Black Dog 23

Morning all.
I didn’t come in yesterday as it was our day to travel to visit my friend with dementia .We took her to see her husband who has Alzheimer’s and is in a home very poorly. It broke my heart . The love between them is huge but he just sits there blank and she is strangely accepting of it all. So so sad as many of you understand.
HVDY- so glad Little Girl is well again nd that you are doing well too. Hope she enjoys the new playgroup and DH too!!
Brilliant to hear that Jaffa is now an official member of your lovely family. What a good boy to take his sedative and not attack the vet!! Poor Jaffa has not had a good start to his life but now he has you to love and care for him. A very happy ending.
Doodle- so sorry the jabs have reacted so badly for you. Last year was the same for me although not as bad as you , so not looking forward to ours in a weeks time😩 Keep warm and drink lots - hopefully you,ll start to,improve soon.
I hope the counselling works for you. I tried several times over the years but I found going over those terrible times made it worse. However much I talked about them it didn’t change a thing- only I could do that. But the ADs in this last year have helped so much . Wish I hadn’t been so scared to take them before.
Feeling poorly exacerbates your feelings of being lost and alone and the future seems bleak. It will get better as you feel better and can resume the things you enjoy. But there is no quick fix- you are much loved and that will help.
Wish I could pop round with some goodies and a chat so sending a hug instead.
Nadateturbe- good to see you. You must feel really frustrated - yes no point but still very normal to feel as you do. Wishing you some stronger and happier days. Thanks for the hugs for us all
SweetPeaSue- what a pain when you lose a post. That feeling when you realise it’s gone makes you so cross doesn’t it.
Well done managing your walk after feeling so lousy- I,m sure you feel the benefit of those beautiful surroundings. Thanks for the photos what a great view you have. It’s photography heaven there!
It’s no good thinking of what we used to be able to do - just try and enjoy what we can do. I expect you used to lovewalking in the Lakes like we did. I,ve done lots of sports in the past but now walking like a snail has to do. A fast snail but still a snail!!
Hope your last 2 days will be sunny and more comfortable.
Wyllow- I don’t think for one moment your support will be withdrawn for any reason but your frame of mind thinks of the worst scenario. However as HVDY says it would be good for you to just try other things and would broaden your horizons a little.
You might feel like picking a good book one day - Costas could be a treat- they do lovely Cinnamon buns!! You can always walk so although as you say these things dont mean anything for you they dont have to - they are just steps back to normality and getting our Old Wyllow back.
Love to allx

Hello all. Still feeling bad today. Throat a little better but very upset stomach. Didn’t go to art class,
Sweetpeasue glad you got to enjoy Ambleside today, what a beautiful place you’re staying in. The views are fantastic. It looks really lovely. Yes you two take care of each other and cherish these times together.
HVDY oh poor Jaffa. How lucky he was to find himself at your doorstep. That’s quite a bill. He’s a lucky boy but when you care about them it’s what you do isn’t it.
Is Little Girl going to two different playgroups or just testing them out?
Wyllow I hope you can cope with the MH team and their requests. I hope they don’t upset you but I think HVDY is right about them wanting you to get something of your life
back,
Oh Scaredycat how sad that your friend and her husband both have problems. It must be hard for you to see them like that. Such a shame when they love each other to not know who each other is.
I will take my time with the counselling and if I find it isn’t helping I may put a stop to it. It’s hard to know what to do really. So many people think counselling helps and an equal number think it doesn’t.
So pleased the ADs worked for you. It’s wonderful when you feel your spirits lift a bit.

Just lost post again so on DHs phone.

Hope Doodle is feeling better today after a night's sleep and everyone has had a think of light in their day. Sorry can't post to all again.

Better day today and stopped at car park on Rydal Water . We managed 2 miles and lovely sunny day.

DH had headache again today so hoping he'll be better tomorrow.
Wishing all a peaceful night in body and mind. Xx


Wishing all a peaceful ni

Testing message ability on my own phone now.

Doodle Aw I see you're still not well after your recent post. I expect it may have been the jabs but upset tummy is so unpleasant. Hope the nausea has gone.
True- counselling depends on the ability of counsellor and if they're sensitive to how much the person wants to talk about different things. If you find it distressing at all you can pull out any time - don't put yourself through more heartache Doodle.

