Black Dog 10

Hello polnan and welcome, so glad you found us, I promise you that here everyone will understand x

Your husband was ill for some time, he died and then Covid, that was so much in a short time my love.

Yes, don’t give in , we all know that feeling. Talk here when ever
you wish too , you will never be judged and you will never , ever be be ignored. Here we share , support and understand x

Nonnie I’m sending you one of Annie’s cwtchs. You are going through a low time. Don’t forget, it will pass. This time of year brings us down. You’ve had a lot of sadness to cope with. Not surprising sometimes it gets you down.
Polnan you will be welcome here anytime.
We just listen and try and support each other. All of us have our problems for different reasons but with the same result.
I am sorry you lost your husband. Lockdown must have been a lonely time for you. Pop in whenever you feel like it. All are welcome here.
Annie what a let down. I hate sitting on hold listening to those rambling messages over and over.
You are so right, mental exhaustion is worse than physical for me too.
Ooh Annie you rascal you. Sliding on the school roof ?
Yes not surprised about people not going out. I think there is another thread on GN about it with several GNetters staying in too.
Ellie Anne I too have wired dreams. The more anxious I am the worse they get. I am not a ‘happy dreamer’. Most of mine are upsetting. Shame about your problems in searching family history.
Anything else you are interested in or a hobby you could do. A friend of mine does diamond art to distract herself from her problems. She really enjoys it.

Polnan welcome.
Hope you are have a peaceful night sleep ??

Hi all x

I have been in my poetry books again so stand by

Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Love this poem, , and we must have hope, without it what is there ?

How is everyone?

Hi polnan your post made me think of the book Depression the Curse of the Strong, perhaps you should read it. There will always be people 'worse off' than you, in the same way as there are people in a better position than you. None of that affects how you feel though, you are unique.

That is a lot to deal with and it could well be that you have been repressing your feelings and are now letting them out. Just be kind to yourself as well as others.

Yes, Annie you are right but so hard to see it for oneself.

Ellie Anne yes, I get the weird dreams but mine are always something scary.

Thanks Doodle

I think the worst part of being on hold is when they keep saying "your call is important to us". I want to yell at them.

Hello everyone
Nonnie- I hope today is a better one for you. You are such a strong lady but sometimes the effort to stay strong becomes too much. Please be kind to yourself.
I,m glad you have a book to remember your brother by.
Doodle- thank you. I was very scared but had a text this morning to say the bloods were ok. Such a relief just need my silly scared mind and body to calm down. Went into surgery to say thank you for their help.
Thought about you as I was walking there as a squirrel ran along the fence- wasn’t interested in running up my leg though!!!
Polnan - hello and welcome
Annie- you had the cane!! I can imagine you sliding down the roof - a rebel even then!!
I like the sound of your Welsh caves - as usual my minds eye was seeing dark passages and low ceilings.
What a beautiful poem- you find such lovely words to inspire us.
EllieAnne- sorry you have bad dreams . They are hard sometimes to get out of your head aren’t they. The Doctor prescribed me a short course of melatonin to help regulate my sleep as I am so tired after all the early waking. Non addictive so worth a shot. Hope you have a better sleep tonight.
Joce- hope you are ok today
Love to all BDG

Annie I have heard the first part of that poem before but never the whole thing. That’s lovely, thank you. You are right, we must never give up hope.
Nonnie that’s a nice post to polnan and very true. If we are depressed and anxious about something how can We compare that with someone else’s suffering. Our problems are. Unique to us and whatever brings us down hurts us more than anyone else whereas other problems affect them more. We just need to try and be sympathetic and supportive.
Scaredycat that is good news about your blood results. Must be a relief. Glad you weren’t squirrelled ?. They are cute but have sharp claws to hold onto trees, fortunately I had some thick trousers on.
Had a really busy day today turning out the bedroom and sorting out my clothes etc. I must admit I came across a couple of things I’d forgotten I’d bought . Must be more tidy.
Sleep well all

scardycat such good news about your blood test.

you are right but why do some of us keep trying to stay strong? Why can't we just admit to ourselves that we really are not and just give in? Why do I feel as if I should be able to overcome not only my own issues but everyone else's too. I am so good at advising others but not so good at accepting my own advice.

