Differing retirement ideas!

Stop doing his washing/ironing, say no time. Do not empty bins in kitchen, wait till overflowing and say you have not had time. "I ate out so not cooking today...no time anyway". Need I go on....

Other bigger things like general house maintenance more tricky, but the above a good place to start. I know the bin trick worked for me.

I have always done everything around the house including DIY, as my husband is simply not interested in practical things. Being a few years older than my husband I have recently retired while he still goes to work. I announced that I was now too old to do building and as I hate gardening I will not do it any more. When the garden was overgrown I said to him "Should I get a gardener in - it's £300 to clear the garden - or would you like to do it?" He did it

We had more free time when we were working full time and we find we are forever running errands, keeping appointments and making phone calls correcting other people's 'companies' mistakes. When we do have a little free time where we don't have to go to the Drs, Hospital, Dentist etc we find that we are too worn out to actually do anything of great value.

Nan58, unfortunately you cannot have it both ways. Either you grin and bear it or you dip into your savings to pay for the job your DH won't do. Just make sure he knows that you are depleting your savings to keep the house in good order and the problems this will cause.

One thing I’ve learnt from this that genuinely surprises me. People still iron. Unless you need a crisp white shirt every day, why?

I guess I just have low standards, but I doubt I spend 30 minutes a day on housework. The time consumers are probably cooking, gardening and sorting the rubbish. I’m happy to say my DH does these (and actually enjoys the first two).

I see nothing wrong in pointing out to the dear man that you do get his point that he has worked all his life and now is entitled to some fun, but that you have worked all your life too, and his retirement has not lightened your workload, as you are still attending to all the housekeeping.

If you did so uncomplainingly all your married life as well as working at some job that brought in a salary "You're a better man than I, Gunga Din!" If you were at home all those years (very unlikely in our generation) then probably your DH has never realised that you might want to do less too now.

Sit him down and explain your expectations of retirement. He can doubtless understand the argument that it would be most unwise not to keep up repairs to the house - some day you may want or need to sell it, after all. And a glance at the actual amount of money the pair of you have to live on and at your outgoings should settle any discussion of DIY versus a handyman.

Were all Unpaid housekeepers....unpaid childminders....I'm also an unpaid decorator ( 46 years and counting) ..... Unpaid gardener 46 years )....unpaid cook (46 years) . He paid 37 new pence for our wedding licence .... not sure he thinks he's had his money's worth yet. Oh and 51 years of paid ( out of home) employment. !!!! We all have MUG printed on our foreheads and don't know how to scrub it off!!!!

Although I have worked, my smaller £ contribution was never really valued, and certainly my “domestic“ input wasn't appreciated. My husband takes the view that as he pays for most things, it absolves him from the responsibility of so much as taking his used crockery into the kitchen. He has never had to spend very much time at work, as he employs a manager, and has consequently had semi-retirement for years.

I have given up trying to change his view, but would I tolerate it again if I could rewind 35 years? No!

No saggi not all of us!

Absolutely not!

Encourage him to enjoy himself. He will probably live longer. Explain however there is the annual maintenance of the house and you have two tradesmen coming to quote would he like to be present etc. You can get their names off Age Concerns trusted trader list.

I am in the process of booking a cleaning agency to do quarterly deepcleans so that i do not have to spend my time cleaning. We all deserve some time in old age to enjoy ourselves.

You can also go on the Helpex www.helpx.net/ or
the workaway site www.workaway.info/
to get people to help in return for board and lodging. We have 2 or three every year. Have just had a lovely Italian Girl aged 35 for 10 days who cooked marvelous meals and helped in the garden etc. I just wish she could have stayed longer. She was visiting a friend in a nearby village.

Try WE have worked so hard all our lives and hire someone for one job ( worth it for sanity ) and see how it works out,if you don't one day one of you will be left with a really big problem.How long has your husband been retired? Maybe after a while he will realize----suggest he makes one evening meal a week and see how that goes.Let him make his own breakfast and lunch and you go out with friends.Get him to babysit one day and he will realize how much love and fun he has ,also the dear GC will ask for him.Worth a try,don't get too stressed ,maybe go with him on one of his projects.
The very best of luck

Don't suggest.
It leaves you open to the accusation of 'nagging'. And why should you continue to try to arrange things while he gives no thought to any of it?
Tell him which things you won't be doing, as part of taking it easier in your retirement, and then don't do them.

