House in need of deep clean - DH won't get a cleaner in

Elowen33

I had to look at the date of this post thinking it was from the 1950s, just book a cleaner for a deep clean and then a once a week cleaner.

OP has probably not set out to tbe like this. Things creep up on you.

But now enough is enough.

Work out a cleaning rota, tell them if they don’t do it to your satisfaction in two weeks you will hire a cleaner.

Write a list of chores. Clean oven, clear fish stuff, scrub bathrooms et . Each person to initial their chosen responsibility

Stick it on the fridge and calmly announce the unbreakable deadline date. for completion.

Either they do it, or a cleaner will be hired.

Cost of hiring a blitz cleaner will be split between all adult residents.

Just do it.

Great minds butterandjam

Witzend

Astitchintime

You work full time?????? Arrange the professional deep clean yourself! You have no time for all this and to be honest, with 3 other adults in the house it should not fall on you to keep the house clean and tidy……….they are all capable of helping!
Stop being a doormat, stand up for yourself and just get this done!

Absolutely this. And if your dh objects, tell him to get stuffed!

Just do it, before your surgery, so that you can return to a clean, uncluttered home with no risk of infection!

Get someone in, when we adopted our fourth child with disabilities we felt we could not keep the house clean and give our children the care needed without help. The house is large, 7 bedrooms. It worked well!

I assume this is another case of a DH would be angry?

If not, stop being a doormat.
And choose some of the ideas above.

When I told my H I wanted a weekly cleaner he wasn’t happy insisting we could do it but I went ahead and organised it.
He was so delighted both with the two cleaners themselves and the excellent job they did.
When his dementia really took hold he would ask who they were and why they were there, but the burden they relieved me of was tremendous.
One of them would take him to his weekly respite day for me, it came to an end during Covid but my H was no longer here by then.
Just book it and present them with the fact.

I guess the house is a metaphor, there must be an underlying problem for four adults to have allowed it to get to this state.

OP could probaably do with a few kind words and some support.

Suggest you book somebody for an initial visit and go forward from there with a weekly slot.

With 4 adults in the house it should be easy to keep clean. Why aren’t the other 3 doing their share ftm420 ?

You work full time ! You need a hip operation! The house is need of a good clean ! You earn your own money!

Don't waste time and energy and emotion thinking that the assembled throng in your home might possibly agree to your demands and clean it themselves. Surely that would have happened a long time ago and regularly if that was the case.
No, they're quite happy to muddle along regardless of how you feel.

So, take charge. Point out the obvious which is that you are about to become fairly incapacitated/will need to recover/will need a germ-free home, and tell them the date that you have booked (when you've booked it) the cleaning session/s that you decide upon. And point out to the selfish bunch that you are paying for this yourself !!! Brook no argument, have no discussion or debate.
JUST DO IT.
They probably won't be thrilled at the necessary clearing of space before the cleaning takes place, but will love the further lack of responsibility once the work has been done.
But anyway, who cares? It's possibly too late to train them, just put yourself first for a change and do what suits you.
And I'm wishing you an uncomplicated recovery from your surgery.

Yes GrandmaFrench

Stuff them, they ain't going to change.

But you can.

I can't add anything except to say - book a professional deep clean before your hip operation, tell the men to tidy up before they arrive or their stuff lying around will be thrown out and then find a weekly cleaner to maintain it all.

And make your sons pay towards all of this.

Order some clear plastic lidded crates from Amazon for DH to keep his fishy stuff in, and tell him where to store the crates (NOT in your livingroom).

Add some laundry baskets for the sons' bedrooms, and give them a lesson in basic laundering - sorting whites, bedding towels etc from clothes, using washing machine and drying clothes - and then they do their own washing. I did this when my daughters were in their teens, when I found that the laundry basket was full of their clean clothes that I had washed and dried just the day before They would try on several outfits before they went out, choose one and leave the others in a heap on the floor then stuff them into the basket unworn.