Intended droving to Derwentwater but stopped at car park nr Rydal Water. Lovely walk and DH liked it though a little marred with headache.

Hope all have a peaceful night xx

ScaredyCat What a shame about your friend and her husband. Do they have different types of dementia to each other? It is sad, but more so for the families and friends. I was a carer for 20-odd years, and found that seeing people with things like MS, MD, Motor Neurone, etc., was heartbreaking (mind still ok but physically very bad).

Doodle I hope your stomach upset settles down soon. We've tried a few different playgroups, and have decided that the one today will be regular. Trying a new one on Tuesday next week.

SweetpeaSue Glad you and your husband managed a longer walk and that the weather was fine. Hope his head is better soon.

LittleGirl loved the playgroup today. It was run by a playleader who sang, had a variety of activities and props for the children and involved them all in games and nursery rhymes as well. She's too young to participate in some of it, but she enjoyed it.

Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

I’m so glad how DH is taking to being a granddad HVDY . I think I remember a while ago he didnt tend to do a lot. Watching a happy little child is a real boost.

Scaredycat it is so very, very sad. It’s good to hear AD’s helped...yo have had so very much to cope with.

Doodle it is hard to know about the counselling. A lot depends if you like her and feel she cares….but if it makes you feel a lot worse then it might just not be the time yet. Take care.

Sweetpeasue so glad to read it was a better day, two miles is just great to hear.

Well help won’t be withdrawn from me, worker did admit it wasn’t the best quick email ever sent. We went to the park which helped a bit. It was sunny. She’s my favourite person to see, this one, she’s known me for 4 years, right through Ex stuff.

She hadn’t realised I hadn’t seen much of carer yet, and I don’t think I’ll do much more till I have that support. Only seen carer twice and she has a couple of weeks off, after that we can settle down. She’s paid carer, from an agency, and tho they have other people, she was chosen MH wise so it cant just be anybody.

Poorly/shivery tonight and have to be up early for cleaner.

Doing more? Yes, thats the theory and I understand that but when just getting dressed is hard mostly its small steps.
Costa may indeed be an easier step, I want to get my hair cut first to feel presentable.

Wyllow3 My husband, given the chance, would stay in, watch tv, do his crosswords, and play Solitaire on the computer. He's always been like that. He's a good husband, father and grandad, but has to be cajoled/pushed/encouraged to do anything or go anywhere. It gets rather wearing. I hope you feel better today - are you coming down with a cold or something?

Going to see my friend at 11, for coffee & cake and a yap . Hope ALL BDers see a bit of sunshine. It's sunny but dry and cold here x

Afternoon all.
Doodle- I hope you are feeling less poorly today- what an awful reaction you,ve had. I expect too that you are,physically run down after these last few months.
Yes it really affected me yesterday. My friend knows who and where her husband is but as her condition gets worse she no longer cries or shows distress like she did . She has no idea she is poorly - they thought she wouldn’t be able to take it. Physically she is very well. Her lovely husband is extremely poorly but in a very kind place. They have been married for 60 years. My friends for 50.
Doodle I think you will know fairly early on if the counselling is going to help you. Wyllow is right it has to feel that there is some mutual connection and you like her.
Hope you,be been bette4 today.
SweetPeaSue-that was a good walk- must have been lovely. Did you go round the shore of the lake a bit? Such a shame DH had a headache but it must have done him good in the sunshine.
Wise words for Doodle.
HVDY- you have more experience with dementia related conditions. You must have learnt a lot in those years. My friends both have Alzheimer’s and she also has another dementia. He was told early on when he was diagnosed but my friend doesn’t know she is poorly and physically is very well.
The doctor thought the stress would be too much for her.
Glad Little Girl loved the playgroup. She sounds like a little person who just mucks in and enjoys whatever she’s introduced to.
Hope you had a good natter with your friend and a whopping slice of cake!
Wyllow- glad you have had your mind put at rest re your continuing help. It’s amazing isn’t it how a wrong phrase leaps out at you when you are vulnerable.
I,m also glad you have somebody who knows you well and what you went through. The new carer may turn out to be someone who can also help you look forward.
As for doing more - yes small steps but steps nevertheless.
Hair cut a good way to start- then you,ll be good to go.
I read somewhere that Coco Chanel said”A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life” there should be a mobile hairdresser that could come to your house.
Hope you felt OK this morning- shivery is not nice.
Love to all BDs and any reading - wishing peace to all.

