Black Dog 15

Hi all.
Wyllow- I really don’t know how you deal with the continual harassment and nastiness your ex continues to inflict on you. Good idea to just ignore his calls as I guess blocking him would only provoke him. Your Sis is right - ignore him and maybe eventually he,ll get the message. You now deserve some peaceful time to rebuild your confidence and your life. I too remember when you were supposed to meet a couple of months ago.
So pleased you have your friends meet up to look forward to - you deserve happiness and just the gentle pleasures that many just take for granted xx
HVDY- that’s a long time for the rash to go - hope you are more comfortable today. What a lot you,ve done already- you certainly have a lovely repertoire of meals- will DH eat the Raghu - bet he doesn’t like veg much either!!I don’t have roots anymore just silver- ok grey!!
SweetPeaSue- glad you don’t have to wait too long for your scan. Good job you had to have that urine test hopefully the antibiotics will nip whatever it is in the bud. Hope you find something nice to do todayxx
Doodle- I think it’s lovely how much joy you get from attending church- what a lovely start to Lent. I have vague memories of going to church when I was at schoolon Ash Wednesday and getting a smudge of Ash on my forehead. Then thinking no sweets for 6 weeks😩
Hope you and DH are having a good day and not too many aches and pains from the treadmill.

No real news re my sister only that my BiL mentioned she might go home in 3 weeks however she is- she can’t even walk to the bathroom unaided!! The practicalities involved are enormous. Maybe she will be stronger then but such a long way to go.
I feel so tired with all that is going on and constant AF. But trying to stay positive and enjoy the times with friends and family. You are all so brave that you inspire me to not be so ‘scaredy’.
EllieAnne,Whiff, Nadaturbe and whoever may be reading this hope you have a peaceful evening

Scaredycat You are so NOT Scaredy! Youve been through so much in your life and are still battling through with your AF, tinnitus and awful anxiety issues. It will be lovely if yiur sister can come home in 3 weeks. I know you are concerned about her mobility and being so fragile and weak, but she may improve by then, I hope so. I'm sure everyone feels so much better at home, if they are able. Perhaps uour BIL can check with hospital if they can provide any equipment to help too. I would think the AF will cause tiredness but also the worry and anxiety. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to rest and enjoy your time with family. x

What a nice morning there Doodle, and bests for better sleeps for you both.

Waves to all BD's just been to sleep a lot of the day. (and fortunate to do so, as I know many BD's dont have the option!

How are we all this evening?
Sweetpeasue is your DH a good hairdresser? I cut my DHs hair during lockdown. Don’t think he was too impressed.
Good thing your GP was on the ball with the urine infection.
HVDY has your DH got any plans for when he retires? Does he have any hobbies or something to do?
Church was good. They are a nice bunch of people. Coffee after is always interesting.
Scaredycat I enjoy church now. Didn’t like it when I was a child it was too much hell, fire and damnation. Current church is very friendly and open to everyone of all faiths and none. All are welcome to come and receive a blessing if they want one.
I can’t see how your sister can go home in such a condition unless your BIL is fully capable of looking after her, otherwise she will need care until she recovers her strength.
Not surprising you’re tired. Worry can make us exhausted too.
Please remember to look after yourself. Hope you sleep well tonight.
Wyllow thank you. Take rest when you feel like it.
Sleep well everyone.

Doodle Thankyou for asking after us all this evening. My DH has absolutely NO experience in cutting hair. He hates me asking. Because Im afraid of sitting in public hairdressers I am less afraid of DH cutting an inch off length, but my hair is an absolute mess. It makes me so embarrassed. I cut my husbands hair in lockdown too. He wasn't impressed either! 😂
I went to Pentecostal church for a few years. It was quite heavy but I 'needed' it at the time. Mum was a Sunday school teacher in Cof E when she was 16 for a few yrs. She nearly married a minister who went overseas. She always believed in God and was honest but she wasnt a pious person and was very outspoken and strongminded and a fun person.
Hope you and your husband have a restful night. x

ScaredyCat You've been through such a lot, and had so many worries about your family. 3 weeks is time for your sister to get mobile - I'd think that the Physios will try to get her up, using a frame (I had a Delta frame when I first went home, after only 2 attempts at using it). The hospital arranged with Red Cross to provide the equipment I needed (bed guard, commode, perching stool, bath board). They will arrange carers, if needed.

