not allowed to see grand daughter

I do think that going back to the row that ended in DD saying no contact may be key. You dont seem to want to answer questions about that, which is fine. But in your own time it might be worth reflecting on it. From the brief amount of info you posted about it it sounded like the kind of row two non cohabiting parents might have, not a parent and a non-parent/guardian relative. Do you see what I mean?

Notoanoa2....just a foot note; where is the line between firmly voiced ‘advice’ and bullying drawn?
Sometimes all of us need our errors pointing out, but I’m not sure of the validity of doing so.

*notanan2 again i rang the school to find out why my character had been slurred
i am entitled to know that much
i am a good person to help whatever way i can within reason to all my family*

As I said several times, I do understand the impulse.
But also think that in hindsight it may help you with your DD if you recognise that it wasnt a wise or productive thing to do and may have driven the wedge deeper!

If you do get the chance of discissing the school thing with DD, acknowledging it as an over-step, rather than defending it as on here, will probably yeild a happier outcome. Same for the row etc.

yes i do see what you mean notanan
we all see situations different in hindsight
it doesnt change the situation
im not on here to be judged
all i wanted was a little advice
maybe you haven't got as much information as you might like at this point
but i came on here to help me sort my head out and i am still in the process of doing that
please dont copy and past any of this paragraph
just read it
why are you here notanan2 i wonder? enough about me

so i realise now i must do nothing give it time
i sent a doors wide open email last week
but i have no idea if it was read
it was sent
as we already know
i have been blocked in every way shape or form
so do i do nothing in the hope she got the emails? sorry she being my daughter
easter has just gone i did send easter card with some money for my grand daughter
its really difficult do you send dont you send
i dont want to annoy my daughter any more
but at the same time i dont want my grand daughter to think nanny doesnt care
any thoughts?

So so hard..because your GD is a child and you want her to know it's not your doing. You've had a close relationship in the past which will endure in her heart.

nt....Well, lots of us have done exactly as you did, not knowing if it aggravated or soothed the situation!!

How does one move forward? What works for one is the death nail for another.

If I were you I'd send an email followed up with a letter repeating the same sentiments.

Put your heart felt feelings (I don't want to loose you etc.)
Finish up with saying you will wait (put in a length of time you think fair) for her reply and leave her to it. Then hope she gradually feels able to re-connect.

I know you have already done something like this, but maybe if you can make your communication mostly about her and what she wants (apart from letting her be in no doubt about your feelings for her) it may get through to her.

The problem is nothing you do will be exactly right in the beginning.
Patience is all you can realistically offer.

I'm sorry I cant be more encouraging but that's the shocking situation lots of us have found ourselves in.

that was my thoughts namsnanny a letter,
i can all but try
thankyou for the advise
im amazed how many people are in this situation and i totally agree
it is a shocking situation

im sure you are right joyfulnanna
she knows her nanny loves her

After all the shit I've been through, I don't think I'd write to zDD but instead to your GD telling her you're always thinking about her and that she's loved so much. If you address it to her, it will be more likely to be opened by her and as she can read, she can treasure it. That will make her feel better, and you too. Good luck xx

I'd advise writing directly to GD as this might upset DD. DD has the whip hand and she is the one you need to be on side. By all means, write to your daughter telling her that you will always be there for her and that you are sorry you have fallen out. If you want to write to your GD, add it into you daughter's letter so that your daughter can read it first. Don't say anything inflammatory. A nice message without any blame for the split where your GD is concerned.

Actually, I would not recommend sending anything. Especially nothing with a timeline and extra-especially nothing to your GD.

Let me explain.

If you put a timeline on it, that indicates that you're putting a control on her. You can't do that. She is an adult. She's entitled to decide whether or not she wants a relationship with you. You don't get to decide when she is ready to resume a relationship.

If you send something to your GD, it may be interpreted as disrespecting your daughter's request. At worst, it could also be seen as attempting to contact your GD behind your daughter's back. That's incredibly disrespectful and is likely to further entrench her in NC.

