LOUD VOICE

old but not out I agree that age alone does not give anyone the right to behave thoughtlessly. We should always behave/speak in a way we would be comfortable with others doing to us.

the more I think about this ..the more I think

1. We were at a dining table with a large number of family and friends when I asked my daughter if having her baby was the hardest thing she'd ever done.
Perhaps it was, perhaps lots of private things happened at the birth. Perhaps she thought you meant getting pregnant...maybe it was difficult not everyone admits to fertility issues or having IVF. Or perhaps she thought you meant she never does anything challenging. Either way your remark wasn't funny on its own.

2. I asked my grandson if he sees much of his old school friend and neighbour who came out as gay about five years ago.

if this is funny .please explain how? where you joking at the neighbours expense or insinuating something?

3. I go on and on about how I am amazed by how good a father my daughter's husband is to the baby and not mentioning that apparently ALL the fathers were good.
firstly you are amazed he's a good father this could be taken .'because I thought he'd be rubbish' ....you say I go on and on...well that sounds nice ! everyone likes someone who repeats themselves. ..loudly. ..

4. I keep saying how much like my mother the baby looks which is apparently unflattering to the baby. I was thinking of eyes and expression, not wrinkles and big nose, in my defence.

This made me laugh. Each family wants to see their family in a couples new baby. Drives me crazy. never ever compare a couple's new baby to an old woman. ..

These combined with my loud voice make me sound like a nightmare.

yep ...

Oldbutnotoutyet7 is your post meant to be a joke? That sounds like one of those people who work hard at trying to see offence in every innocent remark!

I haven't read all the comments but felt I wanted to respond.

My mum is possibly the most inappropriate person I know in my family and she can actually be very rude. After many years of talking about her behind her back as we didn't want to hurt her feelings, I decided last year to have a talk. She was about to become a great gran and it was my first grandchild and my mum made a gift for my daughter, who unfortunately didn't want anything to do with her because of her past behaviour.

So I went to see her with the intention of telling her how we felt, knowing we could fall out over it. Long story short, we spent the whole day talking, arguing, crying, and finally agreeing that we would make efforts on both sides. The thing that astounded me was that she had NO idea we felt as we did, and she wished we had told her sooner.

I realised that we all should have told her years ago as we facilitated her in 'getting away with them' and thus created the problem.

Anyway right at this moment my mum is dying, might be today, or tomorrow as she has been taken off life support.

I'm glad that we had our talk and made some peace, she kind of tried to change but was never going to be able to after years of being that way and now I too can laugh at her annoying ways - she's a very unique person. My daughter did say once that all mum's are annoying so I guess I will be told to shush sometime in the future too.

So Melanie, I can imagine it is hurtful to be told to shush etc, and I know I would be mortified if my children did that to me, however, I think that it's wonderful that your daughters feel able to tell you rather than complaining behind your back and you not having a clue. I'm sure your husband is right as well, don't take too much to heart, I'm sure they mean well and care about you deeply

NikkiW Firstly I'm sorry about your mother. We went through a similar situation back in January with my MiL and the waiting is just awful. We knew all hope was gone but waiting knowing the worse was about to happen was almost worse than the grief following her death. She too was one of the rudest, cantankerous people I've ever known.(we loved her anyway) after her death this trait suddenly became a positive attribute. Of my two grandmothers the lovely kind one is hardly mentioned. The other who caused no end of family rows, spent a great deal of time drinking stout and playing bingo is remembered often and with great mirth. It's not fair but there it is. I'm not suggesting the op is rude and cantankerous at all. just adding in my thoughts as the thread developed.

Thank you for your reply morethan2, we lost her last night

My mum could be rude, cantankerous, caused family arguments, said some very hurtful unnecessary things to loved ones, and liked to always bring the conversation back to her, but I now know that none of that matters now she's not here any more.