Widowhood.

I agree about not getting a puppy. Charlie (the Yorkshire Terrrier) was 2 when MiL adopted him. He did keep her on her toes with some of his antics, but she needed someone to worry about - if that makes sense?

Galen, why not get an aquarium? I understand that it's better than the TV, watching the fish in their tank, soothing and almost hypnotic. Not very cuddly though.

Just see me cuddling a guppy?

!

Thanks for the info' about Cruises Galen. Do you find it easy to get to the place where the boots embark from. I'm not a driver.

I've also been thinking about a pet. All my married life, with 3 sons, we had dogs, cats, gerbils. budgies, rats and even a snake.

The problem is pets can be a tie if you want to go away. I'm not keen on the idea myself but a lot of people like Guinea Pigs.

They are very cuddly apparently.

An aquarium could be tricky and needs a lot of attention. I used to look after a goldfish for a neighbour. It was just one goldfish in a bowl with ferns and coloured gravel. It was very pretty but not much company

Widows aren't desperately sad all the time and there are happy moments but it's a different sort of happy because your DH isn't there to share it with. I remember the first time I laughed aloud at something funny on the TV. I felt really guilty because He wasn't there to share it with me.

Galen do you have a garden? A small dog (yorkie) or similar especially an older one (rescue) dog would be quite happy running around in a small garden rather than going for a walk (ours objected violently to be expected to go for a walk and would just sit down and refuse to move!)

They are so loving and more than happy to just sit and be cuddled. If you could find someone to look after it when you are cruising (little dogs are not too keen on kennels) it would make a great pet and be good company. You would not regret it.

I have been considering going on a coach holiday for a short break to test the water holidaying alone. Have any of you GN's ever done this and if so, how did it go? DH and I managed a coach holiday before his last surgery and we befriended an old gentleman who was alone, but I think it may be different for a woman on her own. Your thoughts appreciated.

About six months after my husband died three years ago I went on a four day coach holiday alone.
I was placed at a table with other people so I had someone to talk to at breakfast and dinner.
On days out people asked me to join them for coffee or lunch.
I took plenty of reading material as I did not want to sit in the bar with other people after dinner. One evening I booked to see a show at a nearby theatre and went alone.
It was sad sometimes to be on my own and there were times in my room when I cried.
I did not regret going and it restored my confidence in my ability to manage travel arrangements and to be in the right place at the right time.
My advice would be to book a short break not too far from home
and go with an open mind.
I found the other people on my holiday to be kind and supportive.They
did not intrude if I said I wanted to be alone.
Since then I have been abroad on holiday with a friend but not alone.

nannieroz - I think that was really nice befriending the old gentleman. I think you will know when you are ready to go away on your own. I know I'm not just yet but think I will be one day.

I watched Love Story on TV the other night - cried and cried but I think it was therapeutic, hadn't cried for ages.

Falconbird I feel the need to get away from home (memories everywhere) but don't think I am brave enough yet to go it alone. I trust you are right and I will know when I am ready.

Attended my IT class again yesterday. I am enjoying it immensely.

DH and I saw Love Story in the cinema when we were very young and just courting......... I could not bear to watch it yet...... too painful.

Hi Nannieroz - I've just found an old thread that's been reactivated called "Holidaying Alone" which you might find helpful.

hugs

Thanks for that information falconbird, I will certainly have a look

The holidays being discussed all seem to be quite ambitious. When I do venture on a little break I think I will try something close to home, for example a weekend in a hotel near the sea or a retreat of some kind.

