Touching a stranger's baby

I find being complementary to other people's children gets a much better response. Saying things like love your shoes, what nice hair you have, that's a nice toy. With a smile helps a lot and usually brings a good response from parents. Never touch, and try to involve the parents in the conversation. I have a very good friend who causes so much fuss when you are out for even a coffee that I don't go out with her anymore. She is very welcome to come and see me and I will happily spend time with her but not if here are other people involved. She is so boastfull of all her many attributes that it becomes quickly embarrassing.

MissAdventure I don't think even my friend would do what your neighbour did in the supermarket!
luluaugust and Pat1949 and Brismum We probably see each other about four times a year, for a weekend either at mine or at hers, or meeting halfway for the day.
ajanela I tend to do what Nitpick48 said about walking or turning away.
Nitpick48 I've looked for Facebook pages for the schools I attended, but there isn't one.
luzdoh Thank you.

Yes, Seakay, I would be honest if she asks my opinion.
nipsmum I know what you mean about causing a fuss when out!

Not on at all. Would she do that to say a person in a wheelchair with learning or physical disabilities. Lucky she hasn't been put in her place by an upset parent. Most folk would enjoy someone looking in a pram and commenting on how cute/new or the likes but not touching or making such a comment as she did. Tell her to mind her own business unless she wants to be accused of assault. Hopefully she will take heed.

When people get to a certain age, it's hard to change. Should your friend be touching a stranger's baby, dog, (even a car) etc. without asking first?.....NO! Should you say something? Probably not (what good would that do?).

Having said that, old friends are not easy to give up. She sounds like a caring person, albeit a very pushy and opinionated one....but,....nobody's perfect anyway!

My feeling is that sooner or later, she'll transgress yet again and someone else is bound to tell her off. She probably won't like it, but she'll get the gist.

In the meantime, no need to trash your old friendship yet..... you can always nod in agreement and then go do as you please.

When people get to a certain age, it's hard to change. Should your friend be touching a stranger's baby, dog, (even a car) etc. without asking first?.....NO! Should you say something? Probably not (what good would that do?).

Having said that, old friends are not easy to give up. She sounds like a caring person, albeit a very pushy and opinionated one....but,....nobody's perfect anyway!

My feeling is that sooner or later, she'll transgress yet again and someone else is bound to tell her off. She probably won't like it, but she'll get the gist.

In the meantime, no need to trash your old friendship yet..... you can always nod in agreement and then go do as you please.

I hate when this happens grrrr! .......(Apologies for repeated post)

Oh god no. A wee comment is always lovely but I would be horrified if someone touched mine - my youngest girl had RSV at only weeks old and honestly I prefer folk to wash hands before touching very small babies. I always wash mine before holding someone else’s.

I babywore a lot when out and about when they were very small partly because it does put off the “touchy” folk.

I know I sound a little paranoid but my girl was so unwell

My daughter has a new baby and for anyone that thinks this is ok it is not, some days she just cries because she is made to feel like a bad mother by people practically older people coming up to her to tell her baby is hungry, too hot, suffocating chocking, wants to be at home and so on, she has had people touch her bump before he was born then touch him , stroke him hold his hand, try to take him away and hold him . A one off may be but when it’s the 10th person to have come up in just one shopping trip when the baby is crying is very stressful.
Your friend sounds a bit much to me and you sound sensitive and thoughtful do you need someone that makes you feel so uncomfortable in your life?

I had someone (a stranger) touch bump once, during second pregnancy.

I reached out in response and gave her tummy a good feel.

She squawked and I replied, “Is that not what we’re doing, dear?”

She scurried off. I hope she was cured of her habit of touching strangers without asking.

If it had been a boob she would have committed a criminal offence. Is it so hard to keep your hands to yourself?

I don't think there is a friend I have whose behaviour hasn't worried me at some time or another.
I wouldn't consider dumping them though.
There would be nobody left if I only wanted people to be just like me.

