In laws nasty when we took our new dog round. We didn't expect them to ask the dog inside.

You knew what your plan was ,your brother in law didn’t. He was being clear he did not want a dog in his house. You were not clear . You also put him on the spot and so that’s why you got a reaction you didn’t like. You should have phoned and asked. Then he would have had time say no a bit more calmly.
Are you really going to blank your relations just because your dog is not allowed in their own house?
My friend turned up unexpectedly on Christmas Day with her son and her dog right in the middle of our meal. I did not want anyone in at this point so I kept her on the doorstep while my cat hissed at the dog.We are still friends , I said I was in the middle of dinner and I’d pop round to her this week and I’d give her a text first. We wished each other happy Christmas and everything is fine .

Your in laws haven't replaced their dog for whatever reason. You turned up with an unknown dog at a time of year when (presumably) there are even more items to be knocked over and/or damaged than usual.
Your dog wasn't invited and you chose not to phone and find out if your sister in law wanted to meet it at that time on that day.
You and your husband acted spontaneously and without warning because you wanted to, as you are entitled to do. Accept the consequences

I don't think any of this is worth losing family over.

There was clearly a misunderstanding, and nobody on here can possibly know who thought what, or what else was going on under the surface.

As presented, though, it was just that - a misunderstanding about (a) whether the dog would be a welcome visitor, indoors or on the step, and.or (b) what the BIL thought was the intention of the visit.

If everyone had been close before all of this (and having close relatives living so near is something that could be a comfort as time goes by), it seems such a shame to lose the friendship over something that can easily be put right.

If the in-laws are not keen on visiting dogs, you can leave the dog at home when you go round, or if it's just that they would prefer a bit of notice to dog-proof the house first, you can do them that courtesy, and still be friends. I agree with the idea of dropping in a note (or a card?) apologising for any misunderstanding, and asking them round for a drink over Christmas.

Enjoy your puppy. We lost our lovely dog last year, and I would love another one, but my husband isn't ready yet. We have my daughter and her puppy here for Christmas, and I realise just how much I miss having a dog about the place.

The issue, to me, isn't so much as bringing the dog around unannounced as it's the rudeness that the in law exhibited. The visitors were quick to explain that they had no intention of wanting to bring the dog inside, that they only wanted to show the in-law their new dog. We are a civilized society. If a dog isn't welcome, there are kinder, friendlier ways to say it without being offensive and rude. This was a NEW dog, not one that they "take everywhere with them". They were excited about having a new dog and thought the other family members (who in the past appeared to them to be dog lovers) would be interested in seeing it. Just because their assumption was incorrect doesn't mean they should be spoken to rudely. How much better it would have been for the in law to have said something along the lines of: "We are glad to see you both but we'd rather not have a dog come inside today. When you return, you can tell us about him and we'll tell you what's been going on with us". Manners really do count and many hurts and emotional injuries to relationships would not happen if folks thought before they spoke.

Your Bil may have been in a bad mood from something totally unconnected to you and your dog...and just didn't want visitors at that time..you may have overreacted due to the stress of your mother's illness...

My son brought his two dog on Christmas day there were 10 humans as well the dogs were well behaved and everyone loved them I wouldn't have it any other way

They need to chill! There are people who would give anything for a friendly knock on their door!

I think the point was . They were actually walking the dog decided to drop the presents off then OH Was taking the dog home while the wife went in .They just wanted to show this dog to them not necessarily go in with it . He just sounds like a Victor Meldrew . Why not just fuss the dog and then say to OH see you in a few minutes . Next time he calls just say I can’t let you in the dogs here with a smile on your face. Xxx

A little surprised that you had replaced your dog within 2 weeks (we still mourn our beloved pet after 7 years - and support dog charities until we are able to give a loving home to another). Dogs are sentient beings, not accessories. Perhaps your in-laws are more honest (if not humane) towards their approach to other creatures...

A puppy visiting would be my idea of heaven, sod the humans. Hope you had a lovely Christmas with your new addition, bet you'll get more affection from them than your relatives ?

My brother and his partner have two Dalmatians whom they allow to hunt and kill wildlife. Not only do they allow it but seem to glory in it, relating instances of kills whenever we see them. Dalmatians are not hunting dogs and I believe my brother and partner's stance is to help them 'fit' with their local 'huntin', shootin', fishin' community. My brother wanted to be a vet in his early years, so I find this a huge turnaround. I am vegan, which they know. I don't expect my life choices to influence theirs but, equally, do not expect them to flaunt theirs at me. They are my only family. So far, I have said nothing, just remained silent during their reports which they cannot have failed to noticed - maybe they are trying to see how far they can push me? But their attitude sickens me. Does anyone have a suggestion on how I might deal with this?