About 4 weeks after DH had died, his son (my stepson) who is almost same age as me, (we have always got on great and his wife.)
They came to visit one Sunday, they live about 2 hours drive away up near East coast, well they arrived at mine and just before they were leaving he said "right what you doing this week" I said nothing! he said "right get your bag toothbrush etc, your coming back with us" I hesitated for a few mins and then thought yes ok will do, it was a sudden impulse moment. So off we went back to theres, lovely house plenty of chilling room, garden conservatory to sit in etc, that was on the Sunday evening, The next morning they were both off to work well before 8-00am so once gone I had the house to myself, what I had done was just exchange one lonely house for another! I sat had cup of tea and the shock hit me! I was over 2 hours car journey away from my home, 4 weeks after DH had died, I was in shock as I wandered round their house, I had no transport, no idea of buses etc etc I just wanted to jump on the next train home, to be in my comfort zone, but at that time the train lines were closed for repair, it meant a round trip of almost 7 hours. I had to rely on stepson to sort out my journey home, I managed until Tuesday and then said I need to go home tomorrow (Wednesday) unfortunately I had to wait till late tea time for them to get home from work, they then took me to York station which was about 30 miles away, I sat on the train on my billy, and arrived home in just under 2 hours, both my DDs were there to pick me up which was about 9-30 at night.It was such a relief to see familiar surroundings.
I think if I had had transport when I was at stepsons, "A" I would have had the choice of coming home the next day "B" I could have taken myself off to Scarborough etc...but as it was I was really stuck, I walked into the small town of Beverly on the Monday and Tuesday and ended up sitting on benches people watching, I just wanted to go home!!

So what I am saying is think carefully especially if newly widowed, think about how far your going to travel and could you get back home easily if for some reason you felt the yearning to. That was about 8 months ago now, and if I did the same thing now, then I am a lot more sorted in my mind as to how far I would travel and could I get home if needed. I felt like I had been whisked off and then left to fend for myself,(nothing to do with my hosts, they would be mortified if they read this) I didn't think ahead, and this is no reflection what so ever on my hosts they are brill!!! and are always inviting me to go back up, but the next time I will make sure they are off work and also I would prob travel up on my bike therefore would have transport to get around. good luck everyone

Meant to say, my friend who also has a Motorcycle whom I go rides out with,,,are planning a trip on our bikes to Llandudno, it will be about 2/3 hour ride and we will prob stay overnight (never done this before either of us) It is a trip I have always wanted to do on my Bike, DH and myself drove round the "Great Orme" in the car and I remember saying to him that I would love! to ride round on my bike, he always tried to encourage me to do it, but of course I never got round to it, but hopefully one day! although the journey will be a bit of a sad journey as DH loved Llandudno and it will bring back happy memories but also painful ones as that is the last little weekend away we went on.

Bikergran - wise words indeed. I think holidays do need careful thought when you're widowed. (I'm so impressed with the bike.)

I was forewarned by my cousin who went on a long holiday with some relations not long after her husband died.

They spent the whole time plying her with drinks (it was meant kindly) but she spent the whole time in a stupor.

She told me that when she came back to the airport and her DH wasn't there waiting for her with the car - she was devastated.

She did go away some years later on a short break with a friend and I think she enjoyed it.

I remember my mum in the early days of widowhood and she decided she wanted to come and live with me for a few days.

We only lived about five miles apart. On the bus she suddenly stood up and said she had left the oven on (of course it was an excuse) and had to go home.

Years later she went to Ireland with her sister-in-law and they had a great time. She knew she was ready.

I'm not ready yet, but people vary.

Falconbird when I read some of your posts , I could have almost written them myself My bike! yes I remember when I first joined GN few were impressed I ride a motorcycle it's something different! and it is at the moment my only means of transport.

Today..............would have been DH birthday, I have been building up to it and forced myself to make plans for the day!

Yesterday went and bought some cream roses, a birthday card and hope and planned that the day may be kind and sunny as I had chosen today to put the Arbour up to replace the greenhouse.

Made a start this morning at 8-30 (after I had done my party piece, the usual tears) made sure I had some lunch in as I was in my muck and didn't want to go have to get changed to go shop. The sun was shining, so started moving some flags about for the base to stand the arbour on. had quite a fee "tea breaks"! eventually I was ready for putting the lats on the top, took me all day to put it together drilling and screwing. Had two lots of visitors (one came carrying bottle of wine, so job stopped for a little while then managed to finish arbour and very pleased I am with it, I stuck one of DH Chrysanthemums medals on it, I was going to have little plaque made but was struggling what to put on it.
Just need to tidy up the garden now, and once that is done, I am having couple of friends over (ones that have helped me over the horrible time) and we shall drink and sit around the Chimmenee (may throw few potatoes in)! so today has not been as bad as I had thought it may be, but I have had to force myself to get out there.
Will put picy on profile or picture thread late tomorrow sometime.

keep going everyone! take care.