Doodle My husband reckons he'll have his motorbike on the road (it's been in the shed for 10 years, he spent time building it up, replacing parts, etc) when he retires. I hope you and your husband had a decent night.

Wyllow Have a rest whenever you need to. Are you going to the gym today?

SweetpeaSue I hope your pain is subsiding.

I'm going to the day centre with my SIL this morning. My legs are very slightly less swollen than usual, so I hope they'll be back to normal soon, thanks all for asking. Hope all BDers have a good a day as possible. The sun's shining x

How has everyone's day been going? Mine went awry - the GP rang my husband, said a blood test yesterday showed signs of possible clots in his body, so she wanted him to go pick up a letter from her and go to A&E. We got there at 10am, were sent to the CT clinic. There, we were told DH needed to be seen by a doctor in A&E first. Back we went. The receptionist there read the GP's letter and passed it to a colleague. A nurse called DH in, triaged him, wanted to see the letter. Off she went to fid it. It had, apparently, been passed to a consultant. We sat back in the waiting area. The automatic doors were broken, so were open the entire time. The heating was broken, too. It was bloody freezing in there . We waited and waited. By 3.15, DH said he wasn't going to wait any longer, so walked out and we came home. I've since rang the surgery, asked if the GP would make an actual appointment for a chest CT do be done. No reply. DH is adamant he won't go back to A&E. That's been the day so far..........

I hope everyone is alright x

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- thanks for being so kind. Yes my BiL says that they would be provided with things to help when my sister eventually goes home.
I hope you feel better today and have been able to get out and do something nice
I am another lockdown hairdresser- not good😩
Wyllow- I do hope the good sleeps from yesterday have helped and you feel more lively today. Maybe a bit of gym? Hope too you,ve had no more unpleasant hassle .
Doodle- thank you. I did sleep better last night even though AF still performing.
At the moment I still can’t see how my sis and DH can manage in their house. To me a stairlift would give her the freedom to be both upstairs and down but they don’t want one. She also has osteoporosis and osteoarthritis plus the cancer so to me the stairs are a permanent hazard. We shall see.
HVDY- thank you for your encouraging words. Maybe I,m thinking the worst as usual but her stairs are very steep and to me hazardous. She has only just been helped by the physio to get to the loo with a frame- the loo is in her room I believe so not far. But you have personal experience of rehab so thank you. I just want her to be safe.
Oh dear I,ve just seen your latest post. What a fiasco of a time you both had. I would have thought with a Doctors letter you would have just been seen asap. What a worry for you I,m so sorry. Your DH needs and deserves a proper appointment- I would have thought your GP would be very angry at the treatment he received. Hope tomorrow things get sorted.

Today I met up with friends from my old Art Class for coffee and a chat. It was so nice to do something that felt like old times . I,ve felt worn out lately with one thing and another so it came at just the right time.
Love to all

HVDY That is just terrible service. I would have contacted my MP immediately. I hope you get seen tomorrow. So sorry, just an awful worry for you both x

Evening all. What a day! Took car in for MOT and service and sat and waited for it to be done. Very comfortable area to wait in but we were there for four hours. Then went for Waitrose shop. Exhausted when we got home.
Had pizza for dinner tonight. Nice treat as we don’t often have salty fat food. 😋
Time for coffee now. Wish I was having some chocolate with it 😥
Sweetpeasue couldn’t you have a mobile hairdresser visit your home and do your hair there?
I am lucky to have found a church that I like. I do believe but I wouldn’t count myself a good Christian. I have faith but not strong enough to get me through. I strive to be better.
HVDY oh how well I understand your situation. DH is adamant about not going to A&E too. I think you should pursue this with the surgery tomorrow as blood clots are potentially very serious (sorry you know this already) is he taking aspirin? Please try and persuade him to go and be seen. It is important.
Scaredycat how is your Bil health and fitness wise? Is he able to look after your sister. For example would she be happy with him helping with personal hygiene? No need to answer that here but I have heard of people being sent home with promise of help only for it not to be available.
My SIL was adamant she didn’t want a stairlift. Unsightly, didn’t want her house cluttered…….wouldn’t have managed without it and constantly used it when she did get home. Sometimes people need a reality check and to understand their limitations.
Glad you had a nice time with your art class friends. You need something relaxing and pleasant.
Hope everyone is ok.

