Black Dog 22

Really not too good. Missing seeing my gds because of school holidays and missing my usual activities.
Wish my family were close enough to pop in for a quick hello but I know many others are in the same situation,

Can't post. Need to rest eyes. Eye clinic appointment tomorrow as bad pain last night..
Love to everyone. Sleep well.x

Wave back from last night nadateturbe, I hope the eye clinic goes OK.

It’s nice what you carry around with you, Ellie Anne. Whatever was in your deleted post - warmest thoughts.

I’m really sorry for your nearly constant pain, HVDY, and how hard it is to ID. I would pay for that MRI if it wasn’t too much, do hope thats possible. “I think sitting and resting then doing a bit of movement might be the thing to do.” This makes real sense to me.

*Sweetpeasue you are dong a lot more but the constant worry about DH is clearly exhausting.

Doodle unless your condition requires a separate room I’m sure they will be really glad you are OK on a ward - others want own rooms - do please ask them soon to relieve your mind x

Today a tiny bit better as had my worker and a walk. But no news of carers yet and my worker cant see me every week, scared about that, its a resources issue not needs based.
its the only time I get out except for supermarket and I can tell her everything I don’t like to share with anyone, but a professional.

It’s being alone and feel not there and unreal. Changes in meds? Tried so many, there haven’t been any suggestions. I can ring crisis lines but mainly using distraction/online posting makes me feel in touch.
Sense of faith has gone but it’s always like that in depressions.

At 7pm today my CH/hot water crashed. Rung my plumber and surprised he can come tomorrow, but it means missing my afternoon sleep so it will be tough as well as putting on “normal person’ face, exhausting.

Night night to all BD's whether in today, just reading xx

Evening all, had a long catch up again. My I-pad died so I’ve had to catch up on my phone so sorry if I’ve missed anything.
Doodle I’m so sorry you are struggling so much. You are obviously such a lovely caring person as even through all the anguish and sadness you are experiencing, you manage to post such caring posts to others. That in itself shows what type of person you are and I hope you can find a way of coping with all that’s been thrown at you. I’ve heard good things about Cruse and I hope they are able to help you. They are obviously very experienced in this field and should have some answers. I understand a little about your anxiety issues. The panic when you can’t do anything to reassure yourself is crippling. I don’t know if you’ve heard of them, but there’s an organisation called “No Panic”. They offer a helpline manned by volunteers and they also do a “crisis message” for out of hours. It takes you through the breathing exercises you need to do when going through a panic attack. I’ve used it many times and have played it on repeat when I was bad at night. It may help. I’ve also got an app on my phone called Calm. They do all sorts of things but I use their sleep stories to help me get to sleep. It helps with negative thoughts as it re-focuses the brain. It won’t work when you’re in full panic mode but it does help for sleep. You may have had all sorts of suggestions but I thought I would share what has helped me a lot. I hope you have had a reasonable day today.
Sweetpeasue I’m glad you managed to get the meds for your DH sorted and that he has at last got some appointments. It must have been so hard for you, frustrating and stressful but hopefully you are on the road to a recovery plan for him now. I resonate with your feeling of having a “heavy heart” over your concerns for DH. I have the same over worries about GS but trying to “carry on”. Nice you had your DGS the other day. Must have lightened the load a little.Sending ❤️.
HVDY glad you managed to get to York. I’ve never been. Planned a trip but lockdown happened. On the list. You seem to be in so much pain and it must be so difficult for you. You probably already know, but amitriptyline is good for pain. It’s an older type of AD that they use for pain relief. I suppose though because you already take AD’s they would have to check for contraindications. My DH had to use it in lockdown. He developed bad shoulder pain and couldn’t move. He couldn’t lie down in bed and had to lie on the sofa to try to sleep so he could sit up. He had amitriptyline and it helped. The first night he took it, he had the first nights sleep he’d had in weeks. Like I said, sorry if I’ve repeated what you already know.
Nadaterturbe sorry you had to return from your caravan which must have been so frustrating for you but like you said, no point in being there in the rain when you’re more comfortable at home. It’s the same with us. So disappointing. We’re hoping to go tomorrow but will look at the forecast in the morning. That’s the beauty of it though I suppose, you can pick and choose. Lovely painting too. I hope you have had a good day today.
Wyllow so sorry you are struggling a lot. You are doing well on your good days and I’m glad you are in contact with your sister again. Try to keep that going if you can, I’m sure it will help you to have contact with loved ones. It must be frustrating for you not to have the motivation to do things but you will get around to these things when you are well again. Try to focus on that. I hope you get your care worker sorted soon. Our NHS system is broken and lots of people are suffering needlessly. That doesn’t help you at this time though I know. Sending ❤️.
Jaffacake2 welcome. I’m sorry for all the problems you are experiencing. I hope your daughter’s health problems are sorted soon. Sometimes it seems like everything comes at once doesn’t it? Do you take any meds for your mental health? They are not always the answer I know but they have certainly helped me. Not a cure as such, but help you cope. You’ll always get support on here. It’s a good place to be.
Ellie Anne never doubt your mothering credentials. It’s clear you have been a good mum and love your children dearly. Young people lead busy lives and sometimes can appear uncaring, but they do and when they don’t act like we want them to, it hurts. Try to let it go. I hope you have seen some sun today. Rained all day here which does nothing for my mood.
Scaredycat hope you are enjoying your holiday despite the unpredictable weather. So disappointing. I hope your energy levels are ok and you are managing some rest if not. Good luck for good weather for the rest of your holiday.

