Gransnet forums


granddaughter sleeping arrangements.

(34 Posts)
bewildered Fri 27-Jul-18 17:08:12

my daughter allows my granddaughter to sleep with her boyfriend when he visits, although she is 21 and of an age to be responsible, i am being told that i am being old fashioned etc because it seems to be the accepted norm. any views on this situation.

tanith Fri 27-Jul-18 17:19:04

Perfectly normal , as long as she’s following house rules which it seems she is as her parent says it’s ok then I don’t see a problem with it.
If she were 16/17 I’d think differently.

MissAdventure Fri 27-Jul-18 17:19:15

It is the accepted norm, I would say.
That doesn't mean you have to accept it, but best to keep it to yourself, since it isn't your home.

Luckygirl Fri 27-Jul-18 17:20:22

I should not worry about it - it is their decision. I can understand you might not be happy if it was a one night stand with some random bloke; but this is her boyfriend.

minesaprosecco Fri 27-Jul-18 17:20:54

Nothing to do with you.

HildaW Fri 27-Jul-18 17:22:09

OOOOO tricky! I think I'd just say you are entitled to your opinion but you should probably keep them to yourself. I can only say neither of my daughters expected to have a physical relationship with their partners in our house - they were both able to make 'other arrangements'. That being said can distinctly remember my own escapades whilst engaged!! (we were buying a house and planning a church wedding fgs but somehow nobody expected us to be doing anything other that cuddle!)
I think that the view is that they will enjoy themselves whatever the rules are and perhaps its better to have a place of safety rather than those (now I think about it) alarming incidents in the back of the car in the 1970s!

Elegran Fri 27-Jul-18 17:35:19

Didn't we have a conversation on this topic just a week or two ago? That pair were only sixteen, but the basic principle of "What are the rules? Who is making them?" applies.

Incidentally, there were suspicions voiced that that thread was a wind-up.

kittylester Fri 27-Jul-18 17:42:59

Just going to say Elegran that ALL the schools have broken up now!

PECS Fri 27-Jul-18 17:44:37

I'd been married a year by 21! bewildred you do not have to like it but really it is not for you to comment directly! The couple are adults, your DD is OK with it.
I was mildly surprised that at house party for a friends 80th her 16 yr old grandson and GF had a room together but if they are already in a sexual relationship better it be open than furtive, comfortable than not

glammanana Fri 27-Jul-18 17:49:24

As long as her aprents are OK with this it is none of anyone else's business.It is their house rules not yours.
However it it was in your home your rules would apply.

petra Fri 27-Jul-18 17:53:39

Another bored saddo.

Cold Fri 27-Jul-18 17:55:07

Sounds totally normal to me.

ContraryMary88 Fri 27-Jul-18 18:10:32

As long as they wear their onesies I don’t see a problem😉

Jalima1108 Fri 27-Jul-18 18:39:37

ContraryMary grin

I think you should go over there and play merry hell, tell them it would never have been allowed in your day.

BlueBelle Fri 27-Jul-18 18:55:18

So !!! What’s the problem I was married by then and that was in the 60 s so not just a modern day action A very puritanical point of view

Elegran Fri 27-Jul-18 19:01:59

If the original poster really is bewildered by the situation of her responsible 21-yr-old granddaughter sleeping with her boyfriend when he visits, he/she must have been living in a sound-proof glass case for the last sixty or so years.,

Chewbacca Fri 27-Jul-18 19:26:47

To bring peace of mind; I'd construct a wooden divider, approximately the length of the bed, and place that right down the middle. That way the young couple can continue to sleep together but your mind will be at rest that your granddaughters virtue will not be compromised. If you pm me, I'll send you the cardboard template I use for all young visitors to my house who aren't married but want to sleep together.

BlueBelle Fri 27-Jul-18 19:49:54

I shouldn’t think she has any virtue left 😂😂😂😂

Elegran Fri 27-Jul-18 19:54:21

A bolster would do the same, Chewbacca and without the work of cutting to size. It would have the added virtue of being the traditional answer of "bundling" to the age-old problem of letting young people do some controlled courting but keeping them apart.

But they would somehow find a way round any obstacle, as they have since Adam and Eve made their daughter's boyfriend sleep in a separate cave.

I don't know where you would get a bolster these days, anyway.

Jalima1108 Fri 27-Jul-18 20:18:27

Chewbacca grin

A chastity belt? I will try to find a link, OP.

sodapop Fri 27-Jul-18 20:35:34

Not forgetting the plimsolls from Shoe Zone to make a quick getaway.

paddyann Fri 27-Jul-18 20:39:18

my daughter was engaged at 18 ,we gave them the keys to a flat we owned as we didn't really want then next door to her 8 year old brother.The biggest surprise we had was my MIL who said we were being sensible as she needed to "try before you buy" with him.They were engaged for 2 years and broke up,but it was for the best as he had an alcohol problem that she might not have discovered if they hadn't lived together for a while .

annodomini Fri 27-Jul-18 21:41:13

That OP is a try-on!

BlueBelle Fri 27-Jul-18 21:55:39

I think so too Annodomini

GrannyGravy13 Fri 27-Jul-18 22:06:57

If her parents are ok with the situation, it's really not your problem to worry about.