Doodle I feel very strongly that no one should compare suffering. When I was in hospital, during one of the group sessions, another patient shouted at me that my problems were nothing compared to hers. I hate confrontation and walked out of the session.

Hi all x

scardeycat great to learn your blood tests were ok x

I am very down today, the loneliness is getting so hard to cope with.

How is everyone?

Annie- I feel for you in your feelings of loneliness. Sometimes we feel lonely in a crowded room but to be truly alone as you are so much of the time must be so difficult. I think often of you as I am sure we all do so sending you a big hug this dull old afternoon.xxx
Doodle- how nice to find somethings in your cupboard - I think clothes hide up when they are bored!! I,ve been Xmas shopping today and am beyond tired but so glad to have done it. I just got really fed up with online shopping but I must admit it is easier?
Nonnie-you feel as you do because you care so much. The saying you are only as happy as your unhappiest child applies to a lot of us. I spoke to my son this morning who is having a tough time since his wife had her accident and I
found myself saying things to him that he has said to me many times when I have been down . Caring about people can be very wearying. I think you need to see after yourself as well as you do othersxxxx
Take care allxx

Nonnie I often put on a brave front in front of others as I don’t want them to worry about me worrying about them if you know what I mean.
Yes what you say rings true with me too.
I’m sorry you missed out in your hospital session because of someone else’s inconsideration.
Annie I’m amazed how you manage day in day out. To be on your own so much and unable to get out, most of us would have a hard time with that I think.
No point in asking if there’s any news on your doors. How about MT, any chance she will be round soon.
Scaredycat I will certainly join in a group hugathon . If it would help cheer Annie up.
The quote,’ you’re only as happy as your least happy child’ is the story of my life. Apart from DH, nothing else matters. I have always worried about them from before they were born and my DGC too. Sorry your son is having such a hard time. Good he has you to support him
Annie I hope you have a good night sleep and feel better in the morning.

Annie I know you like poems so this one is for you by J Renaldi

Old age can be very lonely
When no one comes to call
But when someone says “I care”
We are not ready to give up and fall
Caring is like the arrival of song birds
And flowers blooming on a spring day
A visitation will enlighten a lonely heart
And will chase hopelessness away
Two simple and sincere words will mean much
And they are not difficult to say
It’s all right to say “I care”
To a lonely person every day.

We care about you Annie xx

Annie

Scardycat well done on the shopping front, I need to get more done during the next 2 weeks, partly for long distance posting and also because our volunteering tasks are being shared for two weeks so more available time for us to get ahead.

Yes, you are right but it is much harder to think of myself as that is the way life has moulded me.

Doodle that 'brave face' is beyond DH's understanding. He can't understand why I do it.

Compared to my family 'nothing else matters' is just how I feel too, although I do worry about others as well. This morning I read of a surgeon who has died from Covid after 9 weeks in ICU, leaving behind 4 children. Things like that really get to me.

Today we only have a couple of hours of volunteering so we have decided to take all our accumulated stuff to the charity shop and buy Christmas cards. We have so many friends who are far away, so many we haven't seen in the last couple of years that this year it seems even more important. I don't do e-cards and always buy proper nativity cards from a charity we support, it just feels the right thing for me personally. The rest of the year I just buy ordinary cheap cards.

