Black DOG 13

Annie I’m so sorry what a shame about MT. Hope she is ok and you too. So lovely of you to give your day to World Mental Health as a volunteer.
Have you got anywhere re arranging your room?
HVDY good old Mr Cooper. He is very good looking.
Like you I don’t know anyone who looks good at the hairdresser. I take my glasses off so I can’t see myself anyway.
So pleased your son passed his driving test. That will be a big boost to him.
I don’t have a shaped pillow but I do have a special one. It’s a type for neck pain and does help but this time I think I may have pulled a muscle in my shoulder. It’s a bit easier today but my ears are still playing high pitch sounds.
Ellie Anne wish things were better for you. Perhaps you could visit your DGS next week if you remain clear.
I’m sure your help at church was appreciated whether you felt like it or not. I will join Wyllow in sending out hugs.
Wyllow hope the chat with your son cheered you up a bit. It is sad about your Ex and I hope the letter helps.
Off out for a walk this afternoon as the sun is shining. It looks warm……we shall see. ?

Anniebach What a shame your Mini Tornado wasn't able to visit. I hope you will see her soon. You're always so kind to others. Volunteering for Mental Health Day was such a good thing to do.

EllieAnne. I bet the church group appreciated your help. I hope you can get to see your GS soon.

Whyllow3 your ex was abusive, yet you still care about his welfare. That shows what a kind person you are, but look after yourself, too.

It's been a bright and sunny day here. The boy is comfortable and happy. I've ordered some high-protein food especially for senior cats. Hopefully he'll gain a bit of weight (poor old thing is 7 1/2lb, was 10lb 3 years ago).

Love to all x

Afternoon all.
EllieAnne- I don’t think anyone likes looking at themselves in the hairdressers mirror- I take my glasses off so I,m all blurry - much better!!!
I,m so sorry you feel sad .It must have been so disappointing to have to cancel your visit but it,ll soon be ok to see him and I,m sure your nice DiL will arrange a meeting soon.
Hope your DiL perseveres with her lessons - it really is very nerve wracking to start with isn’t it. Hope she has a nice patient instructor.
Doodle- maybe you could do some gentle chair exercises to strengthen your legs - it’s horrible when they ache.
So good to chat with your son- they live quite close don’t they?
Hope you enjoyed your sunny walk today it really is beautiful out.
HVDY- Great Cat news? Sounds like MrC is gaining some strength and enjoying his food again - always a good sign. He is such a handsome fellow.
Well done to your son- it’s such a good day when you throw away the L plates. It has obviously lifted his spirits - so pleased for you too.
Annie- you have such a big heart - helping others when you are feeling so worried yourself. Hope MT is ok and can get to see you soon.
Sorry the bed isn’t sorted yet- sending a hugx
Wyllow- glad you could chat with your son- I don’t think they have any idea how much it means to us just to hear their voices and their news.
You have done all you can re your ex- but it’s not easy to turn off all feelings like a switch is it. Be kind to yourself now .

My son FaceTimed me this morning - so good to see his face and catch up . It was so disappointing to not see him this Summer - nearly 3 years
since we,ve been together but it will happen.
Today the news seemed particularly disturbing - it makes your head feel like it’s bursting! Why oh why can’t we all live together peacefully?
Take care allxxx

Scaredycat I know what it’s like when you are hoping for good or at least ordinary news and then something comes along you’re not expecting. Hope your sons problems whatever they are get sorted out soon. Sometimes all we feel like asking for is some peace.
Annie do hope you’re ok and that whatever is troubling MT isn’t serious.
HVDY. Mr Cooper is one well looked after cat ?
Sweetpeasue and Ellie Anne hope you’ve both had a better day.
My legs are aching so much. Seems my fast walk yesterday hasn’t done me any good. I need more exercise.
Take care all x

Scaredycat thats a long time just FaceTiming DS, is he abroad if you don't mind me asking.

Annie I wished I lived nearby to help sort the room out.

Doodle oh dear sounds like you bit off too big a bit of cake on the yesterday walk. Bit by bit hey? (easy to say, hard to do)

More good cat news HVDY.

I've been in can't stop mode but did leave a meeting (zoom) early and headed for the duvet to bury under and just grieve like I said I cant cry but realise in a way hanging onto worrying about Ex is also avoiding the loss.

