Arriving unannounced

I wouldn't arrive unannounced at my son or daughter's house. I would ring or send a text. I feel I'd be catching them out otherwise, maybe the house would be messy. I feel the same about anyone calling at my house unannounced. I'd rather have half an hours notice to tidy up, clean the loo etc.,

inishowen I've always said people come to see us ,not the house.We were in the middle of major renovations a couple of years ago,walls demolished rubble on the floor etc and we had visitors who arrived unexpectedly.The door was shut on the mess and we sent out for chinese takeaway for dinner .I'm sure they didn't mind eating off their knees and we were glad of the break

I wouldn't pop in/visit either of my DD's without checking first. On the other hand, they both have keys to our house and can come whenever they like. This is still their family home and they know there is always a place for them here. Every family is different though.

I love when my daughter calls unannounced, it's always lovely to see her. I occasionally do the same with her but never stay for long unless offered a cuppa and usually have a definite purpose in my visit (eg dropping something off ). I am in her house often though when she and her partner are at work as I look after her two dogs, but it's always in and out in the time it's takes to attach leads etc. I therefore have a key but never use it when she is there. I do think, as others have said, it depends on the family. In ours it would never be seen as rude. We generally spend a lot of time together, share holidays etc and enjoy each others company.

Our son always calls in without letting us know, usually bringing his dog with him for us to look after. He's about ten minutes walk from our house. If he's back late from a night out he will leave the dog overnight at our house without letting us know.

Personally I I always text if I'm going to go to family to see if they ve other things on, and I like them to text me, but it's all about what everyone is comfy with. If you have an estrangement in your family maybe it has made u sensitive. Just text to ask, then if suitable just go. Don't fret about it, just enjoy it when u go.

Poly58 - how terribly sad that you are estranged from your DD. Presumably this is more than just dropping in unannounced that one time? Whatever the reason I hope you find a way to reconcile. To answer your question...

My parents would drop in at my house almost daily unannounced. I worked from home and it was really inconvenient. No matter how many times I asked them (always nicely) to call before visiting, they still dropped in. Eventually I decided to just accept it and work longer into the evening. It was a small price to pay for something that gave them some happiness.

Because i know how this can feel, I'd never dream of turning up at my son and DIL's house without calling, despite them constantly saying to drop by any time.

Having said that, I'd give anything these days to see my parents walk up my driveway. They're both gone now.

Polly.... You seem to be deeply shocked and offended by this. You need to talk to DD and find out why you're not allowed to visit her house anymore as there must be a reason for this. Have you had some kind of falling out?.

It might be annoying or inconsiderate to drop in on someone unannounced but that all depends on how well you know that person.

We visit our family and friends by invitation with the exception of my best friend who lives very close by and is forever dropping in to see me which I love. I have a key to my sons house who lives nearby but I wouldn't dream of letting myself in unless I was asked to. Our sons have house keys but will nearly always ring the door bell first when they visit with their families, now and again they let will themselves in.

Polly needs to sort this out with DD . We all do things differently.

Anya - you are so right. When did this business about it being okay to be rude to people come about? I would always welcome unexpected visitors, they may have to fit in with what I am doing at that particular time, or I may even ask them to make us all a cup of tea while I clear/wash up or whatever, but to turn people away is just plain rude. I am not sure I understand a lot of families now a days. Perhaps I just thought everyone had hippy ideals, because all my friends and family are the same.

I would always check with dds first. But then they both live over an hour's drive away, so we are never 'just passing'.
Dds know they can come to us any time, and I hope they will always feel able to, but I think they would always check first.

Must say I really hate anyone but family dropping in without a good period of notice. I am not tidy! And I hardly ever have cake or biscuits or anything else to offer with a cup of tea. I only ever buy or make them when I know someone's coming.

I quite like people "dropping in" as it's a nice surprise but if I'm doing the same, I usually ring first to make sure they'll be there.

That's not to say I'd let it show, though! I would always be nice.

Mmmmm a tricky one, I think it's always best to just ring or text to say you are passing and 'is there time for a cuppa?'. I have a key to my children's houses but would never ever just use it and walk in!!!!! - very bad manners IMO and could be embarrassing.
!