Sorry I haven't been able to answer people. Very conscious of not doing so. Hopefully post tomorrow. All takes energy.
Doodle, I am a believer, however I admit to not understanding suffering. I think you are very strong. Be kind to yourself.

HVDY That's so terrible what's happened today. Like Doodle, I too can understand how frustrating it is to try and force your other half to get seen to. Your situation is serious. Afraid A&E just doesnt have the staff to cope and they can make bad decisions under stress. It takes a will of iron proportion and huge persistence to fight to be seen. Everything seems to have been against you both today. I fear my DH might have got angry and not waited any longer too. I do hope your GP can sort something out tomorrow. Its so important that he's seen as quickly as possible which you will know too well so you must be so worried and frustrated. Perhaps your DH will be willing to try and get seen tomorrow after a rest. I'm so sorry.
Scaredycat I like your term 'lockdown hairdresser' There were plenty of us in that weird time weren't there? So pleased you managed to meet up with friends today. It can distract from worries, or give you the relief of talking about some to people who understand. You will want everything just right for your sister coming home to improve and strengthen her health. Some good suggestions here from other BDs aren't they?
Doodle Ive looked into the mobile hairdresser thing Doodle and there are a couple, thanks. I dont think many have unshakeable, constant belief in God or a God. Constant struggle. I hope you have a decent night tonight with DH RLS. Your experience with car MOT mirrored exactly what happened once to my husband some yrs ago. He never went back to that garage again. Isnt it a cheek? They could at least inform you of what it all entails but I think they try and get extra work to bump price up too.

After hearing others awful day, Im quite glad I didnt wade in with mine earlier. Running to loo most of day and couldnt see son again or go out anywhere. This last week had to turn down son's invite to dinner, not been able to see GS. Now GS back with his mum. V sore and really at worst. Only ever rang son once in this state but rang him in complete meltdown. I just needed him. Ive given up hope and everythings a mess. Ive not got chronic pain thats because of stress or anything to do with brain signals. Its because something is wrong physically. Im frightened of wrong label. I cant cope with any more. Ive thought of BD and how its helped but I cant keep leaning on everyone. I just want to say how very much BD has helped me so far.
We all have such difficult problems and struggles and we all are there for each other even though I know we're often so tired with everything. Its extraordinary this kindness.
I feel there was real connection with son today. Perhaps it wasnt too bad of me to collapse in heap-I dont know.

Wishing all of you a peaceful night and mind. X

Nadateturbe You are kind to post any words at all. We understand you have such major energy problems with your CFS/ME. Such a terrible thing to have as extra burden for you is that so many dont understand. I havent walked in your shoes, not having ME/CFS, but I understand completely the feeling of needing to be believed. Take care x

I’ve been in my church for years and of course it’s had its ups and downs. Lately I’m struggling with it and my faith is weak. But I’d be worse without it.
Hvdy that was a horrible experience at a and e. I hope you can get help.
I’ve not been sleeping well so hoping for a better night tonight.
Thinking of you all.

Sweetpeasue thank you, so kind. I am actually trying to write a comment but I have to do it gradually on my laptop while referring to the post on my phone. Ridiculous I know.
In the meantime I am so sorry to hear of your terrible day.
Can you not ask your MP to complain. Is this possible? You need some help. There has to be some way to get listened to.
When I have a complaint I write an email and cc it you anyone I can think of who is relevant. It works. There is an Ombudsman, but I'm not sure when it is appropriate to use that.

I think our sons are old enough now Sweetpeasue although its hard to make that transition being needy from being Mum who's there for them, I'm only part way on that transition so don't think its easy.

