Black Dog 14

Wyllow- I,m so sorry you lost your sister not so long ago.
You seem to have a great friend in your other sister though- one who is kind and listens unjudgementally- a rare quality.
We are looking forward to series3 of HDM but are having to recap series 2 first. We don’t understand it all either but just love it. I wish we had Daemons.
EllieAnne- sorry that unpleasant person has caused you so much distress.Spend time with those who are good friends and enjoy their company. She sounds like a bully - just try and ignore her nasty tongue. I know that is easy to say as I too will mull over things in my mind over and over- always blaming myself.
Hope you,ve had a nice day today with your friend- she sounds a very nice person.
I,m sorry too that your GD has bullying problems- what is the matter with people that they want to spoil others lives.
HVDY- hope you too have had a nice day with your SiL at the day centre.I expect you enjoyed one of their lovely lunches.
Hope your DH gets something to help with his cough- so many people have been left with coughs after the awful colds that have been rife.
SweetPeaSue- thank you for your kindness. My sister is more peaceful mentally but still,physically uncomfortable. She’s my little” sister so it’s hard to think of her in pain.
Sorry you didn’t enjoy the Book Club. I think I,d find it hard to read a book to order. Have you got a new one now? We have Book Clubs in our WI but think there’s more chat than serious discussion!!
Hope you are ok today.

Yesterday evening we had more upsetting news. One of our GGS,s has to have tests for 2/suspected health problems . He,s only 7 which is young for the conditions in question. So much worry for us all and especially for my GD who has her own problems.
On a brighter note my son called to say he has at last received their Xmas present which we posted at the end of November!! Flippin Royal Mail strikes.
Love to all

Wyllow3 Yes, it's been a good day. I don't know about the girl having Psychologist appointment - I get news 2nd hand from Son1 (who isn't the dad). His ex (mum of our GDs) doesn't have anything to do with us, we're just civil in front of the children, and I haven't seen her (mum) for 3 months.

You do very well to do the gym and yoga. I need to get out a lot more (it's cold and I'm always alone so can't be bothered)

ScaredyCat That must be a great worry to you about your GGS. I hope whatever tests are going to be done that the condition can be treated effectively. Fancy the present taking all that time to get there. It was a nice surprise for your son, though. We had chicken curry and rice at the day centre, then cherries and ice cream. Nice. DH saw the GP, who prescribed an inhaler, and he's got to go back in 4 weeks. He' got to have a chest x-ray in between. The GP mentioned the possibility of COPD (he hasn't got any symptoms, only dry cough and breathlessness on any exertion). He was advised to lose weight to help with the snoring

HVDY its hard to get out isn't it? For me its because the gym is a warm familiar place of 20 years. Undemanding in terms of "people demands" as one can chose to engage or not, of you see what I mean.
But if I don't go lets get into TMI areas politely - I'd be buying Tena lady stuff, my yoga is very very targeted for a whole body stretch and constant pelvic floor stuff.
I am very blessed having this space, aren't I? Who would have known 20 years ago it would have been there for me through thick and thin. I even went there when I was an inpatient once well enough. (didnt let on, of course!)

Scaredycat it never rains but it pours for you at the moment - lots of health worries for N and D. Hoping GGS tests can provide a benign way forward.

About our sisters and cancer. My sister was much younger than yours. Doctor sister was making sure she got the right treatment, and not only that, but nursed her at home for her last month, it was only 4 months in total.

How can I put this without sounding weird? She was convinced all along that she would get better. The doctors realised that she and her husband could not tolerate her thinking it was a case of palliative care only We all had to pretend in phone calls and similar. She simply could not accept death was possible.

She never had a period of mental confusion or distress like yours is. Then she was taking massive amounts of morhene and "out of it"
My other sister wrote one week, "come and see her quickly there's not too long", then very shortly afterwards, "don't come because she will realise why you are here".

