Grandaughters bedtime

I agree that some children just don't need much sleep. My GD is like this. As a baby she was very wakeful and till the age of 3 she kept her parents awake at night crying for them at all hours. Now she's 12 and goes to bed at a normal time but is allowed to read till she's sleepy. (No screens in bedroom.) She also reads quietly when she wakes early in the morning. Luckily she loves reading books! She does lots (and I do mean lots) of physical exercise during the day too, but rarely appears tired.
I do think the fear thing should be investigated though. One post reminded me vividly that I was frequently visited by a witch at night as a child and was absolutely terrified till my mum came and told her to go away!

This child needs to be told how things are going to be in the future and what the consequences will be for inappropriate behaviour. Has no one watched Super Nanny!!!!

Insist on her being up in her room at the same time every night after a bath, a bedtime story and a cuddle- all upstairs. Allow her to read or listen to a story tape or some quiet music (classical, lullaby or nursery rhyme- not pop! ) if she says she is not tired. If she gets up and comes downstairs, take her firmly by the hand and back up her room with NO conversation or eye contact- make it a very boring event being downstairs. This could be multiple times every evening for a few weeks.

Try not to have the tv on in the lounge after tea until she is asleep so she cannot hear it and certainly no screens in her bedroom. If she kicks or shouts then take a toy away of your choice - the consequences- with NO discussion at the time because you have already told her what will happen- these can be 'won' back individually with good behaviour.

DO NOT GIVE IN or CHANGE THE ROUTINE unless her behaviour has changed over a long period and she can be trusted to be more adaptable. Children behave badly because they are allowed to; she is not the one in charge in the house and she has to be made to realise that some times are for adults only because children need longer rests to be healthy and adults need adult time to remain sane!!!.

Nannakathy, please don't think I'm awful but it is almost a relief to see someone asking this. My DGD is exactly the same at bedtime. She also has meltdowns over getting dressed most mornings. The thing is, she doesn't get away with it but her parents have tried all the usual positive things and punishments. They are at their wits end. I have been looking at Pathological Demand Avoidance which is on the Autistic Spectrum but the children are often much more outgoing like my DGD. However, her parents are convinced it is just "bad behaviour". I don't have the same problems with her but I think that is more an issue of trust than anything else. She doesn't know quite what I'll do to her if she doesn't settle down but she knows her parents won't smack her if she shows her anxiety. I have suggested they let her read until she's tired but they think that would be giving in. I just want her to be assessed to find out what the problem is. They have talked to the school but they seem to think such behaviour is quite normal...it wasn't in my day.

hahah I'm with Gabriella - more Enid Blyton ... as a child I loved them. I was about 5 or six when I was hooked on Happy Stories etc I thought all stories ended with a moral. I wonder how they would go down with six year olds today

Glad Quizqueens not my Mum
If you don’t have problems with your grandchild Icanhandthembavk then she’s not on any spectrum if she’s choosing who to mess with
Grannygranby I started reading my old Enid Blyton books to my grandkids by the time I had changed half the scenarios and sentences I d practically rewritten the story we had Mum smoking in the kitchen before she gave teddy a slap on the legs etc etc I gave up

It’s worth checking with the school to see if there could anything there that is bothering the child.

This is rewarding bad behaviour by letting her have her own way. It's bonkers. My children were allowed to look at books in bed if they weren't tired and could switch out the light when they wanted (within reason) but they had to stay in their own beds and not call out to each other. That worked out very well.
Offering a choice instead of an ultimatum often works. Go to bed at 8pm and look at books OR stay down until 8.10 and the lights out. But it's essential that the parent doesn't waiver, children see weakness immediately.

Mine never had a bedtime. They went to bed when they were tired. It's only an issue if you make it an issue.

Sorry Bluebell but that simply is not the case. We have lots of Asd in our family and some of them are high functioning enough to hide their anxiety in front of other people but it has to come out somewhere. If you have a good read about PDA you will see that this is in fact classic behaviour.

Eglantine21 You posted what I was thinking.

I used to watch the supernanny programs and Jo Frost spent a lot of time getting children into sensible sleep routines which the parents had failed to do by not setting good routines to start with.

There will of course be children with particular issues who cannot manage a sensible pattern. I was really lucky with mine who were in general very good sleepers.

When I last baby sat my DGSs I bathed them (that was fun ) and gave them s drink and put them to bed with good night kisses and telling them they could talk very quietly to each other and I did not hear a peep. I wasn't sure how they would behave.

But most children behave better when the person in charge is someone they don't know quite as well as their mum and dad.

Try not to worry unless she is noticeably nodding off in the daytime. Some children don't need much sleep; some need sleep but are natural owls or larks.

It was always a problem getting my elder son to sleep, he never admitted he was tired and after we went to bed we'd hear him playing with lego in his bedroom (this was pre-school, no central heating in those days so he used to get very cold). My husband suggested that we stayed up with him until he admitted he was tired; I gave up at about 4 am, 6 am my husband gave up and insisted he went to bed. At 9 he woke us up crashing about as he had gone downstairs to get his breakfast. He's now in his late 40s, still stays up until 2 or 3 in the morning but manages to get up and go to work with no apparent problem.

I must admit I've never been early to bed and always put a torch on after my parents went to bed so I could read for another couple of hours - but I've never been able to get up in the morning either! While my daughter always nodded off early but woke us up at some (to me) unearthly hour; she still goes to bed at 9 for preference but has no problem getting up to go to work at 5!

LOL, Paddyann - I wish I had known monsters were allergic to lavender when my children and grandchildren were growing up.

Frankly, when my children were small, I didn't care if they were tired or not, I was tired and needed a break from them. They had to have a bedtime - for my sake. Also, it was a way of them learning that they couldn't have everything their own way, life isn't like that. When it's a battle of wills, the parent has to win, otherwise it's the start of the slippery slope. Give in to that and it proves you'll cave in over other things if they work on you long enough.

Oh dear . 60 plus replies and the OP never reappears to answer questions or acknowledge the time and care people have shown in bothering to respond. My pet hate on Gransnet, I'm afraid.

I agree, Elena, though there have been some other threads recently where OP did come back a few times. It makes such a difference. Some people put a lot of thought into their responses and it takes time to write- feel it’s just wasted if there’s no feedback from OP.