Black Dog 31

That programme is on itvX. (No idea why I said BBC). It's got violence, drinking, sex, bad language, drugs, etc....all the things you might expect from a Jimmy McGovern drama

Scaredycat I couldn’t do a trip where I had to go out or move hotel every day. Glad you had a good time though. I bet the scenery was great. Lovely photo. Glad you’ve got your boys home with you.
HVDY our walking group is loosely named. Several members have walking sticks,, Parkinson’s, or knee and hip replacement. The walking bit is a stroll not far then back for the best bit, coffee and chat. Hope the new tablet works ok.
Wyllow what an interesting thing you are doing. Have you created lots of art over the years? Does it bring back memories when you look at it?
Sweetpeasue how are you doing today? Is your Dh ok
Ellie Anne I can imagine how you’re wondering what’s going to happen to your Dh and how things are going to turn out. You have so much to cope with at the moment.
nadateturbe I seem to drink so much cappuccino these days. Never used to but when someone asks you out for a coffee you have to drink something . I love being out in the autumn. The cool crispness of the air and the colour of the leaves

Do try Marble Hall Murders, nadateturbe, its the third in 3 part series but very engaging.

I hope the new diuretic works without too many night trips to the loo, HVDY. Well your son and I might have interesting political discussions...

I feel weird and very battered by this week. Not just the jabs, the cysititus and the dentist visits. its all the stuff that D threw out earlier on in the week. I'm trying to digest the fact that she didn't not bereave me all along and became obsessed with protecting my assailant - and has now gone off the edge. I stopped going to my Sunday regular Quaker meetings because her being there triggered past events generally, and I knew D was not well, so sort of decided to let her have the space as being more needy than me, now I feel, "why?"

Now `I know what she thought all along....its all a bit much. Why should she have that space?

Is this being unkind?

Oh, ones mans actions a year ago has a long reach. Attack in a what is basically a worship space. Yes it has affected all my relationships with men (avoidance, not trusting, putting on a strong "don't come near me" face , no touching even shaking hands, only talking to women)

Since then except my son and my first husband who understands it all. I don't know how to resolve these feelings except that A does also understand - he has strong feelings about how men should treat women as most decent men do.

EllieAnne thinking of you at home alone..wondering..are you getting anything out of the time you have your house to yourself? have you had any more contact with your family, are you going to church?

Best nights possible, BD's.

Saw dh yesterday . He was a bit confused. We were told he had post surgery delirium which is very common and will pass. My gd2 was there and he told her there was a dog in the bathroom.
He was very sleepy . Both sons and families were there except gd 1 who is on a school trip to London and was sending pictures all afternoon. I feel I’m getting a bit more support from the boys now. I have a feeling dd might turn up but as son 1 said we gave up predicting what she would do a long time ago. But it wouldn’t be impossible for her to drive up and down in a day. She did it for son 2 wedding.
The op went as planned but don’t know yet if it was successful.
I’m praying it was.
I will go to church this morning and then head to the hospital.
Wyllow I ve always liked having the house to myself but so much of my life has been spent being out or upstairs when he was in or making meals housework washing etc and now there is so little to do it is strange.
I think wyllow if you want to go to your meeting you should go.
When I stay away from church for whatever reason it’s not good for me.
I’ve checked the speaker and subject for todays sermon and decided it’s not relevant to me but I might be wrong so will go for the singing and company though only a few people know what s going on in my life.

Doodle Thanks. I hope so, as nothing else has suited me - apart from Ramipril, which does nothing for my BP. Your walking group sounds ideal - a manageable stroll, then cake, hot coffee, and chatting.

Wyllow3 Thanks. I go to the loo 2 or 3 times every night, which means I never get a proper night's sleep. Quaker D sounds quite strange. You're not being unkind - she was, though, and you deserve to be at the meetings. I'm glad you've got men in your life who are decent.

EllieAnne Yes, delirium like that is common. Your sons and their families are rallying round now, which is good. Your daughter has problems herself, I believe, so she might not be visiting. I hope she's at least ringing you. I don't pray, as you know, but I sincerely hope that your husband's operation has been successful.

