Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

Sorry 'indispensable'

Mair I too find your posts insulting. I am not 'a dutiful little wifey', for your information.

I was jesting, and it wasnt directed at you JaneA, but at the tone of a number of posts attacking the OP for not going along with her husbands wishes.

I think the Stepford Wives were robots
Did the men kill their wives or microchip them? Can't remember

I think they removed their brains and replaced them with a programmed computer.

or to give them a date-night

I am so jealous of these 'date-nights' that so many young couples seem to want these days.
A date night for us was me choosing a different recipe on a Saturday night and cooking it, with a bottle of home-made wine.

I am sure they can manage without one for a few weeks.

"a number of posts attacking the OP for not going along with her husbands wishes."

Nobody attacked. OP said they planned on travel, I think posters are saying what about your husband, your partner, your lover, your best friend? Doesn't he matter?

JaneA said:

Would you like it if I called you an earth mother, conjuring up a picture of a drab, saggy- boobed woman with a baby sling and sandals?

Firstly I did not 'call you' a Stepford Wife, although in making such a virtue of 'wifely loyalty' your post does echo the sentiments of one.

It wouldnt worry me if you think I and the other posters who dont have any great desire to engage in long holiday trips with husbands/partners but prefer to maximise time with our GCs, sound like Earth Mothers, since I dont share your negative stereotyping of such women.

JaneA
It was Willsmadam who made, as I just put it, a 'virtue of wifely loyalty'. Apologies for attributing that to you.

Willsmadnan, what a lovely list, bet your grandchildren love the time they get to do spend with you. Your Breaking News was spot on.

I think that as Araabra says 'your husband, partner, lover and best friend' does matter and going on holiday with him, following your joint dream, is not 'giving in' , 'sacrificing' or 'being a Stepford wife'.
They must have waited at least about 30 yrs for this- they haven't gone off and left their child at home. She is fully capable to manage now, and has said so. You need to be fit for a trip like that - not a good idea to put it off indefinitely. The baby won't know they have been and they can Skype the 3 yr old regularly. Many grandparents have grandchildren in different countries and have to rely on this for far more than 12 week stretches.
The best thing that we can do for our children is have parents who still love each other and have fulfilled lives of our own. OP seems keen to give her DD date nights- now is the time to have her own!
3 months is no time at all - we have just booked something for 3 months time and I know that we will be there before we know it! It isn't as if they are going off on a gap year!

Are there grandparents on the other side? Perhaps they could give extra help while you are away.

I've just skim read this thread - what a fuss over 3-4 months! They would fly by on an exciting holiday/adventure.

Go for it ! your DD will cope fine , she is an adult with two children ! I dreamed of moving abroad when I retired but now am unwell so can`t , you just never know what is round the corner . I agree with Mumofmadboys about making it a little shorter 6-8 weeks as a compromise if you really can`t bear the 3-4 months . Your GC will still be there when you get back and your DD will have learned valuable coping skills !!

Maybe you could go for shorter time, and your husband could stay on?

I think it spoils the whole thing if she leaves him alone. Surely at this stage of life he is the priority? Who knows how many years you have left together- make the most of them.
I would seriously worry about my relationship if my husband resented spending time with me and wanted to leave me to it while he went back to be the grandchildren! The grandchildren have years ahead of them to have adventures of their own.
If you really can't have a short period away then suggest cutting it down and have a month this year, a month next year and a month the following year- but that would put up the cost, needing more for air fares and would it make you any happier?

"I think it spoils the whole thing if she leaves him alone. Surely at this stage of life he is the priority? Who knows how many years you have left together- make the most of them."

BRILLIANT. Her darling husband wants her to holiday with him.

I find it so sad that after all these years you have a partner that still loves you, wants to spend time with you, and wants to follow a long term dream of you both and some people treat him as if he doesn't matter, he is a nuisance and are just thinking of how you can:
a get out of it
b cut it right down
All because you can't stand being away from a daughter who will cope, a baby who won't notice (but be happy to see you on your return) and a 3 yr old who modern technology will ensure that you keep up with.

I can see the heartache if he were asking you to emigrate ...... but it is only 3 months!
If you were to go now you would be back before we even get to summer!

I think you forget the sheer visceral pull of grandchildren. We all may have had grand ideas of what we'd do when we retire but they're not set in stone. Fortunately, my DH feels the same as me.

I was just suggesting a compromise; if it were me, I would go travelling.
Life can change in an instant, and travelling together may never be a viable option..

Travelling /holiday. GCs vs DH. We're all different and will never agree.

Good for you willsmadam

It's not a question of stark choice between DH and GC, Jane10. Life isn't so simple.

It's a question of apportioning your time in an optimal way, so that depending on individual circumstances, the needs and preferences of everyone involved can be considered. It's not a crime either to consider your own needs, either.

If your DH was seriously ill or disabled, would that 'visceral pull' of your DGCs overcome any feelings of love or duty you had to him? Would you put your DGCs before his needs?

Many on Gransnet are in that unfortunate position of having to set aside their own dreams and aspirations because of the way life has turned out for them. You're being a bit hard on them I think.

Good post janeainsworth

I am not in the financial position to travel and nor would I be comfortable leaving the family "to get on with it" for 3-4 months .

I think maybe it is a question of weighing the pros and cons and reaching a happy compromise that suits both the OP, her DH, and the rest of the family too.

I don't agree janeainsworth. This is only about a holiday or as some like to call it 'travelling'. Its not a matter of choosing between DH and GCs. Its a matter of understanding how the OP feels. Some people just want to stay near them. Some aren't so bothered. That's life.

"I think you forget the sheer visceral pull of grandchildren."

Surely the sheer visceral pull of a life mate is stronger?