Trusting again

Your trust has been betrayed, and to move on without a thought would mean you either have your head in the sand, or you have accepted the unnaceptable.

So for you to to 'not look back' is not a reasonable demand by your DH. Perhaps he feels bad about it, but doesn't want to acknowledge the hurt his behaviour has caused hoping it will all just go away.

Unless you both discuss the matter and agree a way forward, then you will continue to feel like this. Perhaps you will not be able to forget, but could you forgive?

I agree with others that professional counselling is perhaps the wise thing to do; to talk to someone with no vested interest and impartial. It is essential that you make moves to come to terms with what has happened, or not, if that is how you feel, before you make any decision to move to another place in the world so far from what you know.

I wish you all the best. xx

He seems to want to get away from everything but still wants a wet nurse when he is tired of his paramours. Leave him. Divorce him. You do not know you cannot manage unless you try.

The worse that can happen to you is you may have some finance problems which you can help by not wanting more than you need for a little while. Don't stay with him unless you can honestly say you will enjoy retirement together. If the thought of your ending your days with this sort of character then put distance between you. He will not improve. He will always be wanting to see if the grass really is greener next door, and you will never enjoy life like that.

You are not being pathetic - this man has history and you are right to be wary. It is very difficult to trust someone once that is broken; and it does not sound as though you are close, judging by his reaction to you finding the messages again.

You may or may not decide that you want to continue your life with this man for all sorts of reasons - but you must go with your instincts as well as looking at practical things.....do you have family and friends here whom you would miss?......do you want to live with him with no support network around you?

I am so sorry that you are facing this difficult choice and wish you well.

My EXH walked out on me after 26 years of marriage. That was two decades ago - he recently told me that it was the biggest mistake of his life, and I simply said, 'I did tell you that at the time' and walked away... I've made a happy life for myself and he's alone and unhappy. I genuinely feel sad for him - but not sad enough to let him back into my life
Leave him. You'll be fine.

SueDoku, similar happened to me but only after a few years of marriage many years ago. I too found out that he bitterly regretted it. At the time of the desertion I was distraught and when he initially offered to return I accepted it but on one of his visits (I did not allow him just to move in...I insisted on being 'courted') I just suddenly realised the betrayal of my complete trust have totally killed my love....I just looked at him and saw a flawed unhappy man who I no longer wanted to be married to. I had no job, a mortgage and a baby but freedom was better than being shackled to someone who I could never trust, and no longer loved. He sort of kept in contact for a while crying over his 'mistakes' his girlfriend problems and even money.....in the end I had to ask him to stop. Like you I felt sorry for him but not THAT sorry.

P.S. I cannot abide the term 'mistake' in this context - something done so deliberately as having an affair or deserting a spouse is a very conscious act. A mistake is something you have much less control over and I do wish people would have the balls to own up.

Oh Great Aunt.. how I feel your pain. My 1st Husband had a "few" affairs poss more than I ever realised and tried to make it my fault..I was like you afraid of being on my own having been married since I was 19- but eventually I couldn't stand the pain anymore so we split up/divorced and went our separate ways - the best thing I ever did! I got the house, found a good job and then met a lovely new man.. married him and am very happy! After a lot of years you need to look after you..... but get some advice! There is life after divorce... Good Luck