Cannot get him to leave

I would put something in writing, email it if you can, so there is a record, and state that he must pay rent from 1st December. You can make it high end of reasonable for your area. You can state that the bills will be shared, or included, up to you. That way he has to decide whether to stay as your lodger or leave. I would also provide a tenancy agreement that states that you live in the house, you are renting him a room only and that you are entitled to give him 30 days notice.
At least that way you will have some money coming in (if he pays) that you can offset against what you owe him for the bathroom and kitchen. Of course, he would have to provide proof that he did buy stuff, did the work, improved it and more specifically that you asked him to. If he just wanted his lodgings to be nicer for his own benefit, then that is nothing to do with you.
From a sensible viewpoint I think it would be fair to pay something towards the costs, perhaps you pay for the materials as he did the labour for free.
He was gaining as well as you by putting a new bathroom and kitchen in, and seeing as he was paying no rent, I think it was fair that he bought and fitted those items in return.
You each paid half the bills, which is fair if you both live there.
But from now on I would formalise it.

Solicitors advice ASAP as others have said!

I wish people would read the thread through.
Most replies have advised getting advice from a solicitor who offers a free half- hour initial consultation (not saying this is universal) and/or CAB, but recognising that service is overstretched so may involve a wait.
It probably is not advisable at this stage to change the locks/put his belongings on the doorstep/involve the police as this will almost certainly prejudice OP’s position as well as (possibly) making her personal situation vis-à-vis the BF much more difficult.
If OP want to do it properly she needs to know where she stands.
Putting in writing that she wants him to leave and asking (in writing) for his figure for money he has put into the house eg for the bathroom etc gives her solicitor something to start with.
Keeping calm is only going to help her to achieve what she wants.

Hi Nicky. I have been in exactly the same situation as you. I owned my home outright and he refused to leave. He was sleeping in the spare room and just ignored the situation between us. I ended up completely ignoring him and stopped doing anything for him, i.e. meals, laundry etc. and started charging him rent. He eventually got the message and left, but it was a very stressful time. Looking back, I think I should have just packed his bags and changed the locks while he was at work. It would have been a lot quicker and for the price of a bit of ranting, it would all have been over in a quarter of the time. By the way, all his threats of taking me to court for a share of the property came to nothing - all just hot air and bluff.
Good luck

Unfortunately Stella14 he would have a legal right to gain entry by force if that is classed as his residence. I find it very odd that someone in such distress isn't prepared to take a financial hit to get rid of someone. Surely you can't put a price on peace of mind and if it costs you a bit to get your life back wouldn't you just pay up?

You're not going to get him out by asking nicely, he is too happy where he is with you looking after him. You are not married and his name is not on the deeds.
Being nice will get you nowhere believe me I know.
Just bag up his stuff and leave it outside then change the locks - not forgetting the back door.
It is then up to him what he does.
I agree that finding out where you legally stand id important, I was advised to say I felt threatened so that is why I changed the locks.
You owe him nothing.
Alternatively you could sell the house without telling him then move out, that would be another solution.
Good luck and don't let yourself be bullied by anyone.
S

Please can all those who have posted about chucking him out and changing the locks say if they would be saying the same if Nickysmadhouse was a man who owned the house? I know I woud be saying exactly the same.

Only one thing to do and asap! Get legal advice and take action..

Have you any large young male friends with a van? Kick him out he is being abusive.

Give yourself a Christmas present and sort it all out as soon as possible ( though I know nothing in the legal profession moves very fast!). Tell him you are seeking legal advice. As soon as you officially start the ball rolling he will see you mean it and start realising he has to find alternative accommodation and tell you the amount of money he thinks you owe him. He’ll probably need it for deposit on a rented accommodation. Love yourself and set yourself a date in the very near future when you want this to be over with. I am always prevaricating with decisions but if I set myself a date I find things move forward faster.

A friend of mine saw a solicitor about her now ex husband who wouldn't leave and was told she couldn't change the locks or do anything to obstruct his access to their house even though she'd had the police remove him from the house when he was threatening. She decided to move into rented accommodation when he came home and wait for the divorce courts to make their decision. He promptly changed the locks denying her access and the legal beagles all just shrugged their shoulders, said he shouldn't have done it and that was that!
There is no such thing as a "Common Law" wife or husband. Please see the following link: www.porterdodson.co.uk/blog/the-myth-of-common-law-marriage
My advice would be to get a letter from a solicitor asking your partner to leave. You will probably find that will do the trick as it sounds like this man is a bully who will try to cow you but can't do that to the legal system! If you ask him to leave and he cuts up rough, just ring the police and they will suggest he goes elsewhere.
As the sole owner, you are entitled to change the locks on your house without recourse to anyone else. If he tries to break back in, he is committing an offence. The most he could do is take you to court to prove right of implied ownership in that he has paid for improvements but HE HAS TO PROVE THAT WAS YOUR INTENTION. Presumably, you agreed to him paying the bills in return for housekeeping, not ownership of the house. Similarly, you would both enjoy the benefits of the improvements whilst you were living there, not because you were implying ownership. The distinction is absolutely critical so I would not cloud the issue with offers of repayment at this stage but if you do see a solicitor, ensure that you make it quite clear what your intentions were.

