Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

Do things with your husband as you had both planned. What about if you were ill, or you had your daughter in another country, she would cope. How would you feel if he went on his own? By not going,after a life time of work, surely that is not fair to him.

Having read all the posts, I should think the OP is more confused than ever.It all shows our differences!
As somebody who chafes at the bit to come home after only a single week, either abroad or in the UK, three months fills me with horror.As Philip Larkin once said, 'he would quite like to see China, if he could get there and back again in a day'.
DH likes long holidays, although money comes into it, and three week holidays are expensive.We compromise and do only two week holidays or more often ten day holidays.I think that is what you need to do....compromise.Go somewhere for six weeks.

Do things with your husband as you had both planned

#stepfordwives

I got the impression that this was something the OP's husband wants to do Luckylegs9 and not necessarily what the OP wants to do. Dreaming about doing something way, way into the future is not the same as physically planning to do something.

Minalta. We have similar conversations and I feel like you do about seeing, and helping out with, our grandchildren - plus I have a 96 year old mother who I visit each week.

Can you not compromise and go for, say, 4 or 5 weeks?

If I were the Op's husband though I might interpret it as her loving their grandchildren more than himJane10
I know so many widows who wished they had done more with their husbands while they had the chance

#stepfordwives

(as we always dreamed of doing when we retired)

Not a Stepford Wife at all though Mair - quite the opposite! They had planned and dreamed this together and now she is digging her heels in and doesn't want to go.
are Stepford Wives allowed to change their minds?
No, I thought not, they don't have one to change in the first place!

My children saw my parents only about every 6 weeks to 3months when they were little (120 miles away)Dad died when they were 8and 4.They adorded him and my mum (died when they were 14 and 10).The feeling was mutual.My in laws lived down the road Nowhere near such a close bond ,despite seeing them at least weekly
So I don't think a holiday will damage your relationship

The same with us Neversaydie, my DP were 200+ miles away and they didn't have a car so we only saw them about every 3 or so months. We saw MIL and GMIL more often - does your DD have a MIL who may be able to help with the DC Minalta?

Would any of us want to teach our DGD that as a female you must not have hopes, dreams or a life but must only exist to look after your adult children and their children ? or do we show them that as a mother, you nurture your child then let them fly to live their own lives while you live yours ?

Jalima
As Gillybob pointed out 'dreaming' was one thing, the OP hasnt confirmed if she ever really planned this.

I am shocked at the number suggesting she should be a dutiful little wifey and go to keep her husband happy, a compromise, yes, thats good, but not four months!

she may enjoy it more than she thinks
Especially if they compromise and go for 4-6 weeks

Compromise - that's what it's all about!

I agree Jalima, she may well, but she's not likely to enjoy a long trip IMO missing her DD and GCs.

"We are just retired and my husband wants to go away for 3-4 months to Mexico (as we always dreamed of doing when we retired). But now that the time has come I find it difficult to be away from Grand-daughter (will be 3) and Grand-son (will be 7 months). My husband thinks i am being unreasonable, but i am heart broken. I am just wondering if other grandmas feel like I do."

I think other grandmas feel as you do, you can discern that from the replies.

However, as you and your husband planned this together, some thought must be given to his feelings as well as yours. Compromise can be found.

It is difficult to be away from them, I agree, although I have never been for more than 2 months and you will miss them a lot.
But heartbroken? That is quite a strong word to use.

I really take offence at Mair's Stepford Wives' jibe. Maybe you should actually watch the film, Mair rather than firing from the hip without substance. As I recall the SWs were tranquilised from the start and totally subservient from the first night they joined the Stepford community. Now, as its a really long time since I decided to live with my partner (53 years to be precise) my recall maybe a bit dodgy, but I'm pretty certain we fell in lust. And children were the last thing on my mind back then in the 'Swinging Sixties. It lasted until last year when he passed away.
I was his partner, in bed , home and business and I never thought twice about leaving our children (3 at the last count)with suitable carers, to accompany him where ever we wanted/ needed to go.And no, I never wore a pinny, stilletos, or a basque! But , we took our children on holidays, enjoyed family events, whilst I was essentially a partner before I was a Mum. So because of that, how dare you label those of us who have had fulfilling lives with our partners, rather than side-lining them for a nest full of children.
Would you like it if I called you an earth mother, conjuring up a picture of a drab, saggy- boobed woman with a baby sling and sandals?
I stand by what I said in an earlier posting ....when some posters have said they couldn't bear to be away from their GCs for more than a day or two, to me it shows the driving reason for marrying was to have children, and ultimately grandchildren. They obviously prefer to be the centre of their children's universe, rather than an adult in a grown-up situation sharing the last years of their lives with someone they (probably) fell in love with,however fleetingly. Each to her own, but don' t you pin a label on me FGS.
Breaking news !..... unfortunately we all die. What are those dependant ACs and GCs
going to do when we pop our clogs? Carry on regardless, I guess.

I think the Stepford Wives were robots

Did the men kill their wives or microchip them? Can't remember.

Perhaps he'll go on his own then, rather than face a retirement of never going anywhere because of the DGC and never fulfilling any of the dreams he has had for years.

Mair I too find your posts insulting. I am not 'a dutiful little wifey', for your information.

Being married to someone is not about getting your own way all the time, nor is it about sacrificing your own wishes to those of your partner. It's about respecting your partner's point of view, while still maintaining your own self-respect, and coming to amicable compromise.

I'm glad that my two DCs who have children of their own, while glad to see us and grateful for any help we can give them from time to time, are capable of managing their own lives without our constant input.

We need the OP to come back and say what she thinks now about it all.

perhaps they've gone to Mexico!

Bet they haven't!

Settled for a long weekend in Blackppol?

Blackpool even ( or maybe Morecambe, my late Mother always thought it was more upmarket.)

I don't think that it is anything like Stepford Wives!
OP had wanted to go- she says it had been their dream. (Not just her husband's dream).
I think it is a shame that having had years of putting her DD first they are now free and yet she still can't put her DH first - just for one small time. Her DD is quite happy for her to go and will manage. Most people don't live so close anyway- I am nearly 200 miles from my mother and so only see her about every 3 months anyway.
They haven't got years and years ahead of them to do a long trip - who knows how long they will both have their health to do it? When will be a good time?
If she feels guilty about not doing the childcare and letting them have a date night she could leave some money for babysitters.
I would be highly annoyed if my parents had put off a wonderful opportunity when I had 3 young children because they felt indespensible - I was an adult- quite capable of coping!
I agree with willsmadnan and JaneAinsworth