Visitors, shoes on or off?

I absolutely hate having to take my shoes of when visiting friends houses etc.
But of course I do it out of courtesy.
My feet are usually freezing cold on winter and I’m not keen on removing warm shoes.

Workmen seem to be fairly courteous nowadays and usually put on plastic overshoes upon entering. Which I’m very pleased about. I dislike having to ask anyone to take off their shoes.

Golly - this feels like another area where there just doesn’t seem to be much flexibility! We’ve got wooden floors - it would be better to do shoes off as they really do get scratched by outdoor shoes. But we’re in and out a lot, and I can’t pretend we always remember - both of us tend to trot out in our slippers to hang out washing, go to the cars, the postbox or the bins. And I can’t bear a pile of shoes/slippers by the front door, so sometimes we end up walking around the house for a while until we remember to change. Obviously not posh enough to have grown up the habit of removing our shoes! We do have a hall chair and a long handle shoehorn though. I really don’t like crocs, but I do think that they can be useful for popping outside.

I can’t imagine having the energy to worry about very light carpets - but absolutely respect other people’s choices. (On the verge of removing our remaining carpets anyway, as moths are wreaking havoc with them.) I’m not offended if I’m asked to remove my shoes. I’ve got used to taking alternative shoes to the houses of friends who like ‘shoes off’.

I would never dream of asking visitors who arrive dressed for a party or supper to change into slippers. We spent time one winter in Norway - of course everyone arrives bundled up against the weather, including boots. They carry party shoes with them, and wear those in the house. Ditto restaurants etc which all have cloakrooms. I like European style ‘house shoes’ - more substantial than traditional slippers, and generally not such fussy designs.

So we normally try to be shoes off in the house, but would never expect visitors to do this. We feel like this is a good middle ground, which is comfortable for everyone.

On a dry “clean weather day” no! If I’ve arrived in a car also no.
Fluffy slippers or any slipper paired with smart/party clothes is not a good look. I’d just feel daft.

Floors are for walking on and vacuum cleaners/carpet fresheners exist.

My guests’ comfort is more important than flooring, and I wouldn’t dream of asking them to remove their footwear.
Shoes are an important part of an outfit in any case.

NotAGran55 I agree with you I wouldn’t dream of asking my guests to remove their shoes they’re comfort is more important than a clean carpet, anyway I’ve a course outdoor mat for all visitors and carers to use and a good upright vacuum. My gc always remove their shoes but then they’re mucky pups and so considerate.

I agree with those who "wouldn't dream" of asking visitors to take their shoes off. Ever. Such obsession with hyper-cleanliness of floors strikes me as a perfect example of how many humans have become "over-domesticated". By this I mean that they seem to want to separate themselves completely from the rest of nature, all of it – animals including all the miniscule ones we don't talk about much, other living things: plants, fungi – and the whole environment that we have evolved in. Why do so many people seem to want to make everything clinical when it doesn't need to be?

I find people's almost total separation from wild life (yes, wildlife too but I mean all wild life) really quite peculiar. We are part of nature. I think it's unwise to forget this.

What ever happened to doormats?

Sorry you think that's the case Baggs. It certainly is not true in my case or that of any of my friends.
I love nature. My garden is a sanctuary for wildlife. That's one of the reasons I wear back door shoes to go into the garden. One or other of the wildlife leave 'gifts' for me to tread in. I prefer not to tread the deposit back in to the house. It's happened on the odd occasion I've popped out without changing shoes. Not very nice and quite a bit of work to remove from floor coverings.
I am sensitive to the needs of others and no on is ever asked to remove their shoes. But most people do, as do I at their homes.
What is more, I wouldn't dream of suggesting a person who has physical difficulties should remove their shoes.
One of my friends absolutely insists visitors keep their outdoor shoes on. That's ok too. Her home.

We have the same problem with 'gifts' from wildlife, Aldom. Obviously one doesn't walk on best carpets with shit-encrusted wellies.

Which is why our hard tiled kitchen is a good idea. Easy to clean.

I still think a lot of people want their houses too posh and perfect. We had to take wellies off in the back porch as children, but not our school shoes (which were the only shoes we had). We didn't have slippers and it was about keeping warm in a house with only one open fire for heating. My comments about over-domestication had this in mind. People have much warmer and.... I hesitated there for a moment.... posher houses nowadays. That's what it's about. Plus puzzlement at an adoption of a tropical east Asian habit where people generally only wear flip-flops anyway.

My comments are not accusing anyone of anything nasty.

I did wonder why home carers might not be allowed to wear those plastic shoe coverings though, according to someone’s comment upthread? …they might slip?

On a tangent here also, but it erks me when I see visiting care workers get out of the cars sometimes in a team, approach their clients home tying their aprons on as they walk and wearing those blue plastic gloves. 😠

Baggs

I agree with those who "wouldn't dream" of asking visitors to take their shoes off. Ever. Such obsession with hyper-cleanliness of floors strikes me as a perfect example of how many humans have become "over-domesticated". By this I mean that they seem to want to separate themselves completely from the rest of nature, all of it – animals including all the miniscule ones we don't talk about much, other living things: plants, fungi – and the whole environment that we have evolved in. Why do so many people seem to want to make everything clinical when it doesn't need to be?

I find people's almost total separation from wild life (yes, wildlife too but I mean all wild life) really quite peculiar. We are part of nature. I think it's unwise to forget this.

