Unable to see my newborn Grandson

Coyoacan, the best interests of the child are served by it being allowed to know it's father. Whilst I agree that a child caught in the middle certainly isn't the best thing but neither is growing up knowing nothing about one side of the family or believing they didn't care enough to try to get to know you.

Maybe so, but going straight for the legal route?

How else can you forge a way through if you have been completely blocked? Sometimes it just takes an official letter to make people realise that they cannot just act willy nilly with a child's life. Maybe Mum feels she can do this but a letter from a solicitor pointing out the legal requirements tend to focus the mind. I am not saying going down the DNA route should be the first thing you go for but a letter asking for access rights isn't actually a huge bomb but points out your serious intent.

Leave it to your son. It’s his child. If he wants to pursue a relationship with his child, you can encourage it but nothing more. If I had a casual relationship with a man, and had a baby I wouldn’t be eager to hand over my infant to his family- absolute strangers, and I certainly wouldn’t if I received any sort of solicitors letter. Let the courts do their job and tell your son to step up. If he doesn’t choose to, there’s nothing for you to do.

Am in a not disimilar situation and have been for two years - the to-ing and fro-ing has been stressful/difficult for all involved. My granddaughter is soon to be 2 years old - she is adorable (as are they all) I have physically seen her twice - but I send an item of clothing or a toy every month with a note to her Mum saying I thought of GD and hope you like it too) there have been gaps but generally I have received a thank you e-mail. I always send the item with love from Granny and Grandpa (surname) at (name of town). Working OK for the moment whilst the "adults" work out what the future arrangements shall be. Keeping the doors ajar is a good thing in my opinion,

It took two years for me to see my Little granddaughter, in the meantime I sent Birthday an Christmas cards. Go forward five years and I have an ok relationship with my granddaughter but it’s nowhere near as close a relationship as I have with my other grandchild who I have helped look after since birth. It really upsets me but nothing seems to make the difference.i can only think that the delay in being part of each other’s lives hs meant we haven’t been able to bond. So sad when adults use kids to get at exes, why don’t they think of the child? Unless of course there are serious reasons to prevent contact.

"So sad when adults use kids to get at exes, why don’t they think of the child? Unless of course there are serious reasons to prevent contact"

The thing is which do you believe is more common, mothers trying to get at their exes or mothers trying to protect themselves and their children from exes?

Coyoacan, I think the bitterness of a divorce/split often makes skewed thinking very common. People are able to convince themselves that they are doing the right thing even whilst the rest of the world watches on aghast. If you asked mothers if they would always act in the best interests of their child, I am sure they would instantly reply positively but the reality is, they are human subject to all the emotions that go with it and that has an impact on what they see as fair. I also think that having done all the work with pregnancy and birth, along with most of the nurturing, mothers feel they are much more righteous than the father. Even people I have admired greatly as parents somehow find themselves in this wrestling about the kids. I know that there were a lot of things I argued with my ex about to do with the care of the kids, things that were surmountable if we just hadn't been locked in intransigent positions. I look back and wonder why some of those things seemed so important. With age grows wisdom, I could have easily resolved some of the problems with some creative thinking. So yes, I think more often than not, the mothers subconsciously are trying to get at their exes and the 'protection' from their exes is usually a difference of opinion about the minutiae of looking after said kids.

Maybe the father has been abusive (physical/emotional/sexual/financial and the mother just wants a clean break. Sad for the extended family but the advice to send flowers, congratulations card and small gift for the baby maybe a way in to the Mom. Tell her you are there for her and the baby and when she’s is ready you would love to see her.

People talking about court need to calm down the mother has felt it necessary to cut out the Dad and his family. Also she has just given birth it may be nice to give her time to recover before solicitor letters start being sent.

Mothers trying to protect themselves and their children.

Momof3, I think it goes without saying that if the father is abusive that we would not expect the mother to hand a baby over. However, these first weeks are just as important to a well adjusted father as they are to the mother. We made an assumption he isn't abusive, you've made the assumption that the mother needs to protect herself and her child.
Hmperez, could you enlighten us the circumstances?

What is your son's explanation for why the baby's mother refuses to have any contact with him?

Momof3 and myself are not assuming that the father is abusive, just reminding people of the possibility.

Either way sending something nice to the mother and child without asking for anything in exchange is a good first step. Going straight down the legal route would guarantee an ongoing bad atmosphere between the mother and the father's family.

No judge is going to separate a tiny baby from their mother so contact for father/grandparents would be with the Mom present.

Therefore what ever the circumstances the way to solve this is through diplomacy with the Mother.

Seeing a Solicitor to find out where you stand is not "going to court." They will give good advice as to the steps to take and will know when the best time to act is. If the mother has "blocked" the father, then to send presents, etc., can be seen as harassment. There is another thread on the forum where more than one person has been warned off by the police.
My son had to go to court to see his young son eventually but the first letter from the solicitor just asked if arrangements could be made to see him and pointed out what the parental rights were. Mum was advised to see her to get legal advice too. Within a month some access had been arranged but some of the demands of where the child could go were unreasonable so he ended up in court. It was difficult to start with but it soon settled down. Sometimes I think the solicitor's initial letter shows the seriousness of intent and the mother's own solicitor tells her what is reasonable. Sometimes people think they have rights they really don't have. Of course, in this case, the father could be told by his solicitor, he has no chance if he has behaved badly but at least he'd know. In our case I seem to remember the solicitor told us what to write first and if that didn't work, to go back.