Strange little characters corners along the road of estrangement!

Cornishsue your situation is completely different to what we are talking about, we are talking about estrangement, not adoption. I am talking about stepfamily not adoptive family, completely deferent subject. Also I am talking about my beloved GD's stepfamily, I am not talking about all stepfamily. I was a step mum to 4 children and I loved them, but I didn't love them as I loved my own.

My uncle & aunt adopted 2 children, a boy & a girl, they have never wanted to trace their biological parents and I, along with the rest of our family, see only my aunt & uncle as their mum & dad, loved and cherished by them always and vice versa

I know adoptive parents love their children as their own and are more than likely much better parents then their biological ones, otherwise they wouldn't have been taken from them. This is a completely different subject to estrangement from your AC&GC and a completely different subject to my GD stepfamily. I also know that some children love their stepdad/mum and they them, but I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about my GD! So if it upsets you to read my story, about my family, about my GD, about my GD's stepdad & his mother's cruelty to my precious GD, don't come on these threads about estrangement, make your own thread on adoption and I will not visit and read, as nothing to do with my life, my situation or my GD or my estD's lives with estrangement!

My granddaughter's stepdad's mother is not her grandmother, I AM! The pair of them have done a very wicked thing in ripping my GD away from her real grandmother; ME! One day my precious GD will know the truth and she will hate those who have done such a wicked evil thing to her. They didn't just ripped her away from her real grandmother, auntie, granddad, aunties & uncles, cousins & nephews, no, that wasn't enough damaged to the little mite, grieving for us all, they also took away her name!! One day she will learn what her real name is and take it back!

Please Cornishsue go on a page that is relevant to you and stop stirring up emotions that are too painful to bear!

Grannyactivist I really admire the way you are handling what must be a very difficult situation.I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for you. I am sure there will come a time when your DGC contact you themselves. My friend's son left his wife when she was pregnant and moved across the world. His wife was understandably devastated and cut herself off from his family. My friend sent letters and presents over the years and her patience paid off. She met her DGD at age 14 and they now have a close relationship.

Yogagirl. I think you need to periodically remind posters on this thread that your estranged daughter married into a Gypsy family. I spent many weeks in hospital in the next bed to a Gypsy wife and we had many long hours of conversation regarding family dynamics amongst this community..
They are ‘different’ to what non gypsys might find acceptable. I can quite understand your fears.

Didn't they change her name to his? So it may be he has adopted her.

I am fortunate that this hadn’t happened to me. But I was estranged from my own mother for nearly two years in my 20’s. my mother was a difficult lady! she had, I now recognise, quite bad depression, and was in my teens a heavy (evening) drinker which could make her very verbally Abusive. I could see why this might be though,as my father was disabled through a tragic car accident, and I think she suffered depression after that. since it happened when I was a newborn I don’t remember what she was like before.
She was also very critical and a perfectionist. I was an only child and I think this didn’t help, she always gave me the impression that I hadn’t quite made the grade expected from them and she used to regularly compare me with friends children and their achievements!
That said I knew, and know, that she loved me. my childhood did have love and affection and fun times, and my parents both worked hard to give me all the advantages they could.
however in my late teens/ early 20’s I started to find her griping comments and digs harder to cope with. I was a young women with little confidence, trying to get through uni, and start out in the world. so I decided that for my own mental health, I needed to put space between us, after one especially nasty row when I and my (husband to be) were visiting I walked out and didn’t contact her for nearly 2 years! At the time it was incredibly difficult, I cried a lot, but it gave me time to gather my my inner resources and resilience, and eventually I turned up at her door and we started again and never looked back.
I would say that our relationship was hugely better after the break.we never overtly spoke about it, but she seemed less depressed and had tackled her drinking issues and I was stronger more confident in my own skin and more sure of my own achievements and we didn’t really row again.
This may not be what happens for other people, and everyone’s situation is different; but there are complex reasons for estrangement, sometimes. Lots of the lovely people on here seem to have given the DC great childhoods and its difficult to know why it’s happened to them so I can only speak from my own experience but I hope this will help someone.

I didn't love them as I loved my own

I know adoptive parents love their children as their own

I will leave this thread and forum, Yogagirl and I apologise to everyone else for hijacking. However, before I go can I please, please draw your attention to your above words.

I do not love my (adopted) childen AS my own. They ARE my own.

I have been aware of your agressive and unkind posts to others, particularly over the past few weeks. But I realise this is an emotional situation for you, and also how angry you are. I do have an estranged son myself as well as my mum passing away at Christmas. As two of my adult children have disabilties and as a foster carer, I do not have the opportunity to meet others or see friends. I was hoping perhaps for some support myself on here, but I read your posts and felt so upset. I am sorry for butting in and am very sorry for stiring up trouble and upsetting you more. I will do as you say and will leave now, and sincerely hope you find peace and happiness in your future.

Sorry to anyone else I have also upset and want to say to you all I am struck by everybodies kind, compassionate and supportive posts towards others. I admire you all so much and wish you well.

My apologises.