What ever happened to doormats?

I agree with you 100%, Baggs. I think people are in danger of compromising their immune systems, if nothing else, with this obsession with clinical cleanliness.

Good thoughts Baggs. I totally agree with everything you say.
As for the idea of having slippers at the door. Yuk! I don’t want to put my bare feet into footwear that has been used by other bare feet unless of course you are suggesting leaving clean socks there as well!

Surely most people already wear socks or tights etc with shoes for most of the year , given our weather. I certainly do so no need to be provided with socks.

It’s a silly thing to argue about, you either do it or you don’t but be aware that a lot of people expect shoes to be removed.

It’s not about being super house proud. Years ago a friend of ours didn’t remove his footwear which unknowingly had dog poo on them. It transferred to carpet and the bottom of the (new) sofa and havnt forgotten, as it was v unpleasant to have to clean.

We always removed ours without being asked when we visited them. They never got the hint.

posset

Baggs

I agree with those who "wouldn't dream" of asking visitors to take their shoes off. Ever. Such obsession with hyper-cleanliness of floors strikes me as a perfect example of how many humans have become "over-domesticated". By this I mean that they seem to want to separate themselves completely from the rest of nature, all of it – animals including all the miniscule ones we don't talk about much, other living things: plants, fungi – and the whole environment that we have evolved in. Why do so many people seem to want to make everything clinical when it doesn't need to be?

I find people's almost total separation from wild life (yes, wildlife too but I mean all wild life) really quite peculiar. We are part of nature. I think it's unwise to forget this.

What ever happened to doormats?

I agree with you 100%, Baggs. I think people are in danger of compromising their immune systems, if nothing else, with this obsession with clinical cleanliness.

I couldn’t agree more.
Particularly on MN, some do seem to be obsessed with clinical levels of cleanliness. It’s got to the stage now, that whenever someone uses the H word (hygiene or hygienic) I assume that they have a serious case of clean-freakery.

For the record, we’ve had 2 generations of babies and toddlers crawling over our shoes-on carpets, and AFAIK none of them has ever become ill.
Picking up assorted bugs from nursery is another matter altogether!

Greenfinch

Good thoughts Baggs. I totally agree with everything you say.
As for the idea of having slippers at the door. Yuk! I don’t want to put my bare feet into footwear that has been used by other bare feet unless of course you are suggesting leaving clean socks there as well!

There is (despite opposing views) no right or wrong answer. If you want shoes off, then that’s your choice. As long as your guests aren’t uncomfortable, what’s the problem.

If you don’t mind shoes on, then that’s equally correct. If your guests would be more comfortable removing them, what’s the problem.

The house where I go for flute lessons, has a rack full of family shoes just inside the door, but I was never asked to remove mine. I did once ask if I should remove them, but was assured that there was no need.

Guests’ comfort is important. If they don’t want to remove their shoes for whatever reason or if it’s going to bother you and they sense it, then that’s not going to make them comfortable.

Strangely enough, my DC and spouses don't remove their shoes unless they’ve been walking the dog across the fields. My DGC do-even though I’ve never asked them to do so.

I have a large multicoloured rug by my front door that I clean on a regular basis. Next to it is a low shoe rack. If people want to take their shoes off they can leave them there. If they want to keep them on then they are welcome to.
We have a mixture of wood and rugs in our living area (an expensive Chinese one 🤣🤣 that mum and dad bought before leaving HK) It, luckily, seems to be impervious to dirt!
Life is too short.

I have a doormat inside the front door, and my longish narrow hall is lined with rugs (a hangover from when my little dog was around), so by the time people have walked the length of those their shoes have deposited more or less anything brought in from outside.

If you arrive at my house and walk dog shit all through my hall how disgusting.

Moii

If you arrive at my house and walk dog shit all through my hall how disgusting.

Actually if you dump their dog shitty shoes in your hall, that’s disgusting too. 💩

I'm late 50s and we always had to take our shoes off at home or when visiting grandparents. We had Korean neighbors once and no one would get through their front door with shoes on a complete no in their culture.

We must move in different circles because most people we know take off their shoes when visiting someone and all our grown children do this too as do their friends.
My DH is originally from the ME where everyone removes their shoes and usually there are rows of slippers to put on. We offer slippers in all manner of shapes and sizes in a big basket by the door.
Nobody who has visited us has felt uncomfortable or affronted and many seem glad to relax in slippers.
But I was brought up in a household where we wore shoes indoors, and visitors never took their shoes off. I do think that the younger generation are driving this change though so pretty soon taking shoes off at the door will become how things are done.
Tbh if a visitor did feel uncomfortable about taking their shoes off we wouldn’t insist. We are not that strict about it.

How do you know that your visitors are not uncomfortable?

Aveline

How do you know that your visitors are not uncomfortable?

They’re far too polite to say.

Aveline

How do you know that your visitors are not uncomfortable?

For one, I only invite close friends and family into my home.

They know me and I know them well enough, they would definitely say if they were uncomfortable, just like they say if they do not like a certain food, wine, etc.

Aveline

How do you know that your visitors are not uncomfortable?

We ask, and don’t actually stand their arms folded ready to wrestle any shoe wearers to the floor. Hopefully we come across as the kind of people who will be happy for a visitor to leave their shoes on if it is more comfortable for them.