Differing retirement ideas!

Do you mean 'shorten' discussion M0nica? I can see I'm going to have to brush up on my vocabulary in future

Yes sassenach that’s one of the things I value about Gransnet.
I’ve learned a lot from reading the posts of MOnica and others who have broadened my outlook in many ways.
Just for the avoidance of doubt, that is meant in all sincerity.

What I don’t enjoy reading are comments laced with passive aggression.

mcem, didn't you say your gran ran a small business? surely that must have helped your mum get on in life? Mine had to leave school at 14 and work in the pit canteen, her mother was widowed so every bit of money was needed to keep the family above water and I've no doubt that she worked damn hard too.
It doesn't matter what the mindset is, some have better choices in life than others

that is the end of the matter as far as I am concerned, I see no need for further debate, I suggest you bring an end to your barrage too.

I meant truncate.

There are always 'choices' - my DM passed 'the scholarship' but finances and logistics prevented her from going to grammar school, so she left the village school at 14 (having spent the last year teaching the infants).
However, she did seize opportunities and worked in London and various other places around the country. People have always travelled and moved around the country and overseas far more than we think they did.

Nanna58 says she helps her elderly mother and helps with childcare. I suppose it is a choice but, in my view, it is probably a choice borne out of necessity of a person who doesn't want to see those close to her having a hard time.

It is admirable that Nanna's husband does voluntary work at an Oxfam shop. But as his wife appears to be at the end of her tether coping with her grandchildren and her mother, on top of all the general housekeeping chores, I think it would be more admirable if he allocated some time to helping her and having a bit more thought for her enjoyment, as well as his own, in retirement.

Having said that, I think perhaps retaliating by not cooking meals, leaving the house in a messy state may just ramp up the bad feeling and make him even less cooperative. Somebody suggested writing a letter saying exactly how tired, sad and anxious the current state of affairs is making you feel. As an initial attempt to get your feelings across properly without ending up arguing or getting upset, I would try that first.

If all else fails, depending on how much savings you have, I would dip into them to get the various issues sorted out in the house. Provided you wouldn't be depleting all your savings, aren't they meant to be used for these sorts of things? I do think your husband is being selfish though.

Yes he is being selfish and lazy. We are both retired and have a mix of leisure time for hobbies and things that still need doing. Since retirement my husband has helped more with housework and cleaning/shopping and does the lions share of DIY. We have GC one day a week and both do that together. Does your DH not help with DGS?

I don't think it is nagging to ask him to pull his weight. Maybe a few weeks of you not putting a meal in front of him or buying food or washing his bowling whites may concentrate his mind. Does he not see how unfair it is? Also 3 days is a lot of childcare. Do you mind doing that? My DD will not ask us to do more than one day as she says that is not what our retirement is for.

sassenach my gran had a very hard upbringing working in jute mills from an early age.
When they married my gp's opened a corner shop. Gran ran it alone when g'dad was in the forces.
Mum earned a bursary to the local academy and her parents made sacrifices to keep her there-a move which paid off. No question of privilege, just determination, hard work and long hours.

The most sensible thing on this thread is nobody irons

oldbatty Sensible or not we do iron some things to avoid looking as if we sleep in our clothes!

It's weird. I looked forward to retirement but DH and I still work on a part time basis [paid] and I do lots of voluntary work [unpaid]. Pottering about doesn't suit us. Having different interests means we get to have all sorts of things to talk about.