Cornishsue emotions on threads such as this tend to run higher than on some others, but please do not feel you have to withdraw from a site which should be able to show compassion and support.
I have no wish to get involved in any sort of taking sides, but those of us who have been lucky to enjoy continued good relationships with our AC should show generosity of spirit towards those who are suffering from estrangement and those who can identify all too closely with the thread titles must know how fragile estranged mothers and grand mothers must feel and - feel some empathy as well as sympathy.

Cornishsue, please don't be hurt by unkind comments. My daughters best friend was adopted as a little baby. SFe met her birth parents, who had marrie by then, she felt no connection, her adopted parents were who she regarded as family. You are their mother.
Yogagirl, Madeline Mc Canns daughter is not with her mother, she could be anywhere in the world going through who knows what. The situation is a million miles away from your granddaughters situation, she is with a mother that loves her. I find it disturbing you keep referring to Nasty sil and good daughter, how you think you could connect feeling like that I don't know. Why was your granddaughter trying to open the door? Was an argument and shouting going on, if so she would just want it to end. Why do you think you were the only one who loved her, was your daughter an uncaring and indifferent mother? If that is the case and she is in a home where no one wants her that is truly tragic.

cornishsue, sorry you have been hurt. Of course you are a real family, no one can dictate who a child loves or decide who is more important to them. I think people sometimes act, and talk, like children are possessions and the adults have rights over them and eventually that sort of attitude can cause problems. My MIL was like that so I have some experience of it.

Please Cornishsue go on a page that is relevant to you and stop stirring up emotions that are too painful to bear!

Yoga That is unkind! I know you are hurting but...!

Thank you Fairydoll your the only one on here that's stuck up for me. Bless you xx

Yoga girl, there is no reason for anyone to leave it was you who had a go at Cornishsue and said she should leave, that was really unkind, why should she, she is estranged from her son, you have to see others point of view as well as your own, not all situations are the same, but they hurt.
I have wondered where your granddaughters birth father is in your granddaughters life, he more than anyone must want his child happy.

Madgran did you miss where Cornishsue said she is estranged from her son? Surely this is relevant to her.

Copy & paste from the estrangement page that Cornishsue felt the need to bring my name and don't worry all, you'll not hear from me again;

Cornishsue Don't leave GN, I will. It's clear to me I have been made the scapegoat on here by all apart from Smileless My ND, yes she is nice, tells me time and time again to come off here, as I always get a bashing, and now it's all the time. So even though our subjects are completely different Cornishsue yours is adoption and mine is estrangement, I will leave and you are welcome to take my place. Why you have come on this page of estrangement to hi-light my name from another thread, only you know. So goodbye all, you will need another poor soul to bash now, cos I'm off!
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Yogagirl Fri 16-Feb-18 18:47:56
OH and bye the way, I've lost my mother too

I did not tell Cornishsue to leave Luckylegs I said she was on the wrong thread, it's about estrangement not adoption and this is the first time she's mentions she is estranged from her adopted son. Anyway no matter what I said it's deemed as wrong, so ..

I've tried to make it crystal clear Cornishsue I'm talking about stepfamilies NOT adoption, why to you keep ignoring that?

But she is estranged?!

You really do need to get down off your cross

Yoga girl,nowhere is est gd birth father? Surely he wouldn't want his child adopted. Does he see her?

123flump my first bit was quoting Yoga's comment not my own. I forgot to put quote marks. I would never speak or write to anyone in that way. I was saying to Yoga that I felt it was unkind

Yoga you have not been made a scapegoat. I am sorry that you see it like that! Can you not see that your style of comment and approach to people who are hurting, just like you, keeps causing problems on threads!

I intend this to be my last post on GN.

Luckylegs My GD has not been adopted by her stepdad, he wouldn't entertain it. As I have said many. many times before; I was not just the grandparent I was the second parent too, as the baby's dad legged it when my D was 3mnths pregnant. My D came back to live with me, I took her to all her hospital, doctor, anti-natal app. I was her birthing partner, the second person in the world to hold my beloved GD in my arms.

I chose her name, my D & I were watching an old film and one of the characters was called Laila, I said to my D 'what a lovely name' she agreed, so Laila it was.
The dad was invited to the scans, to the birth, he ever came, even though he promised he would.

I collected them both from the hospital, they came back home with me and we had all the pomp and ceremony that a birth brings, all the visitors, flowers, gifts, it was magical. All the neighbours coming in. Laila's dad did visit once at home. He lived in Brighton and they meet when he & my D worked in Malta.

At one point the dad did contact my D and said 'let's be a family' but unfortunately my D had meet her now husband, when he heard that Laila's dad had been in contact, he traced him and sent him a message that said he knew the gym where he worked out and he was going to wait for him outside and shot him!

My ND & I contacted Laila's dad when we had been cut out of her life, we sent him a picture of her, he was over the moon and said he was going to a lawyer to get visitation of his daughter. We had not heard anything from him since, I just hope nothing happened to him.

Madgran77 sorry, I thought you had missed what Cornishsue said. I can't keep up sometimes.

yogagirl it doesn't sound like your GDs father was cut out of her life, doesn't sound like he was ever in it.

You can't say what he is like or wether or not he adopted her.

It's been what 5 years. A lot could change. He is more of a father than she's ever had. And he's actively patented her more than you.