So although it was a shock and grief, very different from you watching the confusion and distress in her on a busy ward with the treatment situations atm, and your not knowing where things are going with her cancer and how distressed she might be feeling. xxx

Scaredycat I feel for you about the little one because when they are very ill one feels, it should be me suffering not them!
(remember my DGD is in that situation on and off and always will be) - pouring hope in all your directions for him.

Wyllow Ah, Tena Lady stuff - I am now familiar with those, now and then

I hope everyone on BD manages to have a restful night - ScaredyCat - you, especially, will be in my thought tonight x

Scaredycat I'm so sorry your sister is still very uncomfortable physically. That must be very hard to see. I hope her pain will ease quickly now shes more at peace mentally. We all agree that pain worsens with our mental state so could be the opposite happens now she's more settled in mind.
A walk and a chat with you would be wonderful, thankyou. 🙂
HVDY What a lovely day. Mmm Cherries n ice-cream. I hope your SIL's mood was such that she could take full enjoyment in her winnings. It's a lovely day-centre and must provide so much comfort and enjoyment to the people there. Its refreshing to hear of things that are working well in communities. We dont often hear of the good things. Oh I hope the inhaler helps your husband, though guessing the weight advice would be a bit depressing for him. Cant get picture out of my mind of you listening to heavy metal in car. You sound so much fun to be with. Think Id need a couple of paracetamol handy though! 😂
Doodle I hope youve had an easier day today. Also that your husband eventually managed some sleep last night. Your question about meeting people has given me much thought. I couldnt answer it in full here but it led me to think on huge self-esteem issues and just how much my whole life has been severely limited by this. I really mean, severely. My counselling today was all on this issue(before nearly all medical). Painful but necessary. I hope you have been ok today in yourself. It must be hard watching yourDH with so much going on.
Wyllow Oh no - - your poor tum. That Gym must be such a good place. Ive never been into an actual Gym before and Ive always thought they might be intimidating. Done step classes, keep fit and dance classes(long time ago!) As you say, extremely difficult to keep up self-care when we are v low and dont/cant engage with people.
Very sorry about your sister, thats an enormous loss. I dont think it sounded weird about your sister's reaction as my mum's was quite strange to me then, though the mind works in ways we dont always understand. With my mum she just didnt accept that she only had weeks left. We were devastated. We were there at end but never said goodbyes - - that was one of the worst things--pretending. I didnt want to. Mum did. Cant write more.
I do hope your ok. It must be so hard.
If ever you need to talk we're here. The stress and all must be taking it's toll on your physical health. Hope you sleep too.
EllieAnne Hope you are feeling a little easier now youve had a chat with your friend. Its probably going to be very uncomfortable to see the lady again in church but don't let this stop you.

Wishing all a peaceful night. X

Evening all.
A surprise visit to the Gp again today for DH. He grazed his elbow before Christmas and had a small scab for a few days. Yesterday we noticed the arm of his shirt was very wet and his arm seemed red and puffy. There is a tiny pin prick hole in his elbow which is seeping copious amounts of fluid. Nurse reckons it is infected and inflamed. Back on the antibiotics with instructions to go back tomorrow if it gets any worse.
Scardycat if you had a daemon, what would yours be?
Have you always looked after your little sister. I can understand how upsetting it would be to see her in pain or confused, I hope the hospital have the pain management team on board to make sure she’s kept as comfortable as possible.
Oh I’m so sorry about your GGS. That’s not nice for a seven year old. I hope things turn out ok. What a worry for you all.
I’ve been reading in the papers about so many people still waiting for Christmas presents to arrive. There was a woman in the hairdressers today who was saying her daughters Christmas gift had arrived today.
HVDY glad you had a good day (and nice meal) at the day centre. Hope the new inhaler helps your DH.
Hope your DGD and her half sister are ok. Bullying needs to be sorted out but so often is ignored by those who should be helping.
Wyllow I think I need the sort of exercises you are talking about too. I must get round to doing more pelvic floor stuff.
We had a set back today with our treadmill. We were hoping it would be delivered soon but hadn’t heard anything so I emailed the company only to be told our order had been cancelled and our money refunded. No apology or explanation of why. We were so disappointed. We have now ordered one from Amazon but it’s not due for another 2 weeks.
I’m glad you’ve got the gym. It sounds a good place for contact when you want it but only as much as you want.
What a sad and difficult situation with your sister. So sorry.
My SIL was one of four sisters. Three of them including her died of different forms of cancer over the space of 2 years.
Sounds like you were all close as sisters.