MissA

I promise NOT to squeeze your baby's knee Muffin

He he Merlotgran!

I adore babies, chat to them and make them smile, but touch, no no.

I would not touch a stranger's baby.

I would be likely to admire somebody's baby though and, whenever I have done this, people have not objected.

No she shouldnt touch someone elses baby! Also why does she feel the need to do so,or question how late the baby is out at all? I often took out my children past an early bedtime in holidays and such so if we had one as a ' babe in arms' at the time i would let him/her sleep in the pram while the older ones had fun.the baby still got fresh air and older kids enjoyed their holidays.In fact my eldest son often needed a walk out in his pram before he would go to sleep at night.I wouldnt have liked anyone, especially some stranger commenting on this nor touching my baby.if you and she have nothing more in common than the past maybe youve 'outgrown' each other?stick to meeting up less often if she embarresses you like this regularly.

Oh and merlotgran?yes hotfoot it to opticians asap!

Saying what she said, and touching the baby was totally unacceptable. We all have toxic people in our lives. We have the choice of managing them (e.g.if maybe its family), or not having them in our lives at all. I do understand she is a long standing 'friend'....but is she a friend?? Only you can decide, but she sounds very unpleasant x

Oh dear, we're on Twitter!!

What! Rubbed the baby’s chest and abdomen?!? I’m sorry but what would the reaction have been if an adult male had touched a baby or child in this way? He’d be on a list by now. If someone touched my gd like that I’d have broken his arm. As for criticising the parents when baby was safe, well and content in her pram?
I can understand how this woman came back into your life when she spotted her chance, but I think that’s just low cunning.
You sound like a good person, just remember that no friends are better than the toxic kind.

The answer is NO . Another of my pet peeves is someone, often one who is barely known, stroking a pregnant woman's stomach. You wouldn't stroke it is she wasn't pregnant so why is it ok when she is ( I'm aware I ended the sentence with a preposition ) ?.

Did you?

Perhaps next time you meet your friend, you should tell her that you were shocked at what she did. I hope you will find a way to change the dynamics of this friendship. Best wishes.

I have to say I find the responses to this thread very sad. When did we all become so neurotic about approaches and interactions with strangers, and well-meant gestures towards children!?

When my DS was a few months old (35 years ago) he was in his pram outside a local shop (something else we all did at that time), as I returned to the pram a very elderly lady was 'cooing' to him and he was holding her finger and gurgling much to her delight. She asked how old he was and his name, I told her and she said he had the same name as her father. She then opened her purse and took out a 2p coin and put it in my son's hand "to bring him good fortune" she said. Judging by her clothes she could ill afford it, but it was a common custom in those days. I thanked her warmly and we went our separate ways. I put the coin in a small box where it was later joined by a lock of DS's hair and his first lost tooth. Never for a moment did I think that that lady's kindness and generosity was inappropriate or wrong, and it was perhaps a special moment in her day as it was in mine.

Today a new mother would probably be horrified, maybe even aggressive, and throw the coin away in case it had 'germs' on it. If I was that little old lady I know which response I would prefer. Yes, of course we must keep our children safe, but they don't need to live in a sterile environment, wrapped in cotton wool and growing up believing all strangers are dangerous. Let's be sensible about this !

As for OP's friend, I'm sure it was a kindly and well-meant gesture. In her day young babies were probably not taken to late evening events which prompted her comments. Granny3rose you have known your friend for many years and it seems she has been a good friend when you needed one, so if you want to continue meeting her go ahead, but perhaps gently point out that her touchy-feely and outspoken approach may not be welcomed by today's parents!

I don't think you should ever touch another person's baby. The thing about not taking a baby out in the evening is an old idea, before I was born my parents had another child who died in infancy, my grandmother always said it was because they took her out in the evening.
As for your friend, do you really enjoy her company?She certainly seems to dominate you, why else would you feel that you couldn't say anything about her touching the baby? Drop her, find other friends.