Unfair Will

Sadly there is nothing like a Will (or the lack of one) plus the related issues, to bring out the worst in some people. I have learned that sometimes you just have to "let go" of some things, however hurtful they are at the time.

Grapefruit, I don’t know how but, what goes round,comes round!!
The universe has a way of returning to people whatever they put out!
They’ll get their just desserts, even 10 years later!
Hold on to your integrity,you are the nicer person.

My sister and husband who were wealthy did me out of my mother’s money. Promised to make it up to me in their wIlls.
They didn’t, leaving everything to their daughters.
However they didn’t have a happy marriage and are now deceased whereas I had a happy marriage and am still alive!
My late husbands motto was ‘Poor but happy is rich enough’.

Dear Grapefruit pip.
So sorry to hear about all of this.
My mother died on 1st of July and already my younger brother (who was her LPA) was removing monies from her bank account to the tune of £2000-200 removed only an hour after her passing!
He did not imagine that I would find out but I did and it is now in the hands of the police. I have three younger siblings who are no longer speaking to me.
I hope that sharing this may be of use to you.
My best wishes and good luck.

I do everything for my Mum without any expectation when it comes to her personal care, health and finances. However, there is one area of her finances which I have taken on, lock, stock and barrel in the understanding that as a named owner of a joint asset that it will automatically come to me when she dies. Meanwhile, I get no benefit from that asset whatsoever. I should be really upset if she was to renege on that agreement, especially if somebody was instrumental in organising that. Anything else I couldn't care less about. It is her money and she should leave it to whomever she chooses.

Oh yes, Grapefruitpip.. I really do identyfy with the hurt and sadness you feel. My brother sister and I paid towards the mortgage on my mother and father’s house
under an agreement that when the property was sold we would each benefit in proportion to what we paid. Mine was less, due to a messy divorce, but that was fine. My mother wanted us to benefit equally from the share she and my father had paid. However when my brother wrote our mothers will he wrote that the fixed contribution M&F put in to be divided was £10k and did not reflect the increase in property prices so instead of the £15k I should have received from the property value, I was only due the sum was only £3333.
The remainder of my share of my mother and father’s investments they shared between themselves. Not content with their shares and fraudulent profits of over £120k they then plundered the residual funds, which was also intended to be split 3 ways. They decided to keep the property but refused to test the market value and finally insisted on using a figure quoted by homebuyers surveyor they had instructed, (the charge for this survey was taken out of estate funds.) Keeping all the utilities on at the house in their own interests drained all of the remainder of residual funds and then they said they could not pay all of my inheritance because there was not enough of the money left. They refused to calculate that the equity in the property more than covered my share of the £10k meaning that they had retained the whole all of their own inheritances just that it was held in the property rather than in cash. To add a further insult they refused to give me my inheritance unless I signed a document indemnifying them for any claims on the estate ‘whatsoever and howsoever’ incurred. i.e they wanted me to be responsible for the fraudulent transaction THEY had made. It is six years since my mother died and I still don’t have my inheritance. The police are absolutely useless and no lawyer is willing to take the case without an upfront fee of £3k that I cannot afford to make. I cannot see any solution but for the sake of my health I have to let it go even though criminal offences have been committed and it irks me that there is no-one who can help

Having had a stepmother and stepgrandmother I have seen very large sums of money and assets go west as a result of conniving and undue influence. Family members have unsuccessfully challenged wills in court at vast expense and there comes a point when you have to let it go emotionally. The money, the property have all gone anyway.

It is up to people to leave their money to whomever or whatever they choose. I know it hurts when all your life you've been told "it will all be yours one day" but at some point you have to let go of the fantasy relationship you thought you had with the deceased person. And yes I would have loved to be able to pass it to my children and grandchildren but I have raised a pretty resilient bunch who have done well without it.

One result for me was that I have ensured, to the very best of my ability, that whatever I have to leave when my crunch time comes will go to those I have chosen when all my faculties were intact.

Let it go and get on with enjoying the life you have. It's only money.

