Estrangement / Cut off Mum

GrannyRainbow " Children who are being deprived of contact with family will want to know their roots when they are old enough...it's human nature...and may well find that they disagree with what their controlling parents said and did."

That's a chance worth taking to protect children for abuse.

Protect children FROM abuse.

An excellent post GrannyRainbow, once again as you can see from her response, Araabra hasn't taken on board what you've said so well.

By continuously referring to AC who've cut out their parents as being abused as children when 'discussing' estrangement is extremely offensive Araabra and should be retracted. How dare you suggest that we or any of the other EP's and GP's on this forum are abusers. It's disgusting and you should be ashamed.

GrannyRainbow - thank you so much. I had hoped that someone `neutral` like you would be listened to seriously - obviously not

GrannyRainbow

Spot On!

If you have also read the AIBU estrangement thread you will see it's been one long diatribe against estranged GP's/parents, who, as you righly say, acknowledge that sometimes resorting to CO is the only option. But that's not enough, apparently.

Toxic is the buzzword which is repeated ad nausem.

Frankly, it hard to know what it is in their psyche that makes them persist.
Maybe they're not the happy, well-adjusted people they would have us belief?

Araabra

You are, without doubt, one of the rudest (and ill-informed) posters I have ever encountered on Gransnet.

Your constant assertions that estranged GP's have abused their children in some way is disgusting.

Shame on you.

Smileless2012 "By continuously referring to AC who've cut out their parents as being abused as children when 'discussing' estrangement is extremely offensive Araabra and should be retracted. How dare you suggest that we or any of the other EP's and GP's on this forum are abusers."

Have it your way. I never said all GPs abused or spanked their children. I said it is a common and prevalent reason for COs. And factually, abuse and toxicity is a frequent reason for COs. This post is not just about you and your "fun group". Are other GPs teetering on the brink of CO not allowed to hear the other side?

Surely some GPs have heard that childhood spanking, mental, physical, emotional and financial abuse are part of COs?

By posting here, you've bought a ringside ticket to BSC, from both POV. If you don't want to deal with some of the answers, don't buy a ticket.

Araabra. - sure the estranged GP's on here have heard it ad nausem, but thanks for the info.

Eddiecat
I told DH he was toxic* (vis a vis your earlier post). He gave me a one word answer!

Smileless. You missed the Toxic party! No one came, so it was just me and DH - and he fell asleep!

Wifi at this hotel (actually it's more of a motel, I am just being pretentious) is flakey so I may not post further till our next stop on Tues.

I am a GP Araabra and carers of my own children as they were growing, including their grandparents knew not to spank them. I think had my children told me that their grandparents had spanked them or if I had seen their grandparents spank them then I would have removed my children, insisted on a meeting between all adults, expressed my feelings and then given them a "one strike and you're out" warning, would I have cut them out 100%, probably not, more than likely just temporarily in the hope that they might reflect on their behaviour. I would never have allowed them unsupervised contact again though and would have kept a very close eye on things.

Of course if spanking of my children or any other abuse continued indefinately then yes, for the sakes of my children their grandparents would have had very limited closely supervised contact.

But, that's me, how I would have handled the situation had my children been abused physically, mentally or emotionally by their grandparents.

Forgive me for not understanding what you mean by grandparents being cut off for financial abuse ?

Dorothy16 "Forgive me for not understanding what you mean by grandparents being cut off for financial abuse"

Have you never heard of parents raising their children's funds? Stealing their identity? That's financial abuse. It happens, this is not all about the "fun group" here, this is cautionary for all GPs.

Dorothy16 I was referencing any parent (potential GP now) who has spanked their child (the AC now). The AC would be remiss allowing their children (GC) any time with the GP. Reason for a CO.

It is not a given that children who choose to cut off from parents have been abused as children .a possibility not a given!

Yes, I said a possible reason for COs is abuse.

Can anyone read and comprehend the word possible?

Wow Araabra you really do have an axe to grind,

I have never heard of a parent stealing their child's identity for financial gain, or anything else. You must move in very different circles (another planet,perhaps?)

A couple of your previous posts (maybe on this thread, maybe not) have referred
to Mama and 'Mom
In the UK, we don't use those expressions, so why would you appropriate them? Are you from across the pond? Just asking....