Its weird, he's sort of dead to me in terms of the happy times we did have as it was Covert Abuse before the months of crisis but its not dead and at 71 I'm thinking well what is my life to be? Whats the next part of my journey? And I dont know, for the life of me.
Just played some great music and note to self...running around filling empty space up when I have to face the emptiness doesn't work, never did. Yes talking to DS is lovely for a while, but one consequence of being with Ex was isolation locally for all that time. (thats one thing that happens in those sort of relationships, you have. to be just theirs and so on.)

I doubt I'm the only one here or indeed in Gransnet who could say this - if I were to go into hospital, there isnt anyone just to ring and say, can you bring this or that in.

Obvs if vv serious then family would arrive, and also after a few phone calls I could get some Quaker support (my little local group isnt in the best situation to step up atm for various reasons) but ...well I'd better get on forming some better bonds...

Doodle- I think I have misled you.When I spoke about news I meant world news not anything to do with my son. He has no problems at all. I should have left a gap between paragraphs!!! It was a lovely Face Time and so good to see him.
Your poor legs need a rest - hope you sleep wellxx

ScaredyCat Does your son live abroad? It's good that you can at least facetime each other. Will you get to see him this year?

Doodle Have you tried aqua aerobics? It's good exercise but the body and joints are supported in the water.

How is everyone this morning? It's a grey sky so I'm not going out until this afternoon. The old boy seems to be back to normal - he chased off an intruder (a pretty black cat in our garden) and his fur is beautifully soft. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

After noon all, and love to all BD posters.

Have got somewhere which has lifted my mood. I took bull by horns and rung Ex. His MH people did come through, and what's more made the effort eventually by visiting twice - two callers as he has been threatening in the past - and they managed to reach in and are helping with the medical matters I was so concerned about and also practical things like bus passes and resolving problems with rent arrears which ave got tangled up in our impossible benefits system.

I also found out about something else important relating to charges against him which I needed to know, but cant disclose here for obvious reasons, and then rung his brother to try to bring his hostility round a bit, which I did slightly. He also disclosed he understood and accepted why I had needed to split from him (partially, but enough, in terms of us agreeing our relationship was mutually dysfunctional, which is enough to be going on).
I then rung his MH people to thank them wholeheartedly because they had made the effort, and I do feel proud I did the right thing in disclosing so much about him to them (always tricky ground, but it means they trusted me, thank god.

Still in dressing gown but feeling a better "in a dressing gown person" than did before.

Hi all x

Wyllow you did much since your post yesterday x you need to go forward now, I had to make a new life 3 times, first 2 were
difficult but I did it. I so don’t want you to make the same choices I did the 3rd time. I shut off the outside world, I did so
because my darling daughter had been so ill for 14 years, I moved house to be close to her, I was tired of listening to
criticism of her hence the separation with my three sisters.

I became a recluse, had my dogs, my garden, my grandchildren
my volunteering. My darling daughter died, my grandchildren went to university, I became agoraphobic, stopped going for
walks to avoid people, arthritis became worse and two years ago I couldn’t walk.

Please don’t avoid people, get out there, you will find a way
to live your new life, we cannot change the past, there is a big
difference to being alone and being lonely, don’t let the latter
become your new life x

How is everyone?

Anniebach ??

Thank you so much for sharing your life’s story Annie. I can see now why you are concerned about dressing-down days and its possible slippery slope.

It seems so cruel that at after great tragedy in your life and having to give so much time up for the grandchildren that at the very time you might be able to have more for yourself, maybe venturing out a little more bit by bit, you are hammered by arthritis and guessing limited resources.

You see, I already have been agoraphobic since 2002 when I because very ill MH wise. Before that I had been apparently very outgoing and always with lots of friends.
I drew a picture near that time of a doll like woman falling off a stage, like I couldn’t pretend anymore, and I had been doing.

I had people in my life from within the Mental Health users community, but it all fell apart when facilities were cut. I also - and this explains why I am uncertain about my DS and DiL at times - was so ill for years that I hardly saw them. An absent mum.

Anyway, I got a lot better with help. Fast forward to my relationship with Ex. What went well was he got me out on walks and cycle rides and even a holiday

BUT

The cost was I had to be all his and didn’t makes friends as I got better MH wise.

The second cost was the last 9/10 months have been so stressful with ending the relationship - the whole shebang - police, arrest, him making me choose between my family and him, and more, destruction of some property..

That I have got poorly with Chronic Fatigue, serious enough that GP says you HAVE to take duvet days or your CFS will not get better.

So the irony is there ARE “Friends” possible in the wings - Quakers, people at the gym, seeing my family more - but just now I have to give into the duvet days.