Nonnie some people care only for themselves. I wonder if they have an easier life.
Like you my family is so important but I am also affected by things I hear or see in the papers. Anything with children involved always gets to me. So many in the world suffering.
We always buy cards from the charities we support as well. No e cards either. I love seeing the cards up at Christmas, even the ones that drop silver glitter on the carpet ?
Good luck with the Christmas shopping.
annie and everyone, how are you all today? x

Hi all x

Thought I had posted yesterday! Was in a very grumpy mood,
I retired from my brother’s firm in April after 30 years. His accountants office telephoned me because they couldn’t access
HMRC for his account, would I help ! I had to dig out my laptop , what have they been doing since April , grrrr

Doodle thank you for the lovely poem and kind words. x

Terry Waite was interviewed on Thursday , I so respect him, he
was asked about the 5 years he was held hostage, 4 of those years in solitary confinement, asked what kept him going he said - hope.

How is everyone?

Doodle the woman in the charity shop was quite pleasant but didn't seem to understand that I wanted Christian cards! I think it got through when I said that I don't take Christ out of Christmas. She did eventually find some 'out the back'. I do sometimes find it hard to stick to my principles, especially the small ones.

Annie very annoying but, at our age, we have learnt that there are many people out there who are paid to do jobs they are not good at!!!! Every time DS talks about the incompetence of the bank, HR, online shopping etc, I point out that the world is full of people like that and he needs to get used to it . He is one of those very intelligent (where did he get that from?) people who thinks everyone else is too.

Got a few things ticked off the list yesterday. No volunteering today and DH will be going out soon so planning to make mince pies with last years home made mincemeat.

Feeling a bit better but still a way to go.

Hope you all have a reasonable weekend.

You all seem to cope with life better than i do.
These last few days I feel as if I am retreating into myself. Having to force myself to speak and feeling detached from everything. Spending most of the time out of the house wandering or in the car and sitting in my bedroom at home.
Need to give myself a good shake!

Hello all.
Annie not surprised you were grumpy. Anything to do with HMRC or accounts would make me grumpy too. Fancy them contacting you for help after all this time.
Yes Terry Waite is a remarkable person. How he coped I do not know. Yes , Hope is the only thing.
Nonnie how are you doing today. Will you be going to any church services at Christmas? I haven’t yet been to church since lockdown started. I have been watching an online service every day and have enjoyed the readings and more so the explanations. The Dean at Canterbury is currently working through the Old Testament and it is interesting and thought provoking.
Home made mince meat. Wow you are good. I love mince pies. Haven’t made any for years, pastry not being my strong point plus a mum who used to bake them for me ?
Glad you’re feeling a bit better. Take it slowly, one day at a time.
Ellie Anne I think you are very depressed, sad at the moment. You sound quite low. Is there something you are interested in or could do that would lift your spirits. So sorry you feel so bad. It doesn’t matter how others cope. We all have our points when things get too hard. I don’t know how your situation at home could improve but I certainly hope it does.

I am off on my travels again so will bid you all farewell for a couple of weeks. Not saying where I’m going in case someone reading will recognise me.
I will be in touch if I can but will probably be out of WiFi contact.
Please look after yourselves. X

EllieAnne stop it now! Don't compare yourself to anyone else, you are you, unique. We can't judge how anyone else is coping so be kind to yourself.

Not sure if it helps but I try to remind myself of that prayer about knowing the difference between the things we can change and the things we can't, changing the things we can change and accepting those we can't.

We are all on here because we cannot cope and some like BlueSky and me are here to show you that things can improve. Without going into detail, I was very seriously ill, more than you can imagine but here I am several years later coping in my own way. At that time I felt nothing at all, now I have ups and downs and for that I am truly thankful.

I pray for you by name every night and I think probably others do too. You matter.

No Doodle we won't be going to church but we do online church with our local one. They send the readings by email every week and we follow them together. I also do 3 different daily readings which arrive in my inbox but sometimes lose concentration and feel useless.

Pastry is easy with a food processor. Just bung the flour and fat in, process then add the water a bit at a time. None of that rubbing it in stuff! It amused me yesterday when I realised how old my wooden rolling pin is. Reminded me I still have patterned pyrex dishes which were wedding presents and some real Tupperware! Thrifty? Must be.

Have a lovely holiday.