Thinking of all BDers. x

Thank you for your very thoughtful words, EllieAnne, much appreciated.

I can just feel coming through your writing how much it makes a difference that most of your family are on side. 🫶

yes please do go to church and actually do mention "DH in hospital might lose his leg" if there is the occasion because you need all the support you can get ad something actually physical like that is understandable to most as opposed to deep unhappiness in that relationship.

Yes, I totally get it about how you feel in the house. It's been the way it has so long, your habits or feelings don't just change overnight.

Yesterday I didn't say but the feelings brought up by last week's D stuff, being unwell, being so exhausted and pondering about the hopes I'd had for going back to my little meeting - clearly they had been important at the back of my mind are in danger of pushing me over the edge emotionally into depression. I know myself all too well.

I cannot go back to a year ago when I felt happy and safe and secure in my little meeting a year ago, it will never be the same, but it needs to be "something", and the D issue has to be resolved in some way. If she has been put on some good meds then it will make a lot of difference in weeks maybe sooner.

Best dealt with by me chatting over everything with L - we have a coffee date a week tomorrow, and lovely elderly R who is the other "in the know" person and always kind. I've been avoiding it and know when I am.

Scaredycat I could feel your relief to be back home in yesterday's post. All those service stations- there must have been many! Must have been so lovely to see your boys again though. Glad you at least met some nice people to talk to. Thankyou for that rainbow photo ,uou were lucky to get that just at the right time, beautiful.
HVDY Hope your bladder problems settle down. Its just so tiring getting up in the night all the time ,I understand completely. Crossed fingers this new medication helps - you can only try.
Ive seen that series you mentioned and it was so good- well worth another watch actually. I think I missed one episode so good you know its on catch- up.
Wyllow Some huge experiences do change us and we can never be exactly the same again, I understand. Its just a shame that D is not helping you to try and move forward a little with your life. D, being unwell , you can understand yourself - in your head, but its so hard for you as it is keeping it all fresh - all the disbelief in the assault. Its such a lonely place to be in as not many can understand those feelings. Im so glad you met A and it can give you that different perspective on men ,plus of course your other nice Quaker man that you are able to talk to.

Back later.

Doodle You did an
awful lot of walking the other day- walking group ,then walk around town- no wonder your legs hurt. Do uou think the extra walking is keeping your knee going a little or making it worse? Hope its the former , after all your efforts.
Oh, Im with you on tooth extractions - Id be a wreck too. Like HVDY, whenever Im in the dentist chair my hands are clutching the arms - the hygienist appt last time was quite unpleasant at times.
DH couldn't see any bad water leaks when he peered into the loft so it must have dried out a bit. Think the ballcock hadnt risen enough ( or something) which son 2 might be able to help with when he comes back from holiday.
Hope today has been good for you.
EllieAnne So hope your husband recovers well from his surgery and he won't need anything more drastic. Must be such a worrying time for you all. Im pleased your boys are helping a little - that will reassure you how much they care about you too.

EllieAnne Hope when you see your husband today hes more himself and is a bit more coherent. I remember my FIL having some confusion after surgery. Hope the singing in church lifted your spirits a bit.
Nadateturbe It can be difficult not to be fobbed off with locums and nurses when you really need to see a GP that understands your own situation. I hope if you have to see the locum this week he can sort out whats needed for you.
Yes, bowel problems can be hard to deal with. I was quite panicky one day on holiday when I needed loo desperately and was out in Kendal high street. Ive had 2 mths of not being at all 'regular' ( difficult to explain here) but I do sympathise with your problems. Youve done well to come in here when you suffer so much with so many things that are often caused by your debilitating ME. Hope you can get another trip in to your art group soon.

Water prob sorted - for now till son gets back from holiday. Just needed to get my car on road again so luckily car mechanic managed to get out the bit of plastic from ignition key hole and car is now up and running. Then had to collect F from dog-sitter so we have her till Thursday. Been out with her today to little river bank with the ducks. Had lots of cuddles and she was actually quite good in Costa's today- she may be realising shes not getting our food.
DH will get the ultrasound on his ankles/lower legs on Tuesday - and hr appt with the nurse who is doing it.