Have run out of time now as I’m so tired. I’ve done quite well the last few days and have not had my sleep in the afternoons. Some I can sleep for 2/3 hours but them it catches up on me at night. Thats a better rothoughni suppose. I went to GP the other day as I thought I may have sleep apnea. I’m tired a lot and I snore a lot (as confirmed by DH so I sleep in another room most nights). Test at GP was borderline but she didn’t think I had it and I have to consider whether I want the CPAP machine. I don’t think I do tbh. My brother has it but had more severe symptoms than me. I decided I’d sit on it a bit and see. Hope all have a restful night and love too to all those not personally mentioned. Night all xx

EllieAnne Would it be possible for you to travel to see your family? I know you saw your daughter and had a long journey, though. How about swimming, aqua aerobics, or something like that? Walking groups? There surely must be something happening locally. It's not easy to join a new group, but it could be worth trying.

nadateturbe Hope all goes well at the eye clinic today.

Wyllow3 Thank you. I will pay for an MRI, I'm waiting for someone to get back to me about it. I'm sorry you're so low. Being alone isn't good for anyone, let alone a person with MH problems, but then depression is not wanting to be with people, either. It's a vicious circle. Keep up contact with your sister and your online things, too. Your plumber sounds good, being able to come at short notice. Hope he sorts it quickly and isn't there too long.

Candy6 Thanks. York is great, lots of things to do (if you're ok walking) but there are sightseeing buses as well. (we didn't get on one, we drove everywhere and managed to park with my blue badge). I know about Amitriptyline, but it can react very badly with the Mirtazapine (I'm on the highest dose). My husband is waiting for an appointment for a test to see if he's got sleep apnoea. His snoring is so very bad. I hope the weather is good enough today for you to enjoy a caravan break.

It's another grey morning (although I prefer these temperatures to hot weather). DIL's birthday today, so we gave her her presents on Wednesday. She, Son2 and children are going away for the weekend, so I'll be looking after the cats (DH will need to help, their house is split level so 7 steps up to the kitchen). Hope ALL BDers manage to see a bit of sunshine today x

Thank you for your suggestions. I m thinking of going to see dd but even thinking about it gets me stressed. Train or car, do es she actually want me etc. yes I could go to both sons but I really need to be invited and they are all busy with work.
I’m on a fb page for a couple of walking groups but haven’t plucked up the courage to go yet. Most of the walks are too far away or too long for me. Sounds like a lot of excuses but they are real to me.and the more I am alone the harder it is to mix.
Sorry I such a negative post.
I am meeting 2 friends for coffee this morning and am sitting in the car park stomach churning and not wanting to go in. Oh well better just get on with it!

