Its more real now

Thank you for bringing this topic up. I will order it too. We had a sudden death in our family 2 weeks ago and nothing was preplanned. A funeral was arranged a very alternative one might I add and I don’t think this person would have chosen it themselves.We are now trawling through paperwork and discovering all sorts.This prompted all of us to set out our intentions and tidy up our paperwork. I would not like to think I would leave such a mess behind me.

Thank you Applegran just ordered a copy.

Gosh. I must be very self-centred. Although I think about dying a lot, I haven't really given a thought to how our DD will deal with things. I have written a letter with all our bank details, pensions, who to contact etc but that's about it. I have followed my mum in many, many ways and she died at 58 and I always assumed I would follow suit. I have made it 10 years longer than her so that's a plus. I have a really daft fear of not many people attending my funeral. I know quite a lot of people but our DD doesn't really know any of them. I was at a funeral a while ago of a man who dies in his 90s and there were only about 12 people there. I found it very sad, although I do realise that having lived that long, a lot of people he knew might have died before him. I must sort a few more things out.

Thanks, Applegran. I, too, have ordered the booklet.

I am in the middle having some 'just in case of nasties' tests (that's the technical term the Consultant used!) so probably, hopefully and erroneously, feel that the booklet is a sensible way to go.

I remember my grandfather who died when I was six. My youngest grandson is six but I hope to go a bit longer!

In those days, grandparents (or at least mine) were almost Victorian and one sat and spoke only when spoken to. I had a very different relationship with them to that with my own grandchildren, whom I think (and hope) I am much closer to. Perhaps this relationship will help memories extend?

I often think of both sets of grandparents who have been dead now for some 65 years.

What is sad but is obviously the way of life, is that when I do die, memories of these people will die with me.

My Mum kept everything important in a shoe box on top of her wardrobe. She would remind me that it was there at every visit. She had hoards of paperwork (including her wedding gift list and the receipt for my first shoes) for me to go through but having all the important documents together made things so much easier initially.

I think this goes back to the war years where the important documents were kept in easy reach to grab when the sirens sounded.

I have a box file and am doing the same.

thanks! Good advice. Will get the booklet you recommended. I am the world's worst (or best?) at procrastination - so maybe that will concentrate my mind a bit.

I’ve had some close call health scares and it made me think.
I found that planning and paying for my own funeral gives me great peace of mind, knowing all the details are taken care of. How, where, who the service will be taken by and what music and poems are chosen and who I’d like to speak ( knowing they can do it without too much stress). Having had to arrange 6 funerals for friends and family, it was much easier to manage when everything was planned. I’m not planning on going anywhere for the next 30 years, but it’s one less worry. Ialso have very detailed instructions for my executor so that should be easier to manage. Don’t be scared of doing it all. You’ll feel better for it.

Thanks for raising this applegran. We unfortunately had an accidental death in the family on Saturday and it has prompted me to realise that, even at 59, I should be more prepared and could save a lot of pain for my DS if I did something like this. I have ordered it too.

Thanks for the nudge Applegran. I've also just ordered the book. I got as far as organising my POAs a couple of years ago but that was as far as I got.

I have written down as much as I can think of in a book and told my husband and sons where it is kept. It includes financial information, where our wills are kept and suggestions for our cremation. I have also started decluttering and written down a list of who my jewellery, such as it is, should go to. One thing I have learnt from the recent death of my husband’s aunt is to write who is who on the back of old photos. We have been given a beautiful old group photo of my husband’s grandmother’s wedding and we have no idea who half the people are. Nobody else in the family knows either.

Death is something I think of a lot recently as two of my childhood friends have passed away in the last seven years. There is only me left and I was the oldest of the three of us. I don’t fear death but I do fear losing mobility or getting dementia. I wish there was a way we could choose to depart with medical assistance should we choose to. A relative in Canada has just been diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease and he is very thankful that he can opt for Medical Assistance In Death when his life gets unbearable.

How did you manage when your parents died?
I know I had to pull through for the sake of my children and my siblings. We managed very well and I hope my d and gd do. It will be a burden for my d as she is now the only child and everything has been left to her with some proviso for gd.

Thanks, Applegran. I've got my will and funeral arrangements worked out, but I'm expecting to outlast DH, so it will be in DS' capable hands. Have long considered the Life Book and finally got round to ordering.

I have put a copy of my passwords in with my will. Both execs have a sealed copy to be opened at the appropriate time.

Thank you for this information Applegran. I too have ordered the booklet and I imagine that Age UK will wonder what prompted the deluge of requests!

I've ordered a copy too. Such a good idea. Thank you for the info.

Thanks Applegran, like a lot of others on here, I too have just ordered a copy. AgeUK will be inundated with requests!

Age UK must be inundated by requests for their booklet . Let's hope they acknowledge you Applegran!

Have tried to order the Life Book. I have just filled in the form to receive the Life Book, which included filling in my postal address.

I left unticked the box which cancels contact by post.

When I click Submit, I read this

“As you have requested brochures, you must specify how you would like them delivered.”

Surely filling in the address and leaving the Postal box unticked is all I need do? I can see no further boxes to tick.

Thanks Applegran, I have also just ordered a copy. Your timing is perfect as I really must get things sorted. Solicitor for will tomorrow. The things we have to do. ?

Thanks Applegran and others for your good ideas. I “weed” my set of admin folders every year but making a list prioritising things to be done is an excellent idea.

Thank you Applegran - have ordered it online. After discussion with our children we have paid for our funeral and left details of music, etc., have made a will and this, hopefully, will tie up all the loose ends.

Thank you - I’ve ordered a copy today to help me - I am sure it will help enormously - I’ve been floundering around up to date!

Thank you Applegran the booklet will be very helpful especially as I live abroad. When the time comes it will be more difficult for my DC to sort things out than if we were in the UK. My DC don't seem to accept that I am getting older but I know I have slowed up since I last saw them last summer. I have been told by my youngest DS this morning that I should stop taking long flights as the latest one has really taken it out of me. As I was 46 when he was born I think he is more aware of my age and mortality than those who are only 20 plus years younger than me.

As agnurse has said it is essential to have passwords accessible and I would add not just post-mortem! I needed to gain access to DH's computer whilst he is hospitalized and everything is password protected. I never realised what a control and security freak he is with so many different passwords and even 'whited out' writing in some of the files, I am almost bald with tearing my hair out!

My beloved Nanna, whom I am named after, and share a birthday with (which is today 9th may btw!) died sadly when I was 6.
She was everything to me. I only saw her once or twice a week, and while she ruled the roost with an iron fist, I was her special girl. All I wanted to share was, the last time I saw her and heard her voice I was 6 years old, she had babysat me while my parents went out, and I told her I loved her and pinched her wrinkled skin on her hands, I remember her laughing and pinching my cheek, and the next thing being told she had died in her sleep.
But my point is, that was over 57 years ago, and I still remember everything about her, so strong was my love for her. If just one of my grandchildren loves me half as much as I loved my own beloved Ninna, then I shall know I have done right in my life. x