Driving at speed.

Is he beginning to worry that the time will come when he can't drive? My mam is like that. If I make a sound when she brakes to hard or gets a bit too close to another vehicle/object she goes ballistic telling me I'll make her have an accident one of these days (she even managed to blame me when she went the wrong way around a roundabout). I think they sometimes drive erratically just to prove they are still in control and still able to drive.

Speed and braking when you are a passenger feels completely different to when you are the driver in control of the car.
A passenger flinching beside you makes the driver react, often inappropriately, by braking, swerving etc and is even more likely to cause an accident!
Close your eyes for the journey or look out of the side window not the front, but please don't try to drive the car unless you have the wheel

I NEVER exceed speed limits - and unfortunately that will sound a bit prissy, but that is just a reflection of how complacent people are about exceeding the limit. If someone said that they regularly shoplift, then it would be frowned on. It is breaking the law - end of.

I would simply refuse to get in the car with him. Let him go and kill himself and anyone else who gets in his way, but stay out of it.

I worked for a trauma service and know very well the reality of his foolhardy behaviour.

Close your eyes - you cannot be serious Eglantine - what other crimes should we close our eyes to?

Twenty years ago DH worked abroad Monday to Friday and I used to collect him from Stansted airport late on a Friday night. It was an hour's drive home and both of us would be tired. He used to moan about my driving then. Our DD passed her driving test and I asked her instructor (a retired police motorcyclist) to assess my driving for an hour. Basically I was a safe driver no problems but I was knackering the gearbox going up and down through the gears as I had been taught 20 years earlier. I had a series of lessons in secret and took my ROSPA advanced drivers test passing at silver level. It was a bit of shock for DH when I told him and waved my certificate at him but he has not criticised my driving since.
I am not suggesting you try this but I do appreciate how difficult it is not to react when one is a passenger.

Exceeding the speed limit seems to be a macho thing to do. And I dont think it is OK! A tyre can blow, there are other unpredictable idiots on the toad, you need to be prepared for the unexpected.
Being a “nervous”passenger is one thing, reminding him that is is not only dangerous to yourselves, but also to others and pointing out firmly that his reactions are not what they used to be seems to me imperative.
Yes he will probably take the huff but better that than kill someone.
If he truly thinks he is still a good driver treat him to an IAM assessment driving assessment and a course. You could point out that it can bring down his insurance -keep quiet about it also bringing down your blood pressure!

My DH does the same. He slows down at the last minute and gets too close to the car in front. When he learnt to drive, he was taught by a policeman, so he ought to be more aware, that is if he remembers his lessons. I can't help but comment either. Personally, I think he needs his eyes tested again!

“On the ROAD” even not the poor “toad” ?

Yes, I've had this problem too and reacted to what I perceived to be DH's late braking or driving too fast. One of his friends also commented on it, so not just me! I also think, because we are drivers ourselves (of many years), we can feel out of control, as we're only too aware when they should be slowing down.

DH often said 'how have I managed to drive for 50 years without a problem'? I replied 'how do I know you've seen the car in front is slowing/stopping. Should I just wait and see if you have an accident?' With the best will in the world, it's hard not to react when you feel you're about to crash! I also suspect he was doing it deliberately at times, until I told him he was scaring me, so now he is much better at 'anticipating', rather than speeding up to a car, that he can clearly see has slowed down, or come to a stop (at traffic lights for instance).

Driving too fast is dangerous.
Its not being a good driver, its being a dangerous one.
Not that I can drive, myself.

People often drive much to fast IMO! I frequently see drivers speeding round corners (usually without bothering to indicate?) and seem to feel that the speed limits are a suggestion only? as someone who walks a lot I get very angry with people exceeding the speed limits! I live on a small square and the gardens opposite my house have a lovely children’s play area and a wooded part where dog walkers go. Despite the fact that young families are crossing back and forth and people with dogs are crossing, drivers speed up and down the road using it as a cut through! Even keeping to the speed limit (just?) increases the chances of death if a pedestrian is hit. I see no reason for people to race around the streets except utter selfishness ?

Is it legal to have gadgets in your car to warn you of speed cameras? I know our local FB group has a few —idiots— members that think it’s clever to warn other —idiots— members about any police speed checks that have been set up to try to cut down on the number of accidents on certain roads around here. It’s always interesting to see who thanks them and who points out that if you’re sticking to the speed limit you don’t need to worry.