Sending love to all and wishing you all a peaceful night. X

Hi all
Doodle- yes that sort of holiday is exhausting especially as it was so much time in the coach. The scenery in parts was stunning but so frustrating not to be out of the coach. It’s lovely having the boys to cuddle again.
Your walking group sounds perfect and must suit many people who can no longer walk too far.
Wyllow- being so aware of your emotional and physical health problems as you are your friend L sounds like someone who can help you not let the bad feelings win. R also has years of life experience and kindness counts for so much.
As A is learning to live with his health problems it must have made him more attuned to those of others. So glad he is there for you.
SPS- glad you like the picture. It was a very rainbowy day but having to take pics thru the window wasn’t easy. I was itching to stop but no chance.
I used to take Diazepam for dental procedures but I don’t anymore as my fear has lessened.
Glad there were no bad water problems- just a small amount of water can cause havoc can’t it.
EllieAnne- I do hope your DH operation was successful- he must have been very frightened.
It seems that your family have realised you need them every bit as much as they need you.
Hope Church gave you some comfort and just being there helped.
HVDY- hope you’re OK and enjoying your day.
DD s Father in law has been home a week and while she and SiL were here having a cuppa yesterday they got a call to say he’s had another fall.😩So he’s back in hospital and has a fractured shoulder- so bye bye mobility. !!!! It’s a bit of a nightmare to say the least.

Love to all - take care of yourselvesxx

Now, this is good news, Sweetpeasue, the water (hooray for DH), and the appointment coming up...and F behaving rather better. Cross fingers for actual news after the ultrasound.

You do sound happier to be home, Scaredycat. But oh dear...another fall. What does this mean practically? I mean, in terns of his care.

I'm really not very well, but the dentist did say take it very easy indeed and I failed to do it enough today and ended up with a rare cry after a tiff. (But a lot of kindness after: it is complicated by A's Parkinson's, but there is no doubt his heart is a good one: the cry was long overdue and very rare indeed.)

I feel like I have flu, but its exhaustion, not a virus: I've promised to visit F tomorrow at 2, and will not break that promise, I am so fond of her, and owe her so much.

My instinct was right. Dd turned up at the hospital this afternoon. Drove up from Yorkshire this morning stayed an hour and a half then left to drive back.She is working tomorrow and of course there are the cats.! Anyway it was good to see her. The staff are quite pleased with his progress but I think dd is worried. He was still seeing things and getting confused. I’m not going tomorrow as I have someone from the insurance coming.
Church was difficult. Sermon about doing things we don’t want to do!
And a tactless friend going on about adapting the house for a wheelchair.

Evening all
Oh Ellie Anne I’m so pleased your sons and DD did come You need support. Sorry church wasn’t the comfort it should have been.
Wyllow what is happening with D now? Is she still going to meetings? It’s had such an impact on you it’s not fair. Hope you can try and relax a bit. It’s all been a lot to cope with recently, I hope A is understanding.
Scaredycat thank you for your insight into a coach holiday. I have been considering one but I really don’t think it’s for me. I’d be too worried about needing the loo and sitting down so much. Also having to get out early in the morning. I’m not a morning person. Glad you’re safely back home with the boys, hope you’re relaxing today.
HVDY walking group is good. Not too much walking but lots of lovely chat after. I get up at least twice a night too. It does interrupt your sleep. Have you had a quiet day today.
Church was nice this morning the. I’ve been home this afternoon sorting out more photos. Found some lovely ones of DH.
Sweetpeasue good job your Dh is a handyman and can sort these things out, glad it’s not too bad. Glad your car is fixed and working again. Lovely to have cuddles with F.
There was a beautiful puppy at church today. The prettiest little thing ever. We all wanted one

SweetpeaSue Every time I get up for a wee in the night, Jaffa wakes up and wants to be stroked. I love him, but all that takes 20 minutes or more. Glad the water leak has been sorted (your husband is handy, like mine) and that your car is on the road again. Fluffball must love her walks with you. Hope all goes well with your husband's ultrasound. At least when he gets the results, he'll get to know what he's up against.