EllieAnne I know you don't like the idea of taking antidepressants, but something else to help your anxiety might be an idea (betablockers perhaps). Don't wait to be invited by your sons - Suggest to them you'll visit on such and such a day, as you haven't seen them for a while. Go, take a bunch of flowers for their partners (if they have partners) or a cake to share. Go and see your daughter, she will probably be glad to see you, as she's got MH problems, I think?

My brother is exactly the same - he hasn't been to my house for 2 years (or is it 3?), doesn't want to meet up, dismisses every suggestion I've made - I looked up about 8 groups local to him that he might join, gave him the websites/tel no/email, but he just stays alone and wonders why he's lonely. I'm the only person he's got, and I don't know what else to do to help him. Don't push people away/dismiss ideas/isolate yourself. Every first step to something new (although daunting) could be the beginning of something better.

Resting my eyes, luckily do not treatment at this stage. Have lots of drops. Have read and thinking of you all.
At hospital at 8am. Public holiday in NI today. But hospital staff working hard, eye casualty extremely busy. Saw all the nightshift staff heading home. Wonderful people.

Sorry but not able to think straight and post properly to all.
* Candy* Hope your worries about DGS will just turn out to be temporary and things resolve.
Wyllow It doesn't seem right that you're not getting any better . I wonder if you could suggest the medication doesn't seem to be very helpful and they could try something different. Sorry if I'm quite wrong over this- guess I'm just stabbing in the dark. Hope you got the plumbing job over and fixed.
Doodle How are you today? I think of you often and pray for you . You are so helpful to others. I don't know what I'd have done without BD and your caring in the early days. Sending a hug.
HVDY So sorry for all of your pain. Trying to rest and avoid the movements that aggravate is all I can think of but of course you're already doing all that. Kind helpful words for EllieAnne.
EllieAnne Perhaps a visit to your DD might help , though it's a long way so I understand if you're not up to it. Hope meeting the friends helped even though you didn't feel like it when you posted.
Nadateturbe So sorry for your poor sore, painful eyes. That must be horrible. Hoping the drops will help. It's true hospital staff are so busy and it must be so hectic at times. Glad they're nice at your eye casualty. Take care of yourself. Hope you can still do the jigsaws.
Scaredycat Hope you have sun where you are but I'm thinking just staying dry would be appreciated. We are further down from where you are but quite chilly. Wrap yourselves up warm!

Feel very tired and ache a lot. DH's headaches are much better with higher dose. Just worried about the inflammation in the arteries and continuing high BP.

Hope all have a peaceful and restful night. Love to all not mentioned.

Thanks for the lovely hymns posted. Sending big hugs to everyone who needs them. So many in pain or sad or depressed. KOKO. xx.

Ellie Anne I’m missing some of my activities due to summer holidays too.
Are your granddaughters on holiday? Could you not take them out for the day somewhere, local park or something?
Hope you had a good time with your friends. I have to steel myself to meet people too. With regards walking, have you tried the website Sport in Mind, they sometimes do local walks that aren’t to far. Try looking for talking tables locally where people meet to chat.
nadateturbe hope you’re eyes are not too painful. Good you don’t need treatment, Hope the drops help.
Wyllow I wish you had more help. Good you had a bit better day today.
Please keep posting here. It’s nice to keep in touch with you.
Are you having to pay for the careers yourself?
Candy thank you for all your useful suggestions. I have heard of Calm I’m going to look into it now. I think it’s a good idea. Thank you,
Those CPAP machines can make a noise too can’t they? Hope you sleep ok tonight.
HVDY isn’t it awful you have to pay for services because the waiting list is too long. I don’t blame you for wanting the MRI sooner. Life is on hold while you’re in pain and suffering.
Good suggestions for Ellie Anne
Sweetpeasue thank you for caring so much. Pleased your DHs headaches are better but also understand the worry of the inflammation and high BP.
Hope you manage to get out and about this weekend. Have a coffee somewhere maybe or a nice walk.
Scaredycat where in the NE are you now? Hope you arrived safely and are comfortably settled in your hotel. What are you doing over the weekend?

