32 Year Relationship Over

Deni my OH have been together for 12 years it is a equal relationship of respect and sharing,we have had a stressful year with several factors work and finance related when he started to become very tired and argumentative,I put it down to these factors.He has never been a person to go out,this happened he started to act completely out of character staying out with a workmate until early hours of morning,taking the dog for a walk in the dark around the village,I felt the relationship was breaking down everything seemed out of control,and I was losing my best friend and soulmate,it all came to a head and he stayed in the car one night after a row,I went to see him at work the next day and he admitted he didnt feel well,we made an urgent appointment for the GP who took one look and diagnosed depression and put him on several medications,he was so confused,he was hearing a voice telling him allsorts and his way of protecting me was to push me away and say he didnt want to be with me.He is slowly recovering and is more positive,unfortunately this fed in to two previous marriages that had broken down,my 2nd marriage was a 28 year relationship which had broken down and preceeded a tragic chain events not related ..if you read my post on the grief thread you will understand how these things dont actually leave you,you take them with you each time you move on .

Thanks for replying so quickly, I'm in the very same situation except for him going out he never liked socialising, he's been on different meds many years but is still depressed it never moves on. I don't know what to do or how! Been married 22 yrs my 2nd his first, work and fianance situation is bad too, has been for around 5yr but this is the worst time. Think maybe he wants to escape it all ..or maybe just me. We argue a lot saying things that hurt but it's hard to tell now what is the argument and what is plain truth. He was depressed when we met and I feel will still be if we part but maybe he will find new partners and activities to numb it all, seems wrong to put this down in writing publicly I feel I am betraying him/us, think Im scared I will make things worse, dont know if I would like him to write about us on a forum..maybe he has lol.. Will look for your post, thanks.

* Deni* it is true this is in the public arena,but sometimes the pain is so great that it is hard to know where to start in real life.I did star a thread in relationships in around october/November time it was called "sad",if this will help you.I found it helped by googling depression in men as they deal with depression in a different way,this helped explain some of the behaviour he was displaying,I also showed this to him as he didnt know what had hit him.I have suffered depression and thought all forms took the same shape,how wrong I was,the denial was the reason for the going out like your OH B was not a socialiser,it was a means of escaping the "walls closing in" and the voices telling him he was worthless,it wasnt me he was escaping from ,but himself.Our relationship took a similar turn to yours with arguments and a toxic atmosphere,made worse by my GD depression and low mood,we all needed to stand back and look at ourselves.I dont know what his future mental health holds but he is on medication which took a long time to kick in ,he still is very tired but now I am aware more that with out care this could re-occur,I have been on AD's for the last 10 years they help keep me on an even keel from reactive/clinical depression xx

Hi, had chat with OH did tell him I'd posted on this site so feel better for that, he has made appointment for talk therapy so hopefully some pent up stress will get out. He said its definitely not me but the way everything is affecting him so I know where I stand, you sort of know deep down then doubt yourself. Read your post and I say 'Respect' wish you nothing but good for the future ?that goes for all who have been or going through tough times too, you never know what's behind the smile do you.

Deni,I am glad you and OH have spoken,my OH is a private person and hates to be focus of attention or speak about himself.I also told him I was seeking support from GN.B was so ashamed of his "weakness",I also showed him a video on the male depression website how it affected partners and he honestly didnt see that, he thought he was protecting his family by pushing them away
I did lose trust in the relationship for a while,but we have worked on building that up again,and also worked together to help him get well again.
Good luck with your OH,if depression where a physical illness people would be able to see how much pain is suffered.wishing better times for you and your OH Denixxxxx

I went through hell 4 years ago when my 40 year marriage crumbled.... All at his instigation although he says it was a joint decision (not true). Our lovely house was eventually sold after 2 years and I bought my current little terraced home. My ex lives in an annexe in our sons property. Unbelievably we have become quite friendly over the last year. It's almost like the clock has turned back and he's reverted to the "nice" person I met all those years ago. He's always willing to come and do any little DIY jobs that need doing and in return I do him a meal and helped out recently when he had a cataract op. It's all really rather weird but nice too. In our case it's definately a fact that we can't live with each other, but can't live without each other.

My sympathies kit
Did you perhaps marry quite young and part of your worry is that you have never lived alone? As someone else said,independance can be wonderful once you get used to it
And it doesn't sound to me that your marriage was actually that happy? I may be wrong and you thought it was. If so forgive me .But again you might be happier alone once you get used to it
Would echo seeing a solicitor and making sure you don't lose out financially