ScaredyCat What an ordeal for your daughter's FIL. He'll need some help when he eventually gets home. Poor man. Nice to have cuddles with your lovely boys. I bet they missed you.

Wyllow3 I hope after a decent sleep tonight that you'll feel differently tomorrow. Your friends L and R sound like nice people. I hope you manage to see L tomorrow. I hope you and A are still on good terms.

EllieAnne I'm so glad your daughter went to see you and your husband. Your sons, too, seem to be getting together and offering support. The delirium might last a little while. Don't take any notice of what that woman said about you needing to have your home adapted. That's not at all helpful.

Doodle Does it help you to have photos of your husband around? My brother has only this week put some framed photos of his wife around his house - all of her before she got Alzheimer's. She was a large lady - size 26/28 some years ago.

Met Son1, his eldest girl and his partner, for drinks at lunchtime. They decided to go food shopping afterwards, so DH and I had a late (3.30) lunch on our own. Hope everyone has a restful night x

Have read and hopefully post tomorrow, tired. Just wanted to share that we managed to visit our best friends today. And stay for over an hour. Very happy.
Goodnight everyone.
Glad your family are supporting EllieAnne.x

I should add, they come to us, but it was lovely to be able to visit them.

Yes, all well with A, who was a great comfort today, needed because L is trying to out a sticking plaster on an issue that cannot be cured that way.

I have just written a long email to L and R replying to the sticking plaster one saying, what about my needs to go to my meeting,

..... I was the one S Assaulted, but I realise no easy solution.
The meeting with L is a week tomorrow, time for her and R to have talks and thoughts.
Doodle - D hasn't a clue. wouldn't be fair to say why not, but it's a real problem for R and L - and me, who has had it all triggered again. I do have access to help by ringing MH if needful now `Monday will be here.
.
You must have some lovely photos of DH. I'm glad the time has come to have them out. Hard, but it seems to be the right thing now?

EllieAnne I am glad that DD has got involved. Sadly I think it's inevitable that people will start talking about wheelchairs etc thinking they were being helpful - because they cant cope with the emotional split with your DH, only practical things. This happens a lot.

People on GN on other threads do discuss the emotional impacts in Estrangement and DH illness problems, but not everyone can cope with it the emotional impacts and therefore "can't see it".

Well I am glad you got to see son1, HVDY, and got out for a nice lunch with DH in the end. Some adult children assume mum and dad are infinitely adaptable...but...🤷‍♂️
It's interesting what your brother has done, putting up photos. I hope it helps him. My, Jaffa is well treated, I'm not sure I could manage the stroking bits.

nadateturbe I'm glad you managed to see your friends. Has it been a while since you were able to do that?

Wyllow3 I hope L and R respond favourably. This has dragged on for a year and affected you so much. I'm glad you've got A.

Aqua aerobics and brunch with my friend this morning. Then, changing beds and washing (exciting times). Hope everyone manages to have a decent day. Thinking of EllieAnne and her husband. x

HVDY I am very limited. Second time I've visited them this year. Takes 40 mins travel each way plus time chatting.
I've visited my sisters once. Siblings don't visit. I think they believe I just don't make an effort, that M.E. is in my head. I would so appreciate their company.

nadateturbe They aren't local, then. That's a shame. I suppose with M.E., because it isn't like an illness that can actually be seen, other people don't appreciate how debilitating it can be. I know 2 people who have M.E. One is in her 40s and hasn't left her home for 2 years, relies on her unwell mother to go and help her. The other is a lady in her 60s who drives and looks ok, although she has Anorexia and weighs less than 6 stone. Have you told your siblings how much you'd like to see them?