My grandfather wanted his money to go each of his three children equally but he died before my grandmother and my aunts husband got my frail grandmother to change her will in his favour. What was even worse was that within a day off my grandmothers death he had sold everything in their house, including family stuff of great sentimental value. Total shit!

As an only child I thought I would not have to think about what happened when my parents died. Mum left nothing at all which was expected. Dad married again - a woman only 5 years older than me -& left her everything. No- tell a lie! - I did get a Timex watch!!
Luckily I am not bitter as I can see the funny side of it but we were going through a really rough patch when he died & even a small amount of money would have helped us out so much.
When step mother goes it will all go to her friend's children- she has no children but several God children!
What the hell - it's only money.

I was one of four trustees to a house and land which used to be owned by my parents. when father died mum went into a nursing home and the house was being sold. It was what my parents wanted done.
However a sister & her husband who lived 400 miles away decided they wanted to buy it at a knock down price & to do it without going through the Trust. I noticed the children of a deceased sister were not included in her plans (they sent me a letter) so I contacted my solicitor & instructed him to remind them of the Trust.
My parents home (the property concerned) had extensive disabled adaptions done by the local authority in recent years which had to be refunded when the house was sold. The cost was £26K. Therefore is was essential the sale was conducted by a solicitor.
My solicitor sent my sister & bil the letter reminding them the sale could not happen privately ( My sister has Borderline & is inclined to get in a temper if challenged. My health is too poor to deal with her)

At the time I had a Social Worker who was starting arrangements for adaptions in my own house. (I have mobility problems with age)

Out of the blue I got another letter from my Solicitor about the "change of instructions". I had not changed any instructions. Someone had telephoned him "on my behalf" to tell him I would accept £30k as my share in the Trust on the property. The refund to the local authority would be deducted from that!

I immediately rang him to say no one had authority to represent me and could he tell me who had contacted him? He said it was someone through Social Service! I sacked him immediately and never heard from him again, not even a Bill.

I went to another Solicitor who continued the sale properly.

I checked with the Social Worker who said she knew nothing about it. So I naturally suspected it was my sister. I knew she had falsely represented my parents on many occassions (without POA) & decided to go to the police to ensure she wouldn't try that again on me. The SW asked could she be present when the police called at my home and I agreed.

It was a most bizarre visit. It was clear someone had misrepresented me, I had the letters but the Social Worker (who barely knew me) was insisting it was "in my best intetest" ?

After the visit I rang her and told her I was horrified at her behaviour, that any more visits by her would be recorded. She wasn't happy. Then she admitted my sister & bil had rung her, told her they were my carers (they have never been near my home for 20 years) and they were offering this lump sum of 30k as a one off. She ( SW) could arrange deducting what was owed from the Trust from that! Local authortities are desperate for money but this was ridiculous.

A Police Inspector rang and advised me to "drop the Social Worker" at once. It was clear to the police what had happened . So why do SW think they can take over POA when it doesn't exist?

To cut a longer story short, the house had to go on the market because of the Trust. Before a surveyor came to assess & value it someone had taken a hose pipe through the house, it was soaking! The house had only been empty a few months but he was told it was seven years. There is no end to the extent of spite in some people.

Mum is still in a nursing home and knows nothing about this. I know from relatives the house was bought cheaply by my other sister. Both myself & children of deceased sister support mum in the nursing home.

The sister concerned lived most of her adult life abroad. As a family we knew she had problems but never thought she would cheat on my parents (she pretended she had POA, had authority to use their bank & cleared out their savings) If SW are enabling these practices to happen they must be stopped.

@Mal44 same here Mal. All 5 sisters cared form Mum at home so she did not have to go into a hospice and she left all 5 of us equal shares in her estate. One sister and me were executors and we all received exactly the same. We all had to sort out Mums things too and clean house. I value my sisters far more than the money Mum left me.

Money does strange things to people and any thoughts about the person concerned seem to go out of the window and greed takes over.
Where a Will is concerned this can be challenged but can be a costly and lengthy process.
Like you, gillybob I dont know how anyone can take, let along enjoy any inheritance received under those circumstances.