Hi all.
Well we made it to the coast- at least it’s not raining!
EllieAnne- good idea to consider the train to your DD. You wouldn’t have the stress of that long drive. She will be glad to see you- Daughters need their Mums. Sons do too of course.
Hope you did meet up with your friends- that stomach churning is horrible but the less you socialise the harder it becomes. Could you reconsider ADs - they have helped me so much this last year .
Nadateturbe- glad you didn’t need any treatment for your eyes- hope the drops keep you comfortable.
Wyllow- the times with your MH worker are so precious for you. Being able to open up to her must bring you such relief.Glad you are able to post more- we all want you to get back to being “you” again. KOKO.
Candy- lovely long post and some thoughtful ideas for Doodle.
Hope the weather perks up so you can get to the caravan .
Thank you we are enjoying our hols despite the weather changing every 5 minutes! I,ve done a bit too much today so very weary but squeezing the most out of the good days.
My BiL uses a CPap machine for Sleep Apnea and it has helped him enormously.
HVDY- hope you’re not in too much pain today and that you hear soon re the MRI.
Ah you’re getting some cat time- so nice that DH goes with you to help. You can just do the cuddly bits. I do miss cat cuddles.
Hope Chubby Chops is ok.
SweetPeaSue- All this stress is affecting you physically I believe. You must be very tense with all that worrying. No wonder you are achey. Good that DH headaches have eased- he must be so relieved .
We,ve had some sun today but still wearing a winter woolly- good old British weather.
Doodle- sending a nighttime hug and hope you have some peaceful sleep.
Love to all mentioned and notxxx

I really understand, Ellie Anne. Well done for making into friends!

Glad to say you don’t need treatment nadateturbe

Glad DH is a bit better Sweetpeasue and of course you want him to be well with the BP and inflammation and hoping he’ll get the help needed and things will settle.

You are doing so well to steel yourself Doodle…it must be so hard.

Sending you a bit more sun Scaredycat and yes, it’s winter wooly weather.

I missed my afternoon nap for the plumber, thankfully he came at 4pm not in the evening. So very tired. He talked a lot phew but a nice young person.

I would like to follow advice about contacting people/family ….don’t worry BD’s about finding solutions for me, what matters is belonging and hugs from here. It’s like I know what I’m supposed to do but just cant. I haven’t got over the abusive situation, I cant imagine trusting a bloke again atm.

nadateturbe Glad you don't need any treatment other than drops. Hope your eyes start to feel more comfortable soon.

SweetpeaSue It's good that your husband's headaches are easing. Tomorrow is an appointment, isn't it? Hope things go well.

Doodle I'm holding off the private scan until I've been seen by the MSK people. Are you likely to see family today?

ScaredyCat Hope the weather brightens up for you. It's still a break, though, isn't it? Son2 and family are at the Forest of Dean area this weekend. They'll be out and about with the children, rain or not.

Wyllow3 It's no wonder you still have those feelings after the way your ex was. Just focus on getting better each day. We all want you to be back to your "old self".

After all the sitting about yesterday (even though I was bored stiff), the pain seems to have subsided a lot (for now). Hope ALL BDers manage to see a bit of sunshine x

SweetpeaSue Sorry, it's Monday for your husband's appointment. All day yesterday I thought it was Saturday, and now today have been thinking it's Sunday

