Driving at speed.

I have a friend who drives like Looby's husband. He is over 90 and I am never quite sure he s going to stop at a T junction in time. It is nerve wracking and a real white knuckle ride even for a short distance. I just say we will use my car as I am such a nervous passenger. As he is not my husband I can't say as much as I should!

"When we go out together it is always in DH’s car" So don't always go in DH's car? Sorted.

I went on a speed awareness course too, having been clocked driving at 37 mph coming into town and passing the 30 mph limit at this speed. I am normally a careful driver with no warnings or points on my licence after 50 years.
I will never forget being shown by the police trainers the difference it would make having a collision in a built up area at the higher speed and especially the increased chances of causing life changing injuries to a pedestrian.

Since then my partner and I have both accepted the opportunity to attend a day's free driving skills course run by the police in our area for older drivers - half day theory, half day practice, funded in Wales by the EU. It was really helpful and reassuring, and built our confidence. Perhaps you could ask your local transport police if there is anything similar in your area for you both. Their attitude was, if we prevent one accident as a result, it will have covered the costs of running the course.
Good luck!

I had to do a speed awareness course as I got caught..36 in a 30 limit. It was a good course though, and I can honestly say it changed the way I drive. Not perfect, but improving! Also had a lesson last year which was helpful and reassuring, especially as it was someone local, well aware of hazards specific to our locality. All worthwhile.

I also have this problem with DH driving. In fact when we are on a road where the max speed changes I frequently have to say 'It's 40 now, or did you see the speed sign just now?' Or ' you are going to have a speeding fine on the mat in a few days time because you are constantly over the limit.' He always replies that he saw it, and was just letting the car slow down on it's own, or some other excuse. I find it makes the journeys uncomfortable as I'm constantly pointing things out to him. He complains bitterly that I'm a terrible passenger and I make him on edge, but I don't think his reactions are quick enough. I used to read on long journeys, but now I dare not take my eyes off the road. He has not had an eye test for over 20yrs either, so that could be a contributing factor.
He had a positive assessment a few years ago after he recovered from a stroke, but I honestly think his standard of driving has become almost unsafe some days. I think he has trouble concentrating on an odd day, as I've noticed when watching tv he has to keep asking me what just happened. Admittedly the only accidents he's had have been someone else's fault.
I drive a small car and often suggest we take mine for a day out but he always makes an excuse of needing to fill his up on the way, or that his needs a good run.
It's a worry I admit, but like the other posters on here, it's difficult to criticise without having a row!

Fuel consumption is one thing that can slow some men down a bit. Newer cars show average consumption and it’s noticeable that it increases above 60 mph and even more above 70. My OH is convinced that using cruise control also makes driving more economical.

The local free course for older drivers is a good idea as we get careless maybe when it is a long time since the test. Also the Institute of Advanced Motorists will give you a one hour assessment and advice session by one of the instructors who trains people for the advanced motorist test. it's perhaps worth having a 'top-up' like this., Why not challenge any speedy husbands to do it? ;)

I did the training for the test but then tried it twice and wasn't able to pass! It is quite difficult as you need to commentate on what you are doing. I did improve a lot though and have also done the one hour advice thing twice since at 3 year intervals. They did offer to coach me for the test last time but I find it tiring now. I want to be safe as I drive my grandkids and some of that is motorway. Another thing is obviously regular eye tests.

I feel exactly the same with one of my sons driving. He is a good driver but lives in Newcastle, there is so much traffic and you have to keep changing lanes to get to where you want to go. It totally spoils any pleasure in going out.

I try to look out of the window to the side, and/or shut my eyes. I have also tried taking rescue remedy before getting in the car.

Luckily he is a saint and is able to joke about it most of the time, although I am aware that it annoys him if I let out an involuntary jerk of fright! If we go out of town I try to find a slower “scenic” route which I ask him to use.

In all honesty in today’s traffic it seems you have to drive that way, and modern cars have better braking and anti skid systems, but I would rather go by bus and take twice as long!

I can't make suggestions of what to do.
I'm just very aware of other drivers that could be caught in the fallout if he caused or had an accident.It would be someone's son,father,daughter, grandkids.just going about their daily business.And the may be killed or have life changing injuries.How would he cope with that knowledge?

Hell's bloody bells. Speed limits are there for a reason. I would refuse to be a passenger. Not only is he putting his and your life at risk but other drivers on the road. It is better to arrive late than not at all.

Cabbie21 if you can afford it, encourage him to get a new car with all the latest gadgets. My son's Volvo has cruise control, as many cars do, but also a limiter that he can set to prevent him exceeding the speed limit. My son, a typical man, loves all the gadgets and he's become almost obsessed with staying within the speed limit. Your OH might be converted!

The drivers who annoy me are the ones who keep to the same speed all along a country 'A' road - 40 mph when they could go faster and it is impossible to overtake them - then keep up the same speed of 40 mph through the villages which should be 30 mph.

If he was a good driver his driving wouldn't scare you. Ignoring speed limits, braking late and hard and having no consideration for other road users or his passenger are indications of a bad driver who happens to have got away with it. (Or has he - are you sure that there haven't been accidents in his wake in the past where he has not made contact with other vehicles but is the reason for their crash or for the increased stress of other drivers and passengers?)
Has he refused to be a passenger while you drive in your car? Why?
In my opinion, angry people shouldn't be in charge of anything mechanical which can cause damage and death.
Has your OH had a medical recently? Is there any other reason for his increasing recklessness combined with oversensitivity?