Exactly, Smileless - her money , her choice. I have never inherited anything and never will. My father divorced my mother and remarried leaving everything to wife 2 when he died. She then left it to her children from her first marriage. My own mother left £10k to each of her 7 children. I put my share - £5k into each of my grandchildren’s accounts ...... I found out later that my ex daughter in law took it for herself! ?. Now I am older, I pay for my only son and his family to have holidays, etc. When I die my son and grandchildren will inherit. I know friends who cut people out of their will if they upset them! It’s a hobby of old people!?

I feel awful saying this because my Mum is now dead but my Mum told such a huge lie to me & when I asked members of my family if it was true she denied saying it & they all believed her & for the last 10 years no one from my Mum side of the family has had anything to do with me. I hoped my Mum would apologise on her death bed but she didn’t even say she loved me after I told her I loved her. And when my Nan died she left every Grandchild money except me. And I hadn’t done anything wrong. It hurts so much x

Sadly, I think this quite of backstabbing is quite common and in my own experience, it breaks families apart.

My sister, who is a couple of years older than me, has mild learning difficulties and suffers from anxiety. She has never married, has no children and she always lived with my mum and dad - being supported by them (often financially, although she has always worked part-time), eventhough quite capable of living independently. I felt she took advantage of their generosity, but it was their choice and I had left home at 18 and never gone back.

My parents were worried about what would happen when they were gone - especially since I lived a long way from them, with a family of my own. So I agreed with my parents, when I was still in my 20s that their estate would pass to my sister when they died, for her lifetime, and then her estate would pass to me on her death (or my children if I pre-deceased her) so everything stayed in the family - even though the amounts we are talking about are fairly modest in the big scheme of things. Don't get me wrong, an inheritance would have been useful, as we are not made of money, but I wanted my parent's minds to be easy.
Part of this understanding was that I would always be there to take care of things for her, which I was happy to do, and that she took on the practical care of our parents, as she lived with them, was quite capable and unlikely to ever leave home. Obviously, this would have been reassessed if circumstances changed.
We were all always happy with this arrangement - my parents were reassured, my sister was happy to take on most of the day to day care, and we all knew where things stood. I never once regretted my decision. She is my sister and I loved her.

Then, our mum died 6 years ago, and dad died within eighteen months of her. Mum had been ill for a long time and it was not a surprise when dad went not long after. To give her credit, my sister was brilliant at looking after both of them, and I don't know what would have happened if she had not been there - even though I was there as much as possible. I am sure many if you know what it is like juggling work and family with aged parents when you live a long distance from them - it is a constant struggle.

When dad died, I went and stayed with my sister - I organised everything for her, so she could remain living in the house for the time being and, as executor, put everything in motion to ensure her future. The plan being to set her up in a flat, near where she worked.

Unfortunately, nothing turned out as mum and dad wished. In their later years, we had discussed putting the estate in trust for my sister, so she was not vulnerable, was secure and would not have to worry - but this was never specified explicitly in either of their wills, just informally between the four of us, with my sister's full agreement. At every stage, my sister was included in the discussions and we made sure she understood the implications.

However, once my parents were gone, my sister refused to co-operate. She was adamant that everything was now hers without any interference from me! It was impossible to set up a trust without her agreement and she told solicitors she was confused and thought I was trying to con her after all she had done! She even cried in her meeting with them and played the complete victim, while still expecting me to sort everything out for her. I was incredulous!

So followed over three very difficult years trying to sort the estate, with my sister obstructing at every stage and misrepresenting the wishes of our parents to everyone, including the rest of our family. It turned out that she had my parents paying for pretty much everything before they died and had told the rest of our family that everything was my fault because I had not agreed for her to come and live with me and my family.....never an option, as she would have driven us insane!

The whole experience took a massive toll on me and has caused an irrevocable breach in the family - I now have nothing to do with my sister and am only in contact with one of my cousins (who said to me recently that he did not think my sister always told them the truth! You think?). My husband and family found it very hard to see me going through all this too.

