Do what my Mum did and thousands before her i am sure, in fact I am doing it...get rid of the clutter, make sure whatever you don't want people to see when your gone is destroyed. Tell everyone where the policies and the bank books and other important information is kept, in my case a big folder with everything in it listed on the front. Makes sure your will is in there and the name of the undertaker and if you have a Co-operative funeral arrangement the number they must quote.
If children will be shocked and upset to find us in our own home, which I hope is where I will die, then prepare them as my Mum did with me that that might be a possibility.
The important thing is that if you start talking about your demise now, and not in a heavy manner, just the odd mention of where everything is kept. The fact that they won't have any clutter to deal with, it places the reality and inevitability of your demise a little further to the front of their minds. That way you are helping them when the day comes.
Also ask yourself how did you cope with your parents death. We all cope, we all carry on. We will be thought about hopefully with love, and they will laugh at some of the things we did or said. They will cry sometimes when they think about us...I hope. But there lives, like ours in the same circumstance will go on.
May I tell you a story about fear of death. My Mother aged 88 was rushed into hospital after an unexpected collapse at my home.
The Ambulance was able to go straight into A&E no one waiting, it was a very quite slot in their day. They took Mum one way into the treatment area, I went the other way to the window to give her name etc which took about three minutes tops.
By the time I got round the corner to the heavy rubber doors to the treatment room she was in the sister was coming out shaking her head and looking sad, "what" said I. I am sorry she say. "No that can't be right, are you saying she dead ", theres nothing we can do says the Sister, again, I say 'are you saying she is dead" she is a perfectly healthy woman and mentally alert and lives a very active life, this can't be right.
She looked at me very intently, as if searching my soul, and then said, go in, but I will have to say you insisted. I remember pushing through the heavy rubber doors, and my Mum was on the treatment table with her nighty cut open and the medical staff and Doctors were stood around at a distance from Mum some with their arms folded, jumped to attention as I appeared, and I was being ushered out, and I refused to leave.
I walk up to Mum and said what's going on. They said she had 'gone'. Eventually I convinced them to do whatever it was that failed before. They got the shock paddles out and said that even if she came round unless the oxygen level was up to a certain point within three minutes she would be brain damaged. I said get on with it.
Now this seemed like an eternity, in fact it was less than ten minutes from when we got there. We had to stand back for the shock paddle treatment. She took one enormous breath and although she was still unconscious, and taken in intensive care for four days and then in the Geriatric ward (thats another story) for a further ten, she lived a less than active life that she had before that, but she lived a further three good years.
The point of all this is, that my Mum had been born to Victorian parents, (literally). She was born 1907 and had always been afraid of death. She believed that there was another place and some sort of judgment went on and you either went to a good place or a bad place. Sounds ridiculous I know but she believed that.
We did not bring up what had happened that day at all, and she had no idea that she had died. One day during lunch she started talking about her collapse and wondered why it had happened. I asked her what she recalled and she said nothing until she was in intensive care we established. So the opportunity to say that she was here because Sister Greehalgh let me go in to the treatment room came up, and that she had to be revived from death. I though she would be upset, to my complete surprise hers response was "what a relief, I won't be frightened of dying anymore, I knew nothing".
So what she was afraid of was not the process of death it was what came after. That episode in her life/death made what life she had left free of the anxiety of what came after.
For myself I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to go. I love living. But we have to make way and when the time comes I am sure I will be more accepting, because presumably I will be sick and that will alter how I feel now. If I go suddenly well I won't know anything about it.
I should say that she insisted on going back to the Hospital to find Sister Greenhalgh, who had only seen her in death and in an unconscious state. They met up flowers were given and I introduced Sister Greenhalgh,to my Mother, a living breathing interesting, caring, intelligent and amusing woman. They kept in touch till Mums death. She always said God bless Sister Greenhalgh.
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. She has left me a letter to be opened on her death & also one with her neighbour as I live 300 miles away. Being practical about the future runs in our family but I do agree as you get older the realisation that we need to try to "cover all bases" becomes a necessity.