Wyllow this might be a strange thought but when I spoke to the bereavement counsellor last week I told her my morning were the most difficult. She suggested changing my routine from what I used to do with DH to something different. Instead of a leisurely breakfast with coffee and reading the paper to having a quick breakfast then doing some housework or going out.
I’m just wondering (although it sounds odd) would you be able to wash/shower in the evening and get dressed in something comfortable but that you could go out in and then in the morning instead of washing and dressing just take yourself for a short walk. Even if it only to the corner and back.
I know on the days when I get washed and dressed first thing I feel more like doing things than I do if I have breakfast first. Just an idea.
Sweetpeasue yes I’m feeling better now thanks although I now feel as though I’m going down with a cold I feel better than I did.
Had a nice day out with a friend today and didn’t get home till 6pm.
Glad you had a nice walk although sorry your DH had another headache.
Cruise lady was nice. I got on ok with her.
HVDY you might have to push your husband a boot but it’s lovely he’s supportive of your sons and good to the grandchildren. Hope you had a good coffee and chat with your friend
Scaredycat thanks I am feeling better today. I think I might just be run down. It’s been a tough 18 months. I won’t hesitate to call a halt to counselling if it makes me worse. I’m trying to keep my head above water.
Must be so hard for you to see your long term friends suffering like this. Alzheimer’s is a horrid disease.
Hope you all have a nice weekend.
Ellie Anne and Candy and nadateturbe thinking of you too

I remember you describing your DH HVDY...yes it must be wearing, I had hoped he'd changed a bit!
I hope you had a great yap.

The only consolation Scardeycat - little tho it is - must be that she is less distressed - but for you, as the onlooker - hugs. Yes there is a mobile hairdresser, the carer found one, I see the carer on Wednesday. I had to get up really early for the cleaner (I have a slow start cos of night meds) and wasnt well at all till afternoon nap.

Getting dressed/washed does help. Doodle when I get it together, thank you for caring ideas. I was really glad to hear you were able to get out and see a friend for that difficult late afternoon time of day. Keep that head above water x

Night night all, love to absent BD's.

ScaredyCat I worked for a company (then named) Crossroads for 6 years, where I stayed with patients for 2 - 24 hours at a time, to give their spouse a rest. The same people every week, so I got to know them very well. At one time, I had 12 people with dementia of some type. I loved that job. I hope you're ok. Are you doing anything this weekend? The weather's a bit changeable.

Doodle You have had a horrible 18 months. More than some people have in a lifetime. Do you take any vitamins? I remember my granny, years ago, taking Sanatogen when she felt a bit under the weather (is it still around?). Hope your weekend goes well. Will you see the family at all?

Wyllow3 Been with my husband 46 years altogether an he's always been the same (I didn't notice it until we had our sons), so he won't change now. He's very dependable, so that's what really matters. Are you going to get the mobile hairdresser to visit? I always feel better when my hair has been trimmed.

SweetpeaSue Hope you're still having a nice break away.
How's your husband now?

nadateturbe, EllieAnne, Candy6, and ALL others - hope you have a decent day x

Hi Wyllow I’ve been out again today. Met up with friends for coffee and had a nice chat. Came home and then sunk. I’m so tired of keeping going but we have to. Gradually with time it must get easier. At least I hope it does,
HVDY I bet you were so good at your job caring for others. It’s not easy and not everyone can do it. Especially working with people with dementia.
Funny you should mention sanatogen. My grandma too that too. No I don’t take any vitamins just chalk tablets for my bones. Not seeing family this weekend although DS2 did invite me for Sunday roast.ive already other plans so asked him if I could come another day.
sweetpeasue hope you’ve had a good day at the Lakes and you and your DH were both feeling ok.
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a good day too. Have you been out? It’s been sunny here but we did have a couple of hours downpour this afternoon. Fortunately we were inside having coffee at the time.

