Arriving unannounced

Recently I turned up as invited, they seemed to be surprised to see me, and no dinner cooking, after a bit of awkward chat my granddaughter whispered ' I think they forgot you were coming Granny'
Many laughs all round and I got a cheese sandwich!!
Passed into annals of family history.
DIL was so embarrassed as she has a well deserved rep for efficiency!!!

Paddyann, would you like to adopt a 62 year old?! Sounds lovely! The problem arises when one half of a married couple is one thing and the other half is the other. I've always been a texter/phoner in advance but mostly just to make sure they were in. I've only ever been made to feel unwelcome in my DD and soon-to-be-ex SIL's house by said SIL. Even after arranging to come, even when coming to look after DGD when he needed me. His parents were to be welcomed at any time they chose to drop in and with as many other family members as they wanted to bring. His mother ruled the roost, made the rules and that was that. As I say he's soon to be ex ...

Polly so sorry to hear this has lead to estrangement with your DD , get in there and get it sorted a.s.a.p; 'nip it in the bud', otherwise you may end up like me 4.5yrs estranged from my DD&DGC

NannaM so sorry for your estrangement too

NannaM I returned home from work once, only to find my now estranged daughter in doors with the little ones in the bath! What a fantastic surprise that was, I laughed so much it was heaven! I wish every day for that same scenario to happen now

Hubby and I have to text before arriving at our sons. His wife sometimes works at home and we don't want to disturb her. Hubby doesn't get "working at home" and wants to interrupt her.

DIL doesn't like me and prefers to not see me if she can help it. (That's another story). So we always try to call when she is at work.

Oh dear Jimmy If you have GC, you need to tread very carefully with your D.i.l

Oh Yogagirl, I'm so sorry - I wish it could happen again for you. Never say never ...

Read back some posts; as I say everyone is entitled to an opinion without criticism.

grannylyn haha at least you got a sandwich.

Paddy ann - what a wonderful attitude and a wonderful open heart you have. People like you are so few and far between and need to be cherished by all who know you - you could teach the rest of us a good few lessons! Don't ever change ....

I do believe its people preferences about visits I usually drop a quick text to ask if they are in just as I would really expect. That from them .even though I do enjoy an unexpected visit .

That is the second time you have done that Megs 36 and nobody IS criticising
So stop trying to stir things up.

For us, this is a generation thing. When I was a lass, we were always calling in uninvited to both sets of grandparents, and vice versa. BUt with my grown up kids and grandchildren, it's just not done, without making prior arrangements. Fine. We all reach our own way of doing things.

I suspect that how close your family live now and have lived in the past makes a difference. I think when family members live, or have lived close together they are accustomed to calling in casually, but if you have no experience of living near your family, and I have never lived near other family memebers, not even in childhood, family visits have always been pre-arranged.

Some people require "hosting". I'ld be very annoyed if those kinda people visited either unannounced or if they just informed via text on the way rather than asked

For other people I have a (not literal) open door policy and love when they pop in unexpectedly

For me it really depends on whether the visitor is hard work or not, or if I can just get on with making the packed lunches while we chat.

NannaM I returned home from work once, only to find my now estranged daughter in doors with the little ones in the bath! What a fantastic surprise that was

I'ld probably have a heart attack if there were people in what I was expecting to be an empty house!

I'ld never do that I'ld be afraid I'ld be whacked over the head for being mistaken for an intruder!

That story of the bath brought back a funny memory to me.

In our first years of marriage when we lived relatively near to my parents, my Mum used to have our front door key. She never rang the doorbell but just waltzed in and sometimes, if we were out, she'd move the furniture round to make the room "look better". (My husband used to get so annoyed. - I don't know why I didn't absolutely insist that she didn't interfere in that way)

Anyway, one day we were both in the bath and our new baby was sleeping in her crib (money was tight and we were mindful of not using too much hot water) when I heard someone talking to us from outside the bathroom door (we were renting a small nissan-hut type bungalow). Assuming it was Mum, I kept saying loudly "I can't hear you. Can you wait - I'll be out in a minute." To our surprise, the bathroom door opened and there stood the Health Visitor who had come to see me and the baby. She didn't bat an eyelid and just carried on asking how things were, etc., until my husband asked if she would mind waiting a moment in the sitting room while I got a dressing gown on.