I stick to the speed limits. In my area you would soon lose your licence if you didn't. I know it annoys some people but there you are. I think that your husband is not driving safely if you feel so concerned. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask him to drive within the legal limits. Then perhaps you could relax a bit. But to blame you when you are obviously concerned is omitting his responsibilities as a driver. I am the driver and drive and I know that it is different when you are in control of the car and are aware of its and your own capabilities. However your husband needs to take more care of your feelings.

DH enjoys driving and I don't so he does most of it. I have no idea if he drives faster than the limit as I am fortunate to stop being a driver when in the passenger seat. I do think he drives too close to the car in front, especially on motorways and have been known to tell him it frightens me.

On the other hand, on the odd occasions when I do drive him he is very jumpy and always tells me when we are coming up to a speed camera and I always ask him why he is pointing that out? He never has a sensible answer because he knows I stick to speed limits. I can only assume he doesn't.

I used to speed until I was caught and opted to do the driver awareness course. A sound decision as it changed my attitude completely. The limits are there for a reason. I would also suggest that if a driver scares their passengers then they are not a good driver.

I’m like that with my daughter. She hates when I flinch or look for imaginary brakes. I try really hard not too.

You say you always go out in DH car, so I take it that you have a car and drive. So why not refuse to go in a car that he is driving until he changes his awful habit. My husband drives to the speed limits and at times it drives me mad BUT I feel safe with his driving.

I would just like to tell people that I attend meetings of 'compassionate friends', for people who have lost a child.
(I know the word lost offends some)
One of the women's son was hit at a crossing by a driver who was going too fast, and so couldn't stop in time.
Her sons arm was torn off in the accident, and he died in the road at age 17.

I usually read when we go anywhere in the car so I don't have to look ahead as I know I am a nervous passenger. Was once in an accident on a motorway (not anyone's fault but too long a story to tell) and think that just made me worse. I do get angry with hubby though if he doesn't slow car down when approaching a crossing with people on it. He will claim that by the time he reaches it they will all have safely crossed, but I say from a pedestrians point of view, to be crossing a road and seeing a car speeding towards you is so intimidating. What if the person on the crossing trips/falls? Am Afraid I have definite trust issues, especially concerning car drivers. Think I must have been run over in a previous life lol!

I wouldn't like to be in your situation. I've sometimes been a passenger with someone who speeds, and it frightens me. I think speed limits are there for a reason and they shouldn't be exceeded. If my husband drove like yours I'd refuse to let him drive me. Yes - I know that would be inconvenient.

I'm fortunate in that my husband drives carefully and within the speed limit. Sometimes drivers behind him get angry that he's keeping to the speed limit, and they drive too close behind us, but they are the ones in the wrong. If he can, my husband lets them pass because he hates the stress of them tailgating us.

This is mainly a male/female matter. Hormones are at play. Testosterone is the underlying driver. Then there is the difference between being in the driving seat, and therefore in charge of the vehicle, or a passenger (male or female) and whether a driver or not. The view from the passenger angle is different to that of the driver.

As we are all different and the circumstances are never the same then arguing is only going to increase the tension, particularly within a vehicle on the move. But some discussion in a period of calm is essential.

Why does this happen? Mostly because our modern cars are capable of speeds well above any limit and indeed some engines even appear to settle down (or have a sweet spot) at higher speeds. This may be compared to climbing Everest, say, for which any query as to why is usually met with because it is there.

When our first motorways were opened many vehicles broke down simply because they were incapable of maintaining a high speed. I can remember travelling in cars at 50mph and feeling the whole structure protesting. Fortunately cars of today are stronger, safer, reliable (provided they are appropriately serviced) and built to maintain high speeds.

Speed is not the problem; it is the driver who cannot handle speed that causes problems. Watch programmes where police drivers have to chase other vehicles and you will see that they can handle speeds well above 100mph and their cars have top speeds of 150mph. They are trained to do so. With such training most other drivers would be capable of doing the same, but that does not mean they should automatically be allowed to do so.

I enjoy driving and always have; yet I have to admit that such enjoyment is much lessened by the amount of traffic encountered (and the state of so many of our roads). For that reason I tend to take lesser used routes even though my journey will be much longer in distance and time. Most drivers cannot. I find many A roads and quite a lot of B roads much more enjoyable to drive on than motorways and use them as much as possible.

All this amounts to there being no easy answer to the OP. We live in a world where change is coming faster and faster and the pressure is on for many to keep doing everything faster. This seems to me to take over so much of everyday life.

In retrospect we may ask whether we really need to do that journey faster, to 'save' 30 seconds driving time or arrive at our destination one minute quicker. The answer is that we do not; but given the opportunity to do so very many of us do just that. I have yet to see a future for the driverless car but maybe, just maybe that is what we need.

I think Paul McCartney's ex wife, whatever her name is, might have a different view on police chases being safe.

My husband was the same, going a little too fast and leaving it to the last minute to brake. One day the car in front signalled a right turn, and stopped to wait for a clear passage. We managed to stop, with inches to spare, but the car behind rammed into us because his brake lights were so late coming on. Luckily no-one was hurt. Obviously the car behind us was also travelling too fast and too close, but my husband finally learned his lesson and became a better, and more cautious driver. I hope it doesn't take an accident to teach yours to slow down.

Cabbie21 I feel for you as my DH is just the same! Even having received a ban for accumulating the max points hasn't stopped him. 3 years ago we had a fairly serious accident in a sports car he owns - we came over the brow of a hill at speed (on a quiet back road) to find two cars stopped to allow a herd of cows to cross to be milked! Braking caused the car to snake and we ended up rolling at least twice and ending up on the roof in a field. We were saved by the four-point seat belts and a roll cage the car has. I am admittedly more nervous now but it makes no odds, he's convinced of his superior skill and still drives fast and does exactly what your DH does - brakes late, gets cross with other drivers etc.

What to do? I don't know!