Hvdy your dh sounds like mine but you have a better relationship with yours. And he obviously has a good relationship with your boys and grandkids. Mine gets on ok with our s but they are not close.

You've always been a great carer, HVDY. I mean that.

Doodle big hugs for the sinking. Yes..we have to: you WILL get through tho at times..... impossible to see.

Ellie Anne nice to see you in. Thank goodness, with all the difficulties with your DH, he gets on at a basic level, with yours.

Dressing gown day - not good.

thinking of you all not in today ....

... Sweetpeasue Nadateturbe, Whiff, Candy, *Scaredycat

night night BD's

Just read this page. I have been caught up with other threads ,plus email GN friends ,on health unlocked BHF and try and help there plus always nice to hear how people are doing . Then I have my HPX Facebook group which is up to 1,046 members when I joined 2 years ago after my diagnosis only just over 800. So pleased for the man who started years ago with his mom . I have learnt such a lot about why my body has done as does do. Plus parents are very open to how there babies and young children develop. After seeing videos of babies having startle reflex made me cry to think my parents went through that with me they must have been very frightened especially as my brother is only 16 months younger than me. And my involvement with the Brain Charity.
I am such a slow typer and what I think I have written when I preview the words have changed themselves well thats my excuse 🤣.

ScardeyCat seeing some one with dementia or Alzheimer's is very hard as the person they where dies but their body lives on . I knew when I had lost my mom to it was when she looked at her wedding photo and wanted to know who the man was . The person while they may seem distressed at times they forget and just carry on . It's hardest on the people who love them and remember how they were . But there are other very cruel conditions like motor neurone where the persons body stops working but their brains are as active as ever ,but can't always communicate. My brother had a friend who died from that . His wife said if they could have afforded it they would have gone to Switzerland and while he could still talk ended his life . Animals aren't left to suffer but humans are .

If my husband had it wanted to end his life when the pain got so bad it made him scream I would have gladly overdosed him . We had already talked about and told the children our decision. Luckily for him he died within days of the pain getting worse. He and I do believe it's quality of life that counts not quantity . Having a serious condition with no hope of recovery then people should have the right to choose while they can still make the choice . I know pro life think life at any cost but I do wonder how many have watched a loved one dieing everyday in agony . I would say none .

Doodle I am sorry if what I have said has upset you as you are still very early in your grief . I didn't write it to hurt you or anyone . But getting and choosing Christmas presents was always my husband's favourite thing as he loved Christmas he was a big kid . Before we got married he would never go Christmas shopping until Christmas eve . I soon stopped that once we married but when we had ourv daughter he would go out on a Christmas eve and buy her a secret present from him . He continued doing it when our son was born and last did it Christmas eve 2002. As 2003 he was to ill to do it . I offered to get them what he wanted but said no it won't be the same . I knew then it was our last Christmas so we made it the best Christmas we could. Properly said this before he won the raffle at our GP surgery a lovely cuddly snowman slept with that for 8 months after he died as I needed the comfort it gave me . Plus he won the hamper at the cancer ward. He said I am dieing and I get lucky and win but he said it with his stupid grin .

Nadadeturbe sorry you are having a rough time . Will have to read back a few pages but if I do that now will loss what I write here . Hopefully you will feel better and stronger soon .

Doodle I have my covid jab on Tuesday and flu on Thursday. Normally just get a sore arm from each . Sorry they have made you so poorly . But it is better to have them than not . It annoys me the people who are proud of never having them then start coughing over everyone ..

Hope the counsellor helps you . But for me it was useless only went because my children wanted me to go . I went to a bereavement group. But the woman running it had done a 12 week course and was married plus every one was 20-40 years older than me . Was glad to give it up when the children left home it's what I wanted then to do. My best friend is a counsellor but until her husband died she didn't understand how it felt . I don't believe unless you experience the same thing you can help anyone else but that's just my view. That's what's so good about GN threads people do understand what it's like on various topics. And can offer support,advice if wanted, but understanding and friendship .