As to giving pre-notice of visits, I prefer someone to give me a little forewarning before arriving on the doorstep. It's not because I don't like to see people or that I'm inhospitable, it's just that I'm not always that organised.

As an explanation of the previous story, I must have left the front door ajar when bringing in the milk, which is how the Health Visitor got access).

Text or phone to see when you can come over and ask for the key back. That's double standards in my book.

DD and I are always in and out of each other's houses ( Very Waltons I know!) DS comes into ours but hasn't yet got round to getting more keys cut so I have to ring the doorbell. We really only text each other beforehand if we want to know someone will be in before we set out.

When we were young there were no mobiles or email and not many households had telephones so people were more likely to drop in if they were passing on the off chance of seeing you. The only way to notify that you were coming was to write and arrange a visit in advance. Unexpected visitors always had to be offered tea & cake, hence the tradition of FHB (Family Hold Back)!

Nowadays because you can ring or text and say you are passing, visiting unexpectedly is much less acceptable - I must admit I wouldn't dream of going to see someone without phoning or texting first, and I wouldn't be very impressed if friends or family turned up on my doorstep without warning.

me too Paddyann, I love peeps to come over announced or unannounced it never bothers me. Coming from a big family I suppose I am used to it, my mum and dad loved having family and friends over. We have even had family come from abroad and drop in for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc and maybe stay over. Having said all of that my dil is entirely different (of course) I recently travelled for 21/2 hours to surprise my son and was told by dil that I should have let them know. Why? cos she hadn't cleaned up and didn't
have any lunch or dinner to give me. Really? I don't need anything to eat in fact we could go out, my treat, but NO I should have let them know. My son hadn't arrived home from work yet, but I thought I would go and visit friends in the area instead. Never mind. Don't know why people have to be that way but some are. Poly580 it's very likely your daughter's partner/husband as this also happened to me with my daughter, she loved having us drop in, but after a while we were told partner did not want us to. Don't let it ruin your relationship with your family, go with the flow, but maybe get your key back from D. {smile}

I never turn up at my DD's unannounced, they can turn up here whenever they want, but generally send a text or ring. DD2 has her own pub, but I would still text or call before turning up there too.

As lots of others have said, it's what's normal for your family. The only reason we contact each other before a visit is to check whether the other person is in. We've all got keys to each others houses. I would normally use them if I'm dropping something off and they're not going to be in or if they've had to pop out. They usually suggest I make myself a cup of tea while I wait for them to return. Don't use the key if they're at home I just ring the bell. Usually I'm told, "why didn't you just let yourself in."

We always had people popping in and out. As a childminder and foster mum some of them and the state they were in wasn't always welcome, sadly I'd have to turn them away. We installed a cctv camera covering the front door, on going through it on a couple of occasions we discovered why we were going through groceries so quickly, we seemed to have turned into a branch of Sainsbury's after our boys left home! They'd come in empty handed when we weren't there and leave carrying bags of loo rolls, tinned food, laundry stuff etc. (I didn't mind, they were struggling and I'd have said ok if we'd been there). There's only one rule, nobody goes in my bedroom without being told to, it's my escape room/haven . But I'd never just pop in on the dcs without some warning, even if it's only half hour, you never know what you may interrupt! And it's nice to be given the opportunity to say 'not today' Since I've been ill and no longer have a house full of other people's children all day I have to say that all the DCs now give me a warning incase I'm asleep. Some of my visitors are my previous children who make themselves at home as they walk through the door which is so lovely. And I'm happy to report that this branch of Sainsbury's isn't open as often as it used to be.