Afternoon everyone.
HVDY thanks for tips on York. I do like a sight-seeing bus, we try and do one every new place we go. It’s a good way of seeing what’s what. One exception though was when we went to New York. It took so, so long as the city traffic was so bad and then lots of the bigger sights, the bus couldn’t get down to so were just pointed out in the distance. It was freezing cold too. You live and learn. I understand about the meds contraindications. Hope your DH gets his appointment at the sleep clinic soon. All appointments take such a long time these days. It’s a shame you may have to pay for yours. My DD looked at a private appointment for her DH as he really needs an urgent colonoscopy. It’s was nearly £3000. Money they just haven’t got. Awful situation. His GP has repeatedly asked but nothing. We may have to step in if it goes on much longer. I hope you are pain free today and the cats are behaving themselves! Lovely post to Ellie Anne.
EllieAnne like HVDY advises, try to push yourself to do things. I’m a naturally very shy person and have had to learn to push myself forward a bit. I’m still not that confident but if I put my mind to doing something I really want, then I will. I know it’s hard but it may change things for you. Like others have said too, I think AD’s may help. Like I’ve said before, I resisted for many years because I was so scared but then it came to a point where it was the last resort for me but only after I’d spend hundreds of pounds on counselling and alternative therapies. I wish I’d tried them sooner. Hope you had a nice time with your friends and you’re managing this weekend as I know they can be difficult for you.
Nadaterturbe glad you didn’t need any invasive treatment. I hope the drops help you.
Sweetpeasue glad DH’s headaches are better with the increased dose of meds. Long may he continue to be well. Hopefully his improvement will help you stay calmer too and you can experience some normality again. 🤞 for his appointment on Monday. Hope your weekend is going ok.
Scaredycat enjoy the coast. Hope you’ve got some sunshine but if not, then at least some dry weather. Take care.
Doodle yes, do look at the calm app. It’s not expensive, about £20 a year but I think you can get a free trial first to see if it’s right for you. I hope today is a good one for you. Sending ❤️.
Wyllow KOKO ❤️.

We’ve come to our caravan. Had sun first thing but cloud now but at least it’s dry. Back home tomorrow but hopefully coming back at the end of the week as I’ve got no childcare at the end of next week. Hopefully see some sun then!

Best wishes to everyone else and hope you all have the best day possible xx

Wyllow Just your luck getting an very chatty plumber and missing your nap. You managed situation and got your CH fixed so you did really well. I do feel for you that you have been left with this mistrust because of your ex - he caused so much damage, but you will rebuild that trust when you're well enough. One step at a time.
Scaredycat Thankyou yes the stress does take its toll. Bowel probs today and I know it's the worry. It's rained all day today so hope it's a little dryer where you are. More duck pictures ? Not certain exactly but if you're where Whiff visited think there are lovely swans.Hope you took brolly.
Candy Your DSIL's situation must be worrying for you all. GPs seem to not have the power to do very much -expedite letters are fairly useless these days as often ignored I've found. Worth a try though. Shame your visit to York wasn't what it could have been. Traffic is a problem. Never been on the tourist buses . Thankyou for kind words. DH's headaches much better though had a nasty one today. Hope the steroid dose high enough. Sooner it's right the sooner he can taper. Hope you get some sun soon.
HVDY Sounds like you may need more of the boring days.😑 to cope with pain. Perhaps alternated with a more active day so as to keep your spirits lifted. Roll on your musculoskeletal appt. You were right about DH's appts. CT with contrast Sunday and Doppler ultrasound on Monday, foll by artery biopsy Friday. Phew. Hope you're having some nice cat cuddles while son and family are away.

Tummy playing up a lot today. Hope it's OK tomorrow at hospital.
Weather does nothing to help moods does it BDs? Hope you've all been OK and not too bad. Sending hugs for all today.x

Scaredycat glad you’re enjoying yourself. Yes do make the most of it. Hope the weather is kind to you. How much longer are you away?
Wyllow so glad you find support here. We all do care.
I went out today with someone I met recently. I didn’t really want to go but I felt she asked me and might have been a bit lonely herself so I went. We had a lovely afternoon by the river with coffee and scone.
Good your plumber came on time.
HvDy not not seeing family today but going for Sunday roast with DS2 tomorrow. DS1 has been on holiday.
Glad your pain is easier today. Are you doing anything this weekend?
Candy surely it can’t be £3000 for a colonoscopy. You can get a hip replacement for that. If it’s regent they should do it within a couple of weeks. I’d get them to keep pushing. What is the NHS coming to.
Candy I’ve subscribed to Calm and listened to it last night. I’m trying to get it to play on Alexa but no luck yet.
Have a lovely time at your caravan. Hope you have a good weekend.
Sweetpeasue hope the CT and Doppler scans for your DH go well. I didn’t realise he was having an artery biopsy on Friday, not heard of those before. Hope all goes well.
Not surprised your tum is upset with all you’ve got going on.
nadateturbe and Ellie Anne hope you have a peaceful weekend

