estranged Brother on will

I’m one of four. Two of us provided most of the support for our mum… one provided most of it ( not me). That was my mum’s plan as far as I could tell.
We all inherited exactly a quarter of the estate. That seems fair to me as she was all of our mum, and it was really from our Dad too, who had died decades before.
But I get how you can be so used up at the moment that it can make you feel that it’s unfair.
Sending you 💐 and a hug

Firstly Annie1962 I totally understand where you are coming from. You are a good daughter. As a kid, I never understood the Prodigal Son.
But please think about where your mother is coming from. For many years her beautiful boy has not wanted to have anything to do with her. That would break the heart of any mum. Perhaps by cutting him out of her will, that would compound her silent pain.
As a mother, I now understand the Prodigal Son, you love your kids no matter what.

Thanks for all your comments and advice, I have read everyone, I will take what you’ve all said on board! It’s hard, but I’ll rise above it all, at the end of the day I don’t need the money, any future inheritance I get I will give to my children/grandchildren, they need it more than I do, I do support them and buy them things they can’t afford or we give money for their savings etc. I’m genuinely a happy accepting kind of person, so live and let live, can’t change it, so get in with it 😆
Inner peace is happiness 😆

Germanshepherdsmum

Leave her alone. Despite the estrangement she still loves her son. I understand how upsetting it is for you and your other brother but she’s trying to make it clear that her love for each of you is unconditional. Your estranged brother will get his just desserts when he has to cope with receiving a gift from his mother at a time when he can no longer make peace with her.

I agree.

I will just add that no-one knows if they might need to pay for residential and/or nursing care one day.
You are coping now, Annie1962 but you don't know if you may not be to meet all your mother's needs at any future point.
All her money may be swallowed up in care fees anyway so there will be nothing to leave anyone.

Sago

You say your brother will be left a substantial amount of money when your Mother passes
I think my late brothers wife thought this and was expecting a big chunk when she died.
She hadn’t bargained on years of nursing home fees!

Sago said it more succinctly than me!

Inner peace is happiness 😆

Indeed, there is no point in fretting.

Chardy.
I was lucky enough to see the painting of The Prodigal Son at the Heritage museum a few years ago. It struck me then, probably as a parent that I really did get it! I’d never thought about it before but looking at that painting brought it home. Nobody will turn away from their child when there is a chance.

A parents love for their child should be unconditional.

Annie1962

My father recently passed away, leaving my 82 year old mum a widow. I live nearby, my DH and myself organised the funeral etc. I have 2 brothers, my parents have not seen my older brother for years, my youngest brother is 2 hours away, and often visits. My older brother was informed of my dads illness and death, never made any effort to visit or phone or attend his funeral. Yesterday we all visited the solicitor, everything passes to my mother, my older brother is on her will, along with his son, I asked her to take them off and do a new will, I expressed my annoyance of this (always say what I think) but she said ‘just leave it as it is’. My younger brother said, ‘it’s her will, and up to her’.

Obviously, this has annoyed me, as I do lots for her, and so does my DH and DD. It’s not about the money, as we are ‘well off’. It’s the fact that I run around taking her shopping and she always comes over for Sunday lunch, and I feel upset that my older brother and son make no effort to see her, or even phone her, but will left a substantial amount when my mother passes.
Do I speak to her? My hubby said ‘next time she asks for help, tell her to contact the brother’
I understand she’s grieving for my DD, but still I find this hard to accept.

I hope you won't be spiteful about this, as your husband suggested. That will not change anything other than to make things worse. I doubt it will make you feel better; your mother is no doubt already sad about the distance between everyone and your brother. Do your really want to add to this?

He's her son. It is her will. What has it got to do with you? You are not "entitled" to anything. How did you come to hear about her will at the reading of your father's? It is none of your business and should be between your mother and her solicitor.

Annie1962

Thanks for all your comments and advice, I have read everyone, I will take what you’ve all said on board! It’s hard, but I’ll rise above it all, at the end of the day I don’t need the money, any future inheritance I get I will give to my children/grandchildren, they need it more than I do, I do support them and buy them things they can’t afford or we give money for their savings etc. I’m genuinely a happy accepting kind of person, so live and let live, can’t change it, so get in with it 😆
Inner peace is happiness 😆

Exactly this. Well done Annie1962

well done Annie, peace is descending to you

mumofmadboys

A parents love for their child should be unconditional.

This.

All parents love their children equally and wouldn't want their last "words" from their will/the grave to be less than equal.

It seems several people have commented on the parable of the Prodigal Son and by coincidence this was part of the 2 minute "prayer for the day" yesterday. I've found the link:

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001h44f?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Interesting thoughts I felt. Hadn't really ever looked at it this way.

So pleased you are feeling a bit better about this today Annie

Thanks for sharing link

One of my daughters does far more for me than the other........... - their choice, no family fall-outs, its just the way things are but they both get an equal share of my estate when I die.

I did a lot more for my parents than my sister did . They moved near us in their old age . Consequently it was by a factor of say 100 X!! On my parents death estate was shared equally between us. That's fine by me. I helped them because I loved them and I chose to. I would have felt awkward if it was any other way.