I remain agoraphobic but not happily not people phobic except to say like many others here I have days of self hate or spending hours “why did I say this or that” and so on and so forth.

But that’s why we are here in BD, isn’t it? Sensitive beyond the ordinary and lots dont understand.

But Annie, above all I wish there was a way fo healing your arthritis and giving you pain relief. Its so unfair, after the live you have lived. Have lots and lots of hugs for what you do.

Evening all. Been to church today. Been praying for quite a few on GN who are facing some very sad times and as always all on BD.
Nice walk this afternoon. Chilly but not windy.
Wyllow it’s not nice to have to start again at any age but in later life it is hard, I hope you manage to make some new friends and develop some new interests now.
Slightly off topic but DH and I have a bag packed ready for hospital visit. A couple of visits ago he went in as emergency and my mind was in complete panic. We were not at home and I was dashing round trying to put things in a bag to go with him in the ambulance. This was in lockdown so I couldn’t go with him or visit.
Made me give serious thought to the issue so went and bought a load of toiletries, typed lists of medications, bought extra charging leads and plugs to leave in bag and generally put in everything I could think of. Then had a list of last minute items to add. It may be worth doing that on a just in case basis if family aren’t that near.
Just read your second post and what a good thing it was you contacting the MH team about your ex. Sounds as though he is being helped more and things could be better for him. Hopefully you have made headway with his brother too.
Scaredycat so pleased I misread your post and there isn’t anything awful going on. Yes I agree world news is worrying.
So pleased you were able to have a lovely chat with your son.
HVDY I think aqua aerobics would be a good thing but I have a problem breathing when I’m in water. The pressure is too much for me plus……..I’m lazy?. I would like to do it but the faff of getting undressed and dressed again puts me off.
I really must do something though.
So pleased to hear your gentleman friend is feeling better.
Annie how are you. Is MT ok? I do hope you are coping working your way round the big bed. Have you managed to find homes for any of your plants yet?
Wyllow my DH suffered from chronic fatigue too. It was so debilitating. You are right to rest when you can.
Sweetpeasue how are you? I hope you’re feeling a bit better.
Joce thinking of you too.
Take care all. xx

HVDY- yes my son is abroad and hope to see him next year.
Good to see Mr C is in charge of garden security again!!
Hope you had a good afternoon once the sun came out.
Wyllow- the CFS must be so debilitating but perhaps now your mind is more at rest about your ex your body too might feeel less exhausted and you can focus more on what happens next.
Rest and relax on your duvet days- do you like to read or have favourite things to watch on tv. I,m sure there are people who would like to come for coffee and a chat too when you get stronger. XX
Doodle- a hospital bag is a really good idea. I have one too after being admitted to ITU unexpectedly a few years ago. Think yours is better equipped than mine though so maybe a reshuffle is in order!
Thank you for your prayers - you are such a kind person.
Glad you had a nice walk this afternoon - we went this morning and had a coffee in the sun on the way.
Annie- wise words for Wyllow - so wish you could get out somehow. I think of you every day especially when walking- I can hear you saying ‘keep walking’. Hope you have heard from MT . Have you managed any better with the bed ?

Last night was one of those wake up and worry nights - nothing in particular just exhausting though. Bet I wasn’t the only one.

SweetPeaSue,EllieAnne,Joce, Whiff, and all BD a peaceful night to you allxxx

Just..thank you for listening yesterday. * Scaredycat* and Doodle good advice and felt very supported.

Today dawns sunny so its a gentle yoga.

Doodle I'm still on the case for your exercise routine...so water is out...My DocSis say we (as in getting on) have to TRY to do at least some weight bearing exercise. here I come back to thinking of what very senior people do at the gym. Many walk up and down the pool as of course it helps bear weight but keeps legs moving, but it that's out then its the walking treadmill. Before you say oh no never might as well walk ordinarily...it has BIG advantages. This is because its on the flat, nothing to trip, tho you can vary the gradient, and secondly, you have handlebars to hang onto. Yes - people supported by two sticks come and do some walking this way.

The other good apparatus is the chair bike. Yes you sit on a chair but can gently pedal.

will take my exercise hat off and hope that Scaredycat you had a better night last night and a warm wave to all BD's here,
and Annie any sign of being able to get help to get sorted yet?

Love to all.

Hi all x

Wyllow a chair bike doesn’t give thighs, hips, bottom, and back movement and no help for strength for standing when your sitting down x

Scaredycat yes keep walking, I was told in 1977 by a psychiatrist that walking was as important to mental health as
to physical health, I have proved him right all these years later.

