Arriving unannounced

Our children all have keys to our house! It cost a fortune when we had to change the lock recently and needed to but 8 sets!!

Friends are always welcome (I have few relatives, but they too would be welcome). I can usually manage to make a cup of tea and a biscuit, however neither my fiends nor my relatives would expect to stay, we do not have the room. A surprise visit is always a pleasure.

So sorry for your situation, Poly. (((Hugs))) Like some pps, I think it's about more than just dropping in unannounced though.

Personally, I agree with those who say the dropping in thing differs from family to family. It was never popular in mine, but I know families where it is.

If it's customary in your family or among your friends for relatives to pop in, now and then, with just a call ahead, I can understand why you, dh and ds felt it was ok to do this with dd. And I get why you were shocked when she asked you not to. But I hope all of you respected her request. If you don't mind, was there an argument over this? Or other issues that you differed about?

Paddy give me your address please, it sounds so nice at yours, I feel like popping round

I know that DD prefers us to call and find out if it is convenient to call, so we always do, and although she knows she could come and go here as she pleases, she wouldn't dream of not asking. The same with DS. I think it is always good manners; the only time I have dropped in on my best friend without ringing ahead first was when I was coming back from a fishing trip and knew she had not been well so I bought some flowers locally. I had no intention of going past the doorstep as I was scruffy and not particularly clean, but she insisted I stay for tea and cake, and I would have done exactly the same with her, but it is not usual.

I think I would send a quick test or make a quick phone call, just to see if they were home, or in case they had visitors, hope that helps x Children, even grown up ones, think it;s fine for them to just "drop in" but not for the parents. strange, but that;s just the way it is x

No wonder we are becoming a nation of lonely people we are losing the skills of engaging with others. I loved it when the kids were small and half the street came in and ut every day , stayed the night to watch the midnight movie, ate doughnuts for breakfast.

I love it now when someone turns up that I wasn't expecting, get that kettle on and rattle the bicuit tin, we are living, buttoned up lives and then complain we don't know our neighbours or have not seen anyone for days.

There is a spare key here, and anyone who knows me is welcome to turn up and make themselves at home until I get back when I will give them a proper welcome.

Offer a welcome and expect a welcome, isn't that the way of things now? Family life is meant to be tribal not nuclear......

Some families do, some don't but I would imagine the problems arise when there is a difference of opinion!
Much as I love surprises I would be horrified if anybody let themselves into our house, and would appreciate an hour or so's warning from even the loveliest DGCs in the world (so that Granny can make the beds and get her "slap"on!!)

It would be nice to be close enough to do it! My MIL leaves her door open half the time (I don't just mean unlocked), so unannounced visitors can call (or any passing murderers I guess!). That is old fashioned village life for you. No one ever made formal arrangements and I'm not sure they even knocked. Fortunately she is not close enough to do it to us, though DD's MIL is, and does. I have no idea what it would be like to be close enough to call round on my own family - might be nice.

As many have said, it's each family's rules which count, not ours. I hate being surprised, and when my DD lived nearer, she would always send a text, "Are you in? Do you fancy a visit?" I wouldn't call in on my mother unannounced, either, as I know she doesn't like it.

My husband's family, on the other hand, are the type who will drop by through the back door without knocking. That's their way.

I suppose each to their own, etc.

I have a key to my daughters house "for emergencies". These include me waiting in her house for the boiler man, new furniture, to feed the cat if she is away or sometimes Tesco's. We don't have any spare keys so she gets ours when we are on holiday to collect the post or sometimes feed our cat. Otherwise she comes for dinner during the week (arranged) or drops in unannounced if she wants something. If I "want something" I ring first (have rung outside her house from the car) and say "are you in?" This approach seems to be appreciated.

When my daughters lived 4 and 6 hours away we always phoned or texted and so did they. Now one in only 10 mins away, but she still texts and so do we just because it works for us.

with my family people often drop by without prior arranangement. As long as we don't all just let ourselves in, and knock on the door or ring the doorbell and wait to be let in. In the days before texts and mobile phones, a tap on the door or a ring of the doorbell was enough to announce the arrival of visitors. But after saying that, I'm sat here with a towel wrapped round my head and a dressing gown on after a leisurely bath and hope no one calls!

I do not like people coming to my house without letting me know they are coming either. I think it is only polite, I would need to get beds made up and food got in for them and I do not like being caught on the hop. I love to see them though, don't get me wrong. Just prefer them to let me know first..after all we all have our own arrangements too don't we? I would be very disappointed if someone I am friends with arrived and I was out. My In-Laws did this to me shortly after my son's birthday...to deliver his present they said. We were in the swing park and they came looking for us. I was quite put out as I wasn't expecting to feed two more people for dinner. With my son it is different because he only lives round the corner and often pops in to see us for a quite chat/check to see if we are alright. He does not need feeding or a bed to sleep in. He has his own.

Oh dear, lovely comments from some but I feel others take life toooo seriously and if they met would have stand up confrontation. I also think some posters could also stoop to trolling eventually. Let's face it girls/ladies/people everyone has an opinion but that doesn't mean they are wrong or right and don't need to crticise.

radicalnan i am with you but i am afraid the days of just popping in are over. Everyone is so busy nowadays and what with working odd hours anytime at home is sacred and to be used wisely. If someone turns up unexpectedley it can cause a problem i'm afraid.

I don't think that "dropping in unannounced" is a good idea under any circumstances. In my opinion, things always go smoother if we respect each other's boundaries. Clearly, if a relative or friend or relative did drop in unannounced, they would always be made welcome, but I'd also make the point that I wish they'd warned me as I could have then "set aside some time for a proper natter", or "get something in" for them. Common courtesy, really...

My dd has a key for my house.
I wouldn't go to hers without asking. It's just the way we are. Each family is different

I also think some posters could also stoop to trolling eventually. Let's face it girls/ladies/people everyone has an opinion but that doesn't mean they are wrong
??
What on earth do you base THIS on?

my daughter complete with husband and two young children walked through my unlocked back door one day and found my partner and i in "a compromising situation" in the dining room!
since then they always let us know they were coming or ring the front door bell.
mind you since then my partner always locks the back door!

I think it depends on how you were brought up.my mum ,dad 3 sisters and I ,along with two sets of Aunts and Uncles all lived under the same roof and my Granny and unmarried Aunt were there too.When our family got our own home we missed the others so it was always lovely to see them...we didn't have a phone then so drop ins were all there was

Ha ha Lupatria, that's so funny to read but must be been awful. I wouldn't dare to turn up unannounced at our daughter's - we even get into trouble if we arrive too early or before she gets home from work, when we have to wait in the drive, which she hates with a passion. Ironically, like so many other posters, she & her brother both have a key to our house. DS & DIL are very relaxed about us popping in, totally different to DD.

Before the days when everyone had a phone my Mum's family were all used to just calling in and tea would be found somehow. My aunt would always bring something to eat with her, and my cousin made me laugh when she said to her "Put a ton of salmon in your bag and you think you can go anywhere."
These days we always ask and wouldn't dream of going into each others homes without permission. I have keys to my daughters' homes and they have them to mine, but it's understood that they are to be used in an emergency or with permission.

The opening words of the OP are "Our DD has told us ( me, DH and DS) not to arrive unannounced". Surely that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to arrive at all?

I have a wonderful Irish friend like Paddyanne. No matter what time of day or how many people dropped in unannounced they would always be welcomed and invited to stay for something to eat. She lived modestly and had 2 children and a sick husband but it was 'loaves and fishes' and there would always be food to share. She returned to live in Ireland and when her husband died her neighbours bought dishes of food round every day to help out and keep her company.