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- glad your car is sorted.
F must have been excited to see you again- furry cuddles are lovely.
It will be good for your DH to have a longer appointment with the nurse so can hopefully ask questions in a more relaxed way. Will you be able to go in with him too?
Wyllow- I have a feeling the fall will result in immobility for him. He won’t be able to use his walker thing.It is an extremely difficult situation.
Having a cry must have released some pent up emotions for you. A must have difficult times too so will have empathy - which is what you need. Your relationship is developing into one of mutual kindness.
I feel so cross with L and R who have done this damage to you.
EllieAnne- you must have been so pleased to see DD even though it was a flying visit.
I expect each day your DH will feel a little less confused- he,s been through a lot - as have you.
Some people have no sensitivity of other people’s distress- so they just blurt out whatever comes into their head.
Doodle- yes the coach travelling was not as relaxing as we thought it would be. Cruising is much more enjoyable.
I,m glad you are now able to sort out your photos.
You could make a collage photo of DH. It would be nice to have his smiley face watching over you.
Ah a church going puppy- don’t puppies smell lovely.
HVDY- I can’t see DD FiL being able to manage at home. He’s 92 as is his wife and she can only walk a few steps with an aid. Depends I suppose what sort of care is available for them now.
The boys are little shadows at the moment - very pleased to see us.
I guess the warm cuddly Jaffa is worth the waking times- he is a lucky boy.
Putting his photos up sounds a positive move from your Brother.
Nadateturbe- so glad you were able to visit with your friends - it must have been lovely for you.
It’s such a shame your siblings don’t seem to understand the degree of debility you suffer- you must miss them.

Love to all - mentioned and just reading.

Two happy boys with their pressies from holiday

ScaredyCat Your gorgeous boys look so contented and happy. Aww, you got them a present each .

Scaredycat Yes, F was very excited to see us again. It was so good to see her again too.( Shes laid on my lap right now!) Aww your boys are beautiful arent they- do they like their new prezzies? I do like that sofa too- what a lovely pattern- no wonder your boys like it.🙂
Oh dear, your DDs FIL is back in hospital . He and his wife are quite an age . I do hope he can get the best care at home. It must be quite worrying until they know how to deal with it all.
Wyllow I really hope youve been able to rest today- you sound very exhausted by everything . Its so unfair that you are still having to go through all these emotions when you should have had full co-operation from those who organised the meetings. You must miss the quiet and supportive Quaker meetings before it all happened. I hope you have a much needed meeting with your good Quaker friend soon( sorry , I cant remember the appropriate initial). I hope youve felt able to ring MH today if needed.
Thank goodness for A too.
HVDY Hope you wee visits are reducing . I can see how it might be extra awkward when Jaffa wakes too. Im creeping down the landing to the loo in the night in case I wake up F downstairs.
Hope you had a nice brunch and good time at Aqua-aerobics.
Im hoping there is some better help after DHs doppler ultra-sound tomorrow, thanks.
Doodle Im another who is not a morning person . I need to wake up gradually - though I still have to force myself to face another day more often than not. I remember when I was young actually looking forward to new days at times , with actual enthusiasm! Seems like centuries ago. Glad youve found some new lovely photos of your DH. I hope they make you feel closer and bring more happiness and warmth than sadness.
Nadateturbe It must feel frustrating to know that your illness isnt taken seriously by your siblings. You must miss them when they dont live closer , Im so sorry. Sometimes I think family members get so tied up with their own immediate families too- not that they dont love you. It must be hard though not to be able to visit them when you are so disabled with exhaustion and also the many aches and pains that can be part of it.
So glad you managed to see your friends- I see that meant so much to you . Nice to chat with others when you have so much alone time.
EllieAnne How have you been today?. Its a shame a church friend couldn't work out that the talk about adjusting home for a wheelchair was the last thing you wanted to hear right now. Sometimes people just dont know what to say. Hope your husband is less confused today. You must have felt glad your DD took the time to visit her dad.

Feeling v tired today but we managed to take F to the beach. She did a lot of running after a thrown stick and running after distant seagulls that just flew off long before she got anywhere near.
DH still in pain with legs but just hoping tomorrow's ultrasound will show something up and he gets help. It had to be an hr long appt so we'll see what happens.
Hoping everyone has a peaceful night.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202610/medium-92776v-1000018976.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202610/medium-6x1oi4-1000018972.jpg

F at the beach today.