Adult daughter issues

I can't believe you begrudge your daughter's success and would rather she had the same kind of life that you have. You should be so proud of her and I hope you tell her that you are. I would love my daughter to be successful in the fashion industry and give me lots of advice!

Got to be a wind up, so obvious.Notice OP hasn't responded.

How sad to read a post that a mother is disappointed with a daughter because she isn't who she wished she would be at 25! I hope that doesn't come through in your actions when you are together because undoubtedly she would be thinking the same thing about her mother!

please bring your mindset into the 21st century.....your daughter is only 24 -not long out of college or university with dreams and aspirations. You should be supportive of her commitment and work ethic. She sees opportunities for herself and is working hard to reach her goals. Just because they are not your goals for her, there is no reason to express disappointment and even less reason to be depressed!

And at 24 she is not ready to bring children into the world - and that is her choice to make whether she is 24 or 34! You have to realize that not every daughter will - or can - fit into the role that meets a mother and grandmother's fantasy. Please try hard to change your mindset, and in doing so you may gain a more positive perspective on life in general.

It may not be the lifestyle you would have chosen and definitely do not want for your DD. You though cannot live her life for her. The current lifestyle is what she has chosen and you have to accept it is her right to do so. Sure if you think back to family traits there will be someone who has shown or had the same type of career as DD. If she is happy that is a huge bonus. Stop dwelling on what might have been and enjoy what is.

Maybe you are not the mother she hoped for..........? May I suggest you try the positive spin, she's happy in her way, she's self supporting, not a criminal, drug dealer etc. etc. - maybe she doesn't make much contact because she senses your disappointment, do you show any interest in what she is doing. The way she presents herself is the uniform for the environment she works in. I spent my working life in a uniform (nursing) wasn't expected to like or dislike it - just conform. There a a vast number of people 'out there' who would sacrifice a great deal for a daughter - try to enjoy yours

Good grief she's only 24 , girls these days have far more opportunities these days to rise to the top then we had. Why aren't you proud of her and her designer clothes or would you rather her slobbering about the house with loads of kids in tow ?
Girls can have both these days unlike my generation . Girls at last can show they have brains and ambitions and in time babies.
I hope she never sees what you've written, she'd be devastated , I feel sorry for her.

Poor girl - what a thing to be - a disappointment to her mother! It's her life, not yours, let her live it her way. No wonder she is absent if you convey your disappointment of her - what a shame

I rarely post my views but feel I need to contribute to this discussion. Forgive me if I’m repeating comments you’ve already read.
I feel your anguish violetflowers but you need to remember that 24 is still very young. She’s enjoying the fruits of her labour; she’s clearly very clever and worked hard so why shouldn’t she explore the high-life with her partner. It may feel shallow to you but she’s expressing how she feels ‘at the moment’. It’s far too early for her to be thinking about settling down and having children. It may be that she’s made a conscious decision to enjoy the material things of life to the full because she knows it won’t be forever. I think you should be proud of what she has achieved ‘so far’ and think of some activities you can become involved in to distract you until she considers her options - about a decade’s time.

I can see where you are coming from, but saying that you have to just accept that she is your only child and this is the life she wants to lead and you should be proud of how she has turned out. I have a daughter but we don't have the usual mother and daughter relationship because of her disability but I am lucky that I have a son who shares my interest in craft and other hobbies but he hasn't turned out how I expected but I don't care and am still very proud of him. Love your daughter for who she is and find something to fill the void.

Be grateful she is happy and making something of her life. It's her life not yours. As long as mine are safe and well and happy, I think that's worth a fortune.

I can't believe what you are saying? No wonder she's cold & absent towards you...so would I if I thought that all my mother cared about was for me to get married & have children! She's only 24 for goodness sake!
You still may just about save thus relationship if you can change yoyr attitude. Be proud of her and What she's achieved. The chances are the clothes she wears is all part of the job she does.