Hi all x

Ellie Anne Nonnie is right, we cannot compare ourselves with anyone else. An example - I too sit alone in my living room and sleep in it, I can’t leave the house so the only person I see to talk to is my carer for one hour a day 5 days a week .

Lonely? Very, but I don’t have to share my home with someone
who causes me unhappiness as you do , so we can’t compare can we x

Nonnie The Serenity Pray

God grant me the serenity to change the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer has certainly helped me x

Doodle enjoy your holiday x

How is everyone?

Morning all x Such a beautiful morning even if brisk. Nonnie thanks for mentioning me, yes at the moment I seem to be quite calm, after constantly living with anxiety. Not sure how this change came about but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.
Annie your practical problems as well as loneliness, you do have a lot to cope with. Like your prayer, even though I do not pray.
Doodle holiday again?? Well done enjoy!
Third booster jab done, can’t do much else.
Wishing you all a pleasant Sunday x

Ellie Anne- so sorry you feel as you do.Have you stopped doing the things that you did enjoy? I know how hard it is sometimes to make the effort to communicate but please,if you can,reach out to someone. How about some volunteering- many people find this time of year difficult.
Doodle- wherever you are going and whatever you will be doing I hope you have a wonderful time.
Nonnie- I hope you are ok today.
Hope the mince pies came out well- love the smell of them when they are hot. There’s a nice lady(or man) at M and S who makes ours!!
The rolling pin I have is one I had as a (first) wedding present in 1961! Doesn’t do a lot of rolling now though?
Annie- I expect your carer looks forward to her hours with you
- I wish I could pop round for a chat . Will you see MT soon?
I love that prayer and the word serenity which sounds like what it is.
BlueSky- it’s great that you are feeling less anxious - long May it continue. Has the booster jab given you confidence to get out and about a bit more?
Early waking is still a problem - AF kicked in today as well and is still going now at 4pm!! I wish I didn’t feel so anxious about it - I do try but sometimes I just feel plain old scared.
Wishing you all a peaceful evening and restful sleepxx

Scaredy to be honest I haven’t felt anxious about Covid ever since I caught it in August. I guess I faced my fears as they say. Yes the booster makes you feel more confident again about having people around. What more can we do? Sorry to hear about your AF, every time you mention it I think about the bouts of palpitations I’ve had usually as a reaction to medication. It’s not that often but it’s most unpleasant so you have all my sympathy. Hope you’ll all have a peaceful night x

Bluesky no, I don't know what causes us to feel better or, for that matter, what sends us backwards. I got 8 hours sleep last night (medicated) so am coping this morning.

I don't feel as confident as you about going out or having people in the house. I feel mean when I keep them on the doorstep but too many fully vaccinated people have caught it and even been in ICU. We did have an electrician in last week but we kept well away from him.

Scardycat yes, volunteering is helping me, partly because it gives me a purpose and we all feel better when we help others. The downside is that it can be very tiring but at least it is good tiring.

Yes, mince pies are up to standard, DS has taste tested! My family expect them made by me, they would worry about me if I didn't. Same with the pigs in blankets, shop ones simply won't do. When they were at home they used to help me prepare them on Christmas Eve so they are nostalgic for them.

Wish there was a solution to the AF, it sounds very scary.

Lovely day today so going to the shops to try to tick some things off the Christmas list.

Hi all x

Nonnie you are a busy little bee, how lovely to have your family with you at Christmas x

BlueSky yes you faced your fears, it’s wonderful to learn how
things have calmed for you x

Scaredycat I wish you could drop in for a chat, my carer says
her time with me is different to her time with her other clients ,
wonder why ! The AF must unsettle you my love , does medication help you ? Early morning waking is a bane isn’t it ?
for me all my problems I am trying to sort out flood my mind in one swoop. Hope you have sunshine x

Expect everyone is now planning and starting to prepare for
Christmas, I miss the baking and planning but for many years I
too was able to do them.

How is everyone?