Well done for making it such a positive day. Hope you enjoyed your friends' company

So glad you were able to get through what must have been a particularly difficult day for you. Another first to cross off the list. I would love to see your pictures of your garden. My DH loved his garden and it's beginning to show signs that he's no longer around.

Well done biker

hugs and for you bikergran.

My DH loved North Wales and we spent our last holiday there together. It wasn't really a happy time because I could tell that he was ill and I felt really worried.

This may sound a bit dim but I can't exactly remember where it was. There was a journey all around the bay going along to give a spectacular view of the bay. I think it was Llandudno because we kept practicing the name.

We spent many happy holidays in the Swansea area in Mumbles mostly.

The strange thing was he talked and talked about his childhood on that last holiday, which he had never done before in all the nearly 50 years I had known him. He died just about two months later.

I'm going to try and put some photos of me and DH on Gransnet later today. I think yours are lovely.

Falcon I would imagine it could well have been Llandudno! if you google images Llandudno you will see the long sweeping bay, at one end is the Great Orme at the other end is the Little Orme, they have a tram/cable car that you can travel in to get up to the top of the Great Orme, we drove up and you payed a little toll at the bottom, half way up you can turn off and it takes you to a little church ,and churchyard, it is so peaceful, there are lots of white marble stones, I went a walk round (on my own as DH couldn't get out of the car)

The last time we went to Llandudno DH wasn't well but he wanted to go..the thing was!!! we got down there (about 2 hours drive for us) I went to check in (The Tyndale hotel) and staff said, sorry no reservations for that name!! I argued with them (nicely) but nope nothing,,, I then realised they had booked us in for the weekend after!! !!! but Nathan who runs the Tyndale Hotel was so lovely and he booked us in the Hotel next door but one and all was well.

Llandudno/Whitby/Anglesey were our fav places but Llandudno ticked all the boxes, as it was flat,although once I have persuaded DH to buy a scooter it didn't matter, I would love to go back but as I say it would upset me I'm sure, so we shall have to see.
Pics would be lovely, I think I shall put more on

bfn all and thankyou .

Thanks Bikergran - Yes it was Llandudno - I did Google it and then I remembered.

It was a long drive for us from the W. Country. I think it took about 5 hours with stops to rest along the way.

My DH wanted to go - because he spent his childhood holidays there in the 50s. His gran lived in Shropshire and they used to stop off and visit her on the way.

It was almost as if he had a premonition because he talked about his childhood all the time. We had visited Llandudno a few years before and he hadn't spoken about it very much.

We stayed in a Travel Lodge but I can't remember where. It was all a very strange time. I do remember going to a place called Becky Falls which was a wonderful waterfall.

It was a sad holiday because my DH died less than 2 months later. It was almost as if we both knew that something bad was just around the corner but couldn't even think it. He was able to drive as usual but just didn't seem very well.

I'm going to a Bereavement Group this morning which is very helpful and this afternoon I will have a go at uploading some photos. I'm not very tecky so it might take me awhile

Falcon I cam imagine it would be sad for you to go back to Llandudno the same as myself as that was our last little weekend away that was about 12 mnths before DH died. It does sound like your DH may have had a premonition, illness does strange things to people and it isn't until we look back that little pieces of information are slotted together like a jigsaw, things you don't remember at the time but then later on it comes back to you. It is a lovely place Llandudno, there is something so grand and peaceful about the long sweeping prom with its Victorian style houses and hotels, yet! walk round the corner and you are in a little bustling town with plenty of shops and cafes. There is actually a Travel Lodge /premier inn just up towards the little Orme the opposite end to the Great Orme ( I have put couple of photos of the great orme on my profile) I love looking on Google street ma, it takes me down the prom that we went along, its almost like I am there, but It's hard looking

One thing about the uploading the photos, you have to make sure there not too big, not sure if GN resizes them for you (I did mine prior)

Hope you find some comfort in the Bereavement group, it's good to know there are groups like that around and of course GN! take care .

When I read your postings bikergran and falconbird I realise how similar our life paths have been. I too was in Llandudno (with DH) not too long ago. Need to check the photographs for the exact date, but all photos are stored on DH's desktop PC and as yet I am unable to spend any time in that room.
Good luck with the picture loading.