This sounds like very poor communication on everyone's part. BIL sounds to have overreacted but Christmas Eve sounds a very poor time to have sprung a no-warning, surprise dog visit on anyone.

Not really worth falling out over.

Surely the point here was that the OP only wanted to show her SIL the dog. She didn't want to take it in, she just wanted to introduce it. The BIL was rude and didn't listen. That is the unreasonable bit. Not the dog being there as they delivered the presents but the fact that the SIL wasn't even going to ask his wife if she wanted to be introduced to the dog so he was being disrespectful to his wife too. In these circumstances I'd be upset too.

It happened to us when we first moved here, a couple my husband new slightly, knocked on the door and marched in with a chow chow in tow, they didnt ask, just presumed the dog was welcome, I couldnt believe the cheek to be honest, they didnt think we could have been allergic to dogs.We didnt make a fuss but couldnt believe how people are, darned impertinent.Ask first not later!

The points are on both sides - the dog-owner only wanted to show off the new dog, but didn't inform the brother-in-law in advance that they would be arriving on his doorstep with a doubtless excited and exuberant young dog, and the brother-in-law jumped to the conclusion that the dog was to be unexpectedly included with the visitors who had been invited round to the house.

Neither side comes out it of smelling of roses, and neither of them seems to have considered the point of view of the other.

Gransnet posters mostly seem to have only considered one point of view or the other too.

As the "auntie" to a lovely but a large and exuberant young dog who always leaps up to greet me lovingly when she sees me, has at least two-thirds of her owners' attention all the time they are in my house and supposed to be talking to me , and gets so bored after a short time that they decide it is time to leave (it is not because I chase them away!) my sympathy is slightly more with brother-in-law, who was expecting to have two adult humans for a few quiet drinks and a chat.

However, I can see the point-of-view of someone whose beloved new pet (which they are probably focussed on at the moment) seems rejected, with no chance to explain. I am sure everyone could see both angles, if they thought a bit about it.

How rude especially as you didn't intend taking the dog in. I can't understand people like this who don't like dogs. They are such lovely loyal creatures. You can learn a lot from dogs. Happy New Year to you anyway xx

They need to chill! There are people who would give anything for a friendly knock on their door!

So? People shouldn’t be uncomfortable because some other person somewhere would like something.

I’ve just read this thread having returned from a day out.
During the year 2 of my Dds acquired puppies which they brought to our house for Christmas Day. There were 8 adults and 5 children here as well. We have a spacious house but the dogs caused quite a few problems. One had several accidents on my carpets and they both kept chasing each other round and round. No food could be put on the coffee tables or left anywhere else as the larger of the dogs can jump quite high.
All in all the dogs made our day much less enjoyable and relaxing than it could have been. We will always welcome the dogs if we have to because we want to see our family but are so much happier when they’re not around. We don’t have a dog and don’t want to. In general we prefer not to have dogs to visit us. Are we so terrible?

Shame on all of you who make such a big deal about someone taking their dog round to someone's house, it is not a wild animal, they are kind caring and sentient creatures,
I hope none of you never need one of them to help you they
look after the blind the deaf, and if you are upset they know
it and comfort you, they help many people through life crisis
I am ashamed of you all who just think dogs are dogs and don't deserve any other title, they are wonderful animals,and you should open your door and f--k your low table with food
beautiful carpet they are worth ten times more than that

Oh for heaven's sake!

Ashamed of people who think dogs are dogs! That is exactly what they are, and some people (including me, for what that's worth) like them, and others don't. How do you get to be ashamed of others, anyway?

Who or what we invite into our own homes is up to us, and there is absolutely nothing shameful about not wanting a dog in your house, and nor is there any reason why someone who is not a fan of pets shouldn't have a guide dog if they even need one - the roles are completely different.

Shame on all of you who make such a big deal about someone taking their dog round to someone's house, it is not a wild animal, they are kind caring and sentient creatures,
I hope none of you never need one of them to help you they
look after the blind the deaf, and if you are upset they know

That doesn’t mean I want them uninvited at my house.

Not welcoming dog A Today has absolutely no bearing on needing dog B, later in life.

Dogs aren’t all the same. They won’t know that I once didn’t want a dog in my house

anok What a horrible person you are, no tolerance or thought whatsoever, the puppies were only babies and your.. bloody food shouldn't have been down on a low table any way , not very handy for guests to get to . Yes I think you are terrible.

Not need for him to be rude nor for you to have to explain. You were walking your new dog, dropping off presents, would have been pleased to be invited in but not bothered if you weren’t.

You did nothing wrong. He could simply have put it politely if dog wasn’t welcome.

OH so you think you should be entitled to have a dog to look after you do, having not wanted one over into your bloody house, to mess it up or whatever you think in your pathetic imagination it's going to do well think again dogs know and feel when people are not dog lovers so I would be sure you wouldn't get one.

Get a life!