Concerned abt estranged toddler DGS health - signs and symptoms of poss abuse?

HuedyGuedy that thought crossed my mind too - in fact it was the first thing I thought of.
Smelling of sweets, very tired and thirsty, craving food.

Keep an eye on how the little biy is, it is early days of course, but if this pattern continues erhaps you should suggest to your DS that he speaks to the child's mother and one of them takes him to the GP.

Sorry, HurdyGurdy

Unfortunately your post comes over more as being negative and judgemental rather than concerned. However you are clearly concerned as well, so putting my own judgemental comment aside ..... you have only had two visits so it might be wise not to be hasty. What constitutes a well cared for child? As he is 19 months I would expect him to be walking, saying some words, drinking from a cup rather than a bottle, able to feed himself. Is he growing well, got healthy looking skin, making eye contact, stacking toys, waving, clapping and does he laugh and giggle when you play peek a boo, chase him etc? Is he clean and appropriately dressed? There is nothing wrong with him eating several small meals rather than three large ones; what is more important is the nutritional content which you cannot be sure of. Are his teeth well looked after?
Certainly I would be concerned about the sweet smell on his breath and the simplest answer is for his dad to take him to his gp, baby clinic or pharmacist. If you put aside your feelings about the mother and concentrate on making the best of the contact visits, good healthy food, playing, singing and starting to look at picture books then you will be doing what is best for your grandson. As far as naps go, by his age he may need longer naps some days than others and I wouldn’t worry about that. Make the best of his visits and enjoy his company. If you can build a reasonable relationship with his mum, putting aside your reservations, you and his dad will see more of him and be able to be a positive influence on his life. Good luck.

Some helpful posts on here.

painting your posts are unhelpful and unkind.

Squibsy just ignore any nasty comments on this thread and we all know who I mean. I have been quite shocked by the nastiness of them. Don't waste your time and energy answering them. There have been some sensible comments and suggestions here too.

I see judgement aimed at the OP and think posters who are judging should wind their necks in....esp the one who is being very rude at the same time Painting

If a person needs advice and asks for it why do you attack?
Clearly you have some weird agenda of your own. I don't want to know what it is.

If OP is worried then perhaps she has good reason to be.

Not all mums are good ones.

For a while I was involved in a child contact centre and observed the vast majority, well over 90%, of resident parents insist the contact parent manage the child according to their routine. So, feed the same foods, change nappies at the same interval, ensure a nap happened (even if this meant in essence the only contact was with a sleeping child), play with the ‘favourite’ toy and so retain control. It doesn’t sound as if your grandsons Mum has given any indication of routine, favourite meals or toys squibsy. It would be perfectly reasonable for your son to ask in a non confrontational way, so he can ensure the little boy has a familiar routine during their time together. That may give some idea of diet, or may not. If there is no answer then let it drop.

Should contact be broken with a court order in place then your son must return to the court. I do agree, the things that worry you could well be an indicator of diabetes, Nothing is certain without testing. If your son is nervous about arranging this it may be worth checking with Children’s Services or your solicitor to be certain it is acceptable.

I’m not sure how long your grandson has been seeing you and his Dad. Have Childrens Services taken your family’s concerns seriously? Any investigation underway?

I’m sorry you have this worry rather than joy at spending time with your grandson. It occurs to me the NSPCC have a helpline which could offer you informed support or signpost to a more appropriate place. I’m pleased the little boy can now be with his Dad and family and hope you feel more content about his care very soon. Wishing you all well.

Wow Painting! What is this complete over reaction all about! The OP has come on to a grandparent forum probably to try and clarify her thoughts. No need to be so hostile.

My first thought was diabetes type 1 also. It needs to be checked out ASAP to avoid long term damage. Perhaps read all the suggested advice and decide what action is most appropriate.

painting, just for the record, I know mothers who have taken great delight in punishing their ex partners by not letting them have access to their children. Been taken to court, granted access for a certain day. Dad thinks all's settled. What does mum do? She phones dad and say's he can't have the children that day as they're poorly with a cold and the excuses continue. How do you think dad feels?
I know of a case that's going on now which I'm not going to give much detail. A friend split from his partner a long time ago. He's now living with my goddaughter. Ex partner doesn't like that and so causing access trouble.He has two children, 11 and 13. He has access now and again when it suits her. When he phones them on their mobiles she has told them not to answer but as soon as it comes to birthday's and Christmas, oh yes phone calls are allowed. When they want something, yes that's ok. The poor bloke is screwed up over it and drinks more than he should. So yes painting there are bitter evil mothers who use their children as pawns. May I add that this also mentally disturbs the children involved too.