For now, all you can do is wait. You sent her an email. Whether she responds is up to her. If you give your daughter space, she may be more likely to come around.

I don't think it's disrespectful..nt has had a close relationship with her GD for years to only the recent past, unless her DD is totally unhinged, I think it's worth a shot, and what has she got to lose? Why put her off with negative comments?? That's not support!! There are people on here who think they can dictate the best way forward. Nt knows her GD best and is capable of making decisions, she's asking for help, not aggravation.

Joyfulnana...one mans meat is a nother mans poison. Some people can’t see the other side of things x

Reading your recent posts, Tracey, I, too, realize you have an especially close relationship with gd, That must have made it very painful to have the contact cut back, and even worse to have it co altogether. The 5 months must seem like an eternity! Not so for dd and bf perhaps. So it may take a while longer for dd to be ready to reach out to you.

I don't think you should send anything else to dd. If she has blocked your emails or refused to read the one you just sent, she probably isn't going to read any letter you send him. And I agree she might see it as disrespecting her desire to go nc. If you do send a letter, I hope you include an apology in it for your mistakes. That might be key to opening the door.

I'm torn about gd. Otoh (on the one hand), if you send her a card, dd might see that as disrespect, also. Otoh, it worries me that gd cried and expressed the fear that she might never see you again. I hope dd has reassured her that she will see you again, eventually. But just in case she didn't, a card from you might lift gd's spirits, letting her know you're not totally out of her life. That is, if dd gives it to her. It might be worth sending gd one card, just to let her know you're still interested in her, even if dd gets mad....Idk... But if you do, after that, I would let it go.

I get the impression that you're a person who is used to being proactive and that, therefore, it's hard for you to just wait and do nothing, or just apologize and wait. But I think that's what you need to do. I wish you all the strength, courage, and wisdom you need to do it.

Joyfulnanna, nobody is dictating, we're giving advice which nannytracey is free to take or leave. The daughter doesn't have to be unhinged to be cross if she thinks that her mother is trying to manipulate her into backing down through correspondence directly with her grandchild. On other threads I have read about how the police have considered persistence to be harassment so it is best to be careful.

What about the rest of the family being prevented from seeing DD and GC? Is it passive aggressive behaviour because DD cannot communicate normally.

We don't really know what happened between dd and the rest of the family though. Chances are, even Tracey doesn't know exactly. If dd just cut them off b/c she's mad at nanytracey, imo, that's cruel, immature, and yes, does show a lack of communication skills. If it was under pressure from bf that would be a red flag, but again, we don't know. If it's b/c they kept after her to reunite with the op, she may have done plenty of communicating, explaining over and over why she didn't want to/wasn''t ready yet. IF they kept arguing, she may have just gotten tired of it and decided just to co anyone who tried to push a reconciliation. Or not. Again, we don't really know.

My thinking entirely, Starlady.

Yes likely

thankyou for ll your replys obviously the situation arose between myself and my daughter and the bf
i didnt go running to my kids
thankfully there input made sure everyone got their christmas presents ie daughter and grand daughter
unfortunately my estranged daughter got very poorly in jan and had to go to hospital
my e ldest daughter took her to hospital
as it was evening and her husband works nights she rang me to say i have to come home cos of kids
and i asked her not to leave my estranged daughter on her own and i would organise my middle daughter to grab her kids and go sit with eldest kids
so there is absolutely no reason why she is treating her siblings like this
your guess is as good as mine tbh
as i said before we work together

i sent an easter card to my grand daughter she knows i love her
and i hope her mum has explained she will see me again

joyfulnanna i didnt have a clue what passive agressive is ?
i read up on it
us as mums know our children inside out
my estranged daughter is very stubborn, i say she likes to stick her head in the sand
she is my youngest daughter but she reminds of my nan
very strict young girl with very old head on her shoulders