Esspee said that there is no free half hour from solicitors. I have found that most will give helpful advice over the phone. Citizens Advice is mentioned a lot and I wonder if it has changed, as in the past, they would only give a list of local solicitors for legal advice and would also only help people on a low income.

Don’t start charging him rent, just move him out and change the locks. Then tell him to send you a bill for his expenses and you can pay him if you feel you want to.

Nothing has been legally drawn up, ie Tenants in common or declaration of trust, i do want him to have some payment because i feel that way he can never make any come backs! Fingers crossed it gets sorted asap, I originally said by Christmas but deaf ears and all that.
Thanks guys x

This happened to me. I ended up paying him £6,000. It was that or the Courts. He would (back then) have got legal aid. So I paid up and got rid of him. I would urge you NEVER to get involved in a court case. Years previously we were involved in a dispute over a lease where there was no question at all that we were in the right. However, it ended up costing thousands in fees not to mention the stress. I'd make him an offer and, however annoying that is, you'll have peace of mind once he's gone.

My friend was told by her solicitor that she should NOT change the locks though it was very tempting. Making him effectively homeless would put her in the wrong apparently and weaken her case.

It sounds as if he knew exactly what he was doing suggesting you stay at home whilst he effectively became the breadwinner! He probably knows where he stands legally and you need to get legal advice before doing anything. Knowledge is power!

Ignore the unkind posts from the small minority! It’s not personal as the same posters are harsh 99% of the time. Very hurtful when you are struggling and have had your self confidence shattered. Focus on the positive contributions.
Tell yourself that one day soon, hopefully, it will just be a bad memory and a big learning curve!

Try and make a diary type record of events to save complicated explanations during your 30 minutes! Half an hour to explain a nine year relationship isn’t very long! Solicitors around here usually have boards up advertising the half hour free if they offer it. Hope your solicitor proves to be a good one. If not ask around for recommendations locally or in your previous home town.

Good luck! Let us know how you get on!

I absolutely dont want to go through the courts! My nerves and pension wouldnt stand it!
I have offered varying amounts but its like he’s living in another parallel ?

All the best. Do hope you get helpful advice.

sussexborn thank you, such a kind post ? x

I do think you should beware of solicitors or simply remember that the advice they give is what you can do and that they make their money by sometimes encouraging you to venture further into legal action which can end up costing you more than you ever believe. By all means take a half hour free if you can get it but the best way out of this is for you to pay something. You have a house you can borrow on if you haven't the readies why not just act and get rid?

I'm not personal by the way just fair. If he's improved your house and paid the bills he needs something out of it.

I agree with trisher about solicitors. They can make a mountain out of a molehill. The police are very helpful with evictions, including explaining things to the reluctant leaver.

wait till hes out change the locks, obviously go to citizens advice and see what you can do legally,

I think the first step is legal advice. I am not sure of you rights or his but a solicitor or Citizens Advice ( who are wonderful in such matters) may be able to help. You can sometimes get a free 'half hour' from a solicitor who have legal clinics. Hope you can resolve this, what must be, a very distressing situation.

Nickysmadhouse
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. As he is earning he could easily pay for another place for him to stay at so I do not see any need for him to be made homeless unless he does it deliberately.

As so many have said, I can add no more than:

1. Get Legal advice.
2. keep a written record of all communication between you concerning the matter of his leaving. Also record anything he says or does that upsets you or pertains to his leaving.
3. Give him notice to leave in writing.

If he is demanding recompense for work done in the house he must present a written bill with recipes for any purchases. Tell him this in writing. When you receive it, consult you Solicitor. You then may contest his evaluation and write a similar draft listing the rent that you would have charged but conceded to ask him to pay on the condition that he was doing in the house. It would leave him owing money o you.

Good luck. Get started straight away. Don't feel sorry for him or be blackmailed. He is perfectly capable of finding alternative premises. Stick to your aims and do not get involved in any discussions with him concerning his excuses for not leaving. Should he keep on at you about it have a stock answer "You can tell my Solicitor" or "Put it in writing, it does not change that I have given you notice to leave." And repeat the same stock answer every time until he gets the message that he will get no pleasure out of drawing you into a row. He is trying to bully you and upset you. Do not let him. Leave the room if necessary. Avoid any interaction as far as you are able. Your Solicitor will advise.
Wishing you the best of luck and that all this is resolved very soon!