Should have paid more attention to the title! It was the late braking I was thinking of more than the breaking of the speed limit. For the record I am a total observer of speed limits even though I am frequently overtaken by the big heavy lorry that I passed a few miles back on the dual carriageway!

But whether the driver is late in braking is a matter of judgement and I have been asked "Why are you slowing down when you don't need to" by a frustrated passenger when I think I've anticipated the road ahead.

It's always difficult when there are two drivers n one car. My cousin, who doesn't drive, is always going Oh and No when her husband tries to park or whatever and it is very nerve wracking even as another passenger.

It’s difficult when you are a driver but travelling as a passenger. You don’t know if the driver is going to react . I try not to make comments. DH huffs a bit but since I told him years ago to get out of the car or drive himself he improved a bit. Hill will fiddle with buttons and knobs on the dashboard though !
Speeding under any circumstances is wrong . We can’t pick and choose which limits to obey .

No, it's not illegal Maggiemaybe DD has a sat-nav that bleeps when approaching a speed camera. The reason is to stop drivers braking suddenly when they realise they're about to go through one.

I felt sorry for DH when he had to surrender his licence after his stroke as he'd always been a good driver but I'm glad I'm the sole driver now. He gets agitated with other drivers (probably as a result of the stroke) and although he never criticises me (he wouldn't dare) everyone else on the road is an idiot

It is interesting how the kindest, law-abiding and most well-mannered considerate people can turn into raging fireballs behind the wheel!

But no one would need to brake suddenly at a speed camera if they were keeping to the limit, would they?

My dear friend’s niece, aged 2, was killed by a speeding driver who lost control of his car and mounted a pavement. Even without that, I could never view someone who thinks it’s fine to speed “even in wet weather or mist” as an excellent driver.

I just can't understand why people have to speed everywhere they must have very important meeting and appointments to get to.
If my hubby drove like that he would be going on his own and to state "one day you will kill me" is totally out of order he sounds as though he needs a few lessons in respect and consideration to other drivers something a lot of drivers forget.

Does 'thinking distance, breaking distance, overall stopping distance' still apply?
Has it changed, as cars have changed so much since I was learning to drive?

Thank you for all your comments.
DH never speeds on local roads, only on long distance journeys, and which of us can say we have never done that.
Yes, I certainly do worry about the time when he may no longer be able to drive and whether he will be able to recognise that. If he doesn’t, we will have almighty rows if I try to tell him to stop,thankfully we are not in that territory.

As far refusing to get in the car with him, well that is not realistic, as we would never go for days out or on holiday.

I guess I shall have to try harder to curb my reactions. I did try to get across that I feel scared, but I don’t think he can imAgine that. It is true that he always likes to be in control, and he hates being a passenger.

I think the advice for this situation (can’t say it really works) is to have a chat when you’re not in the car. You turn it round to being your problem, not his, by saying something like: “I know you’re a good driver, but I get nervous when you drive fast, and sometimes overreact. I’m also afraid you’ll get caught for speeding” . You’ve obviously tried something like this as you say he’s aware of your nervousness.

I’ve had this situation with my OH - taking this approach helped slightly.

I can honestly say that the S.O and I never drive faster than the speed limit. It's there for a reason.

which of us can say we have never done that? - hand up here - it is not something it would occur to me to do. The speed limit it there for a reason. Why would you break the law? - to what purpose?

Thanks, Farmor15. Yes, I must try this. I will need to pick my moment though.

My husband tends to drive too fast. Like many other drivers mentioned here, he is a good driver that has never had an accident.

Many modern cars seem to be built for speed.

The way I handled the problem was to explain to him (not whilst in the car) that he can drive as he pleased when I am not in the car (and take responsibility for how fast he drives etc.) but if I am to get in the car he drives to suit me or I won't (get in the car). It has largely worked. He needs reminding every now and again. I don't condone speeding before anyone thinks I do.

I have to say though that I agree with him that some of the drivers who don't drive at motorway speed but for example putt-putt along in the fast lane, cause problems too as other drivers become impatient. Motorway driving of course is very different to e.g. driving on country roads or driving in a town.