Very confused by expectations

2Understand

I am recently widowed which has been a difficult adjustment. My husband's son's wife has been estranged from my husband and me and his son can not stand up for himself. We rarely saw them and in 27 years and never invited to their house or out to dinner. Since his father's passing, the son only corresponded to my emails regarding distribution of assets. My husband left each of his kids nearly $1M. 4 days ago their son was killed in an accident. In the obituary there was no mention of my husband predeceasing the grandson and there was no mention of me as a surviving step grandmother. My husband and his X have been bitter towards each other since their divorce 30 years ago. After so many years of anxiety regarding their behavior and lack of acknowledgement, I am not compelled to attend the funeral as I didn't get opportunity to know him due to parents' estrangement. As an unwelcomed family member, I really would not rather go. Any thoughts?

If you had no relationship with him or his mother there’s no reason to go

It sounds like there is no need for you to go, and you should not feel guilty in any way.

Just stay away, they dont love you, and omit them from your will

2Understand, I am so sorry at your loss, you must miss your husband so much. You must be reeling with everything.
Send a message of condolence, no more, your feelings matter, they don’t want you in their lives and you need to protect yourself, there is no reason for you to go. Solicitors will sort out the will.

Did they come to DHs funeral?

I see you are in touch re inheritance, so would it be appropriate simply to send condolences and through email ask if they are doing a charity donation in DGS name that you could contribute to rather than intrude on their day?
That leaves the invite in their hands