Doodle my Mini Tornado had secret plans for last Saturday,
she was bringing her brother and sister with her so they could
help, on the Friday evening she told me and said it best if
they didn’t come, one had heavy cold, other had wracking cough, I stupidly said as a joke ‘if they came their next visit
would be for funeral’ she was distressed ,she wants me to live
forever. So she didn’t come incase she may had caught a cold from them , hope things are ok for you x

Not in bed, am so stressed, brother said he would do it then
changed his mind, son in law who isn’t would do it but working
away for two weeks, Carer said her husband would do it this
Saturday, wood they had ordered for new fireplace is ready for
collection this Saturday. I am really stressed my friends

How is everyone?

Annie- what a shame about the weekend but it really does show how much MT loves you. I,m sure they,ll all be over to see you when they are germ free. Hope they all get well soon.
I,m concerned about how you are managing to sleep because I thought you had got rid of your sofa. I hope you still have it and that the help you are waiting for is the rearrangement of furniture and getting the bed built. I understand your stress- wish there was something we could do to help.xxxxxxxx
Wyllow- better night thank you. Enjoy your yoga.
Take care allxxxx

Anniebach Sorry to hear about your GC but hope they'll be able to visit you very soon. You must be fed-up with not being able to get your furniture sorted out. Can it be arranged and sorted out at the weekend?
Doodle Have you thought of Zumba Gold? It's not fast like "ordinary" Zumba. I might start going again.
ScaredyCat Glad you had a better night. I had nightmares last night (can't remember what about) and woke up drenched in sweat at 5.30am (horrible). Anxiety is unpleasant.
Wyllow3 I think duvet days are good now and then. I know what you mean about the self-doubts. I think we on BD all get that sometimes. Be kind to yourself, you're a good person.
SweetPeaSue, Whiff, all on BD, I hope your day has been alright.

My son who passed his driving test on Monday wants to borrow my car at the weekend. That's fine, he's been on my insurance anyway, but I thought I'd better tell Admiral that he's now got a full licence. They said it'd be £25 to update that detail (over the 'phone) or £9.50 to change it online. AND it will cost an extra £144 as well! I think that's outrageous. xx

Scaredycat you made me laugh with your comment about Mr Cooper and the garden security. I can Imagine him with a peaked cap going Alo Alo what’s all this then ?
We went out for our walk this afternoon and it was quite warm. I wore a jacket and it was too much really.
I was up last night too…we could have had a chat. I was ok just my mind buzzing with things to do. We are going to the south coast for a few days and I was wondering what to pack.
Wyllow thank you for trying to help me get fitter. Now is the time I have to confess we have an exercise bike. I haven’t used it for ages as my legs ache so much when I do but I a, determined to start again when we come back from our few days away. I will report back on progress.
Annie I am trying to go for a walk every day. I think of you when I do.
Oh so sorry about your DGC. What a lovely surprise MT had to get them all over to you together. What a shame illness put a stop to it. Do hope they can visit soon.
So sorry the bed is causing a problem. Do hope you get help sorting it out soon. If sheer power of thought could do it all of us on BD could help. Hope you still have your sofa.
HVDY your post made me laugh too. I think you vastly overrate how mobile I am. Standing up is an issue let alone doing Zumba ?. Because of my asthma I find it hard to do much in the way of physical exercise. My knees are very fragile and once down on the floor my only way up is to crawl to a piece of furniture and push myself up with my arms. I do need to get fitter and lose weight (a lot of weight) so that is the aim. Between you and Wyllow helping I might just become fitter. ?‍♂️?‍♀️
Sorry about your nightmare. Awful when you can’t shake it off when you wake up.
Why on earth do they want to charge more now your son has passed his test. Bit odd really. These insurance companies really try it on.
Sweetpeasue Joce Whiff, Ellie Anne thinking of you too
I may be missing a bit between now and Tuesday as not sure if we will have wi fi connection at the coast. I will try and keep in touch but will be thinking of you all anyway. x

Doodle enjoy the coast.

Ah ha! the exercise bike, well yes will help with knees and weight loss, Annie yes right its not weight bearing.

Annie things are bleak for you atm, it seems as if every avenue cut off - just hope MT et al can come over soon for company as well as practical help.

Phew HVDY ££££ !!! Trouble is young men's car insurance is so high but even then,, it seems a lot. Sorry it was a horrible night.

Today was OK - gym, a new drop in/social MH group which may be Ok, once a month see how it goes, but not likely to produce friends, nicer was a Quaker Zoom tonight with some sharing.