Days like you've had its hard to find the light in life. Hard to feel you are believed, but don't give up the search for the origins of your suffering physically. I believe that you can't separate the physical and mental totally but the physical has to be taken absolutely seriously.

HVDY I'm appalled what happened to you today: yes get onto GP first thing: they need to RING A and E and kick off a fuss.

Ah, Scaredycat: that accepting we are failing and need, say a stair lift: I always think oh I'll accept it gracefully, but when it comes down to it, who can say. I fight CFS and its demands!

Tell them what you think, but after a point, it's a hard lesson they will have to accept for themselves, logic doesn't come into it. Ex's Mum my MIL fought carers and was rude and impossible: in the end, she has accepted them. I spent a lot of time over a year ago now trying to help an elderly quaker, who was expressing suicidal thoughts, and rung our mutual GP and she was prescribed stuff and then gave up for this and that reason, and in the end the GP said Wyllow you have to accept (as long as they have capability) people have the right to make their own choices, be it the hard way.

Yes, I did struggle to the gym, and then emerged to find another tirade from Ex, quite threatening, because I hadn't replied. I rung sis for advice, and we unpicked his text, and it has seemingly finally dawned on him that I will not be there for him in anyway meaningful ie the wife/therapist that tries to put his pieces together for him.

So I have stepped into his category of People to Bitterly Blame, which I avoided for a long time: I do fear at times, but the reality has always been words not deeds. I had some peace of mind this afternoon, as if a rubicon had been crossed: I shall continue not to reply, and of course contact the police if serious threats really do continue, he is known to them. He is on a personal wrecking mission hitting out. Yes sometimes fear he will take it out on himself, which held me back for a long time, but I suppose its another case that people have to make their own destiny if they refuse help.

As regards the spiritual life, I never have believed that there is a god that can change our personal destiny or choose to inflict suffering or the opposite. Perhaps closer to the Buddhist sense that creation is a sort of chaotic order, but we can choose to try and choose compassion to self and other. There meditation on Compassionate Love is key to their belief system.

Yet I do sometimes get comfort from the old hymns and religious music: there is some wonderful music in the Messiah, like "Come unto Him, all ye that labour, come unto Him that are heavy laden, and He will give you rest.
Take his yoke upon you, and learn of Him, for He is meek and lowly of heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls."

but best experienced in situations where we trust those around us. I dont even think we have to "believe in god" to find comfort in these songs, there is many a pop song that somehow hits the mark at times. (tho I cant say I find it easy to listen to love songs at all).

A very long day there Doodle. Phew. No wonder you wanted the choc. Bests for this night ahead.

xxxxto all BD's reading and posting.

Cross posted Ellie Anne and nadateturbe best nights both, hoping its sunny tomorrow for all.

Yes Ellie Anne faith comes and goes despite what I write!

Just a quick note - it's been a long day. The GP DID ring back, said she'd spoken to a Consultant on an acute ward at the hospital, and that they'd do the CT scan if we went straightaway. We did, and got there at 5.30. DH had his BP and an ECG done, saw the Consultant at 6.30, who aske him lots of questions (they hadn't got his medical records, they said), then we had to wait for him to have a chest x-ray, which was done at 10pm. We then had to go back to that ward, he was given a strong clot-busting tablet, and we were told he'd need to go back tomorrow for a chest CT. Someone from that ward is going to ring him in the morning to tell him what time to go. We got in 10 minutes ago and are knackered. I'll post tomorrow. Hope everyone has a good sleep tonight. x

Nadateturbe Im so grateful for you caring but I really dont want you to exert yourself too much on my behalf. Actually, my sister wrote to an MP about me, as she was worried, but of course. as I already knew, his reply was needing my input but its so difficult to complain against NHS, I didnt think it wise. I dont think Id win the fight. The Ombudsman, as far as I know, has a huge amount of complaints and are only able to take on a small amount. I dont think I'll take it further complaint wise, but my DH thinks different. I don't know. Please sleep well. I so appreciate your caring. Sending sincere wishes for your own, very real and personal issues mental and physical, to improve soon. Take care of yourself Nadateturbe and thankyou. x

Oh my, so much from eberyone that I missed in last post. Cant reply right now as I'm so heavily medicated. Love to all. So glad your DH has been seen HVDY. x

Thank goodness HVDY! Waiting for news tomorrow.