I hope you still go to your church group and they are helping you.

Sweetpeasue Ambleside is beautiful and hope your husband if feeling better today and you can get out for another walk all wrapped up of course as it's definitely autumn .

Wyllow it's great seeing you post more and longer posts . Getting the old Wyllow back . Glad you have a carer who understands and you are getting out for walks . Hope you do get your hair cut . I keep meaning to book an appointment but my calendar quickly fills up . Before I moved her had a mobile hairdresser but the one I use is only a few roads away and he cuts my hair how I want it . Never had a male hairdresser before but I do love talking to men . I don't want a man in my life other than my relatives but do enjoy talking to men .

HVDY glad your granddaughter is better and enjoying nursery. My dad loved being a grandad like my husband he loved Christmas and every thought our daughter was only 6 months old her first Christmas gave him the excuse to cover the downstairs with Christmas decorations. Mainly home made but all the more special for that .

Went to the library yesterday to help take down our exhibition. At least it came down quicker than it took to put it up. Had a lot of lovely responses to it in the note book our teacher left for comments ..

Can't remember the last time I posted and can't remember if I said I had left my craft group after 5 years. A week ago on Thursday I walked in 7 were sitting down crafting no one had got any mugs out for drinks . One of them had asked for our box which came while I was taking my coat off. No one moved to empty the box and make the drinks so muggings got the mugs and emptied the box and started making drinks . In the end there where 13 of us. I was fuming inside. A woman who had only stated the week before helped me with the drinks and I had taken cake so out that out and biscuits. A woman who had started coming weeks before came charging up a very nastily said are you poisoning me no sugar . I told her she didn't ask for any . I didn't do any of my cross stitch I was pissed off . Those of us on fixed incomes took in supplies of tea etc when running low . There are 3 wealthy members but not once brought and tea etc in just the occasional pack of biscuits.

Since going to the Brain Charity and seeing how people where there everyone set up and put out paints etc .Took in things for us all to use usually out teacher made the drinks as we had paint on our hands. Everyone helped clean up and packed away no one left until it was done . At the craft group as soon as it was time to pack up most left and there was usually only me and 3-4 left . I always took in a tea towel to wipe up and everything was out away.

On the way home I decided I wouldn't go again after 5 years. So I put it out what's app group I wouldn't be coming and why. Had 2 nasty texts from one from one of the women who started the group telling me off for not just contacting her. But if I have a problem I tell people I don't go behind their backs . Had an other nasty text from a member saying if I was struggling I should have said. I wasn't struggling but just so annoyed no one got a mug out or emptied the box but waited for me to do it then she accused me of taking over.

3 texted to ask me to stay but says no I won't be back . To make matters worse we had been told we couldn't go into the room until 12.45 and I got there on time no idea how long the others had been in .

Anyway Brain Charity had knit and natter on Wednesday morning so asked if a cross stitcher could join so going there on Wednesday. It's 90 mins to get there and 2 hours back but I know everyone is so different there . I won't be taken for granted.
Sorry it's a rant but I had noticed the craft group has changed over the kart few months and Brain Charity opened my eyes . But will be keeping in touch and seeing 2 of my crafty friends they could only come during school holidays. But had them here last Saturday for lunch and over 5 hours chatting the time flies by with them.

Sorry if I missed people out . Take care all and sorry if I have offended anyone.

Doodle Crossroads was just one of the several companies I worked for. I was a Palliative carer for the hospice for a few years, too. It was often very sad, but I was glad to be of some help to people. I'm glad you're getting out and about. I expect that keeping busy and seeing others is getting you through your grief.

EllieAnne My husband would find it easy to go all day and not talk - it's only because I keep yapping that he talks. I've got Jaffa now, though. Are you going to church today?

Wyllow3 Thank you. I hope today will be brighter for you.

