Skipping a generation

I’ve just reread this entire thread, I remember some of the “complaints” about your DiL. I know this is a very difficult decision for you, but instead of potentially turning the whole world upside down AFTER your death, for your son and grandson, why not be open and honest and attempt to resolve your issues whilst you’re still alive with your DiL.

The smallest little unintended slights from our children’s partners can seem monumental to us, but often are without intention, malice and certainly not toxic in reality.

Mend the relationship now, and leave 25% of your estate to be split via any grandchildren and the remainder to your son, whom I assume loves you, his wife and his son. I can only feel such sorrow for him caught between his mother and his wife. If I was said wife, I would expect my husband to be on my side! It’s a truly awful situation, if you love your son please do your best to “fix this”

My parents put this in their will several years before they died. They didn’t change it after their fifth grandchild was born. However, very kindly, cousins and sisters agreed to split into the inheritance into five to include her.

No problem. Just update your will and do a letter of intent which specifies why you are doing this. Saves any arguments over the will.

My mother left everything to my children. DH and I had been made bankrupt and she was afraid that, if she died before the bankruptcy was discharged, the Receiver would take the house. Of course after our 3 years of bankruptcy was over she forgot all about it and when she died the children still inherited. It turned out to be quite a simple matter for them to sign it over to us.

Speak to your solicitor to get this drawn up correctly. The law in England and Wales allows testamentary freedom meaning you can leave your estate as you think fit but this may mean setting up a trust, and doesn't mean the will can't be challenged by disgruntled relatives, which can damage and split up families well as possibly eating up part of the estate in fees. This is why you need watertight wills and why some people do leave small amounts to the people they otherwise wish to bypass as evidence that the testator has considered them and not forgotten them.

My grandfather left his very modest estate in trust for me and my brother and sister but we never saw a penny as the trustees (his son and solicitor) spent the money in untraceable ways. It turns out that not all trustees can be trusted.....