HVDY What a horrendous day. Hope you both had some good sleep. And that the hospital appointment goes well today.

Morning all, just a quick visit to say Hello to all. I’ve had such a busy last few days - half term here plus other things going on. I’ll catch up properly over the weekend but just to say I’m thinking of you all and hope you are all the best you can be xxxx

Hello everyone.
This is me attempting to answer/comment. I am doing it on a draft email and then copying it to GN, which means I can take breaks.

HVDY, you (and someone else) asked about my being lonely. I think I have mostly adapted and cope. But then sometimes the situation just gets me, as I’m sure you can all relate to. We cope well, and suddenly we don’t. And then it passes. I am in U3A, but haven’t attended anything recently except a monthly meeting, no energy. I am also in an art class and group. This means if I miss one there’s a chance I’ll make the other. I waste a lot of money paying for classes, and not going, but luckily I can afford it. I find doing jigsaws very relaxing, whilst listening to music.
Your ailment sounds so painful, HVDY I haven’t heard of it before. I hope the rash clears up soon. Your husband sounds like a character, men are such funny creatures. I sometimes have to work hard at persuading my husband to throw out a top that is really tatty and not even fit for gardening in. And he will happily wander about the house or read a bookfor hours (he was a librarian and you would know!)and be very content.
I hope your BP stays ok. I think meditation is good for BP.
Wyllow3, I remember you arranging to meet your ex. It’s so difficult living with the stress of him continually contacting you. I really don’t know how you cope.
And the stress will definitely exacerbate the CFS. I do hope some resolution is found, because it’s a terrible way to live. You sound more isolated than me. CFS is so limiting. Especially if you have been a social person. I do live in hope of getting better, or as I see it managing the illness so that I have better quality of life. I was diagnosed in 2006, but you’ve got to have hope.
Scaredycat AF is very scary. I suffer from it on and off, but the consultant doesn’t think anything needs done. When I injured my head it was full on for about four days and then just went. I do vagus nerve exercises and that helps at times. t’s much milder than yours, and I worry at times, so I understand how you must feel. I think cardiologists are very careful though, and will give you any treatment that is needed.
Sweetpeasue thank you for your kind comments. I hope the antibiotics help. UTIs can cause confusion, but not the usual symptoms. I buy the test sticks so I can check myself. Bowel problems can make you prone to them.
Doodle, what a long wait for MOT. In NI we get our car serviced at a garage. Then go to an MOT centre. The apppointment takes about 20 minutes.
Your church sounds lovely. I made it to church last week, first time in ages. It’s so good to be with others, isn't it? much better than watching the service on youtube.
Thank you for your kind remarks about posting. Very thoughtful.
Ellie Anne my faith keeps me going.
Sorry I have left some folk out and have only talked briefly to others. I don't know how you all manage to post so much.
Thinking of you all however and hoping you all have had as good a day as possible, and have a peaceful evening.

nadateturbe thank you for your energy spent here, it was good to have little glimpses into your life, I can picture the Wandering Librarian. Glad you have these "Can go to groups" emotionally the "possibility" matters.
I count myself fortunate to more recently have found companionship in reading a bit and music: jigsaws, never tried, can you read, or do you lack concentration?

The real problems with separation from Ex are two: it's hard to know if threats are mere bluster (tho as time goes on, they have always been to date): and the gap between the love he professed and the way he treated me, a confusion of having believed something and how much of it was there? Whereas with first Ex we loved, still were fond, but had moved apart and necessarily had to separate. Issues, but no guises nor pretence. Nothing like this has ever happened to me in my life before, there is no road map.

I had a lovely natter with a Quaker I think I can now call her a "friend" over a cuppa at local cafe this morning, I continue to be surprised tho like many of us before I am sure I won't be able to come, do I really want to do this or hide away, blah blah. As long as I get my afternoon sleep.

Candy I'm so glad you popped in, looking forward to hearing from you when you're ready.

Thinking of you all, as ever, but immediately HVDY whats happening for you today?