Driving at speed.

I have been on two speed awareness courses both for doing 36 mph in a 30 mile limit. I thought the second one was a 50 mph limit as I was approaching a sign which said 50. So now I am very careful. We have 40, changing to 30, changing to 20, and then back to 30, all within a few yards, so it's very confusing and I feel very aggrieved when people sit on my tail or pass me over the limit. Why do they not get caught? I need a notice saying "I have done a Speed Awareness Course. Have you?"

Oh Cabbie21 your husband sounds as though he's a danger to himself and others using the roads, and from how you say he responds to justified criticism at one level he is aware of this but can't admit it. Your description of his driving made me cringe. Others have suggested that he has his driving assessed and this is a very good idea along with his eyesight tested as well. I suggest that you use google to find the nearest RoSPA driving club to you (they are the organisation which did 100 Year Old Driving School on TV) They are a voluntary organisation and use the same police manual as I.A.M and you take the same test - and they are far cheaper with a social element as well. You could then say you are going along to see what it's about and ask him if he wants to come along.
I joined my local club because I although I love driving I was worried that over many years driving I had picked up bad habits and wanted to avoid any reluctance from my daughter and son-in-law that I was not safe to drive my granddaughter about. You do not mention grandchildren, but does he drive them to places - if so maybe their parents could also express concern.
I have passed my advanced driving test, learnt many useful things along the way and continue to enjoy my driving.
But it is very difficult to be a passenger with a driver who does not see or understand risks!

Your husband is a dangerous driver who is also being very selfish. He is not considering your safety or other road users. In the law of averages he stands to come unstuck one day. No driver should need to be warned about speed detectors there are plenty of road signs to inform them. It’s no wonder he has an heart condition if he dashes from A to B all the time he needs to slow down.

I know he thinks it is ok to exceed the limit
The only time is is OK to exceed the speed limit is to get out of trouble, eg momentarily in the overtaking lane of a motorway.

The two outer lanes are for overtaking only - but that rule seems to have gone by the board these days.

I take it you have your own car, OP? So when you go out together, could you not say that you go in your car, and you will drive? I appreciate that he might well kick off, but if it were me I think I'd let him, and ignore, in the same way that we (try to) ignore toddlers having tantrums.

FWIW, Dh was caught exceeding a speed limit by quite a bit a few years ago, though to be quite fair to him there were no signs of the limit anywhere - we checked more than once and the court officials admitted it. He had to go to court and was seriously worried about losing his licence. Instead there were points and a hefty fine. He is exceptionally careful now.
Your Dh is risking the same.

How come, every time I look at this thread, I get a GN pop-up telling me How to keep love alive in later life

It isn't by speeding that's for sure.

I wouldn't worry about commenting - HE is breaking the law ! There's a speed LIMIT for a reason and no matter how clear and quiet the road its wrong to do so!

You can be quiet and die when he kills you both by his late reactions or you can speak up . Worse - how will you feel if he kills someone else ?

Personally - if I felt Grampy wasn't driving safely Id be doing the driving .

It's amazing how many cars whizz past us when we're doing 70 mph on the motorway.

He isn't a slow driver but gets annoyed if someone tailgates him and will often pull into a side turning if there is one to let them go past.

I feel for you. My husband can be an aggressive driver. He did improve for a while following a course he had to go on after he was caught speeding but I think he is almost back to his old ways. I offer to drive on most occasions nowadays as I cannot bear the distress of it all; maybe I am a control freak but at least I’m a safe one. I wonder if they enjoy frightening us?

My parents had the precise same problem as far back as I can remember and my mother never had the guts to stay out of Daddy's car. She complained about his driving and he got furious with her, so I know all about it.

As far as I can see, you have two options: either do as my mother did, which I would not recommend, or refuse to go anywhere in your husband's car unless he lets you drive!

Sounds like many men drivers! I was always taught that a good driver makes his passengers feel safe and confident. This remark doesn’t down well at all with my husband when he goes right up behind the car in front etc etc !!

OP, he is not an excellent driver if he makes you feel unsafe. Regarding the speeding; it doesn't necessarily take a camera to catch him, he could easily get caught by an unmarked police vehicle. A conviction would make the insurance a lot more expensive.

Point out that, as a pp said, he might be (in his head) a good driver - but everyone else is not. My last car was written off 2years ago, when a van drove straight out in front of me as I came round a roundabout (well within the speed limit.!) forcing me to brake hard to avoid hitting him - sadly, the person behind me wasn't quite as quick on the brakes...! It wrote off both cars - while the van sailed off happily into the distance, the driver no doubt telling himself what a great driver he was

Surely a good driver would want his/her passengers to feel comfortable & have confidence in their driver, as well as having the skills to deliver a smooth ride. Much more satisfying than a quick speed thrill!

It's not the fast lane, it's the *overtaking lane.

I think you and I Cabbie are married to the same man.

It's frightening to think how many of them are out there on the roads, with a lethal weapon in their hands.

'He is a good driver who has never had an accident'. I was always reminded that many people only have the one.

You may think you're a safe driver but you never know what hazards you may find out there on the roads.

Sign up for an IAM or ROSPA advanced test yourself then you will have a better appreciation and knowledge of better driving and can prove you're the superior driver! I'm currently working on my IAM advanced motorcycle test, and that has improved my car driving get no end. Worth every penny and time on the road under instructions and practicing. (Also a good excuse for for me to get out on my bike, the other passionate love of my life besides my Other Half!

You can be quiet and die when he kills you both by his late reactions or you can speak up . Worse - how will you feel if he kills someone else ?

Oh dear, he gets upset if you say anything.
Oh dear, refusing to be driven by him would be inconvenient.

Stop moaning and pretend everything's fine, then.

My husband drove over 10,000 miles a year when he was working and never had an accident as he observed the speed limit. His mantra was ‘any fool can drive over the speed limit, but not everyone can drive safely’. This was not a ‘holier than thou’ attitude, just a consideration for all other road users.
Sadly, now, he has Vascular Dementia and has surrendered his license, so now it’s down to me. I know I’m not as good a driver as him (my reverse parking is rubbish!), but I always observe the speed limit. I have 2 adult children and two grandchildren, I wouldn’t want to risk their lives and I certainly don’t want others to! In my eyes it’s just a very poor driving technique .

Cabbie21

I can't drive and feel I'm too old to try and pass the test now. If I had persevered and got a licence, things might be different.

I am not always a nervous passenger but sometimes I am very nervous when my husband is driving. He is technically a good driver with fast reactions and good parking skills. He tends to observe the speed limits on local roads but on motorways often exceeds the limit by 10 or even 20 mph. I find it especially frightening at night when the weather is bad. If I ask him, nicely, if he could slow down or not get so close to the car in front because he is scaring me, he gets very angry. He interprets it as me "getting at" him, rather than me telling him I'm frightened.

I don't know what the answer is but from someof the posts on here I see that it is not that uncommon.

At 12 my daughter lost her best friend ever, because of a speeding driver. My daughter was with her at the time her friend stepped off the pavement.

Never tell that child’s parents, family and my daughter that you are a competent driver and therefore safe to drive at speed.

You are in that child’s parents eyes a murderer waiting to kill.

I think a passenger has every right to make a comment if they are frightened for goodness sake. However,maybe it might make a better point if this lady just refused to get into the car with her husband until he mends his ways. I don't care how good a driver someone is,if they regularly flout speed limits they are a danger to others.