Sorry for the lengthy rant, but you think you know your family until it comes to wills. I would never agree to be an executor again. It is a thankless task and causes endless sleepless nights. I feel so betrayed by my sister's actions and she has blighted any happy memories of our family.

I have just realised this reads like I never went back to visit when I left at 18!!! Of course I visited home many times over the years, but never lived there again! ?

This is a very sad thread.
I have never been left anything.
When my dad died all he had went to my mum who is now using what they had to pay £1000 a week in a care home. If anything is left it will go to our DC as that is what I wished. Fortunately I am an only child.

What sad stories my mum and dad left everything to each other and then on the second ones demise it was shared two fifths to me and a fifth to each of their three grandchildren
My will is extremely simple everything divided three ways equally for my three children plus a thousand each for seven grandkids
Sometimes it’s good to not own too much ! ?
I think in many of these stories it’s not the money it’s the unfairness not envy and I totally agree
gabriella you’re a very black and white thinker aren’t you ?

You didn’t get your fathers house but you got something so much more, his love, all of it unconditionally. As for your mother and sister, I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around.....karma will take care of them

Gosh the horror stories!
I was the executor of my Mum's will (Dad left all to Mum, Mum all to Dad, Dad died first) - middle daughter but regarded by Mum and Dad as the one that was "good" with money. Easy split 3 ways between us 3 daughters with a small cash sum to my elder sister's eldest child, a granddaughter my parents adored. Easy eh?

On the death of my Dad my Mum was fretting about money to pay for her funeral, anxious that her daughters wouldn't be footing the bill. So - at her insistence - we opened a small account with Alliance & Leicester which both she and I were signatories on - it had some £12,000 in it and was called the funeral fund. She told both my sisters about the fund - but didn't discuss any money matters with them, I was "her accountant", dealing with HMRC, pensions etc. She moved to be nearer one of my sisters (when Dad died they were 3 hours away from the nearest daughter - me - every other weekend driving up there on a Saturday, back on the Sunday for 6 months until the house sold), selling the 3 bed house in exchange for a 1 bed flat in a serviced block. But there was no Alliance & Leicester branch anywhere near. She set up her account with the bank in the little town she'd moved to - I went with her - and we agreed that the funeral fund would transfer to the full account as the bank and as agreed with the bank manager, on production of invoices they would pay all funeral costs.

Yeah, turns out Mum didn't tell my sisters that. And of course it wasn't my business to discuss Mum's money matters with them.

One sister knows me better than to think I'd do them out of a couple of thousand pounds, but the other still bears the grudge. The probate was handled by solicitors under my instructions and everything was copied and sent to my sisters. I had no idea there was this doubt until my other sister mentioned it 6 years after Mum's death. It bothers me that, as the one who Mum trusted with her money matters, I've been seen as the bad guy, and I'm sure there's been "gossip" amongst the family.

Yes my DH (who is vulnerable due to MH problems) was stiched up by his brothers over his father and mothers wills (died within a few months of each other) unfortunately this coincided with my developing cancer and subsequently nearly dying so I was unable to help him challenge things and time has now passed

I can never understand why wills can be contested.

Obviously if it is thought that the deceased had possibly been coerced or if children or dependents are involved then that’s different

However otherwise I feel very strongly that an individual’s will should always stand even if the entire fortune is left to the cats’ home!

Greed is always at the bottom of most cases I fear.

at some point you have to let go of the fantasy relationship you thought you had with the deceased person

wise words.

Those people saying " it's only money" ,yes it is . If you have money it is more of the same. If you don't it's a life line.

icanhandthemback
If it's not in writing backed up by an independent witness then you have no guarantee and even the paper has no absolute irrevocable value if someone chooses to challenge it.
I'd never put my trust in a verbal agreement.

BlueBelle
Yes. Everyone knows exactly what I stand for and exactly what I mean. No grey areas, no confusion, no skirting around the facts or trying to make things sound more acceptable to everyone everywhere.
I'm not courting fans or looking for agreement, just giving my opinion.
If you like grey...good.
If I like black or white...good.