Warm best night possible to all BD's including lurkers!

Can’t stop eating tonight. Crisps caramel wafer glass of wine ?. Am upset because the two friends I usually meet on Friday have both cancelled. I can’t stay in so will have to wander or have coffee on my own.

Doodle You must be fairly mobile, as you go walking. That's something I ought to do, but I'm too lazy and always drive. I get up from the floor in a similar way. I need to lose a LOT of weight, and can easily lose 1/2 a stone or so, but then do a lot of comfort eating when I'm sad/bored/worried.
Enjoy your break away.

Wyllow3 I've now paid the insurance. It's a lot, I think, but if it means he'll be able to borrow my car and take his girls out, that's ok - just until he gets his own car. Glad you had a good Zoom meeting. The gym sounds good, you never know, you might get to know others there.

EllieAnne What a shame about your plans being cancelled. Hope you manage to find somewhere to go. Are you confident enough to strike up conversations with strangers in shops/library/parks?

Hope everyone has a restful night. I fetched DH and Son1 back from the Nottingham Beer Festival at 10.45 - I had my pyjamas and dressing gown on - obviously in the car, or that would have been even more strange! x

Morning all

Tired as a tired thing but have coffee with Ex number 1 in Botanical Gdns midday (Sounds rather prolific but was with him for 28 years but we split partly as I was so ill and partly because we needed/wanted very different lives in 2007. But now get on well and of course have DS and family to chat about. And fresh air walk.

EllieAnne hope you manage a get out, sorry to hear of let downs.

HVDY the gym is indeed best place for future friends, atm I have to just accept CFS will get in the way for foreseeable and koko online chats for contact and it is great its there.

Hi all x

Doodle enjoy your few days away x

Wyllow it’s good you are meeting your ex husband, you
share grandchildren, x

Ellie Anne how is choir practice going ? x

Scaredycat I still have the sofa, i would like to tell my
younger daughter I don’t want the bed but I can’t do that, it is
causing such stress . Dame Kelly Holmes was interviewed yesterday, she spoke of her mental health problems and
stressed how important walking was and the link between
mental and physical health, so ? keep walking and have a hug x

How is everyone?

HVDY- nightmares are horrible aren’t they and sometimes stay with you all the next day. If I wake with a start during one it can kick off AF which is not pleasant in the night.
Seems daft that you have to pay all that for the Insurance if you didn’t before but I,m sure your son must be very grateful for your help.
Doodle- I hope you enjoy your visit to the South Coast- there are some lovely beaches - will you be near the White Cliffs?
Why do our minds decide to wake up at night - as if they haven’t been busy enough during the day!!!
The exercise bike will be a good idea when you get back- especially when the weather gets a bit nasty to walk.
Have a great time.
Wyllow- the Gym is I think a good place to meet friends. DH has a lovely group of friends at his.
It’s nice that you are friends with ex1- you will have had many shared experiences and your son and family too. Hope it goes well.
Tired as a tired thing- in tired land? Sounds like Blackadder !!!
Annie- can you have both the sofa and bed in your room? It’s a dilemma because it was so kind of your daughter to get the bed for you and I quite understand your reluctance to tell her. Can you talk to MT about it.
Yes I,ve seen Kelly Holmes this week on Loose Women. It is good to see her confidence blooming now . I bet she can walk a long way!! We,ve been out this afternoon in the rain!
Hug coming right back.
Love to all BDGxx

Hello all. Not sure if this will arrive but we have just had our evening meal., it rained on the way down but then we have a beautiful walk on the beach. No wind and quit still.
Wyllow glad you enjoyed your zoom tonight.
Ellie Anne sorry your friends have cancelled but don’t take it to heart. These things happen. We are here for you. I have had a glass of wine. Have one with me.
Hope you get to see you DGS soon.
HVDY when I say we go walking I mean we stroll. Very slowly. If I try walking at any speed I’m soon out of breath and my legs ache for days afterwards. We just potter along.
? you’re not the only one whose been out at night in pyjamas. I once picked up my son from a friend and was stopped by the police as I as driving too……slowly. I didn’t know the route and it was very dark. I had pyjamas on and had curlers in my hair ?. Don’t know what they must have thought.
Annie I can understand your DD thinking she was helping with the bed. Hope you get a work around soon.
Scaredycat not really near the white cliffs we are closer to Bournemouth but in between.
Had a most enjoyable beach walk. After what we’ve had to eat tonight the bike will be very necessary.
Take care all x