Feel totally taken for granted

Just say "No can do , too much darling."

I've had a long chat going myself on this site and it has been very helpful. I babysit full time. I'm 60 and can hardly do it. This generation is entitled so you kind of have to just say it straight out, and have a conversation with your daughter. I've had some uncomfortable conversations, but they have to be had or the safety of the child is at risk. I feel asleep in a chair with the baby, and baby could have slipped right out onto the floor. One kind commenter made me feel better, "nature has a way of telling us its not our time to be taking care of children anymore". If we do, we need help, and lots of it!!! Good thoughts for you.

I didn’t have this problem thankfully. However, when my two daughters were small, one was around 2 and the other a newborn, I remember being so exhausted that I could only cope with the help of my wonderful parents who brought us cooked meals a couple of times a week. As the girls got older, my parents had them twice a week and fed them.
And at that time, I was in my mid twenties!
My point is, as that was difficult for a young healthy mum like I was, I have every sympathy with the OP who is tired out.
Be firm! People are all different, and if you can’t cope, say so!

Silverlining48
That's now tho with my two youngest grandsons,before that I lived very close and did babysit my older grandchildren,from school and if parents went out ,my opinion is still the same, they're not children for long ...some people never get to be grandparents

We are also in our late 60s and do a fair bit of childcare for working AC.
We have a clear distinction - if it’s for work reasons and affects the family economics then we will do all we can to be able to look after children, though we usually do this just twice a week.

If it’s for a social reason then we will babysit if it’s convenient but if we already have plans then have no guilt attached to saying sorry, no can do this time.

We did find a compromise when it was a friends wedding and children weren’t invited. We all stayed in an air B and B near the venue. Parents were therefor close by and around for breakfast etc. We took chn out for the day and put them to bed. It worked well for us, so I just pass the idea on in case it helps.

I'm in my late 60s and look after my two grandsons two days a week. Admittedly it has got easier now they are in education but it can be very tiring on school holidays. I occasionally get asked to have them overnight and I'm happy to do so as it's never often. I am not sure I would be willing to babysit if I had them all week too. You can only do as much as you are able and willing.

I think that because our adult children are now having children later in life the grandparents can often be in their late sixties or seventies, and not always in the best of health, yet from reading posts on here they are often reluctant to say no when it gets too much. I suppose I was the same before I became a carer for my husband. Is a tricky line to walk, on the one hand we want to help our adult children and spend time with our grandchildren but on the other hand we are often on our knees after looking after them.
But life is too short as we get older and if we want to be around to help our families for as long as possible our wellbeing is important. We need to practice saying ‘sorry, not this time, we’re tired/not feeling great/have made arrangements to go somewhere.’ Or face feeling exhausted and put upon most of the time.

I am in a quandary and will probably upset my daughter. I have a almost 6 year old granddaughter and for the last 4 years I have taken her for a weeks caravan holiday, the first 2 years with my husband before he died,
My daughter now has a 20 month old boy, who I look after at least one day a week and is adorable but hard work.
My daughter said this year I should take both on holiday as it’s not fair to leave out grandson. I refused as it’s too much hard work for me.
She has now come back and said could I go for 2 weeks and they will swop the children over after the first week.
I will say no but feel guilty I am leaving grandson out. I almost feel as though I wish I hadn’t started this.

I think they have a cheek- caring for grandchildren to save child care costs is one thing- but they are going away together and leaving the kids?
To me this is a big no-no.
I would get myself off for a few weeks away and see how they feel when you aren't there.
Did you go away and leave the kids with your parents?
We had a once a year babysitter on our wedding anniversary for a few hours.
If you agree to doing it then you are silly and deserve to be taken for granted. Sorry if it sounds harsh but you need to care for yourself too.

I think taking on that level of child care can only be agreeable, if it's something the grandparents want to do. Should there be an expectation and that is then piled on without consideration for decreasing energy levels or ailments then naturally it will cause resentment. I can remember a full day of looking after the grandchildren when they were young, similar age gap as yours, and whilst still in my late 50s/60s at the time it could be exhausting, all that scrabbling around on the floor and outdoor activities, sometimes swimming, just knackered at the end of the day! I actually looked forward to taking them to the cinema, a chance to fall asleep. Now they're older, they amuse themselves much of the time if they're with us for a day or two.

I think you need to draw a line somewhere, and that needs to be a no to having them over night given you don't feel up to it. 4 and 6 months are very young, and it's quite feasible you will be up in the night with the baby, I would sleep in the spare room with the then baby if we had to do an over nighter, it just seemed easier, although going through the night with a baby is not something you want repeat once you've raised your own children. No need to apologise, you do masses for them already and sometimes you need to prioritise your own well being. My default line was often, "I've been your age, but you have yet to reach this age, so you can't possibly understand how age affects the depletion of energy levels" Suggest the other grandparents, if they are able, step up to the plate. Although I would add it would be their prerogative to say no too, childcare should be given willingly it's a bonus and should be received graciously without guilt tripping for the occasions when the grandparents turn down a request.

Isummer there isn’t any reason why you should feel guilty. Apart from anything else a 20 month old really is too young to feel left out. If he were home it woukd give him quality time with parents if his sister is away.
You are right to say no about having both children on your own especially if the little boy can be hard work. If you give in now it will be assumed in future. The two week swop suggestion is rather cheeky.
You might suggest you take one child alternate years or your daughter takes annual leave and goes with you for the week.

Obviously up to you but if you read the many threads on this you will find many grandparents in your situation. If you are not entirely happy, just say sorry but no.

I don't know why OP isn't entitled to having a two week holiday is cheeky at all.

I didn't mean it as a swap- just for OP to change her prioroties a little.

I do occasionally make a journet to babysit my GC for special occasions usually only once or twice a year if that.

If they asked me to stay a weekend so they could go away together I might say yes but my GC are much older. They would never have done it when they were babies.

I just don't undertsand it, but maybe I'm weird...