'm able to finish a sentence before he interrupts.

That said, having a civil conversation, as I have tried, is pointless. I'm ALWAYS to blame (because whoever yells loudest wins).

Daughter and son-in-law are simply spoiled and entitled. Yes, they work hard, but so do I, and I gave up a good career to stay at home and watch her kids. I do not have a PhD in Child Psychology. They treat me like I can't even spell the word. This week I had to demonstrate in front of her that I knew how to use the car seat. After I have been using it for 2 months at least. It is degrading.

I've stopped making excuses for them (worried mother, overworked husband, etc). Talking about "who is going to have to pay for mom's prescriptions was just degrading. Mom can pay for them if that is the case. I have a US Dollar $4500 retirement/pension check that comes in every month. I'm not penniless nor a drain on their finances since my check is gobbled up by our bills every month. Husband conveniently forgets who pays for electricity, mortgage, food, etc.

At this point I don't care anymore. IT IS FREEING! Thank you for saying that. I don't care if I send her X amount of pictures a day. I don't care if he doesn't get the Instagram required amount of tummy time. Call Child Protective Services then. He is fed, warm, cuddled, played with, and LOVED. Somehow grandmas love isn't important. Being told they would used certified five-star daycare if they could (because they could afford it - they made sure to let me know that), but would rather have me because I'm flexible, clean their house, and save them "some" money, cut to my core.

The few times my mother watched my kids it was like "whew". I didn't care if she watched TV and fed them Spaghetti Os. They were with Grandma, and she loved them, way more than a random stranger, even if the stranger had a degree.

I'm so sad that it took me so long to wake up from people pleasing. So many regrets. You can stand up for yourself and still be a nice person. Who knew.

Keep in touch please - I think we both could use support as we navigate the rest of our life. The balance between freeing and sadness of loss of connection is difficult.

Much love to you Love. Know I am behind you 100 percent, even if it is from across the pond!!

Oh thank you so much. We can keep in touch, certainly. It is just so awful how things are now; I can only imagine trying to boss my mom around, even when it came to the kids.

Anytime she could help, she did and I never expected anything other like you said, just being there with the Spaghetti O's.

Today there is all the social media telling everyone how to be and I guess people just get so uptight they can't chill out if their kid is given an unauthorized cookie. It's ridiculous and causes so much anguish over nothing.

It will always be sad knowing how little they care, but we can still try to enjoy family. We just won't care as much either.

Seems like a lose lose situation, but we didn't choose it, they did.

Oh a note on shouters....yes ,it seems to be handed down; it was my husband's dad. So that's where he gets it. My son and daughter kinda do that too, sometimes, not as much. My daughter tried it on me a couple of weeks ago and I shouted back.

Why not, if that's the tone of a debate she wants to have. Her choice. My husband got a big one from me awhile back and I swear, he looked a bit shocked.

But, I make sure, I never act mean, though, but my voice can be loud if I want it to be just like everyone else. It's hard to get used to, not my style.

You so get me Starfire57, I private messaged you.

And yes, todays Instagrams, reels, tick tok or whatever, has made a crazy generation.

If I hear "tummy time" one more time I'll scream. Somehow we grew up without it, and turned out fine.

So many of the people on those videos are fake too.

Not here, not on this forum, and I really appreciate that.

Yes, it is crazy. While it's great that they have so much access to helpful information, unlike we did, I think that itself has turned everyone into obsessive parents. I imagine the social part of it is stressful; if us grandparents are being so judged like we are, I wonder if there is also a lot of parents judging parents.

Like, people need to stop giving in to social pressure when it comes to family. Seriously. Need to stop reading how everyone is "toxic" and everything is suddenly abuse if a child is exposed to, well, life........

I remember tummy time when my first was born in 1971. It's hardly new.

theworriedwell

I remember tummy time when my first was born in 1971. It's hardly new.

Yes I remember it being emphasized by the midwife when I had dd in the mid 90s. I remember her talking about how it was more important because of the back-sleeping guidelines that came in to prevent cot death. Some babies were not being put on their tummies much/at all and it resulted in weakened spine/neck muscles.