Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

I would love to go away for a few months and have suggested we go in a couple of years when we both have significant birthdays, 65 and 60. I'm thinking 2-3 months either Australia (been before and loved it) or USA where DH will soon have a DGC.

This would involve deserting my DD and 2 DGC who would be 5 and 2 by then. We are the only babysitters for DGD (number 2 not yet born) so this will be a dilemma for them ... as well as us missing them of course!
It's not forever though, and plenty warning would be given so that surely SIL could arrange his work schedule to suit.

I'd be off like a shot in your case, you're not emigrating, you're celebrating retirement with a lovely long holiday. How about cutting it a bit shorter instead of not going at all???

I am another who thinks you should go. Maybe make the holiday a little shorter? Talk it over with your husband but I think you may be being a bit unfair to him.

My husband retired in 2000 and wanted to travel. I wanted to keep working as I am a lot younger. 3 years later my husband had a massive stroke and was wheelchair bound for the rest of the 11 years we had together. I gave up work and cared for him to the end and every single day regretted not travelling with him when we had the chance.

Don't be like me and end up with regrets you cannot do anything about.

I would also urge you to go whilst you are both in good health, perhaps 3/4 months is a bit too long. Don't put things off, we don't know what's round the corner.

I took Early Retirement at 50 a few months after DH had Retired at 65. I would have been expected to work to 66, thanks David Cameron. His health was not brilliant (Depression for many years) but we had 7 years together. I shall never regret my decision as I was widowed at 58, if I had carried on working we would have missed some wonderful times.

I had friends who had always wanted to go to New Zealand/Australia, sadly she had cancer for years so they never went as a couple but about 6 months after she died her H went on the trip, he loved it & wished they could have done it together.

Good post*gillybob*.We enjoy short holidays but never want to be away from the grandchildren for long.A couple of years ago our autistic grandson who was then 7 said after we had been away for a week "will I ever see grandad again?" We are an important part of their lives and they miss us when we are away.For us the best part of a holiday is coming home.

However the OP is in a different position so again I would say that some sort of compromise is best.

With our other two grandchildren who are younger I do not feel the same.Not beacause I love them any less but because we don't see them nearly so often.

I only saw my DP about three times a year although we lived in the same country and have never known any way of managing except on my own as DH was away for long periods of time too. I am sure your DD will manage perfectly well and perhaps you could go for 2-3 months - your DH may find that he wants to come back after that time.

I would compromise and go for a shorter time; please your DH who has been looking forward to this for so long and your DD will manage and appreciate you all the more when you come home again.

the sick grandson unfortunately died

But surely your friend wouldn't see the time she spent with her grandson as a waste, Hollycat?

Can I ask why Mexico, Minalta, and what your plans are? Have you family or friends out there? Are you seasoned travellers? We have a Mexican friend who strongly advised us against travelling on our own out of the tourist areas - he goes out with his family regularly, but he knows the place.

A dear friend has been widowed recently. She went away to her daughter's home and the first thing she said to me when she came back. That's the first time I've been away for two weeks. I had not realised before that her late husband had refused to be away from home more than a week. I can't imagine anyone being so controlling of another's life. I wonder ,if finances permitted , you could do a reconnaissance trip of say ten days perhaps with a travel firm who know the country well. You never know you could be mugged /catch something dreadful / have sunstroke. Look on the bright side and your DH might never want to set foot abroad again.

We're going on a big trip in April to celebrate our 40th anniversary and DH retiring. The best bit is that the family are coming too!! Would far rather all go for a shorter time than just us off on our own for longer.

I think the op is being very selfish towards her husband, just go and enjoy yourself. Sounds as though you need your GC more probably than they need you.Some people are obsessed about their GC and seem to have nothing else going on in their lives.

Could you not go with him for part of the time?

My dh is more keen on long haul travel than I am now. We have done quite a lot in the past but I used to have much itchier feet!
Twice now I have accompanied him for a couple of weeks, while he's gone further/stayed longer.
It's not been a problem for us at all.
Nowadays a couple of weeks away is plenty for me.