Doodle It was kind of you you to go out with someone you met only recently and didn't know well, and because you felt she was lonely. So glad the afternoon was so nice, and even more so was not a wet one. Yes , sometimes a temporal (temple veins) biopsy can be done when unsure about Temporal Arteritis, although the biopsy still doesn't prove anything really as can be wrong, especially when already taking steroids.
I hope you can sleep tonight Doodle. Sending so much love.x

Sweetpeasue I will be thinking of you and your DH all next week with all those tests. And praying that they result in some diagnosis and helpful treatment. Sending much love Doodle so nice you went out with new friend. .
Listening to Archers. It's great having audio.
Thinking of everyone else too. Sorry to be so brief.
Hoping everyones day has been good and you have a peaceful night.xx.

I hope you have a good time at the caravan Candy, better weather. That is a lot of money! I went last year and there were 4/5 people attending took 30 mins and attendance time before and after -but £3000?

I can understand bowel probs cropping up with the worry, Sweetpeasue Fingers and toes and everything crossed for the appointments, will watch out for it.

Aw, Doodle, so glad you pushed through not wanting to go and it turned out to be OK.

Warm waves nadateturbe

My old self seems to be so far away - grim day. Looking out at my devastated lovely garden I have money for a gardener but the bit of my self that says give up and self hate to guilt (someone I used to support a bit before got ill and haven’t communicated with) just win often.
So I distract. Chatted a bit with DS on WhatsApp about footie. But did expect to be tired after plumber.

Thank you for supportive thoughts and returning them BD’s night night.

Candy6 It's awful that your son-in-law is having to wait like that. £3000 is a great deal of money. I got a quote for a private MRI - prices start at 640, plus extra to see a Consultant, and even more for treatment. It's a lot of money for us. Hope you have some good weather today.

SweetpeaSue Thinking about you and your husband today. Hope all goes well.

Doodle Glad you had a nice afternoon with your new friend. Might you see her again? Is she on her own? Hope you have a nice time at your son's today. My Son1 and his family are coming for lunch - DH is doing roast beef.

Wyllow3 Hope you find the motivation to make a couple of calls, to the gardener (he'd be able to get your garden back to its former glory) and a hairdresser. You can get better, and you will.

nadateturbe, ScaredyCat, EllieAnne, Whiff and ALL BDers - hope you manage to have a decent day x

Nadateturbe Thankyou. Sending get well wishes that your poor eyes improve and your overall energy.
Wyllow Perhaps when you feel just little better you can ring the gardener. I'm sure it would help immensely to be able to see the flowers and shrubs winning the fight against the overgrowth. Please don't beat yourself up about not being able to communicate with the person you tried to support. You haven't been well enough . It's good you can do WhatsApp contact with your son and my own sons are very much into the footie too. We hope to see the final when we get back from hospital .
HVDY I love a roast beef dinner. Will there be roasties too? Have a nice family time.

Really bad pain in back/bladder/bowel last night. Now worried about knee( bone clicking yesterday but pain today). If you remember was walking with 'whistling' stick on beach last Yr. If I can't drive it's going to be awkward on Friday. Had heat on it just now and DH will drive to hospital (30mins there) in an hr. I'll try driving tomorrow afternoon as only 15 mins to different hospital for Doppler scan.
Hope all are having a decent weekend.

SweetpeaSue How did your husband get on? Hope things went well.
We had roast and mashed, also stuffing, green beans, broccoli, peas, carrots and Yorkshire pudding, then lemon cheesecake (very greedy).