never lend to family

Yes we have lent money to DDs, the same as others have said, so they don't pay interest. DD1 and SIL will need to replace their car within the next 12 months so we have said they MUST have the money from us and just set up a standing order to repay with no interest.
We have lent them money in the past when they were just setting up home and it was all repaid without our having to ask.
I don't think you should be taken for a fool or blackmailed over seeing DGC but there is no easy answer to that one. Personally I would do anything to keep in contact with my DGC.

Had a discussion with a financial adviser today, and he said that his hardest job is trying to get pensioners to see that the money they have is theirs to do with as they like.
I think there is a bit of this on here.
I think you will have to write it off and put it down to experience.
Make sure your son knows that, in case there is any chance he will relent about you seeing your grandchildren, if that is what you want.
Can you borrow from either of your other children? With the proviso that he gets more in the will?

Gononsuch I disagree. Our children need to learn to be financially responsible and I have seen too many cases where children in there 40s and older are still financially immature and 'bad' with money because they simply turn to their parents for gifts of money every time their financial extravagance gets them into trouble. I have seen parents in poverty because their children have bled them dry.

You sometimes have to be cruel to be kind. When my children were making their small financial mistakes in their late teens and early 20s I only ever lent money and I was strict about repayments. Now they are in their 40s they manage their money responsibly and do not see us as a 'Get out of gaol' card if they spend extravagantly. And now I do give them money on occasion, sometimes for a reason. Some times for no reason at all.

So often we have threads on Gransnet from parents who have given/done everything for their children because they want them to grow up 'happy' with everything they want; endless childcare, help with anything they want, a supply of money and then find when they have to stop this because of health problems, or because they have no money left. They then find they do not have loving caring children ready to help them when they need it, but angry child adults turning on their parents for being 'selfish' in stopping giving when they can do it no more.

What a sad situation kids can be such a problem I do hope it doesn't come to you all being estranged over money

Or maybe grandparents get tired of being viewed as being nothing more than the easiest bank in town.
Disappointing but best not to let yourself be used

I feel for you it is hard have you kept the text's? If so they should help in small claims .I wouldn't give up on him yet I would try again by writing to him saying how much you love him and want him in your life and that you hope you both can get over this hurt.If he could just set up a dd for at least say £70/80 a month or whatever you think.If that doesn't do anything then I would take him to court and face the fact he doesn't really care about you and the rest of the family. It will be hard and I would definitely not have him in my will.Stating why I have the feeling he is the sort of person that would try to fight it otherwise. Good luck to you I hope it works out in a happy way .