I have my daughter's front door key, she had mine. Just in case of emergency I suppose.

I never drop in uninvited, unannounced or whatever you want to call it probably because I'm aware that her family time at home is previous to her. Even when invited I don't use her key to let myself in not walk straight round to the kitchen door at the back of the house. I use the front door bell.

Yet despite all the above there came a point when I asked that both she and my SIL please use the front door bell at all times. They constantly turn up here unannounced and uninvited which is lovely. What isn't lovely is that they just come straight 'up' to the living area of both our house and garden of our unusual split level house. No warning! There they are! And I was sick and tired at being found in just my pants enjoying the sunshine. Not so bad if just my DD but the SIL too.
Bloody annoying to be snoozing in the sun only to be rudely interrupted!

We have a lovely pond area between tall hedges and the SIL has walked round there with a pal of his to find me. Ring the door bell.

Polite reminders didn't work so In the end I was very blunt about this house rule and no more unexpected callers disturbing my privacy.

There seems to be a split decision on this one. I used to enjoy unexpected visitors. Now I prefer them to wait to be invited.

I would give anything to have my Mum call in unannounced, she died when I was 23. What is wrong with people, it's your mother.

Once came home from holiday to find house looking untidy. Agreed it was either burglars or DD2 staying. Luckily it was the latter, and we didn't mind a bit. She had decamped to ours, leaving her DH to cope with replacement windows. We all have keys to each others houses - very useful, both DD's have locked themselves out. Don't tend to call in unannounced, but it wouldn't be frowned upon by any of us. Everyone has their own code of behaviour.

DD1 lives in NYC. No chance of her "dropping in". Wish it was different! When she lived here, she could and did come to mine any time, I'm her mom! Sad thing is, DD2 is estranged, I would love her to drop in.
I would never visit either of them without calling or texting first, though.

I don't have a key for DD's house although she has one for mine, for emergencies. We always arrange visits as we live 20 mins away from each other, I'm often out & so is DD, DGS is 7 & has usual commitments. Even if I had a key I would not just walk in, when they come to mine they always knock & call out before coming in, my door is always unlocked

My sons always ring when they are 5 mins away, to tell me to get the kettle on and they arrive just as it boils. I love it!

I think you need to arrange a time to sit down with your daughter and sort it out. We would never dream of going round to any of ours unannounced. It isn't fair on them.

I think you need to listen to what your daughter has to say and discuss it, not argue. It's her home and privacy. Life is too short to stay estranged

Dear Polly - despite my original post I think it's a huge pity for your DD to have upset you. You sound like the best kind of Mum and I hope you can sort it out amicably. Sending you a warm hug!

We often drop in unannounced at our DS & DDiL's house, as they do with us.
Everyone knows that if it's not convenient, we'll just say so, and the visitors will leave immediately. We would never dream of walking in using our keys, unless it had been particularly requested that we do.
However, as they live less than 300 yards from us, (or 60 yards as the crow flies) it's not a problem.
As we look after our DGS three days a week, we often buy ’big toys' which live at either house, so we all have keys to both houses, to enable us to pop in and get stuff whenever we want.
We would never go 'nosing about' in their house, and we know they'd never do so in ours either.
We're lucky in that we have a very, very close relationship with our DS, and DDiL is very 'family minded' too, but lives an hours drive from her parents, so is very much 'ours'!
I really feel for people who are estranged from their children, I don't know how I'd cope, probably wouldn't!

We always make prior arrangements. I hate anyone dropping in unannounced to me, so try never to do it to others.
Even close family. But I appreciate we are all different.
What suits some don't suit others.

I have three children all grown up with thier own families I would never just drop in always text or call first I know they all live busy lives with partners, Children work commitments etc so it may not always be convenient to stop just for me, although mostly the reply will be come over. All three of my children have keys to my house and I have always told them this is still their home and I do not have a problem with them coming over even when I'm not there.

How lovely Silver
OMG! Lupatria really made me laugh mind
Great saying Lupin about the ton of salmon

My NiceD & I both have keys to each others homes, my D knows she could just pop in to get something if I wasn't in, or sit and have a cuppa to wait for me to get home, no problem.