Points of view aren't a problem Norah but insults are. If any further evidence of your appalling attitude were needed Araabra you have supplied it by referring to the EP's and GP's on here as a 'fun group'.

Reallywhat type of person can regard the pain and suffering of others as being members of a 'fun group'?

Thank you for explaining what you meant about financial abuse Araabra and it reminded me of a friend of a friend (UK) who has cut off his mother. When he was a child his father died in an industrial accident, a considerable amount of money was awarded to not only the deceased's surviving wife but also to his baby son for when he came of age. The trust was put in the care of his mother and by the time he had come of age she had almost blew the lot, not on the boy but on herself. I have also heard of similar stories in news items where parents have spent trust fund monies intended for their children, so yes, I understand what you mean and can see why a parent might be cut off for financial abuse in this respect.

I was smacked as a child and so was my husband, we were children growing up in the 50's, it really wasn't perceived as abuse back then, it was accepted that if you were naughty then you might get a smack on the bottom or legs. It really was just how it was back then, neither of us feel as if we were abused because we got a smack, neither of us cut off our parents because they smacked us as children and we did not stop them from seeing their grandchildren because we were smacked as children.

However, as I mentioned earlier I would not have accepted my children being smacked (spanked) by my parents or parents in laws.

Smileless2012 "referring to the EP's and GP's on here as a 'fun group'." Celeb named it a fun and support group, not me. Sorry I forgot the 2nd half. Your life doesn't have to be a pity party, you just posted it was YOUR choice to CO your ds instead of walking on eggs or minding "P and q". GPs often walk on eggs and mind their "P and Q". Price to participate.

My mom was a mom not a mum. I'm a mum as are my dds.

Dorothy16 "Thank you for explaining what you meant about financial abuse Araabra and it reminded me of a friend of a friend (UK) who has cut off his mother. When he was a child his father died in an industrial accident, a considerable amount of money was awarded to not only the deceased's surviving wife but also to his baby son for when he came of age. The trust was put in the care of his mother and by the time he had come of age she had almost blew the lot, not on the boy but on herself. I have also heard of similar stories in news items where parents have spent trust fund monies intended for their children, so yes, I understand what you mean and can see why a parent might be cut off for financial abuse in this respect."

"I was smacked as a child and so was my husband, we were children growing up in the 50's, it really wasn't perceived as abuse back then, it was accepted that if you were naughty then you might get a smack on the bottom or legs."

IF you had "smacked" your kids they might not have forgiven the abuse and might not want to let it pass generations.

NO Araabra I didn't say we cut our son out, he cut us out. What I said was it was our choice having been told that we were no longer a part of his life and were to stay away, to do just that.

The title of the other thread contains the words 'fun aspects to rebuilding our lives following estrangement, it doesn't refer to us as a fun group. I think I see why you are so inept when it comes to having a reasonable discussion; you don't read others' posts properly.

I perceive your problem hearing any reason why GPs might become estranged as short sighted. This post is NOT all about you and your group. There might be things other GPs could learn if some weren't so determined that abuse or toxicity never happen. Just like the pictures, if dil says don't post pictures of my DC then don't. That's not a bad thing Bippity said, it's the truth.

Yes Araabra, IF I'd have smacked my kids (I didn't) they might have perceived it as abuse and might not have wanted it passed down a generation, I do get your point and can see that some adults might cut off their parent/s because they were smacked as children, abuse in childhood could be a trigger to cut off in later years in "some" cases, I agree.

I'm not saying it is about me and my group, you're the one who keeps saying that. I've never said that abuse or toxicity never happens and I haven't seen any of the EP's and GP's on GN say so either. I have read and demonstrated empathy to posters who have said they've cut out parents from theirs and their children's lives. Really Araabra you're not doing very well are you. Ignoring pertinent posts, accusing me of being short sighted when it's you who has a problem hearing that parents and GP's can be estranged through no fault of their own.

Sorry, have I missed the part of your post in which you acknowledge you were wrong to say I'd said we'd cut our son out? Have I also missed your acknowledgement that you referred to Celeb's title of the other thread incorrectly.

Bibbity didn't say anything about a d.i.l. saying not to post pictures and pictures being posted. Her illustration wasn't that specific, she referred to pictures being posted by a GM.

You know you could save your self furtherif you READ OTHER POSTS PROPERLY.