Appointment with Relate.

Kind thoughts to everyone who is struggling in their relationships. Hope you can all find a solution.

This is difficult. I have one friend who hs been married and divorced 3 times and now lives on her own. Another friend stayed with her husband with a disappointing sex life,had 2 sons is still with him but is bitter and disappointed. I find it hard to say which took the better route.
I suppose whatever you do is a gamble.
Keep talking to us , Floriatosca. Sounds pathetic but have you tried having a dog? They can give you a lot of affection and taking it out for walks, you might meet someone.

This is just a thought. Is your husband a type 2 diabetic?. Read somewhere that comfort eating and stress can bring this on. And your husband has had plenty to feel depressed and stressed about.
Is he at all overweight ? And does he exercise ever? Perhaps taking him out for a brisk walk each morning might help? I suppose you will say he would not go.
Perhaps even a trip to GP about his mood.....

I hope your Relate appointment helps to clarify things in your head. They are there as much to help with achieving a good separation as saving a relationship.

Don't be afraid to strike out on your own - you may feel like you will go backwards as far as living conditions or financial stability - but your peace of mind and emotional well being will soar.

I hope all went well for you today, however, as you state you can't change your situation so maybe you need help in changing your mindset towards your position.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may help?
I find it odd that in your OP you stated "he has unkindly and uncaringly treated me" in a later posting you describe him to be "always kind in other ways". So exactly what do you want?
This poor bloke is as unhappy as you, if not more so, it must be hell living with someone who is so vitriolic and senses that they wish them dead.
Your post is all about you.

I find that both radicalnan and judypark are pretty much on my wave length on this and as Judy says it does seem to be very much about only you Floriatosca. The guys who have posted on here echo my own thoughts as well as those of my DH.

It is truly amazing what a bit of positivity can do to any relationship. Thanking somebody, paying compliments, doing something particularly kind, making something special for them, even just smiling pleasantly. It actually engenders a positive response from the recipient - after the initial amazement and probably sarcky comments if, up until then, you have been less than pleasant. Never think that this is or will be easy because it isn't but it coukd make your life much better. In the end you will discover that you remember why you married him/her in the first place!

When we all made those promises on our wedding day it is very doubtful that any of us thought that we would actually have to deliver on them but the longer we are married the more likely this will be. Illness as well as disappointments in life can cause great stress which in turn can make people cross and unhappy and therefore less than pleasant to be with - unless you decide to take positive action to turn this around. This positivity also includes not saying or thinking anything negative about him/her or the situation you are in. It has to be "we two against the world" because neither of you can do it on your own but working together makes a big difference to you both.

Try to cultivate empathy and think how all of this impacts him/her because you can be certain that if one half of the marriage is unhappy then so is the other. Your thinking should not be just on self but improvement for both. I can just hear the gasps of disbelief at what I am about to say next but here goes anyway! Try making a big apology and asking if you can do some bridge building and working out what would make you both happier.

A staged approach to this whole strategy is key in that the positivity should be going on for a good month before the apology is undertaken since this will lay a good foundation for mutual respect and acceptance. This really does work and I have seen some very positive results from it.

Did you have children from a previous relationship ?

This is so sad. First of all, my sil left her husband of 40 years to live with a younger man, she is STILL not happy. There is an element of regret about what she has done, but the clock cannot now be turned back, so please think carefully.

Feelings of anger and irritation towards your husband will continue to grow if you allow them, and this is clearly having an effect on you. Making time for yourself to start up a new hobby may give you some solitary thoughtful space to think about yourself and rest your mind.

Secondly, diabetes is a very difficult disease to have and control and can account for behaviour changes and loss of confidence. It may well be that your husband feels unable to satisfy you and feels too awkward and embarrassed to try now. There are some people who find it difficult to express emotions, but that may not mean he feels nothing for you. A birthday card is some form fondness otherwise that too would be forgotten.

Even talking to the GP and obtaining medication for erectile disfunction may just be too much to bear. He may well feel like a failure to you in his eyes.

Perhaps trying to understand these difficulties might help you.

I wish you well and hope you can begin to find some happiness in your life. xx