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day. x

Hi all
Doodle- glad you are feeling better and hope the cold comes to nothing - you don’t need that. It must have felt good to be able to see your friends again and get out- it’s hard though for you to go back to a quiet house. It’s exhausting that feeling of having to keep going and doing things but you will feel stronger as time goes by - there is no quick fix.
I wonder if you tried changing your morning routine as suggested- I think you should just do whatever feels right for you and that you are comfortable with.
Hope you enjoyed Church this morning and felt comforted by its warmth and friendship. Nice that you have a promise of dinner in the bank!!
Yes we went out to DD yesterday afternoon for tea and cake. Her youngest DD was there with her boyfriend - they never fail to cheer us up - so bursting with with life and the joy of living.
EllieAnne- when you speak of your DH he sounds like someone who has no interest in anything or anyone much- so hard for you. I always think of you at the weekend.
Wyllow- hope today is a better day for you. Glad you have a potential hairdresser - I,m sure you,d feel better if you had a visit from her.
Would it help as Doodle suggested to have a shower before bed- I love a bath before bed. If you,ve still got track suits from the Gym days they’re easy to pop on and not have to worry about.
Wyllow you will get through this difficult time although at times you must feel it will never end. So many people are rooting for you and care for you - one day at a time you can do it. Sending a Big Sunday hug.
Whiff - that was a long and interesting post. As usual full of care and advice for everyone.
HVDY- those jobs you had were made for you - caring is something you have in bucket loads and those poor people were so fortunate to have you looking after them.
Your DH sounds like mine - quiet and dependable. We are lucky to have them. I,m glad you have Jaffa now cats are great company. I told DD about him she thought it was a lovely story. Her 2 rescues are very settled now after traumatic lives.
This is the longest I,ve been without a cat in my life - I must admit I do spend a lot of time on the Internet looking at them.
A lovely horse just went past my window- I love them too.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
SweetPeaSue- hope you had a good journey home and that you feel that the break did you both good. So pleased you were able to go.

Candy, Nadateturbe, Agaa4,Nanny,Allsorts and any I have unintentionally missed and those who sometimes post or read wishing you a peaceful Sunday.

Doodle You are doing your utmost to keep on going and it must be so wearying-sinking is bound to happen but must feel like you'll never rise at times. So glad the Cruise lady is nice and you both get along. Hope today has been OK for you.
Wyllow Think of everyone even when I don't come in. Hope you manage to get that hair cut and you feel a bit better about yourself. It might just be the extra spur on you need. With so much else physically to contend with your uphill struggle must be so hard.
HVDY Wyllow is right- you're a great carer ,whether it's people or animals. It must be good to look back and feel you've made such a difference to people's lives. My DH's headache improved again so touch wood he won't have to up the steroids again.His arm/hand hurts constantly though. Sees hand consultant ,who did his other hand ops on 1st Nov.
Whiff Such kind posts to everyone. I really am sorry about the ending of your craft group. Such a shame it turned out like it did when you've been going so long. Glad you have those true friends to visit you though. Hoping the new knit n natter group provides lots more fun n friendship.
EllieAnne Hope your weekend has been OK and you've seen friends at church.
Scaredycat Such kind encouraging words to everyone. I know what you mean about the young being so full of life and positivity. It can be infectious , though sometimes exhausting-😊☺️ They have so much energy. You have such a lovely extended family and I'm not surprised they are all drawn to you and love to visit.

Sorry not been in for a few dys. Telling it how it is can be difficult. Came home Friday (day early) and long painful journey home.Good to get back to relax. Certain amount of pressure to enjoy and make most of things when they are tough. Fully appreciated the good moments away though. Really bad pain yesterday afternoon. Forced myself to get up this morning and try to make body looser. Just managed a small seafront walk - freshair and sea lovely but each step painful. Don't feel I should be saying 'how it is' when I'm lucky in other ways but I'm very down at present.

Son2 invited us for dinner but I'd already got things in slow cooker. Missed out seeing them but not really up to it.