If I understand it, you’re happy with him doing what he does, and with your days, but you are getting upset with decorating and house maintenance not being done. Did you use to do these things together when he worked ?.

You say there are four days you are free from other commitments, why don’t suggest using these days to work together on these chores, and reward yourselves for a job well done. I don’t know.... spend a couple of days painting, or cleaning carpets or whatever, then have a day out together having, acting your shoe size not your age.

Let him see that you want retirement to be playtime together regardless to it being house maintenance or going for a picnic or a walk.

I’m not explaining myself very well, I hope you understand what I’m saying

Maggiemaybe.....I am with you there. Hardly ever iron, today's fabrics don't seem to crease like they once did. I take from washer hang on hangers on line and hey presto no creases, so it is nothing to do with low standards, I would never go out in creased clothes. In winter get them out of tumbler quick sharp and onto hangers, again no creases

I'm with Luckygirl and Tanith. Get a cleaner and someone in to do your jobs. If your husband wants to whinge about it tell him to pull his weight or you will get paid help in...and he will be footing the bill

What I sometimes say to Dh is, 'Are you ever going to fix that, or shall I get a Man in?' (Strong emphasis on Man!)

Though to be fair, he's not too bad on the whole!

Check with AgeUK and see if they have a Handyman option. They do little jobs for a small fee.

Should have said check where you live!

Why do men think they deserve to ‘’enjoy’’ themselves, and we women don’t?

I would be out doing a hobby sometimes when he expects lunch, dinner or an ironed outfit for his enjoyment out.

Depending on the nature of the jobs, is it possible that you could hire a young person quite cheaply to handle them? Obviously there would be some things (roof repair, for example) that would require a professional. But if it's something such as lawn mowing, would it be an option to hire a teenager in your neighbourhood to take care of it? This would save you the expense of hiring a professional service, provide some income and responsibility to a young person, and decrease the frustration.

Nanna58 I am very thankful not to have your circumstances and think I would just say to him that I have been thinking about what he said about enjoying life now we are retired and how right he is and what a good idea it is. Then I would tell him that I have been preparing the groundwork and present him with all the quotations/estimates for all the things that need doing now and will do in the future together with the estimate for the regular cleaning you are going to have done and the additional cleans for the extras like the oven and the deep cleans. You also present him with the house valuation in case he thinks that is too much to spend on maintenance and details of property for sale that either you fancy or you know he won't fancy. You know him so have fun, be Machiavellian and keep an enthusiastic and excited face on. Whilst you have been preparing all this do make notes of all the things you want to do now that you are both going to be retired. My DS would say, "The fun is in the plotting" but it might just make him think, sort out the differences and give you ideas!

He gets away with it because he is allowed to. He has emotionally reverted to adolescence.
If you are unhappy just say so. Or write him a letter if you do not want a confrontation. Start with I love you very much but I need your help and support so that we can both enjoy our lives. Point out any positives that he brings to your relationship, then 'sandwich in' the main negatives, perhaps just a couple, this is a work in progress, then finish again with reassurance of your love and thanks for what he does do and what you have achieved together.
This does work. At the moment he is probably a bit carried away with his new freedom but you are not his mother. You need an adult to adult conversation where you are both equals. Ask him what he suggests so that you can both enjoy your life equally while also addressing family responsibilities.

My husband is good at helping (most of the time) and he does share a lot of the housework but diy is always his territory and as I watch him doing the interesting jobs out painting the fence or gardening while I do the usual humdrum stuff I would love to change places. But no way would he swop. And then you are asked to supply tea etc as he deserves this for doing the jobs for you .

Point is Nanna58 hes doing all the things he wants to do and not considering you. you should tackle this. You've got loads of suggestions. He is being selfish not lazy. Try not to stress though.