The question has not arisen since we had grandchildren - both of ours were born in the past 21 months - and we usually see them at least once a week. I would really hate it now if we were not able to see them for a long time, quite apart from the fact of helping my dd with them. So from that POV too I don't think you are BU at all.

Incidentally my sister and her Dh went and spent 3 months in Australia after they retired. While they mostly enjoyed it, my sister said it was far too long and quite a while before the end she was dying to get home.

Opposite way round for me. DH was keen to do childcare, pickup and drop off school run 5 days s week, so in the end I carried on working part time mostly because I loved the job, but partly because it drove me crazy being tied to school hours. That didn't go down too well, and neither did my reasoning.

Dogsweaters, I think that was uncalled for.
Loving your grandchildren and wanting to maintain a close relationship with them, especially when they're little, is not the same as being obsessed.

And I don't see that it's selfish of the OP not to want to do the same as her husband.
I don't know why it's so often assumed that husbands and wives HAVE to do everything together, and that there's something wrong if you don't.

However it's possible that I feel differently, since my dh travelled a lot for work, and was often away for extended periods, so it's never been a case of us being joined at the hip. I know there are couples who have never spent a night apart during decades of marriage, so they are bound to find it harder to be apart.

I have a problem going away for 2 weeks holiday. I can't wait to get home. I know how you feel.

I couldn't agree more with your first paragraph Witzend !

How can anyone "enjoy themselves" if part of them wishes they weren't there. Handmadedogs ?

Dogs, the OP was asking for your opinion and does not deserve your condemnation.By all means give your opinion which is what we want to hear but I think it is wrong to criticise people you have no knowledge of.

Go. Life is short, you don't know what is round the corner. Your daughter can perfectly well cope without you and you will soon enough be home to take up the Granny reins again. I have an acquaintance, the sister of a friend, who refused to go away or do anything with her husband after his early retirement, even for a week, because she was 'needed' by her daughter and gc's. She saw them every day, cleaned the house, fetched from school and eventually the inevitable happened. Much as he loves the gc he wanted to spend time with his wife and experience new places so he took off on holidays on his own,to walk, which is his passion and found a walking partner. They are now separated and the walking partner is now more than that. The gc are growing up and fairly soon she will not be needed so much. I see a lonely life ahead for her. A bit of give and take and compromise goes a long way. Grandparents are not indispensable and have their own lives to lead! I would do anything to have my husband back so we could fulfil our planned adventures ....

Marmight, your acquaintance was perhaps an extreme case!

I don't want to do everything my oh wants to, or go everywhere he goes, but that doesn't mean we never do things together, or go away for a week or two together, and enjoy it.

And neither does he want to do everything I do.
He goes to yoga and French conversation classes - I have piano lessons and spend a lot of time practising.
In Feb he is going for a week on a residential French course in the south of France with my brother and SiL.
I will not be joining them, because a) it means staying in someone's house, and nowadays I draw the line at staying in the house of anyone I don't know really well. (I need to be able to make myself cups of tea at 3 am if I feel like it!)
And b) my French is miles better than his anyway!

Shall enjoy a nice peaceful week on my own, playing a lot of piano and probably eating a lot of fish fingers rather than cooking Proper Meals.

Witz

I understand how you feel because I miss my grandchildren when we go away.

May I say to those posters who prefer the company of their grandcildren, or a family holiday, over a week/month or two away with their partner ..'you need to take a long, hard look at your relationship'. Was he just there to provide you with children and grandchildren, and having done that, has no further use?

I agree about the long periods away I enjoy my everyday activites-language class, choir walking etc -and wouldn't want to disrupt for too long .it's ever so nice to go travelling but its also nice to come home .....

I think you need to compromise. Either go for shorter periods together or OH can go on his own. I frequently backpack all over the world on my own so there is no reason why he can't. However I suspect he would rather have you to himself for a while - and why not I say!! Good luck with your decisions

Then of course there is the blunt, but very true post from willsmadnam. Heed her advice I would think.