no income

Nothing wrong at all gonegirl.
Unfortunately it’s a bit of a luxury these days.
However if one chooses that option one should be aware that it will impact on ones financial situation. It was always thus.

Diane227. I have never ever let a man pay for me apart from when dd was a baby then at 4 months i worked part time. By retirement i will have 50 years contributions. I owe no one anything. I know many women the same. When i said a woman kept by her husband is like a prostitute i simply meant that in return for his pleasure she gets paid. I.e. her housekeeping. However way you look at it thats they way it is. I dont know the op so i cant make personal remarks. I just thinl that i work on a low wage. I have pride and no man will ever evem buy me a drink as it implies he wants something in return. Cant see it any other way. Like it or lump it were all entitled to our opinions and free speach. Remember us workers are paying for those on benefits.

No the money they get from their ac will not have any bearing on their pension credit. Pension credit is paid to those on a low state and have no other pension.

Fine if you choose to stay at home. But you shouldn't get the same pension as those who paid for it. Would you not agree?

I agree that the sons should pay their fair share. Make a list of all the expenditure and bills (even small things) then make sure that they pay half between them.

So many parents provide almost free board and lodging. If they object, show them rental rates for rooms in your area - they soon change their tunes!

Another thought, if you are of working age and looking for a job, maybe you'd be entitled to some benefit (what used to be job seeker's allowance, perhaps) so a visit to CAB to check might be worthwhile.

The OP has said, I think, that she is unable to work due to health issues.

I think NI payments are only made to the parent of child up to age 12.

I never understood what women did all day when their children were at school....a house isn't that big a job and sometimes husbands even help around it ...not mine because eh worked longer hours than I did .My children are well adjusted ,hard working ,good hearted and great parents .This "in spite" of me working all their lives .

If the OP were to get a job, however part time, it would impact on the Pension Credit that is currently being received in the husband's name. In fact, it would constitute a Change of Circumstances, which under the latest changes would invalidate all eligibility for Pension Credit until the OP reaches state pension age.
The couple would be moved to Universal Credit in the wife's name. She would be treated like any other job seeker of working age, expected to seek full time work and only eligible for minimal benefits in the meantime. Her husband would be relegated to the status of her dependant and, despite his age, would no longer be entitled to any of the benefits that a single man of his age and income would get, such as free dental care.
Their joint income would fall dramatically, probably to a level below that that her husband would enjoy if he was single or they were to divorce.

Food for thought!

I have been thinking all day about Lily's situation and the responses she has received. I, too, am shocked at the lack of support and human kindness on offer here. None of us know Lily's circumstances, yet many have gone out of their way to make her feel lazy and inadequate, and worse. This should not happen here.

I agree that being at home caring for five children is very hard. This was the choice the poster and her husband made though. Nobody could have forseen how times would change in regard to State Pensions. I was caught in the Married Women's payment trap, nobody told me how much this would reduce my pension. It was a shock but I had the benefit of reduced payments at the time so have to bite the bullet now.

Etheltbags.
Have you ever thought of doing some training so you dont have to do a poorly paid job ?
I expect you have reasons for not doing that , just as this OP had her reasons for staying at home.
Enough said.

Sister worked before marriage, then break for 7 years for children. Worked 30 years full time. On retiral 7 years ago a pittance of a pension.

I'm sorry not to be more sympathetic but I've raised children,looked after a home and still worked. Guess what? I'm not getting a state pension until I'm 66. Basically it's hard luck, get a job. That's what I have to do.

I agree that the money coming into the OPs house is hers as well as her husband's. Whether they deal with that by having a joint bank account is up to them; but she shouldn't be having to ask for pennies.

Gonegirl, I don't think that anyone is saying that there is anything wrong with you and your husband choosing your lifestyle - just that there would be nothing wrong with me choosing to have a mansion on Lake Geneva. Brilliant, if you can afford to do it, and I'd be off to Switzerland like a shot, if I could afford it.

But I can't, so I don't, and I don't expect anyone else to fund my lifestyle, now or when my State Pension eventually kicks in.

It's generous of you to feel sorry for those of us who have worked to subsidise yours, though. I think it's that sort of comment that brings out the worst in people. On the whole, the comments to the OP have been constructive, and she has been given a lot of advice that has not been acknowledged. Where people have been more direct, it has usually been in response to remarks that suggest they have been mugs to pay their way.

The arrogance of those stay at home mothers towards those of us who worked, paid taxes, contributed to society in a myriad of ways through our jobs and brought up healthy, well balanced children whilst subsidising those women who seem to think they have a right to have as many children as they want over as long a period as they want and then have a pension and criticise us. Flipping cheek

I've read this thread pretty thoroughly and haven't seen remarks suggesting people who pay their own way are mugs, but I've seen several implying that a person who has no money of her own is undeserving.

And I’ve seen posts suggesting that stay at home mothers are better for family life and that that job is mutually exclusive with also earning a living

The adult children living at home should b contributing at least £100 per week. Try renting a room for less!

In reality, things can be complicated and often are.

For example, it's very difficult to organise work and childcare when your husband works shifts. There weren't any benefits such as Child and/or Working Tax Credit to help in the past so paying to have children looked after could easily cancel out any financial benefit from working.

Those of us who did continue our careers had the great advantage of progression and higher earnings too. I know a woman who had two sets of twins and didn't work for fifteen years as her husband didn't want the family income to reduce. She then had training to 'catch up' with the many changes in her work during that time and still went back at a lower level than when she left.

If the OP can't work due to ill health then, logically, she should be entitled to some disability payments - but we all know that often that just isn't the case and people fall through the net. There's no need for smugness from those of us who didn't.

Can anyone suggest a training course for us over 60s to get a job/better job. It must be free and for me the job would need to be light as i cant lift, easy as i cant concentrate and fit in with looking after an 87 year old and many hospital appts. Also i cant walk far.

Childcare still does cancel out the benefit of going to work.

Nothing much has changed in that respect; just many empty promises and changing of benefit names.

etheltbags1, I think Carer's allowance would be a better idea.

Delila, I don't understand your point. Undeserving of what?

A lot of people have said that the money coming into the OPs house should belong to her as much as to her husband.

What people are also saying is that they have little sympathy with her not understanding why she has no money of her own when she has never worked.

Either she can get some from her husband, or someone has to give it to her. Given that all women of her age have had their pensions delayed, is it not understandable that those who have also brought up children, but have worked and contributed to pensions whilst doing so, should feel a bit taken aback that someone who has contributed nothing is asking to be 'paid something' because she feels 'left out'?

I think that the delay in the State Pension age has been very divisive, and have said more than once on this thread that it was grossly unfair to move the goalposts for women in the way that has happened. We all made choices based on the information we had at the time, and back then, pensions were paid to all women at 60, so IMO they should still be paid then.

However, given that they haven't, and given that everyone has had many years added to their State Pension age, it is perhaps a bit insensitive of someone in the OP's position to ask for 'stopgap money' and refuse to take any sort of job between now and getting her pension.