Mental illness

Oh hunni that's terrible. The problem is that we are given too much freedom to decide on treatment. I could stop taking my meds tomorrow and become more and more ill until I killed myself and no one would have the right to say enough is enough and make me take the meds I need. That can't be right. The problem arose because we used to have no rights and everything was decided for us. This led to people being hospitalised and drugged just to make life easier for others. Now it's swung too far the other way. In a moment of sanity or madness depending on your point of view I had it written into my records that if I went to see the gp it meant that I was desperate and even if I said I would fight on alone she should over rule me and refer me. Also if I rang Crisis and told them I was cutting they should not assume that I could be distracted but understand that if I phone then I'm desperate and in danger.

But I was lucky. I had that moment of sanity when I thought about my needs and I was listened to by my MHSW and GP.

jcj On bad days, I wear a smiley mask. Diagnosed with clinical depression, I am taking fluoxetine and know better than to try to manage without. I have been in the bottomless pit of despair, and it's thanks to Mr soop, loving family, good friends and an understanding GP that I managed to crawl out and begin to value and enjoy life.
For all the lovely GN members who have to "battle" with mental health issues, I send heartfelt love.

My heart goes at to everyone too. So much courage is needed when there is so little understanding around.

Soop: I have the same diagnoses as you and on the same meds. However I have no understanding GP, You have to see whichever GP is available IF you can get as far as that. Unless you are prepared to start queuing outside from 8 am it is nearly impossible to see any GP! I don't have any family around me either. However I am trying to climb out the pit. I have just joined a 'walking for health group' and a Mind art and craft group. I have just retired and am hoping that will help too as there was a lot of negativity at work.
thanks for the support on here. Cheers

jcJ Comforting (((hugs))) from me to you. You seem to be doing everything that you can to cope with what can be a living nightmare. Many good wishes that you'll find the help you deserve from an understanding GP

Here is another member of the club just back from a wander on the dark side,also not well supported by GP.
Having to venture back to work,at nearly 60 and all that entails after 8 years away from the work place after a breakdown is difficult but with the pressures placed by government cutbacks and retirement age moved I need to provide for E,have just realised this has triggered my latest wander on the dark side...but try telling atos that when they come calling for you like the grim reaper.

vampirequeen your description of panic attacks is so spot on! I had them back when I had my first child. I think the valium I was given caused them. Thank God for ssri's.

Nellie Your marvellous sense of humour and sheer grit have helped me to cope. I like to think that I can at least be here for you...to listen...to understand...to wish that you get whatever it takes to bring a sense of well-deserved self-worth into your life,.

ATOS find us an easy target and they're paid if they find us fit. The fact that it can nearly destroy us isn't their problem.

My daughter still has three adult children living at home, but they won't acknowledge that there is anything wrong with her, and get very resentful when their sister, who is my only contact, tries to make them see how ill she is. I know only too well the way that people with paranoid delusions can twist even the most loving and kind of acts into something evil. For a time, I was questioning myself, looking back over her life and wondering if I had, indeed, done something terrible to her. Luckily, her daughter and her sister and my own sister were able to reassure me that I had shown her , possibly, too much tolerance and attention. I have given up all hope that she will ever cut back on her codeine addiction and just hope that as the children get away from home they will realise the truth.
You can't help somebody who insists there is nothing wrong with them and just doesn't want your help.
I am so sorry for all of you in a similar position with a relative, or suffering the dreaded 'black dog' yourself. I am by nature very cheerful, but I did find myself slipping towards the edge of that deep pit when she first sent me a letter full of vicious lies and accusations. Guess what drew me back? Yes, writing it all down on Gransnet and receiving so much sympathy.
I hope you all log on every day and just write anything you are feeling. Nobody here will judge you or stop listening.
Soop and Nellie - you are two of our most loved and valued members and your courage is amazing.

I have been selfishly avoiding this thread, in the same way that I have never become involved with a support group. Selfish? Yes because although I feel that I have finally 'cracked it' and live life on a fairly even keel, I am aware that this state is tenuous, fragile and I am not willing to risk it by becoming involved in supporting others. All credit to those of you who bravely and generously do offer this support to each other.