Ellie Anne I’m so pleased you have someone to talk to from church who knows what this woman can be like.
Sounds as though the woman in question used you when it suited her and then got uppity about something not directed at her later.
Glad you are meeting someone nice today that should lift your spirits. Sorry about your DGD too. Seems to be so much bullying around I don’t think this social media helps at all.
Hope you sleep tonight,
HVDY lucky SIL to win £50. Your secret Santa vase sounds a nice surprise.

Sorry My post is back to front. I didn’t realise when I posted that I’d missed the previous page of news.

DH is up and walking around. That’s the 4th time since 8pm.
Wish we had the treadmill for him to hold on to.
Annie hope you’re able to watch TV properly now.

*Doodle my goodness MrD and you are going through it!
Hoping the treadmill arrives sooner than expected, because if Mr D just has something he can DO as opposed to not be able to do.....

Sweetpeasue Just glad you did talk to counsellor about self esteem issues. (xxxxx)

Night night all, best nights possible.

Doodle Your poor husband has one thing after another. I hope the antibiotics work quickly for him.

Son2 has been texting with Son1. Apparently, our eldest GD(11)was punched in the face by some kid at school today (same school as her half sister). The school is "looking into it" but GD's mum isn't sending her to school tomorrow, thankfully. It's made me so angry and upset. Our GD is such a nice girl.

Oh HVDY This is just disgusting, and after the awful news about her step-sister. Surely the school needs to be putting bullying at the top of agenda and at the very least writing to parents and telling them they are doing so. I would be angry and upset too HVDY. Enough is enough. Honestly Im not sure how I'd react, especially knowing her step sister's condition. So sorry HVDY. Id be fuming.

I'd call the police in, this is a physical assault.

Bad night with depression and blocked tum; exhausted but am going to go to meet up with friend mid morning come what may. Apart from quakers and the gym, its my first "outing" for a month.
(maybe a cake will "do the job..." )

SweetpeaSue I hope the school will act quickly and have the parents of these kids in for a chat. (I wonder how bad things have to get before some kids get excluded).

Wyllow I am so helpless in all of this. If I had anything to do with it, I'd have reported it to the police. The mum of the girls works in a primary school and will need to go back to work soon (next week?) and she will be worrying about both of them. I think you should definitely have some cake. Enjoy your time with your friend.

I didn't sleep well last night - went to bed at midnight, had his sounding like a walrus all night (I looked up "Walrus sounds" on YouTube and he sounds just the same ), and then I kept thinking of both girls being bullied. My head feels odd because of lack of sleep (I got about 5 hours of broken sleep) so I might have a sleep this afternoon (something I never do) x

HVDY definitely go for the afternoon sleep. And you and DH need to takes turns? Can you clear the third bedroom even if it means a hassle with clutter?
You cant go on like this.

I rung gastro-doc sis. Take a load more laxatives she said I said after I've been out for cake. I needed her "permission" as its well above what one is supposed to take. Its just all things tough in my life all converged. I'll have to put on a "front" for friend (she's not close, but on my "one I want to knew better so's have friends to turn to" list.) I just get afraid of total block as have had in the past then operation.

HVDY I hope you manage a bit of sleep. Cant think what the answer is but is it possible to do what Wyllow suggests?
Wyllow That's so awful, you must feel terrible. I hope you soon get an appointment for the scans - you really need them. I really feel for you.
Hope you can enjoy a bit of a distraction with your friend. Savour every mouthful of cake before the damn laxatives!