Very old adage, but please do try to count your blessings rather than focus on the things that aren't exactly as you hoped they would be:
Your daughter is well
She is successful
She has a partner she is presumably happy to be with
She is still in your life and talking to you
She isn't in prison or have a serious addiction.
Although she is further away then you would like, it might be good to plan special visits to her, take them out for a meal, go with her to a show or event that she would enjoy or shows featuring her work etc...
I am not trying to be flippant or unkind, but I imagine there are many mothers who have"lost" their daughters in various ways ( death, drugs, prison, no longer in contact) and would love to have the opportunity you still have to have a relationship with their daughter.
I hope things work out and , in the meantime, is there voluntary work or other activities you could do to help fill the gap you feel is there? All the best.

We all imagine when our children are very young what there life would be like when they grow into adults.
You cannot live there life for them, expect them to be what you want them to be they have to make there own way in life.
Maybe she doesn’t want children my daughter has never wanted to be a mother she wanted a career and she has one.
We never expected anything from our daughter except to live her life the way she wanted and we respect that.

I wish I had your daughters lifestyle at her age and the opportunities she has ahead of her in HER chosen career.
violetflowers You sound very envious of your daughter and the lifestyle she leads,have you any idea how difficult it is to get into the fashion industry and to succeed in the fashion world.
All the beautiful designer pieces she wears will probably pieces gifted to her or at massively discounted prices,it is the way of the industry a thing you would know if you took an interest in what she does.
I am surprised we have not heard back from the OPs after all the posts

I have a successful and career driven daughter too, and we're not as close as I would like. I'm immensly proud of her achievements, we're very different and love each other for the people we are.

Life is a mixture of achievements and disappointments as far as I can see. Having ambitions for others sets you up for disappointment as they are not you. BUT it doesn't have to be bad - you can learn a lot from each other. I know I disappointed my parents (for similar reasons).

I did get very angry with my mum in particular when I was in my teens for not understanding that I wanted to be FREE (flower power/free love was all the rage) I wasn't interested in babies or pleasing adults for that matter. I was selfish basically but boy did I enjoy life.

NOW in my 60's, I am a mum, grandmum and look after my elderly mum so I haven't turned out too bad lol.

Give her time and space and all will come right.

Sorry but I think violetflowers is away having a good giggle here at our expense. I think this is a wind up. She must think grandmothers are so gullible - all defending the ‘daughter’ .... ‘dripping in designer’. Yeah, right.

Oh dear, I was that daughter (Not the in fashion world bit) and not th3 way I eas supposed to be. Knew it too, left home for England. Caused frustration, distanc3 when we could have got on like a house on fire so alike in many ways but judged on old fashioned ways... so sad still. Wasted emotional energy and time...

I didn’t get any grandchildren until my younger son and his wife were 34. Didn’t surprise me at all. I think i’m lucky to have them. I’d have been disappointed if they’d started on family life when very young.

I’d only just finished University when I was 24. There’s plenty of time.

I hope this is a wind up. She’s a successful young woman in a competitive business. And OP is disappointed she’s not the friend she thought she’d be (or a vet ) children aren’t commodities for parents. I’m personally just delighted my children are healthy and Happy adults however they choose to live their lives. I sincerely hope your daughter isn’t aware of your disappointment

It’s totally 100% her choice what she wants to do with her life and how she wants to live it...not what you want and expect of her! You should be proud of her and also tell her so. I’d admire someone her age has got the ambition to move forwards and upwards.

My daughter lives and works abroad. I see her twice a year, for about ten days at a time. She is very successful and hard-working, a career woman and adore her. Her life is very different to mine but she is a well rounded person, loves her family and has many friends. I could not be prouder! Love your daughter despite everything, she is not you, she is her own person, cherish her!

Amazing HQ haven’t come down on those saying it’s a wind up in the same way I got blasted for doing just that in another thread

Gosh, my daughter became pregnant at 20, split up with the father and since has struggled to get a decent job/partner/nice place to live. She too is 24. She would swop with yours in a heartbeat.

Love your daughter for who and what she is. She might not be what you wished for, but if she's happy with her lot, then rejoice. So many people are disappointed when their children turn out to be a bundle of trouble, but you're disappointed because she's not the image you wanted. She's her own person and seems to be doing well. You should be really proud of her and I really don't understand why you wouldn't be.