There is a good app/ service called Housekeep which organises different sorts of cleaners, you can book a one off or regular. It might operate in your area, I booked a one off to try out then she was really good so she now comes regularly. You can stipulate what chores you want ironing/ windows whatever and they calculate how long it will take. It works out at about £18 per hour ( London)

housekeep.com/
See if they are in your area

When your son complains that the house is untidy and his girlfriend is coming to visit, tell him he knows where the hoover and cleaning materials are kept and let him get on with it. You could add that it's good for a woman to know what she might be letting herself in for.
If your house is big enough, select a room that is yours and keep it tidy for you. Anything of theirs dump into their rooms/bedrooms. Concentrate on keeping kitchen and bathrooms clean and tidy and let them sit in their own muddle. Please don't overstretch yourself both before and after the operation as it can undo the surgeon's good work and leave you worse off. Best of luck both with the house and the operation. If you can, go elsewhere to recover.

Threaten your hopeless husband and dozy sons with calling in the Environmental Health at your local council.

You only make 25% of the mess the other three Adults (if they can be called that) make the other 75% so they need to take some responsibility. Does your Husband work? if not why is he not doing his share? Who is going to look after you following your hip replacement. Will your Husband and Sons do the shopping, cooking and cleaning? If it was me I would be inclined to ask the hospital to send me for convalescence or when fit to do so book myself a holiday treat for at least a fortnight and leave them to it!

Order some clear plastic lidded crates from Amazon for DH to keep his fishy stuff in, and tell him where to store the crates (NOT in your livingroom).

Yes! Do this.
I know a few couples who have disagreed about cleaners/carers being needed and in each case the man didn’t want someone coming into his house. DH still dislikes it even though our cleaner, who has been coming for years, is excellent and he likes her. I just tell him if it came to a choice between them, he would lose! Or I don’t answer at all. He knows on this he has no say because I have other commitments and he rarely helps. It’s surprising too how the imminent arrival of the cleaner gets us all tidying up so she can get around. But don’t wait until it’s all decluttered before getting someone in or it won’t happen. Do what you can first then get someone - you’ll find the cleaner it gets, the tidier it will get and vice versa. And, once your hip is better, don’t listen to any talk of cancelling. I’m guessing your sons will support you as they will like a clean house without having to lift a finger.

I read the OP again. I think the least you should do is get someone in to clean the bathrooms and kitchen prior to your operation and for a period afterwards. I think it would give you some peace of mind. Just close the doors on the other rooms. I see your son who wants to bring the girlfriend doesn't live with you so maybe he can persuade the brothers to tidy their areas. The plastic boxes are an excellent idea. Fill them up, label them and stack them as near to where your husband/sons sit as possible.

Unless you DH is planning on doing it himself within the next week, I would arrange for someone to do it. Once you have your op you won't be able to do much yourself. Then you DH needs to get some storage organised for his 'fish stuff' it doesn't need to be spread out everywhere and on permanent show. Good luck with the op and the clean

I am continualy suprised by the number of wives on Gransnet positng this kind of dilemma.

Please, do one of two things:

Get a cleaner in without mentioning it to your husband. What concern is it of his? I mean, he and your sons obviously do not clean nor tidy up after themselves, and as you work, or did so before your hip got so bad, I assume you can pay for the job without reference to your husband.

Actually, he should either foot the bill, or do the cleaning himself.

Which brings me to the second course of action you could take:

Choose a moment when all three of your menfolk are at home and tell them that either they tidy up and clean to your specifications or you will send for a professional cleaner.

Then take all the stuff that your DH leaves all over the place saying it is necessary for his dear fish and DUMP it in the garage, garden hut, cellar, disuesed hen house or whatever other storage space you have and tell him it STAYS THERE FROM NOW ON.

It is your home too, and should at least with regards to cleanliness meet your wishes.

Hire a skip clear any clutter then get the cleaners in you don't need permission.