"Can I have a word?"

That's me being pedantic about politeness, which I think is more important than correct grammar in idiomatic speech.

Most dramas would be even less realistic if everyone used grammatically correct language. In the real world people don't.

Anyway grammar has always been evolving and usage changes with time. If unbreakable rules were set in any particular era we might still be talking in say Chaucerian or Shakespearean English.

As long as what one is saying clearly conveys the message and that most people understand the meaning does it matter?

English idioms can "be a minefield" for foreigners. I am sorry if this statement may "rattle the cages" of grammar pendants.

Bags asking someone "Can I have a word" when everyone within earshot knows it is code for "You're going to be told off now" is also rude.

I've remembered why I find that particular idiomatic expression so annoying. In my first month of working in the UK the woman in charge called me aside with just that and I followed her into her office with my tail wagging, only to be shat on for something really trivial. So trivial that I can't even remember what it was now. She didn't like me for some reason.

Absent I like it! Had to look up "pendiculate".

Thanks Nelllie you're so right.

I guess idiomatic expressions can be a minefield for foreigners anywhere...

I was thinking more of the tentative approach that Can I have a word is used for too. Except that when it is me being tentative, I think I would be even more tentative than May and use Could.

I accept the "you're about to be told off approach" but one wouldn't say no to one's boss, for instance.

I still think a flat out no is rude even with the above expectation. You can listen and argue your case if you aren't in the wrong, or you can say sorry if you are.

And if it's someone just being shitty for the hell of it, well chalk it up to experience and avoid them as much as possible.

Bet none of us would say no to a grandchild who asked to have a word. Whether they were grammatical would be irrelevant.

So, my case, as usual, is that "it depends." There is no hard and fast correct or incorrect for cans and mays.

Agree with Bags. It's an idiomatic expression and everyone knows what it means. I think there is an equivalent in other European languages too.

Making a child say May I leave the table? is just nerdy.

Not that nerdiness is always wrong, but in this case it's just nagging.

This business of 1 line posts.

Is actually.

Quite irritating

Innit. (shudder)

Actually I think the most youareinforabollocking version is, "Might I have a word?"
Minefield indeed. I used to say "Ah bon" in response to information until I was told that it was used to express disapproval.

When wanting to leave the table, my kids just said "Can I get down now?"

The way I see it, as they were polite enough to ask, I wasn't about to correct them about the niceties of grammar.

Jerky thinking, phoenix. It's quite irritating for the thinker as well.

I realise one isn't supposed to be irritating but unfortunately one often is without meaning to be so, as are quite a lot of other gransnet posters on occasion. I suggest we live with it #tolerance

Exactly, ffinn.

More jerky thinking. Keep away if it bugs you! (We need a "Polite Alert! Keep away if feeling irritable" emoticon)

I was reading something else totally unconnected, not even on GN, when I remembered that my archery coach says "Can I have a word?" in the kindest possible way. When he has coached me, which is rarely because I don't fit the "normal" pattern in archery either, what he has said has always been useful and it has always been said kindly and respectfully. Another reason for not minding the expression at all.

I can see why it would annoy someone who'd only had ticking off kinds of experiences though.

Buggering off for a bit now.

Amusingly, my grandson, aged 9, has absorbed the message about 'can' and 'may' a bit too thoroughly. He has taken to saying - for example - 'Please may you pass me the mayonnaise?' He is an exceptionally polite child.

Phoenix

Someone's stays need loosening off? Just a teeny bit?

My apologies to all who I have upset with my few, brief, posts. It was sleepy bedtime posting.

Just R E L A X.

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other

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