Love to all you good friends here. Hope everyone has a peaceful night.x

Ellie Anne do you think that the fact that your husband isn’t close to his children is part of your problem with him? You obviously care about them a lot.
Wyllow we can hold each other up.
Whiff groups where you have contact with other people in the same boat are always helpful. I have found comfort from the Sue Ryder bereavement online group.
No you haven’t upset me at all. Why would you think that? You are always so kind.
I have always had the vaccinations too. To protect me and DH.
I think you are right that unless you have experienced the loss of your loved one you have no idea of the pain it can cause. I’ve lost both parents and my brother but that’s not the same at all. I feel so sorry for those who have lost a child. That’s a pain I cannot imagine.
My counsellor seems nice. I have no idea of her personal life but my first session was ok.
You are right, no one can help unless they’ve been through it themselves. It’s such a feeling I’ve never encountered before, didn’t know this level of sadness existed.
I get a lot of comfort from church and have a number of friends there who have lost their loved ones too. We support each other.
HVDY I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been doing your caring job, it’s not something just anyone can do.
You are right. Keeping busy and seeing others does help. Loneliness is an awful thing.
Scaredycat it is exhausting keeping going all the time. Sometimes I feel so tired and think it would be lovely to have a lie in but then if I do I don’t rest and my mind takes over. It’s better to be up and doing.
Glad you were able to see you DD and DGD. You’re right, the young are so positive and full of energy it’s a joy to be with them.
Sweetpeasue I’ve had a really busy weekend and feel quite tired tonight, I got to stroke a donkey today and that was lovely. Such beautiful creatures.
Please never feel afraid to tell it how it is. Our own problems are important to us. Not the same as anyone else’s but they affect us and your pain affects you so much and spoils so much of your life. I’m sorry you had to come home a day early but sometimes home is better. Hope the pain eases and you feel better soon

Doodle I feel helpless to say the right words to you as I haven't experienced the loss of my DH. It scares me so much but I still want to help but I know I can't. I wish I could. But I'm so glad you are getting help from your church and others there who have experienced the same loss of their other half.
Nice and soothing to stroke an animal and donkeys are such humble and quiet creatures who have been exploited so much. Thankyou for encouraging me to say how it is. I don't have the same pelvic pain I had when the hysteroscopy was botched. This is different and throughout body and not the same at all.
I'm pleased your counsellor is good and you get along. You need all the help you can get. As for being curious as to the counsellor's personal life-- I have wondered that too with a previous counsellor and also with psychologist. Guess we'll never know but how thankful for someone to listen to our problems and get that they care.
Hope you sleep tonight Doodle. Much love. X

Dear Sweetpeasue you try so hard to help me and your concern is heartwarming truly. The truth is that I wouldn’t be able to help anyone in my situation either.
All on BD are so kind and put up with my moaning.
Church is a big support in my life. Always was but now more than ever.
If this is a new type of pain you’re experiencing then you should get it checked by the GP. I know you’ve been down this path before and not got anywhere but it’s still worth getting checked out.
The counselling service make it very clear that the counsellors will not discuss their private life with you that isn’t allowed.
I will continue with the counselling as long as I think it helps rather than upsets me.
Hope you have a good night tonight. Sleep well and thank you for caring xx

I’m glad you are keeping up with the ones in the group that you like, Whiff. It is sad but clearly the right decision.

Writing more isnt me feeling a lot better, but it’s my way of having contact with people who understand/accept and that counts for a lot.

I hope today was OK for you, HVDY

What a lovely picture of visiting DD and young DD and boyfriend, Scaredycat You must miss having a cat. Will you have another?

I only have a shower once a week. I find self care very difficult, don’t feel it’s worth it, who cares, motivation, today was shower day.
It is comforting that people are rooting for me here, but talking to people in real life is so hard, including family. I’ve cut myself off in order to stop feelings overwhelming me and all the things needing doing house/garden building up needing fixing. I just mostly survive as the hours pass tbh.

SweetpeasueI was so very pleased to read that DH’s headaches have improved! I hope the hand consultant can help with his hand when you see him. I'm sorry for yesterdays pain so you did well to get out at all. Telling us about your down time - better out than in. I hope you can get to see son2 soon.

Hello Doodle sending best propping up vibes in a basket to get out when needed. You convey your loss so powerfully and poignantly. I do understand the cant rest bit, it IS exhausting just keeping going.
Counsellors sharing - it depends on the sort of counselling you are doing. I’m glad that you have decided you’ll continue with the counselling. Its a space you can say things you cant to friends.

I never, ever, feel that people here are moaning xx

Night night to all BD’s