What I can offer is, perhaps, a Good News Story a little light at the end of the tunnel, for I too have been in the black pit at various times in my life, originally deemed to be reactive depression and anxiety in response to miscarriage, stress, bereavement, job loss - I was prescribed valium off and on, and struggled along in a fog, a sort of emotional half life with no big troughs but no joy either. This was a duplicate of my Mother's life and I understand her mother's before her. My Mother, had blighted our family life with her negativity for many years and I was determined to and indeed succeded in, presenting a brave, jokey face to the world. My motto was COPE and I did, although no one (except those of you on this thread who have been there) what an effort that took and how exhausted I was.

Eventually, things took a turn for the worse and my increasingly bewildered DH declared that I must be mad when he found me attempting to hide in a SHELVED cupboard to avoid going to see my DD1 on her birthday. I told this story to my GP at my next regular appointment for monitoring HRT and she took it seriously and I had SSRIs for the first time and made a remarkable recovery. I was weaned off after 6 months and was back down in the pit within a couple of weeks so then referred for counselling and to a pyschiatrist who diagnosed Clinical Depression allowing GP to contine to prescribe SSRIs thereafter. The Counselling, with the practice nurse was a bit of a hoot really as she was still in training on the same Counselling Course as I had already completed. We did have a good laugh and she, with access to my medical records was the first person ever to link my 'panic attacks' to my very low blood pressure. Apparantly, there are some people in whom a fall in blood pressure due to a 'shock' emotional or physical ( such as shutting your hand in a door) does not stablise but instead drops through the floor causing the person to faint or fall over unconcious with difficulty breathing, etc. Pressure returns to normal when lying down with legs raised etc. This explained a lot about various such attacks I had suffered and enabled me to just lie down as soon as possible instead of fighting against it and gave me increased confidence going out and about once I understood what was happening.

So here I am now on low dose Citalopram for the rest of my life to correct a chemical inbalance in my brain, mainly happly, certainly content and able to take joy in my DGC, help rather than hinder my DDs, able to 'keep the heid' without too much effort. My only regret is that I did not get a proper diagnosis sooner and that the SSRI regime was not available for my Mother and Grandmother.

Granny23

23

Granny 23 - Your first paragraph struck a strong cord with me. Selfish? No.
Not at all. It's just a different, and sometimes necessary, way of coping.
+

Lovely! Butty

Granny23 it's not being selfish when you are careful to look after yourself, knowing that deterioration in your mental health needs to be avoided. Just as with bereavement, giving too much of yourself to others at a vulnerable time can inadvertently drag you down. Good to know you have found a way to manage your mental health

That is such an uplifting post, Granny23!

Thank you to all of you who have opened their hearts on this thread. You all really are brave and you have my admiration that you all cope so well. Please use GNet if it helps and, as Greatnan says, post anything and everything - we'll listen.

Yes Granny23. I wish SSRIs had been invented in time for the previous generation.

Me too!

granny your story with regard to the treatment you are now on is similar to mine,I don't think you need to apologise not be able to support just understanding is a huge step forward in mental health issues... raising a glass to all my lovely supportive friends who helped bring me back again after my latest wander..and in particular my lovely soop for working tirelessly to hold. Me up and greatnan for her PMs,and all of you who supported me through my wobble...you really are such a lovely celebration of grans

I'm so pleased that this thread has opened up the arena of mental health for discussion. I recently had a (midnight) visit from a lady who felt she couldn't talk about her bipolar disorder to anyone else. I do feel very sad (and deeply frustrated) at the stigma and lack of openness that still attaches itself to mental illness. It's 2012 for goodness sake!!
Well done to all you 'sharers' and thank you for being the encouragement you are. None of us know when we might become sufferers (yes, that's a one in four chance it could be you) and I'm sure we will value the 'stories' of those who have gone before.

Granny23 sometimes maintaining our mental health takes all the resources we have and there just isn't anything left over for other people. Talking about your experiences on here will help others, thank you for that. Keep well

Your not being selfish granny23. It's no good you becoming ill again. We all have to find our own way to maintain ourselves.