Yes, it happens, is happening to a young friend of ours whose ex-wife is as difficult as she possibly could be.
He is upset and so are the children because they are old enough now to understand.

Thank you Petra ... thank you XXXX

And Sharon - omg - thank you for that suggestions about the test sticks ... I am so distressed - for so many valid reasons which I cannot talk about here that really it was a simple practical and non-confrontational solution that I was struggling to ask for.

Thank you for the understanding comments and suggestions...

Sharon103 / Callistemon / Sussexborn / Cornergran / Chestnut / Pinkquartz et al ... whether I came across negatively I apologise - I have every intention always for my DGS's emotional wellbeing to be 'positive' about both his parents.

Cornergran - the scenario you describe is 'exactly it': rigid this, rigid that, trying to set someone up to fail....

Lots of good advice here. I can't add anything further, but do completely understand your worry.

Oh, Paintingthetownred, what can I say about your responses ...?

People come onto this site because they want some advice. They may be right or wrong - in your opinion. But what they don't need is your nasty slagging-off!

Good luck, Squibsy. Hope all goes well for you, and your little Grandson.

Squibsy … Just read through the replies. I'm so sorry some have gone off the deep end and completely mis understood you, and have taken it upon themselves to attack.

This subject brings a lot of hostility from some quarters, and says more about them than you.

I hope some of the other replies have been helpful. The sticks sound a good idea.

I'm concerned for your little gc health, please do keep us informed as to how he is getting on.

Thank you Lyndiloo and thank you Namsnanny

Indeed, the Family Law Solicitor and Barrister and the NSPCC 'case worker' all suggested Gransnet for support

And, the sad reality is in UK there's not many places(?) one can go to for informal peer-group advice.

Thanks everyone - some good support here, I'm an appreciative Mum!

I’m with Gonegirl on this one.

Squibsy, you and your son have clearly been involved with the Family Courts for a significant period of time. You mention the solicitor and barrister involved, also an NSPCC worker which confirms that. Ignore the cold, critical and ill informed posts that aren't aimed at supporting or offering sensible advice as most people here do.
Has a final order been made? You won't want to return to court unnecessarily. You suggest there are concerns about day to day care of this little boy. The suggestion from another poster, that your son speak to his son's mother, to get an idea of her routines so you can follow them, is a good one. Maybe get a contact book moving between them if actual talking may lead to conflict at the current time. Just a simple list of when nappies were changed, time of drinks, snacks and meals that goes backwards and forwards with the little boy
Do the best you can to avoid conflict with his mum x

Hi squibsy I hope you found most of the replies helpful. This forum IS a place of help and advise so please keep us updated.
paintingthetownred, your posts were argumentative and rude to say the least.
As you’re not a Grandparent, I wonder why you are on a Grandparents forum, you’re ‘style’ of answer reminds me of aggressive posters on Mumsnet.
You may be happier on there but I have a strong feeling that you have been on Mumsnet already but have probably been banned.
So here you are trying to throw your weight around here!
Trouble is, us Grans won’t have any of your nonsense.
So either reply to posters in a normal way or expect sharp replies from us.

A GP visit for a blood test would be a start to eliminate any problem.
It's as simple as that without resorting to abusive posts.

Police aren't interested unless there's proof of violence .

Family support is key here.

I didn't suggest you came across as negative squibsy - but understandably anxious. When we are not the primary carer it can be difficult to say anything but I think that your DS should be made aware of the possibility of T1 diabetes. However, it is early days and your DGS could just need time to adjust to visits.

Iam64 sensible advice as usual.

There are some very aggressive and ignorant posters on here who are replying to a person showing concern for her GS.

This child has diabetes and needs to go to A&E for testing and treatment. I have sent you private reply.

I have reported a couple of PTTR's nastier posts to HQ, on this thread and another one.
They must have been so hurtful to the OP.

Sadly trolls stalk the internet. One on a cancer support forum caused so much trouble that the police were involved and she was eventually cautioned after threatening various members. Caring well balanced people don’t delight in harassing people at the worse moments in their life. They always seem to pick up one supporter like Sara for some unknown reason. The bullies wanna be best friend. These people attack at the weekends when there is no monitoring.

Squibsy, I think you have already been given some good advice on moving forward with this for the benefit of your grandson and hope you and your son can manage to make things better for the little boy. I'm sorry that paintingthetownred was so unpleasant, negative and unhelpful in her immediate response to your original post. As you can see most of us are not like that.

like another person on here when you said sleepy smelling of sweets and thirsty i thought diabetic. worth getting checked out, as an abused child my self , im pleased your looking out for the child, someone in her corner, just keep a diary noting all you have and then talk to your son. good luck.