Oh, I will...hope you are Ok, Sweetpeasue

Well I had the chance of perhaps getting to see my own GP this morning but Ive been ok all week now and thought Id just get on with things. Started with low pain, feels over lower uterus or bladder, just as we were coming back from town, with intermittent nausea. What the hell is it? Ive just plunged into despair again. Why can't anyone find out. No one will ever be held to account for this and how can I be believed if no one can diagnose it? I know there's lots of people worse off. Just needed to vent. Hope you'll understand. x

Wyllow Won't taking a lot of laxatives give you diarrhoea though? I hope you find a suitable solution (do you have Lactulose or anything like that?). I could, I suppose, move the dressing atble and drawers etc., from the small room but they'd need to go in the loft for storage - no room in my bedroom. I'd also need to buy a single bed. I keep thinking that this is only temporary until Son2 's house purchase is completed (March/April, hopefully).

SweetpeaSue Could you perhaps speak to your own GP on the 'phone today? The pain must drive you mad. I wish I knew what to suggest.

HVDY Its to be hoped it is only in the short term. See what you mean about the upheaval of moving stuff. Our surgery would never let you speak to a GP without appt, Ive tried it before.Found out she's there
Monday so will try then.
Husband just taken gas reading. Pass the smelling salts. 🙄

HVDY I can only pass diarrhoea, that's all my system allows, thats the norm, I get scared when it won't even do that. I've had some kind of constriction on or within the bowel that only lets that through, for about 4 months, hence colorectal appointment 1st Feb. Gastroenterologist sis is my point of ref for which laxatives, its a combo of two (because they all act in different ways). (background 3 bowel operations after a messed up operation when I had an undiagnosed burst appendix way way back and it was left until the toxic stuff had spread all over and not cleaned out enough)

I can see what an upheaval moving that stuff up to the attic would be. Third bedrooms are often tiny in so many houses.

Aw, Sweetpeasue you need to get that GP onside for continued care. If I were you, (which I'm not, and have no right to suggest this except for the realities of seeing GP atm) I'd talk about it as a MH crisis as well as physical one, for some of the feelings you get at times - the end of tether had enough - are part of the overall picture.
I'm so sorry the pain returned, the only comfort I can offer is that you did have a better patch and there is no reason that can't return.

I actually had a lovely time nattering to friend, all the anxieties about it not going OK proved wrong, we have a lot in common in terms of life patterns and of course she is a Quaker - not that we talk religion, as we don't. But b*******r it after a sleep I woke in a bad panic quite serious which is lifting as I write (thank you to anyone reading!!!) but needs keeping an eye on as in the past its been a precursor to long black hole. but psychologist did say, "ring any time" so I hold that in my thoughts.

Wyllow Thankyou. You are a minefield of information and understand. Its so difficult to see my GP, only on 2 dys a week at most and Ive begged for F2F twice since September when I had last op.
Your bowel problems sound so terrible and they are similar to the way mine behaved when I needed A&E in March. Just in that, even with (TMIalert) diarrhoea I was running to loo and around 70% of time not passing anything (and worse). I expected them to know but no one did. There was nothing on scans, but scans dont show adhesions do they? Mine seems to have mostly settled now since he cut the adhesion in September. Yours sounds absolutely terrible and it would be amazing if you didnt panic and be affected psychologically. Especially after everything youve been through. Its horrendous.
I think waking from sleep and the moment all the nightmare hits you is such a frightening time. I wish there was something I could say.
Thank goodness for your good meeting with this new friend. We all need each other in life dont we? Take care.

Sweetpeasue not wishing to create envy but...I'm on a deal with Brit Gas atm that lasts till October - after that its going to hit! But I hope you won't cut down on feeling warm enough, if you can afford it, comfort is very very important.

Missed your kind reply, thank you!